BOOK IV - CHAPTER X - Christian and Anastasia FanFiction

CHAPTER X

Undefeated

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul…

William Earnest Henley

I call Anastasia on the way to the hospital. The phone rings, but she doesn’t answer. She always answers the phone. Concern, coupled with my meeting with Lincoln and his lawyers makes me uneasy immediately. I hang up without leaving a message and dial again. Still no answer. Fuck! Where is she? Is something wrong with Ray? With her?

“Taylor, did Sawyer call you?”

“No, sir. But he did text me stating he’s taking Mrs. Grey to the hospital about an hour ago,” he says his eyes meeting mine in the rear-view mirror. My concern is reflected in his eyes.

I dial Sawyer’s phone. It too rings and no one answers, and goes to voice mail.

“Where the hell are you and why aren’t you answering your phone?” I hiss and hang up.

 “What time did you get Sawyer’s text?” I ask Taylor.

“About 10 minutes to 3, sir.”

I dial the hospital since I have made calls to check on Ray’s condition.

“Good afternoon…” the nurse starts.

“This is Christian Grey. I want to know if Ray Steele checked out of the hospital today.”

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t give information on patients over the phone to those who are not next of kin,” she replies curtly.

“Nurse, get the doctor in charge of Ray Steele on the phone immediately. I am his son in-law, and am the one who is paying for his care. I am the next of kin!” I shout.

“No need to shout, sir. I’m getting Dr. Polanski. Hold please,” she says and puts me on hold.

“Step on it Taylor!” I order nervously.

“Yes, sir,” he responds and I’m pushed back into my seat with the acceleration.

“Good afternoon, this is Dr. Polanski,” a female voice comes over the phone.

“Dr. Polanski, did Ray Steele check out this afternoon?” I ask without a preamble.

“And you are?”

“Christian Grey!” I reply exasperated.

“Mr. Grey, yes, Mr. Steele has been discharged about fifteen minutes ago,” she says. I hear her shuffling papers, probably checking the records.

“Was Mrs. Grey with her?”

“I believe so, Mr. Grey,” she replies as Taylor turns into the hospital parking lot, tires screeching. We come to halt in front of the hospital entrance.

“I’ll drop you off, and meet you in a few minutes, sir,” Taylor says.

He opens the door, and I jump out quickly entering into the hospital.

“Hello? Mr. Grey?” the doctor says filling the silence. “Is that all you need to know, Mr. Grey?”

“Is it possible that Mr. Steele might still be on the hospital ground?”

“I’m not sure sir. We gave Mr. Steele’s discharge papers, and I left his room. He may have left the hospital. His ride was there to take him home.”

“Thanks,” I say and hear an incoming phone. I switch the lines hanging up on the doctor.

“Where the hell have you been? And why weren’t you answering your phone?” I shout with acrimony.

“I’m sorry Mr. Grey. When Mrs. Grey was in her father’s room, she felt ill suddenly and was throwing up, shaking violently which concerned everyone in the room, so I just swooped her up and rushed her into her doctor’s office immediately. Your phone call came right when I was trying to get Mrs. Grey into Dr. Greene’s office.”

“What?! What’s wrong with my wife?” I shout.

“When Mr. Steele was given his discharge papers and his doctor was gone, one minute she was talking to her dad and the next minute she got queasy and tried to rush to the bathroom but she was vomiting on the way already. Mr. Rodriguez tried to help her because Mrs. Grey seemed to have gotten weak suddenly, but she told him that she didn’t need help, that she was just getting a cold and didn’t want to spread her germs. Of course nobody bought that and they all looked extremely concerned. Just when she stood of telling everyone she was okay, she started dry heaving and doubled over at which time I lifted Mrs. Grey off the floor. They were already calling a nurse, and Mrs. Grey said that her dad should leave home and that she would be okay. Mr. Steele looked very concerned but didn’t argue with her, but Mr. Jose Rodriguez, Junior, wanted to stay with Mrs. Grey while he sent Mr. Steele home with his dad.”

“Well, did he stay?”

“Well, Mrs. Grey insisted that he should drive her father since neither Mr. Rodriguez senior nor Mr. Steele weren’t in the best shape to drive. She reassured him that I would take her home, and you were coming. And she said she was okay.”

“Where is my Ana now?”

“She’s being tended by Dr. Greene right now. I just walked out of her office to call you, sir.”

“Okay.”

“It’s on the second floor. Take a right after you get off the elevators. Go through the corridor, and when the hallway comes to a fork, take left. Her office is the third door on your right. You can’t miss it. I’m waiting outside, sir.”

“Thank you, Sawyer,” I reply surprising him.

“Mr. Grey?”

“Yes.”

“I should remind you, sir. Mr. Rodriguez, junior is also waiting by the door.”

“What the fuck? I thought he was supposed to drive Ray back to Montesano!”

“That’s what I thought, but I think Mr. Steele is still waiting in his room until they have the word that Mrs. Grey is well. It appears that they didn’t buy her ‘I have a cold’ story. Apparently they were initially concerned that it was related to her concussion which is why they called a nurse for her despite her protests. Mrs. Grey told them that she has a doctor at the hospital and I could take her there which I did. But Mr. Jose Rodriguez must have followed us. When I came out, there he was standing by the door, agitated, nervous, and completely upset trying to question me about Mrs. Grey’s well-being.”

I impatiently tap the elevator’s call button. By the time it dings open, I’m ready to take the stairs. People coming out of the elevator see me seething with anger, nearly snarling on the phone; they give me a wide berth as they leave the elevator and quickly distance themselves from me. As soon as I get up on the second floor, I follow Sawyer’s directions and find Dr. Greene’s office. When I see Sawyer, he nods his greeting. My lips are set to a grim line.

“Christian!” Jose Rodriguez says, not in a greeting, but in an accusing, confrontational tone.

“Jose,” I respond but I don’t want to waste my time with him. As soon as my hand reaches to the door handle, his hand captures my left forearm. My eyes move down to his hand grasping my forearms over my jacket. As if my gaze burnt his hand, he immediately retracts his fingers.

“What?” I hiss.

“What’s wrong with Ana?” he asks.

“Nothing’s wrong with her!” I say making a move to go forward.

“Fucking bullshit! Don’t lie to me man! Her dad is concerned and waiting in his room. She was so violently sick; she couldn’t even make it to the bathroom. She almost puked all over her old man! If I didn’t hold her up, she’d be all over the floor face down in her own puke. Clearly she hasn’t healed from her concussion! Why the hell would you allow her to go back to work when she just got out of the hospital and still sick as a dog? It’s not like you need the money!” He hisses accusingly.

Next Contestant - Nickelbacks

“Are you quite done with your accusations?”

“I have not even started yet!” he gets in my face determined. Seeing my explosive stare, he takes half a step back, but forces himself to hold his ground.

“My wife is an editor. She’s not plowing fields for God’s sake and she’s the one who wanted to go back to work which her doctor approved!”

“You didn’t see her ten minutes ago! One minute she was talking, and then the next minute she was green on the gills, and tripping on her own feet trying to make it to the bathroom! She couldn’t even get passed Ray’s bed before she started spewing Mount Vesuvius! Once she was done painting Ray’s room’s floors with the contents of her stomach, she was dry heaving and would have been doubled up on the floor if I didn’t pull her up! And then she tried to tell us that it was just a common cold! We knew she doesn’t have a cold. She had no cold symptoms when she walked in. She looked completely fine. We told the nurse that came in she had been in the hospital only a week ago with a fractured skull and concussion! And your man here,” he says raising his voice as he’s pointing an accusatory finger in Sawyer’s direction, “said that she has a doctor here, and without a word to her father’s concerned questions, he picked her up off the floor and carried her here!”

“There’s nothing wrong with her, or at least there was nothing wrong when she left this morning, or when I talked to her this afternoon. If my wife is feeling ill, it’s my job to go and find out about it, and you’re holding me up here!”

“You’re no good for her, man!” he hisses with animosity.

“What the fuck did you just say, Junior? That woman in there is my wife, and I love her!” I hiss in a dangerously low voice taking a step in his direction.

“Ever since she’s met you, she's changed! Like she has to ask your permission for every little thing does. You may love her, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re no good for her! She nearly got beaten to death by your enemies, and you let her go back to work when she’s not even fully recovered from her concussion!”

“She’s not sick because of her concussion!”

“Are you sure about that, Mr. ‘I-love-her’? How could you be? You didn’t see the fear in her dad’s face when she doubled over and when your security guard whisked her out in his arms before the nurse could take a look at her. What the hell are you hiding from her loved ones? Did the injuries she sustained in the hands of your fucking enemies leave her permanently damaged?” he accuses again, and I’ve had all I can take it.

I push Rodriguez into the walk with such a force that his head bobs and hits the wall and restrain him by pressing my right forearm over his neck and I use the strength of my legs to restrain the rest of his body. I see Sawyer’s eyes widen from the peripheral vision, and I hear a pair of footsteps rushing in our direction. It’s Taylor.

“You’re going to restrain me because I worry about my friend more than her husband should?” he says, his voice choking as my arm is pressing down on his throat. He makes his best effort to try to push me away.

“For your information asshole, my wife isn’t sick because of the injuries she sustained. They’re healed! She’s sick because she’s pregnant with our child!”

“What?!!” Jose whispers as if I punched him. He stops struggling for a minute and I ease my grip on him, taking a step back.

“She wanted to wait until it was 12 weeks. That’s why we didn’t want to tell anyone! It’s probably morning sickness.” Jose tries to gather himself for a few minutes completely dumbstruck, his chest is heaving up and down in rapid succession. A string of emotions outplay on his gaze. His eyes widen with some conclusion he’s reached and his face turns into snarl.

“You sicko! You knocked her up already? She’s barely 22! What? The second you met her, you wooed Ana with your money, and didn’t even let the girl have a breath on her own until you moved her in with you, and then to keep her for good, you got her pregnant! Fuck you! Were you that afraid that she wasn’t going to stay with you, so you had to knock her up to tie her up to you for good with your brat? Tell me, did she marry you because you knocked her up?” he shouts accusingly.

The beast in me is awoken and I take a step towards him. But my step is interrupted in midair. Before I can say anything, Dr. Greene’s door opens. Anastasia and the Doctor Greene peer out the door. Ana’s mouth drops open, her eyes widen in shock, betrayal and disappointment in hearing Jose’s accusation. It barely registers in my head that she’s in a hospital gown.

“Jose Rodriguez, you need to leave now!” she says in a placid but determined voice. Her face betrays her feelings of ferocious hostility. I realize that her effort for a calm facade is for my benefit.

“But, Ana! This guy,” he says jacking his thumb in my direction, “he is trying to manipulate you!”

Toxic - Britney Spears

“Jose, stop your misplaced concern for me. You’re my friend, and I’d like you to remain that way. My husband and I don’t have to explain our actions and decisions to you.”

“He’s blinded you with things, Ana! Don’t you see it? He’s binding you to him with his kid!” he hisses. Ana’s eyes are filled with angry tears.

“Don’t you dare to speak about my baby! It’s mine and I want him!” she says as she rubs her eyes ungracefully with the back of her hand. That’s it! I grasp him by the collar and shove him. Taylor steps in.

“Young man, you leave my patient alone. I’ll call the security!” Dr. Greene bristles.

(One of my readers as Dr. Greene)

I’m about to kick his ass to the kingdom come, Taylor puts himself between Jose and I, his determined eyes locked on mine, he replies Dr. Greene. “No need ma’am. My colleague and I will walk him out.”

Just then, “Jose Louis Rodriguez!” shouts an angry voice in a reprimanding tone. We all collectively turn around. After the initial shock is wiped from his face, “Cállate papá!” Jose responds to his father.

“Jose, apologize to my daughter and my son-in-law, and then you better leave. I’ll take a cab,” says Ana’s father in a no nonsense tone. He’s sitting in a wheelchair pushed by an orderly. Mr. Rodriguez is standing next to him looking grim, disappointed, and embarrassed.

“Ray! I’m sorry, but don’t you see what’s happening here?” Jose argues.

“Yes, I see what is happening: my daughter and her husband are making me a grandpa. Don’t rain on my parade young man! I like you, but I will not repeat my warning again: Apologize to my daughter and my son-in-law, and then leave. The decision of them having a child is no one’s business, but their own,” Ray says with a twinge of happiness, pride in his voice as well as censure for Jose. “Don’t cross your line!”

“I’m sorry Ray. Someone’s got to think of Ana! No one else seems to be doing it!”

“Are you quite sure your concern is for my daughter and not for yourself?” Ray asks. Ana steps out of Doctor’s office with bare feet, her hands on her hips, she’s rendered speechless with Jose’s outburst.

“Mr. Rodriguez, I suggest you take your son away from here, sir. He clearly upset my wife, and right now I want nothing more than teach him a lesson he’ll never forget, but in doing so, I would hurt my wife’s feelings,” I say as I hold onto Anastasia who looks bewildered, near tears and shaking.

“Jose! Come on son! Are you drunk? Have you taken something? What’s gotten into you?”

“No, papa! I’m more sober than I have ever been. Ana, please, I’m sorry… I’m sorry for not standing up for you that night... I was drunk. First I behaved like an ass, and then let Grey to intimidate me with his presence! If I had behaved differently then, maybe you would have made a different decision. I lost my head when I saw you doubled on the floor, throwing up, and heaving. And you’ve just been in the hospital with injuries causes by Grey’s enemies! Por favor, Ana! I really am worried about you. Now I find out that he knocked you up possibly to keep you in his grip!”

And that’s the last straw. I pounce on Jose. All hell breaks loose.

“Christian!” Ana shouts.

“Jose!” I hear Mr. Rodriguez and Ray call out at the same time.

Dr. Greene or someone else must have called the security; because I vaguely hear footsteps. I’m too busy to pay attention because I’m tackling Jose down. Taylor and Sawyer immediately take action. They pull him away and out of my grip to keep us apart.

“What’s going on here?” shouts the hospital security as they try to apprehend both Jose and I.

“Security! No! Mr. Grey was just defending his pregnant wife.”

“I’m sorry Doctor, but we have a job to do!”

Dr. Greene grabs the guard’s arm with determined force and pulls him aside. “Do you realize who you would be arresting, and what the Board of Trustees would do with your ass for arresting one of our biggest benefactors for protecting his pregnant wife? This man is Christian Grey! Your actions this minute would determine whether or not our hospital faces lawsuits!” The security guard blanches. He clears his throat.

“Is this man offending you ma’am?” he directs his question pointing at Jose who now looks disheveled. His shirt untucked, his hair going every which way, and a slight bruise on his neck showing its ugly head already.

“No, it’s just a misunderstanding. He was leaving,” Ana replies. I clench my teeth, my hands turn into fists but I manage to keep them on my side rigidly.

“Sir? Are you going to file a complaint against this gentleman?” he turns to me asking. I shake my head in the negative.

“My men will escort him out,” I say impassively. Jose shrugs out of Sawyer and Taylor’s grip.

“Let go man! I know the way out!” he says with a chagrined glance at Ana who looks unforgiving and disappointed.

“Ana, I’m sorry! Just seeing you sick, I lost my head. And him getting your pregnant…” To my surprise, Anastasia takes three steps toward Jose and just slaps him.

“Just shut up Jose! It’s my baby! Our baby and we want our baby!” she says looking at my face questioning, daring me to say otherwise. I nod, my eyes softening.

“Yes, we do,” I reply pulling my wife into the protection of my embrace. My gaze is shooting daggers at Jose, my nostrils flaring like a raging bull.

“On second thought,” Ray says, “why should I pay for a cab? You came all this way to pick me up. You’re driving me back home, Jose.” Ray’s glance has pity for him.

“Come on, son,” Mr. Rodriguez coaxes Jose.

“Bye Annie. Call me tomorrow,” Ray says getting up from the wheelchair and walking towards Ana. He hugs her and gives her a kiss.

“Forgive him. He’s stupid and in love, honey,” he whispers into her ear.

“Oh daddy,” Anastasia says and quietly sobs. “I can’t right now.”

“Try. And, congratulations to you both. I’m so happy to hear that my baby girl is gonna make me a grandpa!” Ana hugs him tighter.

“Thank you daddy!”

“I am so sorry Ana, Mr. Grey…” says Mr. Rodriguez, embarrassed on behalf of his son. Jose gives a forlorn glance at Ana, “I’m sorry Ana!” he says in a barely audible tone, but Anastasia turns her head into my chest. He hangs his head and heads the group to leave the hospital.

When Ray, Jose, and Mr. Rodriguez are leaving, Taylor looks up at me. I nod and he discreetly follows them out of the hospital building.  

“I need to write an incident report,” the security guard says.

“No need for that.”

“But, sir?”

“You may go back to your station,” Dr. Greene orders him. He and his two companions nod and walk away.

“Well, that was interesting,” Says Dr. Greene trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

“Ana, I suppose we can start our examination. But, if you wish, you can rest for a little while. Would you like some water?” she asks as she closes the door behind us. I hold Anastasia’s hand wordlessly. I’m still vibrating with anger and tension. The weight of the day is now bearing down on me. First fucking Linc and his lawyers, and now Jose… If he wasn’t madly in love with the love of my life, my reason for being, I would feel bad for him. But as it stands, he’s upset my wife, and spilled the news of her pregnancy to her father without giving Ana the chance to tell them on her own time. I don’t give a shit about his accusations about me. He said I knocked Ana up on purpose! Though her pregnancy was not planned, I’m so fucking glad I knocked her up! She’s my woman, my wife, and she’s carrying my child! Mine! And he’s fucking jealous of that. Oddly, I have not been happier for the baby’s existence as I am now. She has all of me; body and soul, and the fact that she's completely mine angers another man.

All of Me - John Legend

His aggression automatically caused me to fiercely defend my wife and child. Another man talking about my child as if he’s an abomination, an unwanted entity or a tool to keep Ana by my side angers me. Ana wants our baby, and by default what Ana wants, I want her to have.

“Mr. Grey?” the Doctor asks seeking an answer to a question I haven’t heard.

“I beg your pardon?” I say shaking my head.

“Would you like a bottle of water as well?”

“Yes, sure,” I reply absentmindedly.

Ana looks at me with concerned eyes.

“It looks like Ana is having some morning sickness,” Dr. Greene says.

“Morning sickness? It’s after 5 p.m. Dr. Greene!” I retort sharply.

“Mr. Grey. Morning sickness is just a common name pregnancy related nausea and vomiting. The name is give as such because generally the symptoms are present in the early hours of the morning and generally reduced as the day progresses, but it can occur any time of the day. For some women it can stop around 12 weeks, and for some, it can continue near the end of second trimester.

Of course we don’t want Mrs. Grey to get dehydrated if she’s vomiting often. Mrs. Grey, if you could finish the bottle of water I have given you, I will be able to see the baby better with a semi-full bladder. I want to see if we can hear the heartbeat. We haven’t been able to hear it last time. However, I have a new fetal Doppler which is quite sensitive. This can detect heartbeat as early as 6 or 8 weeks but generally it’s much easier to hear after 10 weeks. It’s important for us to check it for the accuracy of your due date.”

Anastasia’s eyes widen. She squeezes my hand with excitement.

“When can you check it Dr. Greene? I finished my bottle of water,” she says showing her empty bottle. Dr. Greene smiles.

“Now, of course. Please lay on the bed here, Mrs. Grey,” Dr. Greene orders and Anastasia obeys immediately.

“Now, I need you to place each of your feet on the stirrups like you did last time,” she says pointing at the stirrups.

“Don’t you have to check her through her belly, Dr. Greene?” I ask.

“During the later stages of her pregnancy, that’s the way we would check your baby’s vitals. However, it’s so small that an ordinary ultrasound will not pick up the heart beat at this early stage. That’s why I need to use this vaginal probe ultrasound,” she explains showing me what looks like an oddly bent in the middle, a slim penis. Anastasia puts her legs up on the stirrups, and the Dr. Greene spreads her legs open. She covers Anastasia with a paper sheet. Ana looks at me with wide eyes, her hand seeking mine. I automatically take her hand standing by her, trying to soothe her.

“Mrs. Grey, bend your knees, and I need you to relax. I’m going to place a condom on top of the transducer, lubricate it, and place it inside your vagina like I did last time. Let’s see if your baby wants to communicate with us today,” she says.

Doctor Greene pushes Ana’s knees back, and spreads her legs further.

“Mrs. Grey, you are too tight. You’re squeezing yourself; I don’t want to hurt you. You need to relax now,” she says as she attempts to insert the probe into my wife. Anastasia winces.

“Mrs. Grey?” Dr. warns her again.

“Relax, baby,” I whisper, and run circles in her palm with my thumb. This always arouses her. I lean down and kiss her forehead. She tries to smile. With my other hand, I rub her hair, and slowly ease my thumb and forefinger down to her earlobe, and locate the arousal spot behind her ear. Then painfully slowly slide my fingers down to her ear lobe again and massage it. I feel the tension leave her body with her hand relaxing in mine. Some shapes appear on the monitor of the ultrasound as the doctor moves the probe around inside Anastasia.

“Now, I’m going to try to find a position to see if we can hear this little one’s heartbeat. Bear in mind, the fetus is very tiny, and if the pregnancy occurred later than we assumed, we may not hear it yet. But based on the date of your last menstrual cycle, we just might be able to hear it today.”

“What is that dark shape on the screen? Is that the baby?” I ask. The shape looks nothing like a baby.

“Well, that’s Mrs. Grey’s ovary, and this,” Dr. Greene points to a lima bean on the screen after she moves the probe about, “this is your baby.”

“That little bean?” I ask incredulous.

“Yep, that little bean is your child, Mr. and Mrs. Grey,” she says with a smile. Anastasia barely tears her eyes away from the monitor and looks at me, trying to assess my thoughts.

Dr. Greene touches something on the setting of the ultrasound, and soon enough the room is echoed with the sound of a washing machine, or more like someone is scratching a vinyl record in a rhythmic fashion repeatedly, and quite rapidly.

“This is your baby’s heartbeat!” the Doctor says.

“Christian!” Ana exclaims, happier than I have ever seen her. Awed, even. Her eyes gleam with joy and the events of just ten minutes ago, all forgotten. Her happiness is contagious. I hear my child’s heartbeat!

“What’s that swishing noise mixed with the baby’s heartbeat? Is it normal?” Ana asks concerned.

“Your baby has a healthy heart beat at 161 beats per minute, Mrs. Grey. And this flow you hear is the sound coming from the major artery running through your abdomen which is sometimes picked by the fetal Doppler because, as you see,” she points to something on the screen, “we’re very close to it. In fact this sound is heard by the baby later in the pregnancy and you can even record it to later calm your baby down after he or she’s born. It’s a very familiar, a very comforting sound for them. Because of the placenta, later on in the pregnancy, this flow will be heard by your baby like the sound of wind blowing through the trees.”

“Wow!” is all Ana can say.  

“Any questions Mr. Grey?”

“Can you tell us how far along my wife’s pregnancy is?” I ask as I rub Ana’s hair and hold her hand.

“What I can measure with the data on my screen is that Mrs. Grey is about 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant. This puts your due date to May 11^th or 12^th. But this may change as the baby gets bigger. I can give you a better estimated due date in the upcoming weeks.”

“Eight weeks and four days? That means my wife’s shot did run out earlier than estimated. Let me ask you something Doctor Greene. What would have happened if Ana got another Depo shot, let’s say six weeks ago? Would you have given her a pregnancy test? Or would you have assumed that she wasn’t pregnant?” I ask raising my eyebrows.

Ana’s eyes dart to me first and then to the doctor.

“It is possible that the Depo Provera shot might have caused Mrs. Grey to have a miscarriage because of the large initial doses, or even if it didn’t it may have affected the fetal growth; so she would have been running a risk of low birth weight. But, I would not have administered Depo to Mrs. Grey without giving her a pregnancy test as we did when we discovered her pregnancy. Therefore this fetus doesn’t run any of the aforementioned risks. But to answer your earlier question, yes, it does seem that her Depo Provera ran out early.” I nod in response. Doctor Greene’s statement tells me conclusively that neither one of us planned the pregnancy. But in more than one way, I’m glad of it. Anastasia gives me her ‘I-told-you-so’! glare, as she digs her nails in my palm. Oww! I raise my eyebrows in her aggressive reaction, and finally smile at my wife.

I would have wanted to spend more time with my wife alone; just to have her all to myself. On the other hand, our baby is the single most important proof that she’s my woman and mine alone. She’s carrying my child. Not Rodriguez’s, not Kavanagh’s and definitely not Clayton’s! Ana’s pregnancy freaked Jose Junior a lot more than the thought she was sick due to a concussion. I can clearly see that our baby threatens other men.

Anastasia winces as the doctor pulls the probe out of her. It doesn’t escape the doctor’s notice that I rub Ana’s legs that’s been stuck on top of the stirrups. Once the blood starts flowing back on her legs, I help my wife down, and put her in upright position.

“Mrs. Grey you may get dressed and I will answer any questions you may have once you join us,” she says. Anastasia nods and makes a beeline to the bathroom.

“Could you recommend me a book for expecting parents to what to expect during pregnancy?” I ask.

Doctor Greene smiles, and she gives me a few names and I record the names into my Blackberry. When Anastasia comes back she directs us into her office and we take our seats.

“I have a question about her morning sickness, Doctor,” I say looking at Ana with concern. “How long will they last? And should she be working when she’s experiencing those spells? As you have heard from the earlier commotion by your door, surely you must have realized that her nausea must have been very violent for her dad and friend,” I say with restrained acrimony, “to be concerned about her. Had I known that she would be this sick, I’d ask my wife to stay home,” I say my lips thinning into a firm line.

“Christian! I want to work! I just got back to work after recuperating!” Ana scolds me back.

“Anastasia, we’ll discuss that later,” I reprimand her.

“It is normal for Mrs. Grey to have nausea,” the doctor interjects. “However, if you are having the heaving, violent morning sickness that got you to your knees with such a force that your bodyguard had to rush you into my office in his arms, Mrs. Grey, then I strongly recommend you to work part-time only. You may still be able to work full time, but do the majority of your work at the comfort of your home, and then go to the office in the afternoon. That way, you can still be putting in full time hours, but half of the time, you’ll be telecommuting and the other half you’re in your office. You can have best of the both worlds this way.”

“No! I’d like to go to work. I don’t want my pregnancy to be the determining factor of whether or not I go to work.”

“I understand Mrs. Grey; I’m a working mother myself. But one’s health is generally the determinant of one’s ability to work. The symptoms you are experiencing will not last forever. Generally about four or five months. Then you should be fine. Your body is adjusting to the new pregnancy hormones it has never experienced before. Your body is trying to grow a new life in you. Therefore you must do all you can to aid your baby’s healthy development. From your earlier reaction, I noticed that you both want the baby and very protective of it. It would therefore be in his or her best interest that his or her mom gets the best rest,” she says gently as she smiles at Ana who scowls at her wordlessly. Dr. Greene is my new best friend.

“My recommendation is that you try out this week part time. If you see improvement in your morning sickness, or dizzy spells which may be an indication of pregnancy induced low blood pressure that may need to be monitored. At the end of the week if you see a decrease in those incidents, you may be able to resume your normal schedule. If however, it’s continuing to disrupt your work and the symptoms worsen, then you two can decide what the best work schedule would be and the times you are less prone to those nausea spells. Generally they’re stronger in the morning.”

Ana’s glowers at the doctor knowing that I will become overly protective of her and do so with the good doctor’s orders.

“But I hardly have them in the morning. Just around lunch time last week, and today was the only time I had it so late. Couldn’t it have been something I ate or the anxiety of seeing my dad leave the hospital?” This is news to me. She never said she’s been having nausea and morning sickness. I look at her pointedly, my look asking ‘when-were-you-going-to-tell-me-this’? Her eyes widen with her “Oh Shit!” face and she avoids her gaze, and just focuses on the doctor.

“Mrs. Grey, during pregnancy you will find some food items to make you more nauseous but the main cause of the symptoms is pregnancy. I’m sure you can test for the remainder of this week and see if your symptoms get better or worse and accordingly you can avoid food items that amplify the symptoms. Crackers and club soda seem to aid in most cases. Would testing your body’s reaction and part time work this week work for you?” she asks Anastasia.

”I guess,” Ana answers, like a petulant child.

“What about strange cravings?” I ask, and Ana’s eyes widen and she whips her head looking at me pleading not to say anything as she blushes beet red.

“They too are normal part of the pregnancy. Have you been having cravings?”

“Some…” Ana mutters, looking at me admonishing. I look back at her with my impassive gaze.

“Many of my colleagues will agree with me that the cravings satisfy some specific nutritional need the mother’s body is experiencing. Women are also more in tune with their bodies during pregnancy where you pay close attention to physical stimulus, including hunger, and of course this may lead to a desire for specific types of food,” she says nodding.

“So, Dr. Greene, in your professional opinion, is it at utmost importance for that craving to be satisfied?” I ask with a taciturn face.

“I’m old school; so, yes, of course. I’m sure it’s no trouble for the father of the baby to meet mother’s needs while she’s carrying his child,” she lectures raising her eyebrows.

I hold my wife’s hand, and kiss it gently, and place it in my palm as I massage her knuckles with the tip of my index finger.

“It would only be my pleasure to satisfy all my wife’s cravings, Dr. Greene,” I say and Anastasia nearly expires gasping, squirming in her seat. She coughs.

“Are you okay baby?” I pat her back.

“Yeees,” she squeaks.

“Well, we don’t want to take any more of your time, Doctor. Thank you,” I say extending my hand.

Anastasia follows suit, and extends her hand to the doctor, still blushing.

“Mrs. Grey, it is generally good to have a visit every four weeks in the first trimester but, I’d like to see you in two to see how you have managed your nausea and cravings,” she says.

“Yes, of course,” says Ana in a barely audible tone, blush creeping up to her hairline all over again.

“Shall we, Mrs. Grey?” I say holding my hand out to her with a smirk, and exit the Doctor’s office holding my wife’s hand.

Both Sawyer and Taylor are waiting outside. She avoids their gaze, and darts me a scowling gaze.

“Ana, I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn this evening, and I’m already running late. I’ll send you home with Sawyer, and be home in an hour, okay?”

“You do?” She asks surprised. Disappointment flits through her face, but it changes to a smile. “Yes, of course. You haven’t seen him in weeks, have you? I’ll wait for you to get back home for dinner.”

“Baby, you heard what the doctor said, if you’re hungry, you need to eat. You can join me for desert,” I say in a lascivious tone my eyes darkening.

“I have promised your doctor to satisfy all your cravings after all,” I whisper salaciously.

“I don’t know Mr. Grey. I may be too hungry right now and may have to satisfy them on my own in your absence,” she replies batting her eyelashes innocently.

“Ah, Mrs. Grey, I too would like to see how you would satisfy those types of hungers. I may just have to ask you to demonstrate tonight,” I murmur with a grin. She rolls her eyes, and tugs me in the direction of the elevators.

When we get to the parking lot, Sawyer opens the SUV door for Anastasia. I run my knuckles over her face, and she leans into my touch, closing her eyes. Suddenly I hold her face with both hands, and kiss my wife with all I’ve got. Maybe it’s the boiling stress arising with the showdown I’ve had with Lincoln or Jose’s possessive concern over my wife’s well-being or his jealousy in hearing her pregnancy, or seeing our little blip or hearing his heartbeats. Whatever it is, I want my wife, and kiss her and let everyone know just exactly who she belongs to: ME.

*****❦ ♡ ❧*****

“Have you called Dr. Flynn?”

“Yes, sir. I told him that you were running late. We had to stop at the hospital.”

“What happened when you walked Ana’s dad, Jose and his dad out?

”

“Both Mr. Rodriguez and Mr. Steele scolded young Mr. Rodriguez, sir.”

“How exactly?” I probe.

“Mr. Steele started saying you love Mrs. Grey, ‘Annie’,” he says correcting himself as he looks into the rear-view mirror his gaze catching mine; Taylor looks concerned. “Mr. Steele said he witnessed the intensity of your love for Mrs. Grey when she was in the hospital. He said ‘you can survive being without my daughter, but Christian can’t! He loves her more than any human being possible and she loves him with the same intensity. I won’t let anyone infringe into their happiness’.”

“Jose Rodriguez said that he loves her too, but he didn’t grow up in money like you did. Then Mr. Steele punched Jose angrily and said that no one buys his daughter’s love with money, possessions or wealth,” Taylor recounts and this information surprises me.

“He then raised his finger and stuck it into Jose Rodriguez’s chest, poking, and said that his child is not a possession to be bought and sold. Only the one who is worthy of her love and affection could have her, and you were and you did. Mr. Steele also said that Annie loves you and she told him that there would never ever be anyone else for her, but you. Then young Mr. Rodriguez said ‘what if you were manipulating her by getting her pregnant at her very young age, using her youth and innocence’. Finally Mr. Rodriguez-Senior grabbed his son by the shoulders shaking him and told him to stop with this hopeless love and stop hurting everyone around him, including himself. Having children was every couple’s own decision and only their decision. Not their parents’, siblings’, friends’ or other people who may be in love with them from a distance. He said that he had his chance with Ana, and she only loved him as a brother and nothing else, and he must accept that. Then he muttered something in Spanish.”

“What did he say?” I ask tersely knowing Taylor understands Spanish.

“He said, ‘forget her, son. She’s another man’s wife. She's no good for you. What’s more, they’re crazy in love.’ He also said that it breaks his heart that his son didn’t get the girl he was crazy in love with. But it was a hopeless love. And asked him to consider Ana’s feeling. Didn’t he think that she deserved to have the man she was in love with instead of the one whom she considered a brother? Then he shrugged out of his father’s grip, apologized Mr. Steele for acting like a jackass and said Ana deserved the best and that she’s good girl and he’d wait for them in the car. He might have been crying with the way he wiped his face with his sleeve forcefully, but I didn’t see his face,” Taylor says. I say nothing. I’d go insane if I ever lost my wife to another man.

“Do you want us to put him on our surveillance, sir?”

I shake my head in the negative. “No. He was just concerned about Ana. I’ll talk to Sawyer when I get home about what happened.” Only a month ago, I’d let Jose have it, I still could for hurting my wife’s feelings and embarrassing her in front of her doctor, her father and others. I know Anastasia is angry with him, I desperately wanted to beat the shit out of him, but that would only raise Ana’s sympathy for him. Fuck! He has deeper feelings for my wife than I had assumed. I hate any other man desiring my wife, including Jose. It’d be very easy for me to harm, or hurt Jose. But in doing so, I would hurt my wife, and I would shy away from anything that would hurt Anastasia.

I feel the SUV coming to a stop at John’s clinic’s parking lot. His secretary is gone, and Dr. Flynn greets us in the reception area. He leads me to his office and I close the door behind me. He takes his seat and I sit on my sofa, crossing my leg on the knee.

“Christian, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you. I hope you and Ana are doing well. Taylor said that you had to stop at the hospital with Anastasia. I hope she’s well.”

“She’s fine, was experiencing some morning sickness earlier. Her father was being discharged from the hospital today. That’s why we had to stop at the hospital,” I say and briefly explain the encounter. John’s eyes widen, but he says nothing. He rapidly starts scribbling onto his tablet, and when I recount the incident Taylor told me about, he looks up, puts his stylus down and starts typing quickly. This can’t be good.

“Tell me Christian, did you develop some sympathy for this young man who has feelings for Anastasia?”

I think about it for a minute.

“Not quite, John. I don’t really care for him, but Ana does, even if she’s angry with him now. He’s her friend.”

“Interesting,” he says and types even faster.

“Why? Surely, you love your wife, and you would go to extents before you hurt someone that she cares about.”

“Yes. But, I also noted in one of my earlier conversations with you that this is a form of sacrifice you do for the people you love. You endure some people you don’t necessarily like for the sake of those you love. You did the same with your mother.”

“Come again? How did we jump from Jose Rodriguez to my mother?”

“We will get to that point later, Christian. I want to ask you about the night you called me when you found out about Ana’s pregnancy. What did learning the fact that you were going to be a father make you feel like?”

I inhale and exhale loudly.

“Helpless, rudderless, incompetent, angry, lost, scared…”

“Those are some powerful adjectives. Do you still have those feelings?”

“No! Except maybe scared. Having nearly lost my wife made every one of these feelings disappear, except for fear. It amplified the fear, but in a different direction. My initial fear was about becoming a shitty father. It’s still in the back of my mind. But, I think with Ana’s help, you know, she won’t let me become a shitty father. The fear I have is the fear of loss,” I say my voice going down. I recount my feelings when I called the bank and she told me she was leaving me, then finding out Hyde was out on bail, and that she was kidnapped.

I take a whole minute to compose myself when I talk about finding my wife nearly lifeless on cold concrete. My hands fist and my eyes are shards of ice.

“I nearly killed the fucker! She was going to kill my wife. My Ana and my child! My sister, too!” I run both my hands in exasperation. I notice that John stopped typing or writing with his stylus. He’s probing me with the intensity of his gaze.

“You worried about your baby’s well-being?”

“Of course! It’s my child! My helpless baby! If I don’t protect my wife, and my baby, what good am I as a man?”

“Do you realize what you just said Christian?”

“What?” I ask exasperated.

“You just declared that you had the desire to protect your unborn child. In fact, I dare say, it was an automatic reaction. You have indeed what it takes to be a good father.”

“But my fear wasn’t just about becoming a shitty father, John! I wanted to have more time with Ana. I’ve never had what I have with her with anyone else. When it comes to Anastasia, I’m a starving man in a banquet, John! I can never get enough of her.”

“And yet you not only accepted your child, but you have shown love and care for a tiny fetus. Most fathers take a while to bond with their child. Since mothers carry the baby in their womb, they’re already bonding with the growing life in their bodies. But, men most often see the babies as little people who shift the focus of their wives away from them and may take a while for them to bond.”

“I’m not entirely sure that I’m out of that group yet, Dr. Flynn. On the other hand, I do feel fiercely protective of that 8 weeks old life. Maybe because Ana wants him…”

“Or maybe because, you also want him.”

“Yes, I do,” I whisper. “But doesn’t change the fact that I’m still afraid… Afraid of losing Ana’s care, love and attention, afraid that I may be a shitty father, afraid that I may be impatient… I don’t know John! I’m a man who loves to be in control of his life and everything around him. I have been in the last 7 years… But that changed after Anastasia came into my life, and nothing’s ever been the same.”

Dr. Flynn looks at me with hard scrutiny.

“Are you missing your old life?”

“No! What my wife gives me is refreshing, love, touch, the kind of bond I never ever thought could happen to me! I didn’t even believe in its existence when I so blatantly saw it in some other people. Genuine love… Saying that I am in love with my wife is just too simple of an expression. Love is a passing feeling. What I have for her is permanent, soul altering, defining. She’s my purpose in life, the reason I wake up every morning, the one I’m driven to take care of and love and please her as long as I exist. And by extension, our child is the seal of that love. So, I want him more than ever.”

“Is it because Jose got jealous of you fathering Ana’s baby?”

I run my hand over my day old stubble, thinking.

“Not because of the reason you say. His jealousy would only trigger my possessive side for Ana which of course it did. What angered me in his reaction about our baby was that his repulsiveness and dislike of our child as if he was an abomination that stole my wife’s freedom.”

“How did that make you feel?” Flynn asks. I exhale loudly. Dr. Flynn asks this question so often, he should have it tattooed on his forehead.

“I wanted to beat the shit out of him.”

“Did you?”

“You know I didn’t.”

“What kept you?”

“I told you this John! Hurting him would hurt Ana, and I will shy away from anything that would hurt her!”

“At the cost of enduring the pain inside, away from her eyes?” he says, and I look at him impassively without giving him an answer. Yes, and then some.

“I also noticed that you didn’t tell Mr. Rodriguez that your baby was an unplanned pregnancy. You let him think that it was a design by you.” 

I nod in response to Dr. Flynn's assessment.

“Why?”

“Because, it’s none of his fucking business! I don’t give a shit about what Jose or any other fucker who has eyes for my wife thinks about me. I am what I am, I do what I do. And not giving a shit about others’ opinions of me has been my life’s philosophy. As long as my wife knows that I love her beyond anything I ever loved or cared for, that I would go to such extents to protect her, spend everything I own, give up everything I’m have, but I will never give her up, I’d be content! If she needed a heart transplant, and I’m the only match, I’d carve my own heart out for her just so she lives. That’s the extent of my love for her. I make no apologies or explanations to anyone let alone a sappy boy who walks after my wife like a lost puppy. He needs to get it through his head that she is my wife, my woman, and the mother of my baby! If he ever does anything remotely simple to hurt her again with his fucking prejudices, I don’t think I can restrain myself. It nearly came to that point in the end today. It took literally all my self-control to not to beat the shit out of him, and kick his ass into next week!

It would have taken a lot more than 3 hospital security guards to stop me from doing just that. But I didn’t want to cause my wife an embarrassment more than she had endured with that fucker’s accusations! That’s why I exercised restraint! Ana can and does stand up for herself, and she did. But our baby is helpless, tiny. I can’t allow anyone to hurt him. I’m his parent! It’s my job to protect him! No one and I do mean no one will harm my child or my wife without going through me!”

“That’s quite a declaration Christian. Now, tell me about your last meeting with Elena. You said that you went for a drink with her after you walked out on Anastasia.” I close my eyes in pain.

“Are you trying to wound me by reminding me that while protecting my wife from others, I hurt her the most?”

“No, Christian. I am trying to establish something that you know in your subconscious, but never said it out-loud. But first, I’d like to hear what you have to say. Go on please…” he says, waiting for an explanation.

“Elena was an unfinished business since my birthday. I had to have closure. It had been over between us for years, but I guess not so for her. She made a pass at me, and it shocked us both that I flinched away from her touch like it was the bubonic plague. Then she made it sound like it was just a joke, but we both knew it wasn’t. I’m in love with my wife! No matter how angry I get with Anastasia and God know she tries my patience like no one else, I absolutely love my wife. I told Elena that! Ana’s my present and future. And perhaps I may have known all along that Elena had the idea that she would get me back again in a sexual relationship which of course I ignored knowing I’m the one in charge of my life and that was in the past only. So, I kept the charade up making myself believe that we are only friends. At least that’s what I considered Elena was to me. In a way she may also have felt that way as well, but when she touched me the way she did before she initiated hardcore fucking, I could no longer lie to myself that she was only a friend. Clearly it wasn’t the case for her. I had to make it abundantly clear that there could never, ever anything happen between us, and I could never see her again.”

“Did you tell her Ana was pregnant?”

“God, no! She knew I was upset when I run into her in front of Esclava, and asked me to go out for a drink. I only said Anastasia wanted children, and that I wasn’t ready for it, because I feared of losing my wife to a little invader, that she’d never have time for me, or love me, and I’d only be the second person in her life. Fear of loss, grief even was lacing my mind at the time. I just had to talk to someone, and you were, well… you were unavailable,” I say shrugging.

“But after she made a pass at you, you could no longer hide behind the idea that she’s only a friend. That is a fact you have known for a long time in your subconscious. It is nothing new. In fact, I have noted that about you 4 years ago. Remember the time your mother invited me to your birthday party for the first time, and Elena was there. We had a session a few days after that party discussed the events in that session. I have noted that you only danced with your sister, your mother, and once with Elena. I have probed about your rigidity then. You were carefree with your sister, and it was a fun dance. Gentle with your mom, but still at ease. But with Elena, I noted that you erected a barrier, and you were somewhat rigid.” I look at him with unblinking eyes. Where’s he going with that?

“I vaguely remember something in that line,” I say non-committal.

“I’m quite sure you remember more than that Christian. It was first of many times you walked out of my office in anger. I thought you were never going to come back. But you did… A week after,” he adds in his Londoner accent. I shake my head.

“Do you remember what I said to you?” he asks. I sigh.

“Yes. You hypothesized that the reason I didn’t cut Elena out of my life though I ceased all sexual relations with her was because it would hurt my mother. You said that if I were to sever my ties with my seducer and eliminated her from my life, and avoided her in all family functions; it would raise my family’s suspicion. You said that discovery of my mother’s good friend’s betrayal in the form of seducing her son would hurt my mother immensely. Then you conjectured that I would go to extents to avoid my mother from getting hurt in any shape or form possible, especially from something about my past. Therefore you said that I endured the dead weight of once detrimental relationships at a personal cost because of my love for my mother.”

John smiles widely. “Verbatim with my notes. Do you see the parallel with Jose situation? You tried your best to avoid the confrontation with Jose in order to protect your wife even though it came at a personal cost to you. I dare say that you would never do that for a sub, or any other woman who has ever been in your life.”

“Are you suggesting it was wrong?” I ask my raising my eyebrows. I cross my arms and sit back in my leather chair as the chair protests with a squeak, just like I am.

“I’m glad you exercised self-control and restraint to avoid violence. But I want to examine the underlying reason for your avoidance. We’ll start with Elena example. Why do you think you didn’t eliminate Elena out of your life after your relationship ended? One cannot go from a totally hard on physical relationship and forgetting everything then switch into a placid friendship phase.”

“That’s a done deal John! I have cut her out of my life! What more do you want from me?” I say jumping up to my feet.

“Are you going to walk out again?” he asks.

“Noo!” I say like a sullen teenager.

“I have given problems to my parents since the minute they adopted me. I didn’t let anyone to touch me! I remember my mom getting this devastated face when I shirked away from her touch when I was four, but she still managed to smile at me. Then, I didn’t speak for two years. Elliot was afraid of me because I would beat him up which my parents put a stop to it. I had this undiluted rage in me that never subsided; I was mad at everyone, everything, the universe for allowing me to exist! Then came my fucking teen years: I was in trouble every day, all the time! I put my parents through enough misery already,” I say taking a breath.

“Do you really think that I would put them through worse shit when I became an adult? I would do anything, absolutely anything to avoid giving them the kind of pain that was worse than all the misery I put them through combined over the years. It would devastate my mom, and it did when she found out a few months ago! She didn’t even know the extent or the kind of relationship Elena and I had. My mom assumed that it was just a sexual affair… Not the deviant, full on BDSM relationship!

Maybe it was just me who is the abomination, the one who screws up my loved ones’ ordered, perfect lives. The fear of hurting my mom, and my fucking self-abhorrence were some of the reasons why I made myself believe that Elena was just a friend, a friend who immensely benefited me in helping me to learn to cope with my issues… Even if I was to admit to myself in the subconscious level that our relationship was wrong, I’d be resetting my clock, and all I had gone through would be for nothing. And along the way, I’d be hurting my family, my mother in particular. I wasn’t going to take that chance. I would tolerate anyone no matter how much it caused me pain just so I could avoid inflicting greater pain to the ones I love.”

“And we have a breakthrough…” John says smiling.

“That’s the exact reason you tolerated Jose’s behavior. To avoid inflicting pain to your wife. You would rather endure unpleasant situations and people because in doing so, you are protecting the ones you love. But, who will protect Christian?”

“I’m big, bad and ugly enough to do that myself.”

“Are you?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” I answer with a question in avoidance for an answer.

“It would be more prudent if you also protected yourself.”

“I have so many layers of protection John!”

“I disagree. Those are insulations and avoidance from society rather than protection, Christian. For example, in the past, you would avoid seeing Elena as opposed to cutting her off completely. The layers insulated you, but didn’t completely protect you, just caused you to grow distant from society. You see, when those layers were stripped away from you rather forcefully, you were left bereft of any coping mechanism which was amply demonstrated after Anastasia entered into your life. Avoidance didn’t teach you how to deal with real life. Just left you helpless, rudderless, fearful,” he says feeding my earlier words back at me.

“Dealing with life’s issues is a learned behavior, Christian. You have been exposed compellingly into reality of life since you have discovered your wife’s pregnancy, Elena’s unwanted advances, your sister’s and Anastasia’s kidnapping, Ana’s injuries and now another young man who is in love with Anastasia accusing you of being uncaring towards your wife, and getting her pregnant to tie her to you permanently.”

“How should I have dealt with them John?” I ask exasperated.

“There’s no one size fits all formula Christian. I don’t expect you to accommodate Mr. Rodriguez. Ana is your wife, you’re both mature adults, and old enough to have and care for a child even if the pregnancy was unplanned. Others who are causing problems to our relationships aren’t the ones we ought to be dealing with; you don’t owe explanations to them. Only to the ones we love. We need to be open with them.”

“I don’t think it would go so well if I were to tell Anastasia that I want to kick her friend’s ass till hell won’t have it again! She might have issues with that...” I say sarcastically.

“Is that how you feel?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want him near my wife! I don’t want him trying to hold her when she’s puking, comfort her, and have concern for her, question or reprimand her for our decisions. I will make no excuses when I beat the shit out of him! I will protect my wife and my child fiercely if necessary…” John opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Before you say anything John, talk to me after your wife is stalked, kidnapped, beaten half to death, nearly lost the baby she wanted… I barely got her back in my life, and some other asshole with his confused love for my wife was making life miserable for her. Was he just waiting in the wings so that I get tired of Anastasia and leave? So, don’t expect me to make excuses, or ask any forgiveness when I kick the shit out of the next person who even dreams about inflicting pain on my wife, my child, or any other member of my family!”

John scribbles something on his tablet again, and I think he murmurs, ‘two steps forward, one step back.”

Be that as it may; where my wife and child are concerned, there are no limits in what I will do to protect them.

“Well, our time is nearly up, you shall not wait this long before you see me again. How about next week?” John asks.

“Next week sounds great. I’ll have my assistant schedule.”

Taylor is waiting in the waiting room. He opens the door for me to exit the clinic. I feel a load lifted off me. Maybe I don’t have the amount of progress Dr. Flynn wants me to have, but I have progress enough for Christian Grey to fit my desires and my control freakery. Today of all days, despite all that happened, I feel undefeated, unconquered but not quite invincible. And right now, I want to go home, find the reason for my existence, and bury myself in her for a long time.

Sting - Mad About You

*****❦ ♡ ❧*****

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.