Thursday, June 7, 2012

Chapter XXIV ← Christian and Anastasia FanFiction



I wake upto a gloomy and rainy weather perfectly reflecting my own mood - dark and suffocating. (← Marcello by Bach)  As part of my morning routine, I go to the gym to work out. I run, lift weights, and do cardio. Taylor is also there already. He nods, and gives his greeting of “Morning Mr. Grey.” When I head for the punching bag, he reluctantly eyes me assessing my mood. I render punishing blows to the punching bag, making Taylor further uneasy. I am monosyllabic, curt and less than pleasant still when I get back to my penthouse, leaving Taylor to workout some more. I shuck off my sweaty workout clothes, and turn the shower to hot, and stand under the scalding water raining down on my back. Memories of Anastasia in this very shower come to my mind unbidden. She should have landed by now. Has she? Did she miss me? Has she texed me, or sent me an e-mail? Is she taken by me as much as I’m taken by her? I run my hand through my hair under the rain of hot water in exasperation. I quickly wash myself up, and walk out of the shower, rapidly drying myself as if I’m chased by the hellhounds.
First order of things is to check my Blackberry. Relief floods me. There’s a message of her safe arrival at 5:30 PST:
“Arrived Safely in Savannah. A :)
Mrs. Jones is fixing me breakfast. My usual omelet. I have my coffee and orange juice. I check my e-mails on my Blackberry with hopes that she sent me an e-mail. And there it is:
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Do you like to frighten me?
Date: May 31 2011 6:51 EST
To: Christian Grey
Christian, you already figured out by now how much I dislike you spending money on me. I know you’re very rich, but the fact that you’re spending money makes me uncomfortable. Because I feel as if you’re paying me for sex. On the other hand, I like traveling first class, because it’s a lot more civilized than coach. For that I thank you. I really mean it! I appreciate it. I also enjoyed the massage from Jean Paul, but he was very gay. I left that part out in my previous e-mail to wind you up. Because I was annoyed with you, and I’m truly sorry about that.

But, you overreact as usual. You really can’t write things like – bound and gagged in crate to me. Were you really serious, or joking? Such an idea scares me... You scare me... In one hand I am utterly caught up in your brand of spell – considering I didn’t even know such a life style existed until last Saturday. But then you write something like that terrifying me making me want to run far away. Which of course I wouldn’t because I would miss you. Really terribly miss you! I want our relationship to work, however I’m still terrified of the depth of the feeling I have for you and the dark path you’re leading me down. What you have shown me and are offering me is beyond sexy and erotic making me curious. On the flip side I’m completely scared that you’ll hurt me; not only physically but also emotionally.

What if after three months you’ve had enough of me, and say goodbye? Where would that leave me if you do? I know that such a risk exists in any relationship. But the kind you’re offering isn’t the sort of relationship I have envisioned of having as my first. You don’t know what a huge leap of faith it is for me.

I realize that you have been right when you said I didn’t have a single submissive bone in my body... sadly I agree with you. But on the other hand, I really want to be with you. And if that’s what I have to do in order to be with you, I would like to try. Though knowing how unsubmissive I am, I’ll suck at doing what you want me to do, and I’ll end up black and blue which is an idea I really don’t relish.

I’m also very happy that you have said you’ll try more. What I need to think about is what ‘more’ means to me; essentially this is the reason I wanted to have some distance between us. You see Christian, you dazzle me, and blind me so much that it’s utterly difficult for me to think clearly when you and I are together.
Oh, they’re calling my flight now. I need to go.
I’ll write more later
Your Ana

I look at my screen in shock! I’m pleased with the amount of communication she’s rendered which is beyond what she divulged all of the time we’ve been together combined. I’m pleased and mad at the same time; because she felt that she had to get a distance between us to write to me, and communicate with me openly. Why won’t she do that when she’s here? Am I that intimidating to her?
I read her message over and over again for the next forty-five minutes. It melts my heart that she has deep feelings for me. But, it is also worrisome that despite the fact that she’s a strong, amazing, and beautiful woman, she has such low self-esteem when it comes to accepting what I want to do for her. Why shouldn’t I take care of her? So what if I have so much money? Is she going to use that against me now? I can do whatever I damn-well please with my money I worked so hard to make!

After carefully assessing my thoughts, I set out to write a response to her. My feelings have only deepened with her open communication and the fact that I don’t want to ever lose her, I will always endeavor to be open with her. She doesn’t know the lengths I would go to keep her affection for me.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Finally!
Date: May 31 2011 7:30
To: Anastasia Steele
Do you know how annoying it is that you only communicate with me openly and honestly only when you put some distance between us?  Why won’t you do that when we’re together? Yes, I’m rich. Get used to it. Why would you be upset if I spend my money on you? We’ve told your father I’m your boyfriend, for God’s sake! Isn’t that what boyfriends do anyway? And as your Dom, I’d expect you to accept whatever I spend on you without any qualms about it.
Incidentally tell your mother that I’m your boyfriend as well.
It is difficult to respond to your comment that you are feeling like a whore when I do things for you. I know that’s not what you said, but reading between the lines, that’s what you implied. What can I say and do to erase and eradicate these feelings from you? Isn’t it obvious to you that I want you to have the best of everything? I work exceptionally hard, so I can spend the money I make as I see fit. I could and I want to buy your heart’s desire Anastasia! You can call it the redistribution of wealth if you want. Just simply know that I could never, ever think of you in the way you described as you’re too precious for me, and I’m angry that this is how you regard yourself. You are such a bright, witty, beautiful young woman, but for all of that, what you have said makes me think that you have such self-esteem issues, and I’m in the mind to make an appointment for with Dr. Flynn.
I want to apologize for scaring you. The thought of instilling fright in you is abhorrent to me. Do honestly believe that I’d let you travel in the cargo hold? For God’s sake, I offered you my private jet! So, yes, it was a joke, however a poor one in the hind sight. Though, the thought of you bound and gagged turns me on – and I’m not joking with this statement, it’s a fact. I know you have issues about gagging, so if and when that happens, we’ll discuss it.
What you actually fail to realize that in a Sub/Dom relationship, it’s the Sub that has all the power. Not I. That’s you. Remember that you said no to me in the boathouse. I can’t and won’t touch you if you say no to me which is why we have an agreement. It states the things you will and won’t do. Should we try different things and you decide you don’t like them, we can revise our agreement. It’s all up to you, and not up to me. By the same token, since you don’t want to be bound and gagged and put in a crate, it won’t happen.
The lifestyle I have is something I want to share with you. In fact, there has never been anything I wanted as much as I want this. Frankly, I’m in complete awe of you Anastasia! You’re one so innocent and so willing to try. What that says to me about you is more than you will ever know. You see, what you completely fail to comprehend is that I am the one who is caught in your spell, though I’ve told you this fact many, many times. I really don’t want to lose you baby. What makes me very nervous is that you’ve flown clear across the country over three thousand miles to get away from me for a few days so you can think clearly - as apparently it’s something you can’t do around me. I can’t think clearly around you either Anastasia. I lose my reason – it completely vanishes when you and I are together, if that gives you any indication to the depth of my feelings for you.
I understand your trepidation. I did try to stay away from you if you remember. Although I knew you were inexperienced, I didn’t know the extent of it. Had I known exactly how innocent you were, I would have never pursued you in the first place. Yet you still manage to disarm me completely in a way nobody has ever before. One example is your e-mail. I’ve read it and reread it countless times trying to comprehend your viewpoint.
You are worried about the amount of time we have our contract for. But three months is just an arbitrary time. We could make it six months or even a year. How long do you want it to be? What would make you comfortable? You need to tell me.
I know and understand well that this is a giant leap of faith for you. I have to and want to earn your trust, but by the same token I need you to communicate with me when I’m failing to do this. On the surface you seem so strong and self-contained, but when I read what you’ve written here, I see another side of you. We need to and we have to be each other’s guides Anastasia, and I can only take my cues from you. Please be honest with me as both of us have to work to find a way to make this arrangement work.
You said you worry about not being a submissive. I guess it’s true, however, I only want you to assume the submissive demeanor in my playroom. That’s the one place I want you to allow me to exercise proper control over you, and the only place you would need to do what you’re told. Exemplary would be a term to describe that. I would never beat you black and blue. I aim for pink. But when we are outside of the playroom, I like you challenging me. In fact it’s a very unique and refreshing experience for me, and I would never want to change that. Please tell me what you want in terms of “more.” I will try my hardest to keep an open mind, and I shall try to give you the space you need and stay away from you while you are in Georgia. I’m looking forward to your next message.
Meanwhile, enjoy yourself in Georgia, but not too much.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I hit send after reading my epitaph to Anastasia. I hope I expressed everything that concerned her. I want this arrangement, this relationship of ‘more’ to work. I have deep feelings for her, and she’s my ‘more’, and for all intents and purposes, I’m her boyfriend. I actually love that title, because it gives me more proprietorship over her, telling others she’s mine, and to stay away from her.
I read her message again. She has feelings for me! I close my eyes as relief floods me. I’ve longed to hear that. But on the other hand, what she has stated in her e-mail also makes me scared. Shit! I’m away from her less than twenty-four hours and I have this ripped apart feeling to my core. I miss her in a soul wrenching way! It’s about wanting something with the deepest desire you will ever possess and being afraid your heart’s desire, because what it offers is so outside of the norm you are used to.

I have a busy work day ahead. Taylor is ready in his dark suite and dark sun glasses to take me to GEH. I sit in the back of the Audi SUV. I notice Taylor’s eyes drift to me in the rearview mirror. I look back at him questioning. Then I notice the noise. It’s me nervously tapping on the seat with my fingers like the four riders of the apocalypse. I coolly move my eyes outside the window, and force myself to stop tapping my fingers as a result of my nervous gesture. Why is Anastasia’s departure for a visit to her mother having such a profound effect on me? She’ll be back this Friday.

I walk into my office large and in charge with more fervor than usual. I see Andrea and the intern flinch automatically. Taylor walks behind me impassively. Andrea scurries after giving a brief glance at the intern with an armful of folders in her arm.
I get into my massive leather chair behind my ornate and very expensive desk. Andrea comes forward with her blonde and professionally made up hair, with impeccable attire befitting of someone working for my company. She slightly flinches with my impatient stare.
“Sir, Mr. Bill Casing and Mr. Barney are both waiting to see you this morning. Who would you like to see first?"

 I stare at her. This is unexpected. Though I intended to see both of them today, I didn’t expect them this early. My impassive gaze and silence makes Andrea flinch. From my peripheral vision I see Taylor turning his face to the opposite direction. I sigh.

“Barney first,” I say finally.

“Yes, sir,” she says a little relieved, then turns back to me and ask, "I forgot to remind you sir. You have an appointment with Dr. Flynn today at two p.m." she says and I nod. She finally scurries away from my office to get Barney. Barney comes in, nods “Mr. Grey,” and extends his hand to shake. I see his face wincing. Oh, I must have squeezed it harder than a normal handshake. It’s a nervous day for me with Anastasia’s departure, and I can’t shake off her absence. My day goes on with one meeting after another. I meet Ros for lunch to further discuss the deadweight company we’re carrying which is failing to produce profit.
“We have reached an impasse Ros. The bottom line is economy or no economy, I’ve given this company for an entire year to pick itself up, and we’ve invested quite a lot of money on it to save it from the dumps. She needs to do her job or we need to liquidate. It isn’t fair to other companies we own who are working hard to support something that isn’t working. Cut it loose! You have two weeks to make certain changes. If it’s not showing progress, I’m not interested in keeping!” I say.
“Yes, sir,” she replies.
Taylor approaches after checking his phone. Lean in and whispers, “Sir, Bastille is available and waiting for you at the gym whenever you wish to go and work out.”
I nod, and say, “after lunch.”
“Yes, sir,” he replies and assumes his immobile statuesque position at the corner. I shake hands with Ros, and go to my workout. Today I spend two hours with Claude Bastille as I’m unable to get rid of this anxiety which is clouding my judgment and making people unusually uneasy around me. Even Bastille realizes that after I kick his butt to the floor for the third time.
“What I said yesterday stands my man! You’re hell on wheels this week! What gives?” he says.
“I told you. I’m making up for the missed sessions,” I say.
He eyes me suspiciously, as my mind wonders the main reason I’m on edge and we go at each other again. The distraction my thoughts provide him with an opening he needs, and I’m on my ass on the mat.
“Three to one Grey!” he says. “I’m not leaving until at least I make my score even!” I grin.
“Bring it on Bastille!” Others working out watch us getting at each other. It takes Bastille over thirty minutes to even the score, but I get him once more. We leave with our score uneven – me on the winning side, and a grinning Bastille with a vow to make it up tomorrow.
After my intense workout session, I quickly take a shower, and I make my way to Dr. Flynn's.

“Hello Christian,” Dr. Flynn says serenely eyeing me purposefully.

“Hello John,” is my reply as I take my usual seat on the leather sofa. John has his leather binder in his hand with his ink pen.

“How have you been?” he asks.

“To tell you the truth John, I’ve been well since you were on vacation, but not since yesterday,” I say.

“Does this have anything to do with the young lady you’re calling on?” he asks. Leave it to John to put it mildly.

“Yes, it does.” He nods his head, and gestures with his hand for me to go on.

“She’s out of town right now, and I find myself completely uneasy with her absence,” I say surprising myself with the distress in my voice.

“How so?”

“I don’t know John!” I say exasperated. “This is a completely new notion for me. I feel like I’m having a separation anxiety which doesn’t make sense. I’ve never had that sort of feeling before! I’m a grown man, but yet I find myself making my staff uneasy around me since the second she left my place,” I say sighing.

“More than the usual?” John says making me narrow my eyes on him, but he doesn’t flinch. He looks at me expectantly. I finally smile.

“Yes, more than the usual,” I say.

“This Anastasia is having a big effect on you. I’m very intrigued. I would love to meet her,” he says which is unusual for a shrink to say even if it is Dr. John Flynn.

“You might meet her at my parents’ annual charity event next week,” I say.

“I’m looking forward to it. Now, tell me why she went out of town. Is it vacation, family, business, or something else?” he asks with barely contained curiosity.

“She went to Georgia to see her mother, but that’s her cover story,” I say as John raises his eyebrows.

“Cover story?”

“I know she misses her mother, but she went there to get away from me, because she said she can’t think clearly around me,” I pull her e-mail out of my pocket, and find the line where she stated that. “Ah, right here,” I say, as John narrows his eyes so much you can blindfold him with dental floss surprised that I carry her e-mail with me.

“She says here, and I quote ‘I want our relationship to work, however I’m still terrified of the depth of the feeling I have for you and the dark path you’re leading me down.” And this following line when she says ‘what I need to think about is what ‘more’ means to me; essentially this is the reason I wanted to have some distance between us. You see Christian; you dazzle me, and blind me so much that it’s utterly difficult for me to think clearly when you and I are together’.” I read with a sigh.

“You see John, that’s the way I feel around her. I lose my reason. I’m like a drunken man who lost his sense, but then again, I’m more alert because she opens my eyes to something I’ve never experienced before. I feel young, and happy. (←Forever Young by Mr. Hudson ft Jay-Z) I feel joy with her. Her absence drowns me. I can’t take it!” I say exasperated with my hand running through my hair.
John gazes at me with his mouth agape, and when I stop talking he gathers himself, and says.

“There are few keywords I want to focus on from what you’ve read and what you’ve stated. The first word is ‘more.’ I too am curious what ‘more’ means to you. All your previous relationships had been strictly a Dom/Sub relationship, and you were completely adamant that this is the only type of relationship you were ever interested. Is it something of the past now?”

Not per se John. Anastasia is a woman I want more than anything I ever wanted. She desires me with “more”, and I desire her. I’m willing to compromise for her, and I find myself liking the ‘more’ part. I’m not giving up what I am, what defines me, and what I like. I’m merely redrawing my battle lines, and boundaries. A new concept Anastasia introduced me,” I say smiling. “Compromise. I’m willing to do that for her. I’ve met her father, and he knows me as her boyfriend. I’ve told Anastasia to tell her mother the same. Her best friend knows me as her boyfriend,” I say with a grimace, and this doesn’t escape John’s regard.

“Of course, my family met her, fell in love with her, and they know her as my girlfriend. I’ve come to like that title. So, yes, she’s my girlfriend, but I like her to be my sub in my Playroom,” I say.

“And are you okay with that?” asks Dr. Flynn. I think about it for a minute.

“Yes. I’d rather compromise than lose her. But, I also find myself liking the compromise. It’s incredibly refreshing... with Anastasia, I mean.”

“And, do you have the desire to punish and hurt her? What about those tendencies, and how do you think Anastasia would handle them?”
“Those feelings are still there. I have to go easy on Anastasia for the time being, because this isn’t something she’s familiar with. She has no references. She wasn’t even spanked as a child.”

“So, why do you think you want to inflict pain on her?” he asks.

“We’ve been over this in the past John! I’m a sadist. I can’t help those feelings. It fulfills something that was unmet in my formative years.”

“Christian, you and I disagree on that. You are not a sadist. You had unspeakable things done to you as a young child. You’re still working through those issues, and what you desire to do to women are a reflection of what has been done to you in your subconscious, and the anger you have towards your birth mother for not protecting you from those inflicting those horrors to you. In my professional opinion, you are not a sadist. But you have been emotionally deprived in your most formidable years which in return left you emotionally behind than what your age should warrant. As far as the emotional growth is concerned, you’re the equivalent of an adolescent, and you have some catching up to do. Having been set in your ways is also hindering you in your emotional development, but what I’ve seen in you in the last three weeks is very promising. It shows me that you are willing to give yourself a chance to grow in that area, and that is one of the keys that will allow you to work through the problems you have,” he says.

“John, I think Anastasia is right about you,” I say with a wicked grin.

He looks curious, “in what way?” he asks.

“She said that you are an expensive charlatan,” I say smiling. He laughs at that assessment.

“Well, she may be right. I am expensive, but as for charlatan, who knows, maybe I am one,” he says still chuckling. “I can see why you are intrigued by her. I’m looking forward to meeting her,” he says. Another admirer who hasn’t even met her.

“When is she coming back from Georgia?”

“This Friday,” I say in such a forlorn expression as if it’s ten years away. John looks at me in his curious, ‘paging Dr. Freud,’ kind of way.

“It’s very clear that you miss her. How are you coping?” he asks with sympathy in his voice.

“I’m not. I mean, not coping well at all. I miss her terribly, and I have fears, worries, and longing.” I say.

“Fears and worries I are two expressions I want to focus on. What are you afraid of and what is worrying you?” he asks.

I fear that she may decide against us. I fear that once she’s away, she decides that she can do without me,” I say as my breath hitches, and Dr. Flynn notices it and he jots something down in his leather binder. “I worry that someone else might move in when I’m not around. Hell, even when I’m around, there are plenty of suitors,” I say.

“Are you afraid of a little competition?”

“I never shy away from a competition. But she’s mine! She’s not a prize to be competed for. Not when it comes to her, and for her affections. I can’t handle it Doc. The thought of someone else having her is like a knife stabbed over and over again in my heart. I can’t handle it!” He jots some more notes in his expensive leather binder.

“Christian, I’ve known you for a few years now, and I’ve been your therapist, and your friend. I know that you are a very strong man. Physically, and emotionally. In fact, I dare say you were even calloused emotionally in some matters as I’ve plainly stated to you in the past. But, what I read from you right now is that Anastasia both strengthens and weakens you emotionally. You know what that means?”

I shake my head at his blunt assessment, but I pay him for his non-conventional boldness. He smiles and adds, L'on est bien faible quand on est amoureux.”

“But,” I rebuttal, “that statement has a prerequisite of being in love. As you stated, ‘One is very weak when one is in love,’ but I don’t think I’m in love!” I state strongly. (← You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You by Dean Martin) “I have strong feelings for Anastasia which I am currently unable to name them, but I don’t do love Doc. I’m incapable of loving.”

Christian, love is not a bad emotion. Love is a powerful emotion, a great emotion, a fulfilling emotion. L’amour fait les plus grandes douceurs et les plus sensibles infortunes de la vie,” he states.

“Like you said Doc, ‘love makes life’s sweetest pleasures and worst misfortunes;’ I’m just afraid of the misfortunes it may present, and I believe one can attain the sweetest pleasures without love.”

“Oh, but I disagree. Some of the pleasures can only be felt with the height and the depth, only if one is in love. I can see that you feel the depth, and height of a certain emotion. And you’re clearly afraid of this feeling. But you, denying the name of that emotion doesn’t change the fact of what that is. The main reason you’re denying this feeling is because you feel unworthy of it. But love has nothing to do with fairness. It just is. Let me ask you this. What would you do for Anastasia? Would you give up your ways? You’ve compromised for her which is something you’ve never done for anyone else. You’ve given her space to think although you miss her terribly. These are things that are completely out of the norm for Christian Grey.”

I contemplate deep for a minute. “I’d do just about anything to keep her. To keep her safe. To keep her mine. She’s mine!” I say.

“What if she hasn’t returned your feelings?”

I feel my heart constricting. “I don’t know if I could handle that. It would wound me deeply. But I’d do anything to make her happy... I don’t want to contemplate that Doc. It’s too harsh for me at this time knowing she’s not even in town,” I say exasperated.

C’est cela l’amour, tout donner, tout sacrifier sans espoir de retour,” he states.

“Love is to give everything, sacrifice everything never to return,” I murmur to his statement. “But I don’t do love Doc. It’s a useless emotion, a deterrent. Something gets one out of focus. You know how important it is for me to have control. Love gets rid of control. So, it's just not for me.”

“The interesting thing about love is that it doesn’t ask us whether we want to lose control. It’s in the very definition of love. Even the chemicals our body releases when in love is quite similar to those when one is insane.”

“Great!” I say mocking, “You’re encouraging me to be nearly insane?”

“I’m encouraging you to hear your own feelings. If you are unaware of your own feelings, you won’t have a way to deal with them, or you won’t know how to respond. Our bodies and minds speak to us in their own way. Right now, your mind is speaking to you. Whether you want to hear what it’s got to say is up to you Christian. How you respond to what it says is up to you. No one can push us to fall in love with someone. The kind of electricity, connection, pull, static, desire, and the deeper connection love generates cannot be duplicated, copied, or cloned. It is rare to find that; it’s sort of like once in a lifetime deal, but it’s rarer still to have someone to reciprocate those feelings with the same intensity. So, part of your therapy is to learn to listen to yourself effectively if you wish to sort your feelings out; but listening and hearing are two different things. Our minds and bodies speak a different language. You need to learn to interpret that correctly. Right now you’re denying your interpretation, because you feel unworthy. You must learn to distance yourself from the negative feelings.”

“Easier said than done John,” I murmur.

“I know that. But it doesn’t hurt to practice.”

“I still find it a useless emotion. And I still state that I don’t do love.”

“Let’s just agree to disagree,” he says smiling. “We’ll meet next week at the same time then?”

“Yes, of course,” I say checking my time. I shake hands, and Taylor drives me back to Escala. 
By the time we get to Escala, it’s passed four p.m. I have periodically checked my e-mail, but there is no message from Anastasia. Did I scare her off with my epitaph? I’m worried that I did. I want to call her, or write to her, but I don’t want to come out too strong. She’s gone to take time away from me to gather her thoughts. I don’t want to impose on her within that time. We pull into the garage at Escala, and Taylor drops me off as he goes to park the SUV. I press the button to call the elevator, and press my code to go up to my penthouse. In this tiny space I kissed Anastasia several times. The thoughts of her come unbidden, and tighten my heart. I can’t lose her! I can’t. I want us to work! As I’m busy thinking of her, my Blackberry buzzes letting me know I received an e-mail. Is it her?
I check to see the message, and as relief courses through me, I close my eyes, and then open the message as I my mind come to focus.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Verbose?
Date: May 31 2011 19:07 EST
To: Christian Grey
Sir, you are quite the loquacious writer as your e-mail was a testament to that fact. I have to go to dinner at Bob’s golf club, and just for your information, I am rolling my eyes at the thought of it. Since you and your twitchy palms are long way away from my vicinity, my behind and I am safe for now. I really loved your e-mail. I’m going to write a response when I have the time. I’m missing you already.
Enjoy your afternoon.
Your Ana
Seeing her message makes me very, very relaxed as if I’m bathed in her. She misses me! I read the message, especially the line where she said she missed me over and over again. I close my eyes and revel in the feeling. Then I type up a message for her in response.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your behind
Date: May 31 2011 16:09
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele,
The title of your e-mail is distracting. Needless to say that you and your behind are safe for the time being.
Please enjoy your dinner. And just so you know, I miss you too – especially your behind and your smart mouth.
The thought of you and your eye rolling will brighten my - what would otherwise be a dull afternoon.   It was you who fittingly pointed out to me that I too suffer from that nasty habit.
Christian Grey
CEO & Eye Roller, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I’m caught in her spell and momentarily distracted from my nervousness that’s been inhibiting me in since she left town. But even this mere connection via e-mail eases my ravaged soul. I stare at the monitor as if Anastasia will pop through it. My only connection to her right at the moment. (← Closer by Kings of Leon)

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: eye rolling
Date: May 31 2011 19:13 EST
To: Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey
Stop e-mailing me sir. I’m busily trying to get ready for dinner here. You know, you’re very distracting even if you are on the other side of the continent. And since you too suffer from the nasty habit of eye rolling, who spanks you when you do so?

Your Ana
My playful baby and her smart mouth! How I’ve missed you both!

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your behind
Date: May 31 2011 16:17
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

Baby, I still prefer my title to yours in a number of different ways. Isn’t it lucky that I’m the master of my destiny and no one gets to reprimand me? There are exceptions to this rule of course which include my mother occasionally, and Dr. Flynn, of course. And you.

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.


I have revealed another piece of myself in this message. And that whether I like it or not – and I mostly like it, and find myself enjoying it, that Anastasia can and will castigate me. It’s refreshing. She makes her own way into my soul and my heart. Her response comes within a few minutes.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Chastising... Me?
Date: May 31 2011 19:21 EST
To: Christian Grey
Dear Sir
When have I ever had plucked up the nerve to castigate you? You might be mixing me up with someone else and if this is the case, it’s very worrying. I really do have to get ready now.
Your Ana
I hit reply right away.

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Your behind
Date: May 31 2011 16:24
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Miss Steele,
You chastise me all the time in print. Can I zip up your dress?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I really wish I was there. Does she even realize what it does to me when she says she’s getting ready to go someplace? I think of getting undressed down to her blue bra and lace underwear. Then putting on a dress... a low cut, low back dress. Short. Barely covering her delectable derriere. Argh! Why am I torturing myself like that?

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: NC-17
Date: May 31 2011 19:27 EST
To: Christian Grey
I would rather you unzipped my dress.
WTF? Baby, don’t torture me! You’re not here! I’ll end up instantaneously combusting here! Or worse, I’ll interrupt my intent to give you the space you want, and jump in my plane and get to you...

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Careful what you wish for...
Date: May 31 2011 16:29
To: Anastasia Steele
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Panting
Date: May 31 2011 19:32 EST
To: Christian Grey

Fuck! What are you doing to me Anastasia? I run both hands through my hair, glued to my laptop like a horny teenager waiting for his girl to give him a piece of crumb!

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Groaning...
Date: May 31 2011 16:34
To: Anastasia Steele
Wish I was there.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
There I said it... Ball is in your court Miss Steele. What say you to that? I nervously wait for her to respond.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Moaning
Date: May 31 2011 19:36 EST
To: Christian Grey

My breath hitches with her response. She wants me there! She misses me! Does she? She says she does in capital letters. Does she want me to come? Another message dings right after.

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Moaning
Date: May 31 2011 19:36 EST
To: Christian Grey
Gotta go.
Laters baby.

What? No! It was getting so good! Don’t let me hanging here Anastasia! Argh! Even her absence from her computer makes me this nervous. Come on baby! I’ve missed you so much already! And I was daydreaming of unzipping her dress...
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Plagiarism
Date: May 31 2011 16:40
To: Anastasia Steele
You stole my line baby.
Not to mention left me hanging.
Enjoy your dinner with you family.
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I go and take a cold shower to cool Miss Steele’s effects on me to no avail. What do you do to me my beautiful bewitching woman? I’m in half the mind to fly there now. My subconscious tells me to be patient and give her the space she needs. I support myself, my arms on the cool tile walls of the shower, my head bowed, cold water raining on me and sprayer from three different directions without any cooling effect.


Anonymous said...

Love it!!! I hate getting to the end of the chapter lol Monday's are normally boring but now i have something to look forward to :)

Anonymous said...

I will be anxiously waiting for Monday...hoping you post early like you did today!

Deborah said...

Oh god! I can't wait! I'm so ready to read when he gets to Ga. I'm from Atlanta, so I love that GA is talked about in the book. Again thank u. I read all the chapters over and over! I'm so happy for this early post as well!

Thanks Deborah

Eminé said...

Thank you everyone!

I'm working on GA chapter right now Deborah :) I just love these book so much-I'm so happy you're all enjoying the stories.

Amarie said...

Omg i cant wait till his dinner with elena and when she knocks on his hotel room door in atlanta please tell me that both of these scenes are in the next chapter omg so cant wait i hope you post early.


Keisha said...

Another great chapter! Can't wait for the next one :)

Anonymous said...

You have some serious writing talent! Ever since I've read the books I've always wanted to know Christian's point of view. I randomly discovered your blog and I am so glad I did! I can't wait to read the other chapters. Until now, you've done a flawless job :)
Will you be writing Christian's point of view for all three books?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this - I am loving all the chapters! Here is a song that would fit in nicely:
"Kiss Of Fire"
I touch your lips and all at once the sparks go flying
Those devil lips that know so well the art of lying
And though I see the danger, still the flame grows higher
I know I must surrender to your kiss of fire
Just like a torch, you set the soul within me burning
I must go on, I'm on this road of no returning
And though it burns me and it turns me into ashes
My whole world crashes without your kiss of fire
I can't resist you, what good is there in trying?
What good is there denying you're all that I desire?
Since first I kissed you my heart was yours completely
If I'm a slave, then it's a slave I want to be
Don't pity me, don't pity me
Give me your lips, the lips you only let me borrow
Love me tonight and let the devil take tomorrow
I know that I must have your kiss although it dooms me
Though it consumes me, your kiss of fire

Eminé said...

I LOVE that song! How did I not think of it before, especially by Louis Armstrong! You're soooo sweet to remind me of it. I think I might have a place for it soon :)

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm from Australia I stumbled on your pagea few days ago. I've followed the fifty shades trilogy for a few months. I loved the books but I have to say. I am in love with your portrayal of the series. I've read your entire book in the last 2 days and can't wait for the rest. You are doing an amazing job at Christians perspective I think even better than the author. You should be writing the script for the film I think you would make it even better. Can't wait for the next chapter hopefully it will be soon. Tash ox

Anonymous said...

Loved this chapter and it will be a long wait for Monday. I am so happy to hear that you will be continuing their story after the third book. You have some serious writing talent and I am looking forward to see what journey you take them on. Thanks for mentioning Eros ,she is another talented and amazing writer. Thanks for taking the time to share your talent with us.


Anonymous said...

Finally caught up!

I just stumbled across your blog while looking to find more info on the movie. I was thinking it would be great to do the movie from CG's POV instead of Ana's...

You have done such a great job of it that I feel satisfied, my only problem is now I have to wait for the next chapter, lol.

Thank you so much for allowing us to read this, I think you are fantastic and will be checking everyday just in case you have posted early.

After Fifty how about writing originals? I think you would be great at it :)

SLC FiftyFan

crazy4choi said...

my laptop is back on....i'm least half... i cant get ticket for the boys concert.....( the boyband where Kwon jiyong, choi seunghyun and dong yongbae are in )...... i'll do the editing tonight right away..... i just finished reading urs........thanx... love it....

Jude said...

Oh my! Your story has me enthralled! I'm loving Christian's POV and I'm lucky I just found this so I got to read 24 chapters in quick addictive succession :-) ... And now I have to exercise patience for the rest - but holy cow I can't wait to see what you've done with the Christian/Elena dinner. The conversation will be epic - I feel it :-)

PS: The "choking" conversation with Doctor FLynn had me in stitches!

Anonymous said...

Hi again I was wondering if you have your chapters in PDF format so I can read them over and over again on my iPad. Just thought I'd ask ;). Tash ox

Jude said...

Emine, thanks for your reply. Your brief description of the Elena/Christian relationship has definitely piqued my interest! And knowing that it's already written... let's just say I'm working hard to calm my inner-Christian who's screaming I-don't-do-waiting! ;-)

Thanks again for doing this!

Anonymous said...

Thank you!!!!! I'm so excited I can't wait ;). I'm 32 with 3 young sons and I own a hair salon with my husband working away weeks at a time I don't sleep much so I very much look forward to getting on your page at the end of a day with a BIG drink and relax into your world of fifty shades. Always give me something to look forward to. Thanks again. Tash ox

Jude said...

Delayed gratification, schmelayed gratification. Be an "in-the-moment" kind of gal! You know you want to post ;)

Oh, I'm being so bad. But it's only cause I'm impatient to read the next chapter. Which you should take as a huge compliment on your work :)

Isn't it Monday already somewhere in the world?

Jude said...

Who said patience was a virtue? In fact...

"Impatience is the mark of independence, not of bondage" - Marianne Moore (American poet).

How apt :)

Mary said...

I love finding out about Christian's relationship with Taylor and Dr. Flynn. Thanks so much.

Anonymous said...

This was the nest chapter so far.
Amazing, touching, thoughtful, powerful and deep.onto Christians thoughts!! Love it and thank you so much.for this pov

Penny Brueggemann said...

They just keep getting better! Loved if

Anonymous said...

Already by the new chapter? Thank you
read the new chapters, is what me happy, so ... please continue

Anonymous said...

I have read all the books and tryn to get hubby on board with some of the seens but no go. It leaves u wanting more !!!!! It leaves u woundering !!!!!

Anonymous said...

Okay why am I blushing? This is Christian in love I'm so happy for him. This is a first for him. I'm sure he never had email banter with his Subs.
Why didn't he talk about the fact that he felt like he was having a panick attack and then when his Blackberry beeped he was totally calmed. Anna brings him solice and hope for a better Christian.
I love it, I love him.

sarthak sengar said...

Dr Flynn is awesome, but wasn't he English? Why should he speak French? Anyway... i love your writing...

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Good question Sarthak! Yes, he's English, but a lot of people with literary and linguistic sides, will switch languages when they're quoting something. I do that often as I speak 7 languages.