Wednesday, August 14, 2013

BOOK IV - CHAPTER X - Christian and Anastasia FanFiction



Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul…

William Earnest Henley

I call Anastasia on the way to the hospital. The phone rings, but she doesn’t answer. She always answers the phone. Concern, coupled with my meeting with Lincoln and his lawyers makes me uneasy immediately. I hang up without leaving a message and dial again. Still no answer. Fuck! Where is she? Is something wrong with Ray? With her?

“Taylor, did Sawyer call you?”

“No, sir. But he did text me stating he’s taking Mrs. Grey to the hospital about an hour ago,” he says his eyes meeting mine in the rear-view mirror. My concern is reflected in his eyes.

I dial Sawyer’s phone. It too rings and no one answers, and goes to voice mail.

“Where the hell are you and why aren’t you answering your phone?” I hiss and hang up.

 “What time did you get Sawyer’s text?” I ask Taylor.

“About 10 minutes to 3, sir.”

I dial the hospital since I have made calls to check on Ray’s condition.

“Good afternoon…” the nurse starts.

“This is Christian Grey. I want to know if Ray Steele checked out of the hospital today.”

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t give information on patients over the phone to those who are not next of kin,” she replies curtly.

“Nurse, get the doctor in charge of Ray Steele on the phone immediately. I am his son in-law, and am the one who is paying for his care. I am the next of kin!” I shout.

“No need to shout, sir. I’m getting Dr. Polanski. Hold please,” she says and puts me on hold.

“Step on it Taylor!” I order nervously.

“Yes, sir,” he responds and I’m pushed back into my seat with the acceleration.

“Good afternoon, this is Dr. Polanski,” a female voice comes over the phone.

“Dr. Polanski, did Ray Steele check out this afternoon?” I ask without a preamble.

“And you are?”

“Christian Grey!” I reply exasperated.

“Mr. Grey, yes, Mr. Steele has been discharged about fifteen minutes ago,” she says. I hear her shuffling papers, probably checking the records.

“Was Mrs. Grey with her?”

“I believe so, Mr. Grey,” she replies as Taylor turns into the hospital parking lot, tires screeching. We come to halt in front of the hospital entrance.

“I’ll drop you off, and meet you in a few minutes, sir,” Taylor says.

He opens the door, and I jump out quickly entering into the hospital.

“Hello? Mr. Grey?” the doctor says filling the silence. “Is that all you need to know, Mr. Grey?”

“Is it possible that Mr. Steele might still be on the hospital ground?”

“I’m not sure sir. We gave Mr. Steele’s discharge papers, and I left his room. He may have left the hospital. His ride was there to take him home.”

“Thanks,” I say and hear an incoming phone. I switch the lines hanging up on the doctor.

“Where the hell have you been? And why weren’t you answering your phone?” I shout with acrimony.

“I’m sorry Mr. Grey. When Mrs. Grey was in her father’s room, she felt ill suddenly and was throwing up, shaking violently which concerned everyone in the room, so I just swooped her up and rushed her into her doctor’s office immediately. Your phone call came right when I was trying to get Mrs. Grey into Dr. Greene’s office.”

“What?! What’s wrong with my wife?” I shout.

“When Mr. Steele was given his discharge papers and his doctor was gone, one minute she was talking to her dad and the next minute she got queasy and tried to rush to the bathroom but she was vomiting on the way already. Mr. Rodriguez tried to help her because Mrs. Grey seemed to have gotten weak suddenly, but she told him that she didn’t need help, that she was just getting a cold and didn’t want to spread her germs. Of course nobody bought that and they all looked extremely concerned. Just when she stood of telling everyone she was okay, she started dry heaving and doubled over at which time I lifted Mrs. Grey off the floor. They were already calling a nurse, and Mrs. Grey said that her dad should leave home and that she would be okay. Mr. Steele looked very concerned but didn’t argue with her, but Mr. Jose Rodriguez, Junior, wanted to stay with Mrs. Grey while he sent Mr. Steele home with his dad.”

“Well, did he stay?”

“Well, Mrs. Grey insisted that he should drive her father since neither Mr. Rodriguez senior nor Mr. Steele weren’t in the best shape to drive. She reassured him that I would take her home, and you were coming. And she said she was okay.”

“Where is my Ana now?”

“She’s being tended by Dr. Greene right now. I just walked out of her office to call you, sir.”


“It’s on the second floor. Take a right after you get off the elevators. Go through the corridor, and when the hallway comes to a fork, take left. Her office is the third door on your right. You can’t miss it. I’m waiting outside, sir.”

“Thank you, Sawyer,” I reply surprising him.

“Mr. Grey?”


“I should remind you, sir. Mr. Rodriguez, junior is also waiting by the door.”

“What the fuck? I thought he was supposed to drive Ray back to Montesano!”

“That’s what I thought, but I think Mr. Steele is still waiting in his room until they have the word that Mrs. Grey is well. It appears that they didn’t buy her ‘I have a cold’ story. Apparently they were initially concerned that it was related to her concussion which is why they called a nurse for her despite her protests. Mrs. Grey told them that she has a doctor at the hospital and I could take her there which I did. But Mr. Jose Rodriguez must have followed us. When I came out, there he was standing by the door, agitated, nervous, and completely upset trying to question me about Mrs. Grey’s well-being.”

I impatiently tap the elevator’s call button. By the time it dings open, I’m ready to take the stairs. People coming out of the elevator see me seething with anger, nearly snarling on the phone; they give me a wide berth as they leave the elevator and quickly distance themselves from me. As soon as I get up on the second floor, I follow Sawyer’s directions and find Dr. Greene’s office. When I see Sawyer, he nods his greeting. My lips are set to a grim line.

“Christian!” Jose Rodriguez says, not in a greeting, but in an accusing, confrontational tone.

“Jose,” I respond but I don’t want to waste my time with him. As soon as my hand reaches to the door handle, his hand captures my left forearm. My eyes move down to his hand grasping my forearms over my jacket. As if my gaze burnt his hand, he immediately retracts his fingers.

“What?” I hiss.

“What’s wrong with Ana?” he asks.

“Nothing’s wrong with her!” I say making a move to go forward.

“Fucking bullshit! Don’t lie to me man! Her dad is concerned and waiting in his room. She was so violently sick; she couldn’t even make it to the bathroom. She almost puked all over her old man! If I didn’t hold her up, she’d be all over the floor face down in her own puke. Clearly she hasn’t healed from her concussion! Why the hell would you allow her to go back to work when she just got out of the hospital and still sick as a dog? It’s not like you need the money!” He hisses accusingly.

Next Contestant - Nickelbacks

“Are you quite done with your accusations?”

“I have not even started yet!” he gets in my face determined. Seeing my explosive stare, he takes half a step back, but forces himself to hold his ground.

“My wife is an editor. She’s not plowing fields for God’s sake and she’s the one who wanted to go back to work which her doctor approved!”

“You didn’t see her ten minutes ago! One minute she was talking, and then the next minute she was green on the gills, and tripping on her own feet trying to make it to the bathroom! She couldn’t even get passed Ray’s bed before she started spewing Mount Vesuvius! Once she was done painting Ray’s room’s floors with the contents of her stomach, she was dry heaving and would have been doubled up on the floor if I didn’t pull her up! And then she tried to tell us that it was just a common cold! We knew she doesn’t have a cold. She had no cold symptoms when she walked in. She looked completely fine. We told the nurse that came in she had been in the hospital only a week ago with a fractured skull and concussion! And your man here,” he says raising his voice as he’s pointing an accusatory finger in Sawyer’s direction, “said that she has a doctor here, and without a word to her father’s concerned questions, he picked her up off the floor and carried her here!”

“There’s nothing wrong with her, or at least there was nothing wrong when she left this morning, or when I talked to her this afternoon. If my wife is feeling ill, it’s my job to go and find out about it, and you’re holding me up here!”

“You’re no good for her, man!” he hisses with animosity.

“What the fuck did you just say, Junior? That woman in there is my wife, and I love her!” I hiss in a dangerously low voice taking a step in his direction.

“Ever since she’s met you, she's changed! Like she has to ask your permission for every little thing does. You may love her, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re no good for her! She nearly got beaten to death by your enemies, and you let her go back to work when she’s not even fully recovered from her concussion!”

“She’s not sick because of her concussion!”

“Are you sure about that, Mr. ‘I-love-her’? How could you be? You didn’t see the fear in her dad’s face when she doubled over and when your security guard whisked her out in his arms before the nurse could take a look at her. What the hell are you hiding from her loved ones? Did the injuries she sustained in the hands of your fucking enemies leave her permanently damaged?” he accuses again, and I’ve had all I can take it.

I push Rodriguez into the walk with such a force that his head bobs and hits the wall and restrain him by pressing my right forearm over his neck and I use the strength of my legs to restrain the rest of his body. I see Sawyer’s eyes widen from the peripheral vision, and I hear a pair of footsteps rushing in our direction. It’s Taylor.

“You’re going to restrain me because I worry about my friend more than her husband should?” he says, his voice choking as my arm is pressing down on his throat. He makes his best effort to try to push me away.

“For your information asshole, my wife isn’t sick because of the injuries she sustained. They’re healed! She’s sick because she’s pregnant with our child!”

“What?!!” Jose whispers as if I punched him. He stops struggling for a minute and I ease my grip on him, taking a step back.

“She wanted to wait until it was 12 weeks. That’s why we didn’t want to tell anyone! It’s probably morning sickness.” Jose tries to gather himself for a few minutes completely dumbstruck, his chest is heaving up and down in rapid succession. A string of emotions outplay on his gaze. His eyes widen with some conclusion he’s reached and his face turns into snarl.

“You sicko! You knocked her up already? She’s barely 22! What? The second you met her, you wooed Ana with your money, and didn’t even let the girl have a breath on her own until you moved her in with you, and then to keep her for good, you got her pregnant! Fuck you! Were you that afraid that she wasn’t going to stay with you, so you had to knock her up to tie her up to you for good with your brat? Tell me, did she marry you because you knocked her up?” he shouts accusingly.

The beast in me is awoken and I take a step towards him. But my step is interrupted in midair. Before I can say anything, Dr. Greene’s door opens. Anastasia and the Doctor Greene peer out the door. Ana’s mouth drops open, her eyes widen in shock, betrayal and disappointment in hearing Jose’s accusation. It barely registers in my head that she’s in a hospital gown.

“Jose Rodriguez, you need to leave now!” she says in a placid but determined voice. Her face betrays her feelings of ferocious hostility. I realize that her effort for a calm facade is for my benefit.

“But, Ana! This guy,” he says jacking his thumb in my direction, “he is trying to manipulate you!”

Toxic - Britney Spears

“Jose, stop your misplaced concern for me. You’re my friend, and I’d like you to remain that way. My husband and I don’t have to explain our actions and decisions to you.”

“He’s blinded you with things, Ana! Don’t you see it? He’s binding you to him with his kid!” he hisses. Ana’s eyes are filled with angry tears.

“Don’t you dare to speak about my baby! It’s mine and I want him!” she says as she rubs her eyes ungracefully with the back of her hand. That’s it! I grasp him by the collar and shove him. Taylor steps in.

“Young man, you leave my patient alone. I’ll call the security!” Dr. Greene bristles.

(One of my readers as Dr. Greene)

I’m about to kick his ass to the kingdom come, Taylor puts himself between Jose and I, his determined eyes locked on mine, he replies Dr. Greene. “No need ma’am. My colleague and I will walk him out.”

Just then, “Jose Louis Rodriguez!” shouts an angry voice in a reprimanding tone. We all collectively turn around. After the initial shock is wiped from his face, “Cállate papá!” Jose responds to his father.

“Jose, apologize to my daughter and my son-in-law, and then you better leave. I’ll take a cab,” says Ana’s father in a no nonsense tone. He’s sitting in a wheelchair pushed by an orderly. Mr. Rodriguez is standing next to him looking grim, disappointed, and embarrassed.

“Ray! I’m sorry, but don’t you see what’s happening here?” Jose argues.

“Yes, I see what is happening: my daughter and her husband are making me a grandpa. Don’t rain on my parade young man! I like you, but I will not repeat my warning again: Apologize to my daughter and my son-in-law, and then leave. The decision of them having a child is no one’s business, but their own,” Ray says with a twinge of happiness, pride in his voice as well as censure for Jose. “Don’t cross your line!”

“I’m sorry Ray. Someone’s got to think of Ana! No one else seems to be doing it!”

“Are you quite sure your concern is for my daughter and not for yourself?” Ray asks. Ana steps out of Doctor’s office with bare feet, her hands on her hips, she’s rendered speechless with Jose’s outburst.

“Mr. Rodriguez, I suggest you take your son away from here, sir. He clearly upset my wife, and right now I want nothing more than teach him a lesson he’ll never forget, but in doing so, I would hurt my wife’s feelings,” I say as I hold onto Anastasia who looks bewildered, near tears and shaking.

“Jose! Come on son! Are you drunk? Have you taken something? What’s gotten into you?”

“No, papa! I’m more sober than I have ever been. Ana, please, I’m sorry… I’m sorry for not standing up for you that night... I was drunk. First I behaved like an ass, and then let Grey to intimidate me with his presence! If I had behaved differently then, maybe you would have made a different decision. I lost my head when I saw you doubled on the floor, throwing up, and heaving. And you’ve just been in the hospital with injuries causes by Grey’s enemies! Por favor, Ana! I really am worried about you. Now I find out that he knocked you up possibly to keep you in his grip!”

And that’s the last straw. I pounce on Jose. All hell breaks loose.

“Christian!” Ana shouts.

“Jose!” I hear Mr. Rodriguez and Ray call out at the same time.

Dr. Greene or someone else must have called the security; because I vaguely hear footsteps. I’m too busy to pay attention because I’m tackling Jose down. Taylor and Sawyer immediately take action. They pull him away and out of my grip to keep us apart.

“What’s going on here?” shouts the hospital security as they try to apprehend both Jose and I.

“Security! No! Mr. Grey was just defending his pregnant wife.”

“I’m sorry Doctor, but we have a job to do!”

Dr. Greene grabs the guard’s arm with determined force and pulls him aside. “Do you realize who you would be arresting, and what the Board of Trustees would do with your ass for arresting one of our biggest benefactors for protecting his pregnant wife? This man is Christian Grey! Your actions this minute would determine whether or not our hospital faces lawsuits!” The security guard blanches. He clears his throat.

“Is this man offending you ma’am?” he directs his question pointing at Jose who now looks disheveled. His shirt untucked, his hair going every which way, and a slight bruise on his neck showing its ugly head already.

“No, it’s just a misunderstanding. He was leaving,” Ana replies. I clench my teeth, my hands turn into fists but I manage to keep them on my side rigidly.

“Sir? Are you going to file a complaint against this gentleman?” he turns to me asking. I shake my head in the negative.

“My men will escort him out,” I say impassively. Jose shrugs out of Sawyer and Taylor’s grip.

“Let go man! I know the way out!” he says with a chagrined glance at Ana who looks unforgiving and disappointed.

“Ana, I’m sorry! Just seeing you sick, I lost my head. And him getting your pregnant…” To my surprise, Anastasia takes three steps toward Jose and just slaps him.

“Just shut up Jose! It’s my baby! Our baby and we want our baby!” she says looking at my face questioning, daring me to say otherwise. I nod, my eyes softening.

“Yes, we do,” I reply pulling my wife into the protection of my embrace. My gaze is shooting daggers at Jose, my nostrils flaring like a raging bull.

“On second thought,” Ray says, “why should I pay for a cab? You came all this way to pick me up. You’re driving me back home, Jose.” Ray’s glance has pity for him.

“Come on, son,” Mr. Rodriguez coaxes Jose.

“Bye Annie. Call me tomorrow,” Ray says getting up from the wheelchair and walking towards Ana. He hugs her and gives her a kiss.

“Forgive him. He’s stupid and in love, honey,” he whispers into her ear.

“Oh daddy,” Anastasia says and quietly sobs. “I can’t right now.”

“Try. And, congratulations to you both. I’m so happy to hear that my baby girl is gonna make me a grandpa!” Ana hugs him tighter.

“Thank you daddy!”

“I am so sorry Ana, Mr. Grey…” says Mr. Rodriguez, embarrassed on behalf of his son. Jose gives a forlorn glance at Ana, “I’m sorry Ana!” he says in a barely audible tone, but Anastasia turns her head into my chest. He hangs his head and heads the group to leave the hospital.

When Ray, Jose, and Mr. Rodriguez are leaving, Taylor looks up at me. I nod and he discreetly follows them out of the hospital building.  

“I need to write an incident report,” the security guard says.

“No need for that.”

“But, sir?”

“You may go back to your station,” Dr. Greene orders him. He and his two companions nod and walk away.

“Well, that was interesting,” Says Dr. Greene trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

“Ana, I suppose we can start our examination. But, if you wish, you can rest for a little while. Would you like some water?” she asks as she closes the door behind us. I hold Anastasia’s hand wordlessly. I’m still vibrating with anger and tension. The weight of the day is now bearing down on me. First fucking Linc and his lawyers, and now Jose… If he wasn’t madly in love with the love of my life, my reason for being, I would feel bad for him. But as it stands, he’s upset my wife, and spilled the news of her pregnancy to her father without giving Ana the chance to tell them on her own time. I don’t give a shit about his accusations about me. He said I knocked Ana up on purpose! Though her pregnancy was not planned, I’m so fucking glad I knocked her up! She’s my woman, my wife, and she’s carrying my child! Mine! And he’s fucking jealous of that. Oddly, I have not been happier for the baby’s existence as I am now. She has all of me; body and soul, and the fact that she's completely mine angers another man.

All of Me - John Legend

His aggression automatically caused me to fiercely defend my wife and child. Another man talking about my child as if he’s an abomination, an unwanted entity or a tool to keep Ana by my side angers me. Ana wants our baby, and by default what Ana wants, I want her to have.

“Mr. Grey?” the Doctor asks seeking an answer to a question I haven’t heard.

“I beg your pardon?” I say shaking my head.

“Would you like a bottle of water as well?”

“Yes, sure,” I reply absentmindedly.

Ana looks at me with concerned eyes.

“It looks like Ana is having some morning sickness,” Dr. Greene says.

“Morning sickness? It’s after 5 p.m. Dr. Greene!” I retort sharply.

“Mr. Grey. Morning sickness is just a common name pregnancy related nausea and vomiting. The name is give as such because generally the symptoms are present in the early hours of the morning and generally reduced as the day progresses, but it can occur any time of the day. For some women it can stop around 12 weeks, and for some, it can continue near the end of second trimester.

Of course we don’t want Mrs. Grey to get dehydrated if she’s vomiting often. Mrs. Grey, if you could finish the bottle of water I have given you, I will be able to see the baby better with a semi-full bladder. I want to see if we can hear the heartbeat. We haven’t been able to hear it last time. However, I have a new fetal Doppler which is quite sensitive. This can detect heartbeat as early as 6 or 8 weeks but generally it’s much easier to hear after 10 weeks. It’s important for us to check it for the accuracy of your due date.”

Anastasia’s eyes widen. She squeezes my hand with excitement.

“When can you check it Dr. Greene? I finished my bottle of water,” she says showing her empty bottle. Dr. Greene smiles.

“Now, of course. Please lay on the bed here, Mrs. Grey,” Dr. Greene orders and Anastasia obeys immediately.

“Now, I need you to place each of your feet on the stirrups like you did last time,” she says pointing at the stirrups.

“Don’t you have to check her through her belly, Dr. Greene?” I ask.

“During the later stages of her pregnancy, that’s the way we would check your baby’s vitals. However, it’s so small that an ordinary ultrasound will not pick up the heart beat at this early stage. That’s why I need to use this vaginal probe ultrasound,” she explains showing me what looks like an oddly bent in the middle, a slim penis. Anastasia puts her legs up on the stirrups, and the Dr. Greene spreads her legs open. She covers Anastasia with a paper sheet. Ana looks at me with wide eyes, her hand seeking mine. I automatically take her hand standing by her, trying to soothe her.

“Mrs. Grey, bend your knees, and I need you to relax. I’m going to place a condom on top of the transducer, lubricate it, and place it inside your vagina like I did last time. Let’s see if your baby wants to communicate with us today,” she says.

Doctor Greene pushes Ana’s knees back, and spreads her legs further.

“Mrs. Grey, you are too tight. You’re squeezing yourself; I don’t want to hurt you. You need to relax now,” she says as she attempts to insert the probe into my wife. Anastasia winces.

“Mrs. Grey?” Dr. warns her again.

“Relax, baby,” I whisper, and run circles in her palm with my thumb. This always arouses her. I lean down and kiss her forehead. She tries to smile. With my other hand, I rub her hair, and slowly ease my thumb and forefinger down to her earlobe, and locate the arousal spot behind her ear. Then painfully slowly slide my fingers down to her ear lobe again and massage it. I feel the tension leave her body with her hand relaxing in mine. Some shapes appear on the monitor of the ultrasound as the doctor moves the probe around inside Anastasia.

“Now, I’m going to try to find a position to see if we can hear this little one’s heartbeat. Bear in mind, the fetus is very tiny, and if the pregnancy occurred later than we assumed, we may not hear it yet. But based on the date of your last menstrual cycle, we just might be able to hear it today.”

“What is that dark shape on the screen? Is that the baby?” I ask. The shape looks nothing like a baby.

“Well, that’s Mrs. Grey’s ovary, and this,” Dr. Greene points to a lima bean on the screen after she moves the probe about, “this is your baby.”

“That little bean?” I ask incredulous.

“Yep, that little bean is your child, Mr. and Mrs. Grey,” she says with a smile. Anastasia barely tears her eyes away from the monitor and looks at me, trying to assess my thoughts.

Dr. Greene touches something on the setting of the ultrasound, and soon enough the room is echoed with the sound of a washing machine, or more like someone is scratching a vinyl record in a rhythmic fashion repeatedly, and quite rapidly.

“This is your baby’s heartbeat!” the Doctor says.

“Christian!” Ana exclaims, happier than I have ever seen her. Awed, even. Her eyes gleam with joy and the events of just ten minutes ago, all forgotten. Her happiness is contagious. I hear my child’s heartbeat!

“What’s that swishing noise mixed with the baby’s heartbeat? Is it normal?” Ana asks concerned.

“Your baby has a healthy heart beat at 161 beats per minute, Mrs. Grey. And this flow you hear is the sound coming from the major artery running through your abdomen which is sometimes picked by the fetal Doppler because, as you see,” she points to something on the screen, “we’re very close to it. In fact this sound is heard by the baby later in the pregnancy and you can even record it to later calm your baby down after he or she’s born. It’s a very familiar, a very comforting sound for them. Because of the placenta, later on in the pregnancy, this flow will be heard by your baby like the sound of wind blowing through the trees.”

“Wow!” is all Ana can say.  

“Any questions Mr. Grey?”

“Can you tell us how far along my wife’s pregnancy is?” I ask as I rub Ana’s hair and hold her hand.

“What I can measure with the data on my screen is that Mrs. Grey is about 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant. This puts your due date to May 11th or 12th. But this may change as the baby gets bigger. I can give you a better estimated due date in the upcoming weeks.”

“Eight weeks and four days? That means my wife’s shot did run out earlier than estimated. Let me ask you something Doctor Greene. What would have happened if Ana got another Depo shot, let’s say six weeks ago? Would you have given her a pregnancy test? Or would you have assumed that she wasn’t pregnant?” I ask raising my eyebrows.

Ana’s eyes dart to me first and then to the doctor.

“It is possible that the Depo Provera shot might have caused Mrs. Grey to have a miscarriage because of the large initial doses, or even if it didn’t it may have affected the fetal growth; so she would have been running a risk of low birth weight. But, I would not have administered Depo to Mrs. Grey without giving her a pregnancy test as we did when we discovered her pregnancy. Therefore this fetus doesn’t run any of the aforementioned risks. But to answer your earlier question, yes, it does seem that her Depo Provera ran out early.” I nod in response. Doctor Greene’s statement tells me conclusively that neither one of us planned the pregnancy. But in more than one way, I’m glad of it. Anastasia gives me her ‘I-told-you-so’! glare, as she digs her nails in my palm. Oww! I raise my eyebrows in her aggressive reaction, and finally smile at my wife.

I would have wanted to spend more time with my wife alone; just to have her all to myself. On the other hand, our baby is the single most important proof that she’s my woman and mine alone. She’s carrying my child. Not Rodriguez’s, not Kavanagh’s and definitely not Clayton’s! Ana’s pregnancy freaked Jose Junior a lot more than the thought she was sick due to a concussion. I can clearly see that our baby threatens other men.

Anastasia winces as the doctor pulls the probe out of her. It doesn’t escape the doctor’s notice that I rub Ana’s legs that’s been stuck on top of the stirrups. Once the blood starts flowing back on her legs, I help my wife down, and put her in upright position.

“Mrs. Grey you may get dressed and I will answer any questions you may have once you join us,” she says. Anastasia nods and makes a beeline to the bathroom.

“Could you recommend me a book for expecting parents to what to expect during pregnancy?” I ask.

Doctor Greene smiles, and she gives me a few names and I record the names into my Blackberry. When Anastasia comes back she directs us into her office and we take our seats.

“I have a question about her morning sickness, Doctor,” I say looking at Ana with concern. “How long will they last? And should she be working when she’s experiencing those spells? As you have heard from the earlier commotion by your door, surely you must have realized that her nausea must have been very violent for her dad and friend,” I say with restrained acrimony, “to be concerned about her. Had I known that she would be this sick, I’d ask my wife to stay home,” I say my lips thinning into a firm line.

“Christian! I want to work! I just got back to work after recuperating!” Ana scolds me back.

“Anastasia, we’ll discuss that later,” I reprimand her.

“It is normal for Mrs. Grey to have nausea,” the doctor interjects. “However, if you are having the heaving, violent morning sickness that got you to your knees with such a force that your bodyguard had to rush you into my office in his arms, Mrs. Grey, then I strongly recommend you to work part-time only. You may still be able to work full time, but do the majority of your work at the comfort of your home, and then go to the office in the afternoon. That way, you can still be putting in full time hours, but half of the time, you’ll be telecommuting and the other half you’re in your office. You can have best of the both worlds this way.”

“No! I’d like to go to work. I don’t want my pregnancy to be the determining factor of whether or not I go to work.”

“I understand Mrs. Grey; I’m a working mother myself. But one’s health is generally the determinant of one’s ability to work. The symptoms you are experiencing will not last forever. Generally about four or five months. Then you should be fine. Your body is adjusting to the new pregnancy hormones it has never experienced before. Your body is trying to grow a new life in you. Therefore you must do all you can to aid your baby’s healthy development. From your earlier reaction, I noticed that you both want the baby and very protective of it. It would therefore be in his or her best interest that his or her mom gets the best rest,” she says gently as she smiles at Ana who scowls at her wordlessly. Dr. Greene is my new best friend.

“My recommendation is that you try out this week part time. If you see improvement in your morning sickness, or dizzy spells which may be an indication of pregnancy induced low blood pressure that may need to be monitored. At the end of the week if you see a decrease in those incidents, you may be able to resume your normal schedule. If however, it’s continuing to disrupt your work and the symptoms worsen, then you two can decide what the best work schedule would be and the times you are less prone to those nausea spells. Generally they’re stronger in the morning.”

Ana’s glowers at the doctor knowing that I will become overly protective of her and do so with the good doctor’s orders.

“But I hardly have them in the morning. Just around lunch time last week, and today was the only time I had it so late. Couldn’t it have been something I ate or the anxiety of seeing my dad leave the hospital?” This is news to me. She never said she’s been having nausea and morning sickness. I look at her pointedly, my look asking ‘when-were-you-going-to-tell-me-this’? Her eyes widen with her “Oh Shit!” face and she avoids her gaze, and just focuses on the doctor.

“Mrs. Grey, during pregnancy you will find some food items to make you more nauseous but the main cause of the symptoms is pregnancy. I’m sure you can test for the remainder of this week and see if your symptoms get better or worse and accordingly you can avoid food items that amplify the symptoms. Crackers and club soda seem to aid in most cases. Would testing your body’s reaction and part time work this week work for you?” she asks Anastasia.

”I guess,” Ana answers, like a petulant child.

“What about strange cravings?” I ask, and Ana’s eyes widen and she whips her head looking at me pleading not to say anything as she blushes beet red.

“They too are normal part of the pregnancy. Have you been having cravings?”

“Some…” Ana mutters, looking at me admonishing. I look back at her with my impassive gaze.

“Many of my colleagues will agree with me that the cravings satisfy some specific nutritional need the mother’s body is experiencing. Women are also more in tune with their bodies during pregnancy where you pay close attention to physical stimulus, including hunger, and of course this may lead to a desire for specific types of food,” she says nodding.

“So, Dr. Greene, in your professional opinion, is it at utmost importance for that craving to be satisfied?” I ask with a taciturn face.

“I’m old school; so, yes, of course. I’m sure it’s no trouble for the father of the baby to meet mother’s needs while she’s carrying his child,” she lectures raising her eyebrows.

I hold my wife’s hand, and kiss it gently, and place it in my palm as I massage her knuckles with the tip of my index finger.

“It would only be my pleasure to satisfy all my wife’s cravings, Dr. Greene,” I say and Anastasia nearly expires gasping, squirming in her seat. She coughs.

“Are you okay baby?” I pat her back.

“Yeees,” she squeaks.

“Well, we don’t want to take any more of your time, Doctor. Thank you,” I say extending my hand.

Anastasia follows suit, and extends her hand to the doctor, still blushing.

“Mrs. Grey, it is generally good to have a visit every four weeks in the first trimester but, I’d like to see you in two to see how you have managed your nausea and cravings,” she says.

“Yes, of course,” says Ana in a barely audible tone, blush creeping up to her hairline all over again.

“Shall we, Mrs. Grey?” I say holding my hand out to her with a smirk, and exit the Doctor’s office holding my wife’s hand.

Both Sawyer and Taylor are waiting outside. She avoids their gaze, and darts me a scowling gaze.

“Ana, I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn this evening, and I’m already running late. I’ll send you home with Sawyer, and be home in an hour, okay?”

“You do?” She asks surprised. Disappointment flits through her face, but it changes to a smile. “Yes, of course. You haven’t seen him in weeks, have you? I’ll wait for you to get back home for dinner.”

“Baby, you heard what the doctor said, if you’re hungry, you need to eat. You can join me for desert,” I say in a lascivious tone my eyes darkening.

“I have promised your doctor to satisfy all your cravings after all,” I whisper salaciously.

“I don’t know Mr. Grey. I may be too hungry right now and may have to satisfy them on my own in your absence,” she replies batting her eyelashes innocently.

“Ah, Mrs. Grey, I too would like to see how you would satisfy those types of hungers. I may just have to ask you to demonstrate tonight,” I murmur with a grin. She rolls her eyes, and tugs me in the direction of the elevators.

When we get to the parking lot, Sawyer opens the SUV door for Anastasia. I run my knuckles over her face, and she leans into my touch, closing her eyes. Suddenly I hold her face with both hands, and kiss my wife with all I’ve got. Maybe it’s the boiling stress arising with the showdown I’ve had with Lincoln or Jose’s possessive concern over my wife’s well-being or his jealousy in hearing her pregnancy, or seeing our little blip or hearing his heartbeats. Whatever it is, I want my wife, and kiss her and let everyone know just exactly who she belongs to: ME.

*****  *****
“Have you called Dr. Flynn?”

“Yes, sir. I told him that you were running late. We had to stop at the hospital.”

“What happened when you walked Ana’s dad, Jose and his dad out?
“Both Mr. Rodriguez and Mr. Steele scolded young Mr. Rodriguez, sir.”

“How exactly?” I probe.

“Mr. Steele started saying you love Mrs. Grey, ‘Annie’,” he says correcting himself as he looks into the rear-view mirror his gaze catching mine; Taylor looks concerned. “Mr. Steele said he witnessed the intensity of your love for Mrs. Grey when she was in the hospital. He said ‘you can survive being without my daughter, but Christian can’t! He loves her more than any human being possible and she loves him with the same intensity. I won’t let anyone infringe into their happiness’.”

“Jose Rodriguez said that he loves her too, but he didn’t grow up in money like you did. Then Mr. Steele punched Jose angrily and said that no one buys his daughter’s love with money, possessions or wealth,” Taylor recounts and this information surprises me.

“He then raised his finger and stuck it into Jose Rodriguez’s chest, poking, and said that his child is not a possession to be bought and sold. Only the one who is worthy of her love and affection could have her, and you were and you did. Mr. Steele also said that Annie loves you and she told him that there would never ever be anyone else for her, but you. Then young Mr. Rodriguez said ‘what if you were manipulating her by getting her pregnant at her very young age, using her youth and innocence’. Finally Mr. Rodriguez-Senior grabbed his son by the shoulders shaking him and told him to stop with this hopeless love and stop hurting everyone around him, including himself. Having children was every couple’s own decision and only their decision. Not their parents’, siblings’, friends’ or other people who may be in love with them from a distance. He said that he had his chance with Ana, and she only loved him as a brother and nothing else, and he must accept that. Then he muttered something in Spanish.”

“What did he say?” I ask tersely knowing Taylor understands Spanish.

“He said, ‘forget her, son. She’s another man’s wife. She's no good for you. What’s more, they’re crazy in love.’ He also said that it breaks his heart that his son didn’t get the girl he was crazy in love with. But it was a hopeless love. And asked him to consider Ana’s feeling. Didn’t he think that she deserved to have the man she was in love with instead of the one whom she considered a brother? Then he shrugged out of his father’s grip, apologized Mr. Steele for acting like a jackass and said Ana deserved the best and that she’s good girl and he’d wait for them in the car. He might have been crying with the way he wiped his face with his sleeve forcefully, but I didn’t see his face,” Taylor says. I say nothing. I’d go insane if I ever lost my wife to another man.

“Do you want us to put him on our surveillance, sir?”

I shake my head in the negative. “No. He was just concerned about Ana. I’ll talk to Sawyer when I get home about what happened.” Only a month ago, I’d let Jose have it, I still could for hurting my wife’s feelings and embarrassing her in front of her doctor, her father and others. I know Anastasia is angry with him, I desperately wanted to beat the shit out of him, but that would only raise Ana’s sympathy for him. Fuck! He has deeper feelings for my wife than I had assumed. I hate any other man desiring my wife, including Jose. It’d be very easy for me to harm, or hurt Jose. But in doing so, I would hurt my wife, and I would shy away from anything that would hurt Anastasia.

I feel the SUV coming to a stop at John’s clinic’s parking lot. His secretary is gone, and Dr. Flynn greets us in the reception area. He leads me to his office and I close the door behind me. He takes his seat and I sit on my sofa, crossing my leg on the knee.

“Christian, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you. I hope you and Ana are doing well. Taylor said that you had to stop at the hospital with Anastasia. I hope she’s well.”

“She’s fine, was experiencing some morning sickness earlier. Her father was being discharged from the hospital today. That’s why we had to stop at the hospital,” I say and briefly explain the encounter. John’s eyes widen, but he says nothing. He rapidly starts scribbling onto his tablet, and when I recount the incident Taylor told me about, he looks up, puts his stylus down and starts typing quickly. This can’t be good.

“Tell me Christian, did you develop some sympathy for this young man who has feelings for Anastasia?”

I think about it for a minute.

“Not quite, John. I don’t really care for him, but Ana does, even if she’s angry with him now. He’s her friend.”

“Interesting,” he says and types even faster.

“Why? Surely, you love your wife, and you would go to extents before you hurt someone that she cares about.”

“Yes. But, I also noted in one of my earlier conversations with you that this is a form of sacrifice you do for the people you love. You endure some people you don’t necessarily like for the sake of those you love. You did the same with your mother.”

“Come again? How did we jump from Jose Rodriguez to my mother?”

“We will get to that point later, Christian. I want to ask you about the night you called me when you found out about Ana’s pregnancy. What did learning the fact that you were going to be a father make you feel like?”

I inhale and exhale loudly.

“Helpless, rudderless, incompetent, angry, lost, scared…”

“Those are some powerful adjectives. Do you still have those feelings?”

“No! Except maybe scared. Having nearly lost my wife made every one of these feelings disappear, except for fear. It amplified the fear, but in a different direction. My initial fear was about becoming a shitty father. It’s still in the back of my mind. But, I think with Ana’s help, you know, she won’t let me become a shitty father. The fear I have is the fear of loss,” I say my voice going down. I recount my feelings when I called the bank and she told me she was leaving me, then finding out Hyde was out on bail, and that she was kidnapped.

I take a whole minute to compose myself when I talk about finding my wife nearly lifeless on cold concrete. My hands fist and my eyes are shards of ice.

“I nearly killed the fucker! She was going to kill my wife. My Ana and my child! My sister, too!” I run both my hands in exasperation. I notice that John stopped typing or writing with his stylus. He’s probing me with the intensity of his gaze.

“You worried about your baby’s well-being?”

“Of course! It’s my child! My helpless baby! If I don’t protect my wife, and my baby, what good am I as a man?”

“Do you realize what you just said Christian?”

“What?” I ask exasperated.

“You just declared that you had the desire to protect your unborn child. In fact, I dare say, it was an automatic reaction. You have indeed what it takes to be a good father.”

“But my fear wasn’t just about becoming a shitty father, John! I wanted to have more time with Ana. I’ve never had what I have with her with anyone else. When it comes to Anastasia, I’m a starving man in a banquet, John! I can never get enough of her.”

“And yet you not only accepted your child, but you have shown love and care for a tiny fetus. Most fathers take a while to bond with their child. Since mothers carry the baby in their womb, they’re already bonding with the growing life in their bodies. But, men most often see the babies as little people who shift the focus of their wives away from them and may take a while for them to bond.”

“I’m not entirely sure that I’m out of that group yet, Dr. Flynn. On the other hand, I do feel fiercely protective of that 8 weeks old life. Maybe because Ana wants him…”

“Or maybe because, you also want him.”

“Yes, I do,” I whisper. “But doesn’t change the fact that I’m still afraid… Afraid of losing Ana’s care, love and attention, afraid that I may be a shitty father, afraid that I may be impatient… I don’t know John! I’m a man who loves to be in control of his life and everything around him. I have been in the last 7 years… But that changed after Anastasia came into my life, and nothing’s ever been the same.”

Dr. Flynn looks at me with hard scrutiny.

“Are you missing your old life?”

“No! What my wife gives me is refreshing, love, touch, the kind of bond I never ever thought could happen to me! I didn’t even believe in its existence when I so blatantly saw it in some other people. Genuine love… Saying that I am in love with my wife is just too simple of an expression. Love is a passing feeling. What I have for her is permanent, soul altering, defining. She’s my purpose in life, the reason I wake up every morning, the one I’m driven to take care of and love and please her as long as I exist. And by extension, our child is the seal of that love. So, I want him more than ever.”

“Is it because Jose got jealous of you fathering Ana’s baby?”

I run my hand over my day old stubble, thinking.

“Not because of the reason you say. His jealousy would only trigger my possessive side for Ana which of course it did. What angered me in his reaction about our baby was that his repulsiveness and dislike of our child as if he was an abomination that stole my wife’s freedom.”

“How did that make you feel?” Flynn asks. I exhale loudly. Dr. Flynn asks this question so often, he should have it tattooed on his forehead.

“I wanted to beat the shit out of him.”

“Did you?”

“You know I didn’t.”

“What kept you?”

“I told you this John! Hurting him would hurt Ana, and I will shy away from anything that would hurt her!”

“At the cost of enduring the pain inside, away from her eyes?” he says, and I look at him impassively without giving him an answer. Yes, and then some.

“I also noticed that you didn’t tell Mr. Rodriguez that your baby was an unplanned pregnancy. You let him think that it was a design by you.” 

I nod in response to Dr. Flynn's assessment.


“Because, it’s none of his fucking business! I don’t give a shit about what Jose or any other fucker who has eyes for my wife thinks about me. I am what I am, I do what I do. And not giving a shit about others’ opinions of me has been my life’s philosophy. As long as my wife knows that I love her beyond anything I ever loved or cared for, that I would go to such extents to protect her, spend everything I own, give up everything I’m have, but I will never give her up, I’d be content! If she needed a heart transplant, and I’m the only match, I’d carve my own heart out for her just so she lives. That’s the extent of my love for her. I make no apologies or explanations to anyone let alone a sappy boy who walks after my wife like a lost puppy. He needs to get it through his head that she is my wife, my woman, and the mother of my baby! If he ever does anything remotely simple to hurt her again with his fucking prejudices, I don’t think I can restrain myself. It nearly came to that point in the end today. It took literally all my self-control to not to beat the shit out of him, and kick his ass into next week!

It would have taken a lot more than 3 hospital security guards to stop me from doing just that. But I didn’t want to cause my wife an embarrassment more than she had endured with that fucker’s accusations! That’s why I exercised restraint! Ana can and does stand up for herself, and she did. But our baby is helpless, tiny. I can’t allow anyone to hurt him. I’m his parent! It’s my job to protect him! No one and I do mean no one will harm my child or my wife without going through me!”

“That’s quite a declaration Christian. Now, tell me about your last meeting with Elena. You said that you went for a drink with her after you walked out on Anastasia.” I close my eyes in pain.

“Are you trying to wound me by reminding me that while protecting my wife from others, I hurt her the most?”

“No, Christian. I am trying to establish something that you know in your subconscious, but never said it out-loud. But first, I’d like to hear what you have to say. Go on please…” he says, waiting for an explanation.

“Elena was an unfinished business since my birthday. I had to have closure. It had been over between us for years, but I guess not so for her. She made a pass at me, and it shocked us both that I flinched away from her touch like it was the bubonic plague. Then she made it sound like it was just a joke, but we both knew it wasn’t. I’m in love with my wife! No matter how angry I get with Anastasia and God know she tries my patience like no one else, I absolutely love my wife. I told Elena that! Ana’s my present and future. And perhaps I may have known all along that Elena had the idea that she would get me back again in a sexual relationship which of course I ignored knowing I’m the one in charge of my life and that was in the past only. So, I kept the charade up making myself believe that we are only friends. At least that’s what I considered Elena was to me. In a way she may also have felt that way as well, but when she touched me the way she did before she initiated hardcore fucking, I could no longer lie to myself that she was only a friend. Clearly it wasn’t the case for her. I had to make it abundantly clear that there could never, ever anything happen between us, and I could never see her again.”

“Did you tell her Ana was pregnant?”

“God, no! She knew I was upset when I run into her in front of Esclava, and asked me to go out for a drink. I only said Anastasia wanted children, and that I wasn’t ready for it, because I feared of losing my wife to a little invader, that she’d never have time for me, or love me, and I’d only be the second person in her life. Fear of loss, grief even was lacing my mind at the time. I just had to talk to someone, and you were, well… you were unavailable,” I say shrugging.

“But after she made a pass at you, you could no longer hide behind the idea that she’s only a friend. That is a fact you have known for a long time in your subconscious. It is nothing new. In fact, I have noted that about you 4 years ago. Remember the time your mother invited me to your birthday party for the first time, and Elena was there. We had a session a few days after that party discussed the events in that session. I have noted that you only danced with your sister, your mother, and once with Elena. I have probed about your rigidity then. You were carefree with your sister, and it was a fun dance. Gentle with your mom, but still at ease. But with Elena, I noted that you erected a barrier, and you were somewhat rigid.” I look at him with unblinking eyes. Where’s he going with that?

“I vaguely remember something in that line,” I say non-committal.

“I’m quite sure you remember more than that Christian. It was first of many times you walked out of my office in anger. I thought you were never going to come back. But you did… A week after,” he adds in his Londoner accent. I shake my head.

“Do you remember what I said to you?” he asks. I sigh.

“Yes. You hypothesized that the reason I didn’t cut Elena out of my life though I ceased all sexual relations with her was because it would hurt my mother. You said that if I were to sever my ties with my seducer and eliminated her from my life, and avoided her in all family functions; it would raise my family’s suspicion. You said that discovery of my mother’s good friend’s betrayal in the form of seducing her son would hurt my mother immensely. Then you conjectured that I would go to extents to avoid my mother from getting hurt in any shape or form possible, especially from something about my past. Therefore you said that I endured the dead weight of once detrimental relationships at a personal cost because of my love for my mother.”

John smiles widely. “Verbatim with my notes. Do you see the parallel with Jose situation? You tried your best to avoid the confrontation with Jose in order to protect your wife even though it came at a personal cost to you. I dare say that you would never do that for a sub, or any other woman who has ever been in your life.”

“Are you suggesting it was wrong?” I ask my raising my eyebrows. I cross my arms and sit back in my leather chair as the chair protests with a squeak, just like I am.

“I’m glad you exercised self-control and restraint to avoid violence. But I want to examine the underlying reason for your avoidance. We’ll start with Elena example. Why do you think you didn’t eliminate Elena out of your life after your relationship ended? One cannot go from a totally hard on physical relationship and forgetting everything then switch into a placid friendship phase.”

“That’s a done deal John! I have cut her out of my life! What more do you want from me?” I say jumping up to my feet.

“Are you going to walk out again?” he asks.

“Noo!” I say like a sullen teenager.

“I have given problems to my parents since the minute they adopted me. I didn’t let anyone to touch me! I remember my mom getting this devastated face when I shirked away from her touch when I was four, but she still managed to smile at me. Then, I didn’t speak for two years. Elliot was afraid of me because I would beat him up which my parents put a stop to it. I had this undiluted rage in me that never subsided; I was mad at everyone, everything, the universe for allowing me to exist! Then came my fucking teen years: I was in trouble every day, all the time! I put my parents through enough misery already,” I say taking a breath.

“Do you really think that I would put them through worse shit when I became an adult? I would do anything, absolutely anything to avoid giving them the kind of pain that was worse than all the misery I put them through combined over the years. It would devastate my mom, and it did when she found out a few months ago! She didn’t even know the extent or the kind of relationship Elena and I had. My mom assumed that it was just a sexual affair… Not the deviant, full on BDSM relationship!

Maybe it was just me who is the abomination, the one who screws up my loved ones’ ordered, perfect lives. The fear of hurting my mom, and my fucking self-abhorrence were some of the reasons why I made myself believe that Elena was just a friend, a friend who immensely benefited me in helping me to learn to cope with my issues… Even if I was to admit to myself in the subconscious level that our relationship was wrong, I’d be resetting my clock, and all I had gone through would be for nothing. And along the way, I’d be hurting my family, my mother in particular. I wasn’t going to take that chance. I would tolerate anyone no matter how much it caused me pain just so I could avoid inflicting greater pain to the ones I love.”

“And we have a breakthrough…” John says smiling.

“That’s the exact reason you tolerated Jose’s behavior. To avoid inflicting pain to your wife. You would rather endure unpleasant situations and people because in doing so, you are protecting the ones you love. But, who will protect Christian?”

“I’m big, bad and ugly enough to do that myself.”

“Are you?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” I answer with a question in avoidance for an answer.

“It would be more prudent if you also protected yourself.”

“I have so many layers of protection John!”

“I disagree. Those are insulations and avoidance from society rather than protection, Christian. For example, in the past, you would avoid seeing Elena as opposed to cutting her off completely. The layers insulated you, but didn’t completely protect you, just caused you to grow distant from society. You see, when those layers were stripped away from you rather forcefully, you were left bereft of any coping mechanism which was amply demonstrated after Anastasia entered into your life. Avoidance didn’t teach you how to deal with real life. Just left you helpless, rudderless, fearful,” he says feeding my earlier words back at me.

“Dealing with life’s issues is a learned behavior, Christian. You have been exposed compellingly into reality of life since you have discovered your wife’s pregnancy, Elena’s unwanted advances, your sister’s and Anastasia’s kidnapping, Ana’s injuries and now another young man who is in love with Anastasia accusing you of being uncaring towards your wife, and getting her pregnant to tie her to you permanently.”

“How should I have dealt with them John?” I ask exasperated.

“There’s no one size fits all formula Christian. I don’t expect you to accommodate Mr. Rodriguez. Ana is your wife, you’re both mature adults, and old enough to have and care for a child even if the pregnancy was unplanned. Others who are causing problems to our relationships aren’t the ones we ought to be dealing with; you don’t owe explanations to them. Only to the ones we love. We need to be open with them.”

“I don’t think it would go so well if I were to tell Anastasia that I want to kick her friend’s ass till hell won’t have it again! She might have issues with that...” I say sarcastically.

“Is that how you feel?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want him near my wife! I don’t want him trying to hold her when she’s puking, comfort her, and have concern for her, question or reprimand her for our decisions. I will make no excuses when I beat the shit out of him! I will protect my wife and my child fiercely if necessary…” John opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Before you say anything John, talk to me after your wife is stalked, kidnapped, beaten half to death, nearly lost the baby she wanted… I barely got her back in my life, and some other asshole with his confused love for my wife was making life miserable for her. Was he just waiting in the wings so that I get tired of Anastasia and leave? So, don’t expect me to make excuses, or ask any forgiveness when I kick the shit out of the next person who even dreams about inflicting pain on my wife, my child, or any other member of my family!”

John scribbles something on his tablet again, and I think he murmurs, ‘two steps forward, one step back.”

Be that as it may; where my wife and child are concerned, there are no limits in what I will do to protect them.

“Well, our time is nearly up, you shall not wait this long before you see me again. How about next week?” John asks.

“Next week sounds great. I’ll have my assistant schedule.”

Taylor is waiting in the waiting room. He opens the door for me to exit the clinic. I feel a load lifted off me. Maybe I don’t have the amount of progress Dr. Flynn wants me to have, but I have progress enough for Christian Grey to fit my desires and my control freakery. Today of all days, despite all that happened, I feel undefeated, unconquered but not quite invincible. And right now, I want to go home, find the reason for my existence, and bury myself in her for a long time.

Sting - Mad About You

*****  *****


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


tina witvrouwen said...

Just in time for my bubblebath ! :-)
Can't wait to start reading !
Already know it's going to be great like always. x

Anonymous said...


Thanks so much Eminé!!
Now I can start reading..

I know it's going to be a GREAT chapter as usual!!



Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Apologies for the late posting girls. Yesterday afternoon was unpleasant (I worked since 4 a.m. translating) then one of my bffs calls and tell me that she and her hubby are talking about getting a divorce. I had to calm her down on the phone several hours. I couldn't go to her house because my frigging mesquite tree split with the wind, and was leaning against the house.

Had to get someone to cut it before it damaged my roof. Since I'm friends with my friend and her hubby, I told them both to chill out till Friday - because I'm drowning in work, and emergencies and clearly these problems can't be resolved over the phone. It has to be face to face.

Here's another reason to remind you all that no matter how many years you've been married, you can't neglect one another's needs, and just drown yourself in work, and then take a beer and go watch a baseball game everyday while not eating together or treating your spouse like a roommate. On the flip side of that token, we can't only focus on our individual problems be it with family members or work, and completely ignore the difficulties the other person in the relationship is going through. It breaks the communication.

So, come Friday, I'll listen to them both and since they both want me to mediate them, I'll try to help them out. My mind is too occupied until then. I want to be fair to them both. By then, hopefully they'll both chill out a little, and I'll finish all my work to give them my full attention. I'd rather not be in the middle of my two friends who are husband and wife, but they won't go to a shrink (not that they can afford it), and their families are as helpful as the leprocy. What are friends for?

But late or not, I managed to post, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Céline Cheval said...

I was waiting for hours! I think i came 20 times before seeing the update!

The chapter was awesome, and it's a small word ^^
I was not a fan of José in the book, and not here either lol.
"She’s sick because she’s pregnant with our child!"
I just love love this sentence, my favorite I think. It's wonderful to see Anna stand by her man and child.
And the slap was amazing. I don't feel bad for José.
It's beautiful to see Christian so protective foe her :)
Can't wait for next week. Wed became my favorite day of the week ^^
Take Care
Céline from France

Nikolina Bujdo said...

Dear Emine, you are an amazing writer!

Jose was rude, he needs to accept the reality and I think he just screwed his friendship with Ana. But I think she will forgive him.

I hope Christian and Ana will have nice day now after Linc, Jose, and John was quite hard on Grey.

You'll bring Elena soon I suppose?

Your work just makes me work harder on my magazine, makes me write more. And I admire you so much because now I can see: you can have beautiful family, write, have fans who cherish your work. Thank you Emine! :)

Lots of hugs,


Anonymous said...

Awesome chapter Eminé...

I loved it... can't believe Jose's reaction to Ana's pregnancy, what an ass.. nice way to deliver the good news.. *-*
The baby's heartbeat.. emotional...

You're such a nice friend... hope they can figure it out... communication is so important in a relationship...

Take care my dear Eminé....



Penny Brueggemann said...

This was so heart-warming! I am running out of things to read between postings but always anxious for your next. Thank you as always for your weekly treat! Good luck with your are truly a caring, loving person and such an well as an incredible story teller. Hugs from the Midwest.

I loved the confrontation with Jose....Christian really is growing into a wonderful character....not that he hasn't been all along but you are doing an amazing job showing us all of his 50 shades!


Penny Brueggemann said...

Is it next Wednesday yet?

Veronica Rodriguez said...

You are a great friend to become a peacemaker between two who love each but need more communicating. I myself use my personal problems with other cupples to make their love noticed. Hopefully no big damaged was made on ur home. As usual this was an excellent chapter. I love Jose's part. That was something I really didnt see coming. But also shows his deep love he has for her. Everything was AWwwwwesome. I honestly think they should make ur verison into a movie also. But again congrats on another great chapter! Cant wait the next one.

Barbi said...

Once again, THANKS!!

Mary Grant said...

So worth the wait. I mean I like Jose but, he crossed the line. How a married couples has a baby is private and that was none of his business. I'm so proud of Christian for not goin too far even though Jose deserved it. I am sad / happy for Ray. He is excited about being a grandpa but it would have been nice for him to hear it from Ana. I ♥ her dad so much more now. I'm glad he slapped Jose and stood up for his babygirl. Jose Sr also.
I'm glad Flinn helped him see a few things clearly. Too bad he did take a little step backwards, but for him it is still progress. At least he moved normally he is still too hard. The baby has definatly softend him.
I'm so glad you added the "told you moment" about he shot. Now all we need is the apology for his over reaction and some great make up sex.
Is she gonna tell her mom and the rest of family now that Ray knows? Im lookin forward to Kates reactiin ince she realizes she was pregnant during the Hyde issue. She is gonna flip.
Thank You Emine, a masterpeice as usual. I really wish you could rewrite and publish the whole book in your version. It would be sooooooo much better. Waiting paitently for next week.

Linda said...


You've made my day!!!! I have been waiting for this chapter forever!

Little disappointed in young Jose, I am sure this has been bothering him for a long time. What was he thinking??? Christian really did hold it all together knowing he could have taken Jose out in a nanosecond.

I hope your kids had a great first week in school. Mine starts right after Labor Day. I feel bad for your friends and that you are in the middle. Why won't they go to counseling, seems silly that they wouldn't invest the time and energy to save their marriage.

Looking forward to the next installment of your talent and gift!

Anonymous said...

What tell Penny Brueggemann it's True...You are a caring And loving Person And i Hope your Friend get better And better...My personal Prayer for Both!
the charter was Amazing! And poor José...asshole
i send You a Big hug
con amore Annalisa (from Italy)

Alana said...

Thank you for showing Jose's true colors, I always hated him! Another great chapter, I'm so glad that you have continued the story past the end o the novels.

Leanne Rossell said...

You are a fabulous writer!!! I look forward to your posts every week and I can't wait to see where you take us next!

fanny rebellon said...

Emine no se si me entenderas esto pero amiga este capitulo fue exelente, increible, liberador, te felicito por escribir de esta manera, solo deso a futura y esperar para leerlo mejor cuando lo traduzcan al español, gracias emine dios te bendiga, me gusto que pusieron a jose en su lugar, fue muy atrevido, y cristian como siempre maravilloso de nuevo gracias un beso desde venezuela.

mzthang said...

Hi Emine,
It's a pleasure to always come here for my Christian and Ana fix. Thank you for all the twists and turns that you are taking us on.

I hope things work out for your friend and her husband. I guess we can add marriage counsellor to your list of many talents :-)

~hugs from content in the Caribbean

Rosangela Maria Cabral Corvalan said...

Eminé...que maravilha, que estória, capítulo intenso, valeu a espera, você é simplesmente fantástica!!!

E o José, coitado, ele merece conhecer uma garota e ama-la!!

Eminé passei o que você está passando com seus amigos...espero que você obtenha sucesso...amigos de verdade estão sempre presentes.
Beijos e até semana que vem!!

jeangb said...

Awe! what a great chapter. Such an emotional ride. I think that Christian and Ana now really need some special TLC time with each other. A day or two in Aspen, peace,quiet, fresh air, away from every thing and everyone.
Perhaps this is just what your friends need,alone time away from the daily round and common task.
Your brilliant work with the people you love is just so admirable I am in awe of you.Best wishesx

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Well my darling Eminé, thank you!

I too did not like Jose in the original, he was mentioned just enough to be annoying. Yes, he is still very annoying indeed! However, your ability to capture the depth of characters as per use is astounding love. That Jose bit was coming because he has no one and has hard core unrequited feelings but also never man/boy enough to express them. He had plenty of time. Right? Anyway...

I love that whole scene especially when Ana slapped him and Christian tried to stay calm and Ray let him have it.

The therapy session was genius. The realization about! You write those sessions so profoundly.

I always thought it was interesting how all these guys LOVED Ana before Christian but no one but Paul Clayton ever made a move. How lame!! Don't hate...participate, ;-D

You have morphed these amazing characters into living, breathing entertainment. We are on this ride with you and by the comments here we never want to get off.

What you craft here in the 'clouds' for us weekly is an escape. It is lovely, decadent, delicious, rotter and sexy. We are 'pure attention' because of it. I had a crappy day and now I get to go to sleep relaxed and smiling and grateful for the delectable literary diversion.

Thank you and journey well through the rest of the week.

Until Tuesday my friend!

Gina B.

Anonymous said...

hi emine
i enjoyed reading. again it was great!
i hope things will get better with you and with your friend...
eager for your next posting(i know your toooo busy but hey i love your shrewd writing)

lots of love,
from philippines

Anonymous said...

Emine! This was amazing Jose is an ass!!!! That's what this showed me. Christian to save the day with his wife again. The story with DR>FLYNN was great. Hope you and your family are doing better and good luck with your mom. Luv From n.j. JANICE

Anonymous said...

Evening Emine!

And so we begin! This is what I was looking forward too since you brought us Christian's POV that went with the books... what happens next and all the great things you were going to come up with. You got off with a bang and I didn't expect this so it was even better.

Damn Jose showing his true colors! I never trusted him in the books. He wanted Ana way more then he let on. He had some nerve to go on like he did. Christian had ever right to deck him but I'm glad Ana slapped him! Even Ray saying something was love.

With this Jose scene, I am preparing myself for others to stick their noses in C&A's lives... yes I can definitely see Leila and possibly bitch troll coming back to stir up trouble. Hopefully Ana can smack them too.

I've missed John! It was nice to see him make a return. Getting inside Christian's head is really what he does best and I was intrigued by their conversation. This was awesome....

"Be that as it may; where my wife and child are concerned, there are no limits in what I will do to protect them." ...

Can't wait to see how protective and on the flip side caring and loving he is during the pregnancy and when Teddy comes!!

Awesome job and waiting for more.


mnm92275 said...

Great chapter Emine!! Contrary to everyone else's opinion I love Jose all tho what he did was VERY VERY uncalled for he does love Anna. And to see that person you are pining for be in love and carrying another mans (all be it her husband) baby had to split him in two. Until you really know what it is like to pine for someone like that then it is hard to have compassion for them. And I was glad that Anna stood up for herself and slapped him. But Christian needs to be honest with Anna about his feeling for Jose, just like Anna should have been honest with Christian about her feelings about Elena (just saying).

And now as for your friends it is sad that they are talking divorce. I really feel for them but just remember that you may not be able to help and it may still end (I will say a prayer for them) but just by being their friend and standing with them if it does all go south will be a bigger help then you know! I have found out how much you really need to lean on your friends when you are going through the divorce process. I just started mine after 18 years with my husband and some days friends are the only reason I get out of bed. So I say to everyone who reads this blog love the person in your life and don't let THINGS get in the way because before you know it, it is 18 years later and you don't even know the person you share a house with any more (very sad but very, very true)!! <3 and hugs all and I hope your friends can work it out (Sorry so long winded). Melinda xoxo

Brenda Bowman said...

Hi Emine!

I have been following the story for months and finally figured out how to leave a comment!!! Love, love, love your story in CG's POV and I am loving book four with your take on the continuation! You have started to answer all the questions in my head about what happened in the 2 year leap and the "what if's". I have to say I really admire your dedication in writing with everything else you have on your plate. You are an inspiration to me to forge ahead with things I want to do. Thank you for your writing, I look forward every week for your update and it never disappoints !!

Brenda Bowman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kath said...

You are brilliant, great chapter, thanks for the update.

Anonymous said...

Beau travail ! Cest fantastique de decouvrir lhistoire ana et de christian que nous navons pas eu dans le livre original. Jadore ton travail tout simplement !!! Merci xx myriam du quebec :)

Anonymous said...

You are here for us....we are here for you. Hoping today is a better day:) think you once again amazing!

Steph said...

Hopefully everything will be ok, for your friends, after all you make a great job givin Flinn's perspective and analysis to Chrisitian, I mean this says a lot about your own skills. :) anyways sometimes a friends advice is the best you can get. A few weeks ago my bf and I had an intervention from a couple of friends, and apparently we found a way around our problems after that. I just wish he had that before we spend all that money in

About the chapter, glorious as usual. In the words of CG you never ease to amaze me. I'm going back to USA on the 23rd this month... And the one thing I am looking forward to the most is the Pella Series's publication... You rock! Thank you for sharing your gift with us. Best of luck with your busy week.

Anonymous said...

Awesome chapter as always:))) Contrary to popular opinion I feel a little sorry for Jose! I think he was out of line but I think he's probably been secretly in love with Ana for the past four years. Seeing how they were really close friends and he must of known Ana never dated. To see his secret crush go from her first date to marriage and a baby within just a couple of months would seem surreal. I'm sure he was hoping she see what a controlling jerk Christian could be and come to appreciate his nice guy demeanor. I'm sure also being friends so long that he's really the one that really knows her. I think Christian and Ana's relationship was such a whirlwind that her friends had a hard time adjusting. I believe even Kate's main problem with Christian is that she was in fact used to being in control and somewhat in charge of Ana. Thanks for the update! I can't wait to see what you write next :))) ChristinaG

Kara A. said...

LOVED IT!!!!!! That darn Jose...I knew his moment was coming. Can't help but feel sorry for him, but he deserved what he got! I didn't realize how much I missed Flynn until this chapter lol. He is awesome. He and Christian's sessions are so good. Great job, as usual. You juggle so many things, effortlessly it appears. You must certainly have an "S" somewhere on your chest because you are superwoman :)!! Next week can't come soon enough.

Patricia said...

Dear Emine,

Great chapter! Jose crossed the line way, way too much. We knew he is in loved with Ana, but he was there first and Ana never loved him as anything but a brother. I guess it is hard to let go.

Loved the session with John, CG is making a lot of progress, I would say more than two steps forward.

I would like to see Ana to start taking control at SIP, the company is hers and we know that layer she finally gets the team she wanted.

Sorry about your friends, being there, done that. Make sure you do not get too involved, it is very difficult to be impartial since both are your friends.


Anonymous said...

Enjoyed this chapter. But I actually loved all your writings. You are so intense, so descriptive and you really awaken all sorts of feelings in me as if I were part of the cast. Makes me want to read and re read your work. I just hope I can read your stories or blogs. By the was I also love your Alex Pella Series - very interesting! Great job! Congrats!

Megan09 said...

Hey Eminé!

This chapter was amazing! The Jose/ Christian showdown was awesome! I never pictured Jose to be such an asshole! That twist was great :) The Christian/ Ana chemistry was so sweet, with the protectiveness of the baby and all! Thank you so much for this blog!


Anonymous said...

Dear Emine,
It was worth to wait! I was afraid you wouldn't post this week, and another week without reading Christian's POV would be hard for me!!! ;)
I do hope you'll be able to reason your friends and they'll think before taking a decision they would regret later.
Hope your children went happily back to school.
Now, about this new chapter. As usual I read it fastly and then I read it again slowly a few times,to "flavor" every moment.
You can tell you scared me when Christian couldn't join Ana nor Sawyer on phone. I thought the worse happened again (and so did Christian and Taylor. It was nice when Christian thanks Sawyer. It happens so rarely that it's precious.
Jose, well we all know that Jose is in love with Ana since a very long time. But what did he expect? Even if Ana would break with Christian (and this would never happen) she wouldn't go for him. She told him more than once that she likes him like a brother. I do hope Ray and Mr Rodriguez senior will be able to make him understand he was mean with Christian and Ana. If I was Ana, I would let Jose marinate a few weeks or even months before forgiving him... It was nice how Ana stood up for Christian and their baby. Can't wait for a conversation between Ana and her had. her being so disapointed that she didn't tell him herself she is pregnant and him being so thrilled of becoming a grandpa and comforting her. Now I do hope Jose won't call Kate and ask her if she knew that Ana is pregnant. Also how sweet was the exam with Dr Greene! "Dr Greene is my new best friend". It's priceless!
And of course it was good to have John back on stage.
Well, well, well, Emine, can't wait for another new chapter next week.
Take care,

S. from France

Danisa Mashamba said...

wow wow wow, love it love it. i didn't see the Jose drama coming. not knowing what to expect s really good since now everything will blow me away. Jose was behaving like a girl, real man don't bitch around like that. if Christian was my husband i am sure i would be told never to see or speak to Jose again after that scene. Thanks a lot Emine this was really God.

neves089 said...

Ola Emine,

Grande capitulo, desta vez a espera durou mais um pouquinho mais quando você postou o capitulo estava recheado de fatos novos! Adorei! Fico sempre emocionada com a preocupação apaixonada do Cristian pela Ana, adorei também o episodio com o Jose, acho que ele nunca teve uma chance com a Ana que sempre o viu como irmão, mas ele não conseguiu ainda ver isto! Considero ele um pouco abusado, primeiro em não ser solidário (embora já estivesse apaixonado)a ela quando ela passou mal (livro 1) , depois em colocar sem avisar as fotos da Ana na exposição (livro 2), também em deixar claro que achava que Ana esta com o Cristian pela sedução pelo dinheiro (acho este pensamento dele preconceituoso)! Ai é o famoso ditado "O amor é cego", afinal além de riquíssimo o nosso Grey é lindo, bom de cama, tem "pegada", cavaleiro, sensível, sedutor, generoso, fora a química do casal! Ou seja o pobre do Jose não tem chances nenhuma!!!Rsrsrsrs
Adorei a defesa apaixonada do pai da Ana, mais uma vez o Ray me ganhou! Além do mais ficou encantando com a noticia que será vovô e com direito a receber uma homenagem maravilhosa de ter seu nome no neto! Sabe Emine tenho uma filhinha de 5 aninhos Vitoria e você me emocionou conduzindo a relembrar da sua gestação, principalmente quando escutei o coraçãozinho dela bater pela primeira vez! Emoçao única e inesquecível!! Você deu veracidade a estória quando conseguiu passar esta emoção do casal! Lindo estou com lagrimas nos olhos...
Para culminar a estória você brilhantemente trouxe para meu deleite o nosso Dr. Flyn numa sessão reveladora e verdadeira! Onde ele consegue captar e conduzir nosso Cristian a falar e analisar suas ações, inclusive trazendo em cena fatos anteriores, sobre sua mãe Grace e a Elena como sempre você B R I L H O U! Valeu a pena!

Judith nassaazi said...

Wow...I have never looked forward to reading a post the way I have for this one...Thx a always u have beguiled me

Sheila H. said...

Another great chapter Emine, thank you. Loved all the interaction with Jose, go Christian go Christian!
I hope all goes well with your friends and that you can help them both on Friday.
Take care now, and thank you again for a lovely, well written chapter.

ashley owens said...

That was my favorite chapter! : ) you captured being inside ones mind amazingly. You are a very gifted writer. Thank you

Mônica Goyer said...

Emine you made me cry...Christian talk about your love for Ana with Dr. John....I realy cry.. Thanks for another chapter.....I hope you help your friends.

Porto Alegre- Brazil.

Andrea Leoncio said...

Emine, vc fez isso de novo!! me deixou de queixo no chão, com sua historia, ela me faz refletir sobre a minha vida e eu sempre aprendo algo de bom com vc em seus comentarios, eu adoro isso!!

Por favor continue a escrever e compartilhar suas experiencias, vc e uma fonte de inspiração para mim!!

Anonymous said...

Another great chapter yet again. Thank you for doing this for us. You really made my day. Have a great weekend Emine!

Anonymous said...

Dear Emine,
Fantastic!!!!!! So enjoyed this chapter. I feel a little sorry for Jose. Unrequited love is heartbreaking.. Your writing becomes more engrossing every chapter..
Hope all goes well with your friends. A difficult task to mediate an unhappy marriage. Good luck.
Take care
Yours Smiling

annie7632 said...

OH WOW...... Emine, you have done it again, such a great chapter....
I am totally speechless, the feelings and angst that have gone into this chapter are so real and raw. CG's talk with Dr Flynn is also very insightful. You are really coming in to your own on this book.
I would love to see you publish these books as well as your Pella series

Love to you all and I hope your mother is okay too
Take care from a very wet UK xx

Daniela Martins said...

Emine, Emine, Emine! What's more do you want to do with us? This is the most beautiful chapter you wrote in my opinion! All your chapters are perfect, but this one was...was....was....perfect...was wonderful...I'm speechless!
There's no doubt that you are a great writer.
You're really a special person! Great mother, great friend, great wife...daughter.
Thanks for share this blog with us!
To see Christian caring Ana and their baby, the conversation between him and Dr. Flyn and the "fight" he had with Jose Jr brought me tears....I can imagine how big is their love!
Congratulations, Emine!
Every minute worth the wait!
Hugs and love!

Prince50 said...


I know been a while but wanted to let you know I am still a fan. I know you are great friend but don't let your friends bring to much negative in your life! I know how you feel cause I been the rock for a lot of my friends.


Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Tina, Katz, Celine, Nina, Penny, Veronica, Mary, Barbi, Linda, Annalisa, Alana, Leanne, Fanny, Mzthang, Rosangela, Jean, Anonymous x2, Gina, Karen, Janice, Vee, Brenda, Katherine, Steph, ChristinaG, Kara, Patricia, Megan, S from France, Dani, Neves, Judith, Ashley, Monica, Andrea! And thank you!

Few updates:
Today’s the day I go to my friend’s for an intervention with another friend who knows them both. Since I’m an equal opportunity offender, I’ve been writing down their good & bad sides for both to evaluate. Since they both agreed & want to talk to me, I’ll do it. I appreciate that they want me to talk to them since they’re both older than I am (and possibly wiser), but they want me to mediate them; so I’ll do my best. I think they have calmed down a bit. One of our friends always says that it’s easy to make men happy: keep their stomachs full and their testicles empty. It doesn’t work that way for us, women. In order to empty the testicles, we have prerequisites: like being paid attention to, sweet talked with endearments such like honey, sweetheart, darling… and I don’t why but, we don’t really get turned on with the endearment of the “fucking bitch” (guess that’s his mother’s endearment for her). The odd thing is they were crazy in love when they first met. Her family didn’t want her to marry him because of the difference in their backgrounds, and locked her up at home. When she attempted to leave to see him, her brother in-law beat her up black & blue. When she promised she’d not see him, she was allowed to go to work. Her then boyfriend saw her like this and got angry w/ the family & begged her to elope with him. She did. Her family came around; but later it was his family who disliked her because she wasn’t entirely white. There are some people who are racist. It’s in the subtlety of their behavior or their remarks. It’s more apparent in his mother; I’ve seen her do it. She’s too uppity, opinionated, and thinks too highly of herself, and dislikes her daughter in law since she considers her inferior to her brood. She discriminates no place or people or occasion for that matter (Thanksgiving dinner among friends and family) when she’s sharing her golden wisdom (!): She made a negative remark about her place of birth (it was like hearing Lady Catherine De Bourgh if this was Pride and Prejudice).

I told her “Mrs. X, we can’t all be born in such socially acceptable places as an airbase in Japan, and people don’t get to choose the color of skin they want.” She bristled on going about saying she doesn’t mind about her color of light mocha with milk (yet she even categorized it). My friend is darker olive skin being Mediterranean descent: it’s not white enough for his relatives. I think she’s just had enough of her mother in-law’s interference. He stands up for her when the race is the issue because they’ve made remarks about their children being half white and he kicked the family out of his home and is fiercely protective of his children which I admire. But I think the final straw for me would have been when my friend had a miscarriage several years ago in Germany, and the MiL was informed of it during a family dinner, this would be grandma falls onto her knees and praises God for answering her prayers of not letting her have a daughter (it was a girl) in front of everyone! I think I’d grab by the hair and kick her ass to the curb, because even I have limits. Her son took care of her bitchiness then.
But when you beat the odds so much and have been crazy in love, you would think the last thing that would break a family apart is money. But it is. Finances; when bills are overwhelming it can break a family. People can be intimate in many ways, but can’t be financially intimate. It’s very important especially if you’re on a tight budget. Maybe I can talk him into writing out a budget and including her in the decision making. We’ll see. If you’ve won 75% of the battles, it’d be bad to give up in the 25.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

2nd Point: Helene was suggesting that we should all meet (50 Fans of this blog) in Las Vegas. Of course we were talking about on FB, so we decided to meet in March of 2014. Some are flying from NY, some from Florida, I’ll be driving from Phoenix. We have no definite date yet. We only know the month to meet; not too cold or too hot. If you want to know where when, you can either go to or
We’ll open up a discussion end up figuring out something that would work for most of us. It’s far enough of a month that if you wish to come, you can make plans.

Alright, what to say about Jose… Of course unrequited love is heartbreaking. Jose is going through a very hard time when the loss of Ana to him completely sinks in. He too has his insecurities. First of all, he never got in line. The first time he’s shown some courage was in the form of a drunken pass which obviously would have ended badly for both, and Ana would hate him for it, because it would have been rape. She was unwilling, and he would have said he was drunk. That young man doesn’t have his head on straight. It’s a bit too late for him to show concern for Ana, but I think it’s just grief for his own loss of Ana. Remember Sydney Carton from “A Tale of Two Cities”. He too was in love with Lucie Manette book, and she loved Charles Darnay (I didn’t care for him much) – I rooted for Sydney Carton because he was more like Christian. But the difference of Sydney’s unrequited love and Jose’s unrequited love is Sydney didn’t make accusations for Lucie’s choice. He did his best to support the woman he loved including saying Charles Darnay from the guillotine and taking his place (that’s a bit too far for me, but that’s what happened in the story). Jose’s unrequited love is aggressive and a bit toxic. So he’s taking his frustration out on Christian and Ana and that’s unfair of him to do since he hasn’t walked in their shoes. We know what Christian has gone through in his pain of losing his wife. A friendship strained, let’s see they can repair it later.
Hi Nina! Yes, Elena might come into play in the future. I’m glad you work harder on your magazine and write. Keep going, writing, and don’t give up. <3

Hi Linda! I think Jose wasn’t thinking at all. I think he was worried and not having the free access to Ana as he did before (you know how we take people in our lives for granted sometimes), and I think he just assumed Ana would be there forever, and screwed it up for good.

Hi Annalisa! My cousin and his wife are in Italy right now, travelling all over. Venice, Roma, and today they’re in Pompeii. I’m so frigging envious. I wanted to do that and I will even if I have to backpack through Europe. I hear that Eurorail is a good deal for travelling.

Bonjour Myriam! Comment allez-vous depuis tout ce temps?

Hi Steph! Have a safe trip back home!

Hi Christina! Christian is afraid of losing Ana after having so quite a few bitter taste of that experience recently. Of course he’s going to go to extents to avoid that at all cost. He’s growing, maturing, but at his rate and format.

Oi Neves! Our children change us in ways we never expect starting with pregnancy. That’s the point we you truly become a family. CG is adopted, and his birth mother was no use, and he never had biological relatives in his life. Adoptive family loves him, and they desperately want him to feel that he’s a part of them, but his self-abhorrence always tempered that. But this baby, blood of his blood, flesh of his flesh will change all of that. In the baby, he’ll find the acceptance, and his place in universe.

If you don’t know who Dr. Greene is here, it’s Kathy from Australia! I hope they cast you as Dr. Greene Cathy! It’d be so wonderful!

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

As for writing 50 and Alex’s story… You all know that I have quite a busy schedule all the time but with family, work, blogging and writing. Of course, I love writing. I love getting instant feedback, see where I’ve done right, and where I need to improve. Along the way I have made wonderful friends.

But the purpose of me writing here isn’t just limited to satisfy my desire to write (though it is a big part of it). In the course of my life I wanted to positively impact others’ lives. Do something good in whatever scale. Martin Luther King said this in doing your best in every endeavor you put your hands to which I took to heart:

"If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Leontyne Price sings before the Metropolitan Opera. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well. If you can't be a pine at the top of the hill, be a shrub in the valley. Be be the best little shrub on the side of the hill. Be a bush if you can't be a tree. If you can't be a highway, just be a trail. If you can't be a sun, be a star. For it isn't by size that you win or fail. Be the best of whatever you are."

Therefore in writing I want to accomplish more than just conveying a love story (with 50 or in my own novel). You see, we all have lives, responsibilities, families, homes, bills, people who depend on us (be it friends, parents, spouses, children, boyfriend, girlfriend… you know the drill), goals…

And it seems that “tomorrow”, the perpetual day that never comes is the day we set for achieving what we want to do, and get out of life. “I’ll go back to school tomorrow”, “I’ll start exercising tomorrow”, “I’ll achieve (fill in the blank) tomorrow”. Well, that day never comes, never has... I have all the excuses for that particular thing we want (maybe not bad enough if we’re not working towards it, or allow ourselves to come up with excuses). Goals are always at the end of our comfort zone.

My goal is in writing. I want nothing more than to be successful in it and positively impact my readers’ lives. So, for that I have no “tomorrow”. I do all my writing today. I’d rather get up at 2:00 a.m. in the morning and write when everyone else is sleeping. Watch the sunrise in the desert, feel the heat slowly rise from the ground. But, I am doing it today. What I’m stating is simply this: I want to write such a book that it not only touches other people’s lives, but inspires all of you to push yourselves to achieve your personal goals. Of course publishing is not an easy road-I’m learning that. I don’t just want to publish: I want to be a best-selling author. That’s my goal, it’s a measurable goal and I have given myself time limits in achieving this. Not because I’m extremely ambitious; but because when I do something, I want to do the best; not the mediocre, not do it for the sake of doing it. What if I don’t get to that point? Would I be embarrassed? Not one damn bit, because you can be sure I’ll be trying my hardest – even if I have to print my book on my own printer, it’s coming out. So, those of you who are looking for the next inspiration, you just know that you’ve been witnessing how hard I’m trying to get to that point. Eyes on the prize, not on the failures or other tasks on the “to do list” or any other excuse we may come up with. Because I want to write for a living without the distraction of 1001 project for 100 different clients during the course of a year – to get there I have to keep writing.

Anonymous said...

Emine, this chapter was awesome. I did not expect that Jose would explode thus point of bullying and starting to fight with Christian. Well, one time, he would have to know that your chances with Ana disappeared when Christian came into her life.
Can not wait for the birth of Teddy, the return of Elena and Leila. What are you up to us, Emine?
The Father's Day is coming, and this gave me an idea. You could make a special chapter on the first day of the Christian Fathers. It would be nice if the tedddy presenteasse with something chosen by him and Ana I'm sure Christian would fall over by his son and by having a family a proper, where he was the chief and principal security provider , affection and love at his wife and child (or children, after a while, with the arrival of future Phoebe Grey)As I write, another idea popped into my mind. After the problem that brought Lincoln to the two, it would be nice that you write a chapter, in which Ana and Christian, passed a few days sailing. And Christian start to get confused and increasingly excited by the strange ideas for sex Ana I can already imagine his expression when she asked you something weird, like the idea of ​​chocolate on his cock. It makes me laugh.
I am also patiently awaiting the wedding of Kate Elliot, Taylor with Gail, and how you will get the roll between Mia and Ethan. I also hope the moment Ana and Christian will announce the arrival of a new family member.
Emine, other ideas have begun to emerge, but I'll stop here. I'm sure that with your talent for understanding Christian, you will book a great book four.
I'm also loving the Series Pella, but I have a question: After you publish the books, you will continue to post the chapters on blog?
Kisses and good weekend to you your family. Waiting for the next chapter.

Rosangela Maria Cabral Corvalan said...

Eminé...estou sem palavras....você é fantástica...estou emocionada com o que eu acabei de ler...muito emocionada.
Boa sorte com seus amigos, acho que eles são pessoas abençoadas por ter uma amiga como você.
you are simply the best (I remembered the music of Tina Turner)

Obrigada por escrever coisas tão maravilhosas, se antes eu já tinha isso em minha mente.."fazer e dar sempre o meu melhor em tudo, ter um diferencial sempre" agora ficou ainda mais enraizado em minha vida.

me sinto honrada em poder estar participando deste blog e feliz por te conhcer, mesmo que virtualmente.

Adoraria poder participar deste encontro....quem sabe não é mesmo, nada é impossível!!!

Beijos minha querida, bom final de semana e descanse também!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Your thoughts on the quote and your thinking process is definitely inspirational for sure! I am one of those people who will say "I'll get to it tomorrow" but I know I need to start writing more goals down and trying harder to accomplish certain things.
Loved the extra details you put in writing. I am enjoying this story immensely, especially now since it is new to all of us readers. You are amazing Emine!!

Anonymous said...

Hi All,
What can I say...I look forward to this continuation of love. i loved when Ana pinched Christian's hand (something I would have done to prove I was right) LOL.
I would for you to continue the Dr. Flynnn & Christian relationship... What was Dr. Flynn's thoughts @ Christian allowing Ana to touch him? C & A should also have a family meeting ASAP to let everyone know @ the pregnancy before it leaks out. Also I think Ana needs to have a heart to heart talk w/ Jose once things have calmed down. Thanks as always for taking us on this wonderful journey with you. Hope all is well with you and yours. :)


Anonymous said...

Thank you for the gift of these wonderful stories. I have been reading for about 12 months and I have re read many times over. I love your perspective of Christian and I prefer your writing than the original books.
I have been listening to a song by Josh Groban called "In Her Eyes" and I think it fits Christian and Ana perfectly. See what you think.
All the best.
Julie ( from Australia)

Anonymous said...

am i the only one who doesnt want this story to end???? more! more!!!!!

Glory Cespedes said...

I love your work congratulations!! I want to keep reading more and more! thanks for sharing your excellent work!

Luciene said...

Hi Emine
Fantastic chapter this! I liked read about feelings of Jose for Ana. I stayed with sense of that something bad will happen to Christian in the back home of the John's office and I hope being wrong about this kkkkkk .
I'm anxious for next chapter.

Carol Moraes said...

Hi Eminé!

Sorry for the late comment. Computer problems just solved.

Still crying... OMG! Amazing chapter!

CG pure love for Ana and the baby... breathtaking...

The tease about the craving was hilarious.

Jose is a pain in the ass. Go get a life! You wont love again until you closed that chapter of your life boy. Man up. What a nerve to try to put the fault in CG, and I say try because his ass and face will never be the same after a fight with Christian Stallion Grey.

Ray is a wonderful man. Will make a greater grandpa.

All the lines were great but "Dr. Greene is my new best friend" made laugh so hard that I was crying.

Dr John Flynn. That man (you as a matter of a fact) is especial.
I´m in therapy for years and wont leave despite of the discharge several years ago, because once in a while I need someone who will take me where I need to go by only show me what I´ve already knew deep dow. So awesome illustrated by CG thoughts through the session that I thought that I was in the room.

Your writing is so thorough that sometimes I feel like a fly on the wall living every line in the book.

And this leads me to a special thanks.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for writing and thus change our lives if only for a moment of peace reading or while reading we are allowed to remember an important moment in our lives and thus give more value to what we become, or the fact you through your writing(and comments) make us reassess some aspects of our life. Why thank you Eminé YES you are making a difference and changed lives already.

Go help your friends in peace because you really are not only a amazing friend but a great thinker.
The outcome of this story will depend on love again overcoming obstacles and you are great at it.

Vegas will be awesome!!!!

Congrats again for the blog, the books, the friendship and the love that you give for your family.

Can´t wait until next wednesday!

Big kiss from Brasil,

Carol Moraes

Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.

Kaili said...

I hope everything went well with your friends and their issues. It's so "awkward" being the one acknowledging the " elephant " in the room. But someone has to do it. You are a TRUE friend to take on the role.

On a happier note: I've loved your writing since day one after visiting your site. Bravo!! Another great chapter. I can feel his depth, wishing I am Ana myself. Counting down the days for a new chapter upload.

jeangb said...

Hi Emine, I hope that you have been able to help your friends resolve thier problems.
I suspect thet you are one hell of a good listener.
Can we hope that you have spent a little time writing the next chapter, Wednesday as usual? PLEASEXX

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Girls!

Quite a few of you e-mailed me: Thank you for your concern for my friend. The talk went okay. We made a little progress. Their divorce is on hold for the time being. They both have homework to do.

Yes, I am writing, but I kinda got behind, because I was there till late at night; then got stuck on the freeway because of a drunk driver who caused a deadly accident, and the freeway was closed for several miles. I was unable to get out, because it was bumper to bumper – stuck on a backed up freeway for miles. I had to just remain parked on the freeway because we weren’t moving – not more than an inch a minute. I made home at about 3 a.m. I’m not a night person. I usually wake up at that time, not go to bed which of course messed up my schedule. But I’m back on track now. Wednesday is the day I will be posting the new chapter.

But nothing is lost; a good friend was in need. Now back to writing. :)

Angela said...

Hi my dear,
Today is my last day here in Malta so i miss our talking but i'll write you soon about all!!!! Xxxxxxx
With love Angela

Rosangela Maria Cabral Corvalan said...

Hy my dear Emine!!!

Fico feliz por seus vezes as pessoas precisam só serem ouvidas e serem entendidas, quando exteriorizamos e compartilhamos nossos problemas eles parecem ficar menores. Acho que amigos tem esta capacidade e imagino que você foi fundamental na decisão deles, não só pela sua presença, mas pela segurança e confiança que ambos tem em sua pessoa. Feliz deste casal que pode contar incondicionalmente com sua amizade, amor e carinho!!!

Estarei, obvio, aguardando novo capítulo que tenho certeza será recheado de surpresas!!
Beijos, beijos e mais beijos!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine, wow I have just come across your site, and just can't stop reading, totally love reading these. you are so creative with a super talent. could I please get books 1,2,and 3, please so I could read on my tablet. I really am enjoying reading these. my email is
Thank you so much

Alexandra Cunha said...

Oi Emmine, por favor, volte logo a escrever, estou louca p saber o final dessa história!
Você é ótima em sua interpretação!

Evelyn Uceta said...

Emmine what can I say that everybody haven said.... wonderful chapter I love that you don't leave anything behind .. keep the good work can't wait for next chapter....
P.S. ( so sorry about your friend)

Hope (lovey) said...

Love this Chapter glad Jose was set straight by Christian and Ana...I hope he truly says he is sorry and proves it and let Ana need to hook him up with Clair the receptioist at SIP...I see where Bitch Troll and Crazy woman might show up again and thats fine as long as Christian puts them in there place and leaves Ana and him alone for ever after that I love him putting Bitch troll in her place ugh hate her...want to hear more about taylor and gail and maybe some story on Sawyer also...I seen where you all my get to gether ugh would love to join im such a fan of yours you really have no idea how big of a fan i talk about your blog all the time and read the postings constantly im now up to 25times reading it..oh did i tell you insomina sucks lol...but your blog is just so great i cant even explain how much it means to have these extra wonderful chapters and books thank you for every thing.....Im glad it seems your friends are tring to work it out...have a great week my friend...Later's xx

Anonymous said...

Hi there emine! I'm a huge fan! It's wednesday here in the Philippines and because of the GMT I can only read your post tomorrow. Ughhh! I hate waiting, especially when it comes to your wonderful chapters! I understand u though. I just want to thank u for continuing this great story and giving it much more excitement and enticing events. You have such brilliant ideas and I love reading it! I'm still waiting for the next chapter! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

You are quite special Eminé...indeed! In order to receive you must first willingly give and you do. That's why we love you!


Gina B.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Pleeaaase, I'm dying! Can't wait for the next chapter!

S. from France

Alexandra Cunha said...

Olá Emine, tudo bem?
Quando irá postar o capítulo XI, estou em cóleras para ler.
Abraços e sucessos sempre!

Anonymous said...


Pleaseeeeeee..... I need the next chapter ASAP....



Anonymous said...

I keep refreshing the page

Catarina* said...

Dear Emine,

I loved this chapter! As usual of course, but really, now I can't even remember if this happened already on E L James books or not. And I really don't care because I don't think I will ever be able to re-read them, when I can re-read your version! The books will be here forever, but your version is the one in my heart :)

I totally understand Christian's reaction to Jose, I also wanted him to shut him up because he was out of his mind for god's sake! But I'm glad Christian understood he couldn't do what he wanted. I loved, loved when you put John saying "Two steps forward, one step back" because that's how I feel about Christian all the time! He does something amazing, and then he does something that makes me so nervous and angry xD

But I choose to concentrate myself on the "2 steps forward" only :p

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! First of all, she has to be a great person to endure a mother in law like that for so many years. It's dificult to cut ties with family, but like you said, everyone has limites, and really, her actions and words really cross my limites, and I consider myself a tolerante person, so your friend really has to have a big heart to put up with all that, for the being of her marriage! Secondly, it's really sad that finances are the problem. I mean, it would be sadder if they felt out of love (I don't even know if I can say this like that but you'll understand) but at least, you know, they would have lived and loved and then it was over, they could love another person or something. But loving eachother and seeing their marriage fell apart because of money issues...I don't know, I know it happens a lot, that love and a cabana it's not the real thing, money can't buy love nor happiness but of course that when a person doesn't have enough to eat or to feed the kids, doesn't have time for love and everything is bad in life! Oh well, I know you your fair and made your point, and if they both gor homework, I hope that helps them to work their issues out (again, because it's easier to remain in love and try to solve money problems than to find love again with the same person)and I'm sure you'll do everything you can to help them and if they are willing to work everything out, I think there's a good chance for them to stand together and pass trought that feeling more in love with each other than before :)

I would love, love to go to LA on March, but I know I won't have the money because this trip to Italy almost drained my savings :s

It was amazing, and I loved it! But I would like to go and meet you and more persons. I mean I know that eventually I'm go there to bother you a little, because I love you like the big sis I never had and I want to be with you some time, and meet your kids and all. But it would be amazing to meet other readers :)

I'll be here rooting for everything to go perfectly :D

Love you,


Anonymous said...

When will the next chapter be posted? I keep refreshing the page... Love your work

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Patience please people. I've been working so hard to finish the chapter. I am just a day behind my schedule. 3 more hrs or less. I should finish editing.

Just finished working and I'll just edit in the browser. I promise it'll be up :)

Prince50 said...


Girl you know you good. That why we begging LOL

Evie Hammond said...

I had no sympathy for Jose in this book, and you gave me insights into his character in the original. If Ana didn't date for 4 years, what was he doing? When those books began, he must have already made some hints, because Ana was aware that he wanted to change their status. Even though he had no competition, he still didn't declare himself.

Then enter Christian Grey. All of a sudden, when someone bigger and badder shows up and shows interest, Jose is interested, too. Wouldn't it be great for his ego if Ana were to choose him?

Jose can't lose Ana. He never had her. If he really cared about her, he couldn't go through the list of things he says about her, every time they meet: 1) It's his money, isn't it? 2) He's holding you against your will! and 3) Only kidding, you know I don't think that about you.

He hides behind being "concerned" for her sake, but he's really just jealous. And for someone who makes no move until another guy shows up on the scene, then tries to brand Ana as his by forcing himself on her, and then accepts hospitality in their home and even there makes his whining accusations against Ana, I don't think the "I'm only concerned for your sake" defense is going to work.

And let's not forget that he kind of pimped Ana -- he took pictures of her, some without her knowledge, and then without warning or legal release (consent), he exhibits these personally revealing photos and sells them for a pretty penny. So he made money off her, and didn't care that some guy might have a photo or photos of her to peruse at his pleasure. This is not the action of a guy who is "concerned" about her.

I love your slant on Christian, and the energetic ways he will try to use his own handicaps to actually get to where Ana would like him to be. He knows she wants him to be enthusiastic about the baby, so he recycles his jealousy to make a good reason to be crazy about the pregnancy:

It’s fucking interesting that if my wife tattooed my name and my possession of her over her arm in bold red ink, it would not have deterred any of them as much as the lima bean size baby she’s carrying inside her!

And I was a little baffled about this:

"John scribbles something on his tablet again, and I think he murmurs, ‘two steps forward, one step back.”

Surely John could see that the kind of accusation Jose was making would have driven almost any man to take exception to his behavior?

Sue said...

Wow thank you for this, I have been reading this for the last 2 months and basically I do not want it to end

Thank you

Anonymous said...

Oh just discovered your amazing POV on two really fascinating characters I have to love from 50 SOG...
I love the way you write about them and the context of who they are.

Still reading . Thanks so much :)