This blog is a tribute to the characters of the 50 Shades Trilogy & EL James for creating them. I'm writing Christian's POV for all of your enjoyment. A snack between meals: Sinful and tasty. Enjoy! Let’s talk of Greys. ❦ ♡ ❧
“Hey, hey...” I
say rubbing her hair, trying to calm her down. She relaxes under my touch. It’s
dark. I can see the city lights from my uncovered windows.I find my arms and legs are draped around
Anastasia, claiming her even in my sleep.
please! I'm scared. Christian I love you...” she moans, shuddering in her sleep. I kiss her
hair, closing my eyes. It’s the best sound I’ve heard since she said that for
the first time yesterday in her sleep. But yet, I'm scared to hear that. Daunted to my core. Thank God, she's asleep. I don't think I can handle this if she was awake. I can't be loved. I shouldn't be loved. I'm tained. Fucked up. Dirty. Unworthy...
“I can’t...” she
says with an intake of a shuddering breath, her arm extending to an unseen person
in the dark.
whisper into her ear, “I’m not going anywhere...” I say trying to reassure her.
leave me! I need you...” I whisper. She sighs in her sleep. She sighs. "Never..." she says before drifting off.
"Never what?" I think to myself.
"Never what baby?"
leave you Christian,” she mutters barely audible, but that single sentence gives me the biggest
peace, best reassurance I’ve ever had in my entire life. Knowledge of the fact
that she wants me, and she won’t leave me comforts me, relaxes me as if a ton of load has been lifted off of my shoulders. I’m in
awe of this woman who takes me by surprise even in her sleep.My clock reads 5:16 a.m. I could get up and
work out since I have a long day ahead of me. I gaze at her sleeping. I could
watch her for hours. She loves me! Me! I'm beyond elated. I would love to hear that from her. No! I don't want to hear it from her. I’m too
scared of the idea. I’m not worthy of her...or of her love. I’m one fucked-up
son-of-a-crack-whore! I’m worthy of nothing. Certainly not the likes of her, but I'm a selfish man who now desires to have this angel I'm holding in my arms. How
did I get so lucky to have her? I move uneasily. I pull my arms away from around
her.I need to go to work out. I want to
keep watching her in her now peaceful slumber. But when I move my arms away from her, her body
shifts and turns to me, seeking me in the dark. She’s drawn to me too! What a
comfort it is to know that! Everything she does pull at my heartstrings!
I slowly move
away from the bed. I stand by the bed, gazing down at her in the semi darkness with the only illumination coming from the city peering in through my large windows. She’s beautiful. Enchanting.
Captivating. I go to my closet and put my workout sweats on. I go by the bed,
and peek at Anastasia one last time before I leave for the gym.
When I get
downstairs to workout, Taylor is already there. He eyes me warily, and notices
my calm demeanor, and continues his workout by acknowledging my presence.
sir,” he says politely. I nod as a response. “Morning.”
We work out over
an hour. I run, lift weights, row, and swim. We get back to my penthouse. I
take my shower. Put on my black pants and white shirt. I walk into the kitchen.
Mrs. Jones is already busy in the kitchen.
“Would you like
your breakfast right now sir?”
“Not right now
Mrs. Jones. I’m going to work a little. You know Miss Anastasia Steele is here
as I briefed you earlier. She would prefer Twinings English tea in the morning as opposed to
coffee. I’ll have some coffee now.”
I can make her tea once she wakes up. I have your coffee ready sir,” she says
handing me a cup of freshly brewed coffee.
“Thank you Mrs.
Jones,” I say as I take my coffee.
“If Miss Steele
asks, I’ll be in my office working,” I say.
“Yes sir,” she
I walk to my
study, and Taylor is present to be briefed for the day’s activities. We go over
the schedule, and he goes back to his office. I open and check my e-mails.
There’s a message from my right hand Ros about a company we’re debating between
keeping and liquidating. She sent me the Profit & Loss ledgers, and it’s
pitiful. I call her up to discuss it further.
“Mr. Grey,” she
says by the way of greeting.
“Ros, what’s up
with the P&L of the company we’ve acquired last year? Why are the earnings
down for the fourth quarter in a row?”
“It’s the economy
sir. She was already doing poorly, and since the time we’ve acquired her, she’s shown
slight improvement, but not enough to recover from the losses.”
“I see the
‘slight improvement’ you’re talking about. It’s fucking not enough! The company is a
dead weight! Unless it’s P&L improves, I’m not interested keeping it, Ros.
We’re not carrying dead weight...” I say.
“I suggest we
implement some changes, and perhaps replace the CFO. I have someone in mind
that might be able to pull it up by the boot straps. But, I don’t know it that
will be enough. It might cost us some money...” she says, as I interrupt her.
“Look, I don’t
need any more lame excuses. It’s costing us too much money. Have Marco call me,
it’s shit or bust time...”
“Yes, sir. Also,
Barney wanted to know what you thought of the prototype, or if you have any
suggestions for an improvement.”
Barney that the prototype looks good, though I’m not sure about the
“Do you not like
the interface? It comes with high recommendations of our engineers,” she says.
“”No, it’s just
missing something... In fact, him and his team, we can brainstorm...”
a very good idea. You know I’m not very technical, but you can convey your
concerns to the engineering team. If there’s nothing else, Andrea can schedule
the meeting for this afternoon.”
me back to Andrea...” I say.
I feel a gaze on
me. Anastasia's gaze. The palpable electric. She’s here, in the room. I glance up, and see her.
Seeing her brings up a slow, sexy smile up on my face. She looks at me,
speechless. She takes in a shaky breath, as if she left her sanity outside the
door. I continue my conversation with Andrea, but my eyes fixed on Anastasia,
never leaving hers. This is the sight that makes me feel completely alive...(← I’m Alive by Celine Dion)
my schedule this morning, but get Bill to call me. I’ll be in at two. I need to
talk to Marco this afternoon, that will need at least half an hour...”
seeking to be scheduled in sir. When would you like to see him?” says Andrea.
and his team in after Marco, or maybe tomorrow, and find time for me to see
Claude every day this week...”
“When would you
like to see Dr. Flynn sir?”
“Tell him to
wait... I’ll confirm that later.”
“About the shipment to
the Darfur. Would you like any publicity for it sir?”
“Oh... No, I
don’t want publicity for Darfur...” I say.
“Sam says that
there may be some issues with the shipment drop sir.”
“Tell Sam to
deal with it...” I say irritated. Do I have to think of everything?
“Are you aware
of an upcoming event you’re invited sir?”
“It’s a ball
given by the American Shipbuilders Association next Saturday.”
“You said next
Saturday?... Hold on.” I say.
“When will you
be back from Georgia?” I ask Anastasia.
“I’ll need an
extra ticket because I have a date...” I say.
“I beg your
pardon sir? Did you say you have a date?”
that’s what I said, a date, Miss Anastasia Steele will accompany me.”
sir. I couldn’t hear you well. Anything else sir?”
“That’s all,” I
say hanging up. My eyes never left Anastasia.
“Mr. Grey,” she
She’s frozen in
her place. I walk around my desk and stand in front of her. I gently stroke her
cheek with the back of my fingers.
“I didn’t want
to wake you, you looked so peaceful. Did you sleep well?”
“I am very
well-rested, thank you. I just came to say hi before I had a shower,” she says.
She gazes up at me, drinking me in. I lean down and kiss her gently. At that
instant, she throws her arms around my neck, and her fingers twisting in my
still damp hair. She pushes her body flush against mine, and she kisses me back
fervently, passionately. She wants me...right now. Her attack takes me by
surprise, but, it’s also a welcome one. After a beat, I respond, a low groan in my
throat. My hands slip into her hair, and down to her back, cupping her naked
behind while my tongue exploring her mouth. I pull back, my eyes are hooded.
Anastasia, sleep seems to agree with you,” I murmur.
“I suggest you
go and have your shower, or I will lay you across my desk now,” I say.
“I choose the
desk,” she whispers desirously. I stare at her bewildered for a tiny second.
got a taste for this, haven’t you Miss Steele? You’re becoming insatiable,” I
“I’ve only got a
taste for you,” she whispers, completely disarming me. My eyes widen and darken
with desire while my hands knead her naked backside.
only me,” I growl at my woman, and suddenly with one fluid movement, I swipe my
arm on my desk scattering all the contents – plans and papers off my desk
dropping them onto the floor. I sweep her up in my arms, and lay her down
across the short end of the desk.
“You want it,
you got it, baby,” I mutter, taking out a foil from my pants’ pocket while
unzipping my pants. I roll the condom down on to my length and gaze down at
“I sure hope you
are ready,” I breathe with a salacious smile. In that instant, I enter her,
filling her while holding her wrists tightly by her side, and I start thrusting
into her deeply. She groans with pleasure. She’s so wet already.
ready,” I whisper with admiration.
She wraps her
legs around my waist, and hold onto me that way, as I stand staring down at
her, my eyes glowing with passion and possessiveness of this woman. She’s mine,
and she wants me to claim her again. It pleases me. I start to move, and pick
up momentum. I fuck her deep, and hard, and she groans with pleasure. It’s pure
lust, pure possession, pure carnal desire...and something else beneath all of that thick exterior. Something coming from my core. I move, and move, reveling in the feeling of my woman.
My lips are parted and my breathing increases as I get close to my peak. I
twist my hips, gyrating and I see that she too is enjoying the feeling of
She closes her
eyes, and arches her back for me as her peak is also approaching. My thrusts
are increases, and she moans loudly with sensation taking over her body. I
thrust faster and harder in a rapid rhythm. Her whole body is moving along with
my movements and I feel her legs stiffening around me as she’s trying to hold
onto the feeling.
“Come on, baby,
give it up for me,” I coax her through gritted teeth, and the need in me sends
her over the edge. She cries out as she reaches her climax, and I slam into her
as I reach my climax, and finally at my peak I pull at her wrists and sink
wordlessly onto her. I’m completely taken by her. She sweeps me off and I lose
my reason. She changes my plans. I lose control. When I’m near her, Iwant nothing but her!(←Fireworks by Kathy Perry)
“What the hell
are you doing to me Ana?” I breathe as I nuzzle her neck. “You completely
beguile me. You weave some powerful magic.”
I release her
wrists, and she runs her fingers through my hair as she tightens her legs
“I’m the one who
is beguiled Christian,” she whispers. I look up to her perplexed, alarmed. I am
torn. I look up at her, gazing. All of a sudden I have this flood of emotions of
love for her, and it scares me! I'm not familiar with it! I don't know how to handle it! This is not okay. Not for me... I cannot love! She’s too
innocent, and I don’t want her to get hurt by me. But I fucking want her. The selfish side of me says that she is mine
in every sense of the word. I place my hands on both sides of her face and hold
her head in place.
Mine!” I say with each word staccato. “Do you understand?” I say most ardently
like a zealot. But it’s also my plea to her. I want her to remain mine. Not go
away. Not to leave me. The feeling I have for her is ripping my heart apart
right now. I'm completely torn between what I know, what is safe, and what my heart desires...
she whispers returning my gaze. How can I handle being away from her nearly a
“Are you sure
you have to go to Georgia?” I ask her. She nods slowly. I don’t want to push
her and make her run away from me. I close my emotions, and push them down;
bringing forth my impassive face which took me years to master. Abruptly I
withdraw from her, and she winces.
“Are you sore?”
I ask leaning over her concerned.
“A little,” she
confesses. I smile; that’s good. I made her that way, and I’ve claimed her.
That’s where I’ve been. She’d do well to remember that.
“I like you
sore,” I say with passion in my eyes. “Reminds you where I’ve been, and only
me,” I say with smoldering desire. Will I ever get enough of her?
I grab her chin
and kiss her roughly, then stand up, hold my hand out to her to help her out.
She glances at the ripped condom packet beside her and murmurs, “Always
prepared.” I stare at the empty packet she’s holding in her hands.
“A man can hope,
Anastasia, dream even, and sometimes his dreams come true.” She looks confused.
I am a man who didn’t even have humble beginnings. From the second I was
conceived, I was fucked-up. A birth mother who was a crack whore, a father who
was one of her clients most likely, and the constant abuse by her pimps, and she was
too wrapped in her own sorrows to be a real mother. On top of that she killed
herself leaving me to tend for myself for four days with her dead body only to
be found by her pimp and to be kicked around! Until Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey in
her angelic white doctor’s smock decided to adopt me... Even then, I was unworthy
of that perfect family. Unworthy of their love and affection, unworthy of what
they bestowed upon me. I had nothing to offer. There was one direction for me to
go, and it was down...to hell in a hand basket. How could a tainted child fits
in a class of angels? Whatever I did wouldn’t be good enough to reach them.
I dreamed to reach up to that status...to fit among them somehow.(←Dream On by
Aerosmith)I tried exceptionally hard. Worked even harder.
Learned all I can. Fought my hardest to get to where I am. I remained focused, controlled and in control.
Somehow with an unknown grace I’m undeserving of, I am here...in the presence
of this angelic woman who has feelings for me. The fear that she might be taken away from me is
immense. That somehow I might make her run away from me is more than unbearable. I shut
down in order to shut the fears down.
“So, on your
desk, that’s been a dream?” she asks dryly with humor. I smile an enigmatic
smile which only remains upon my lips without touching my eyes. Of course this
isn’t the first time I’ve had sex on my desk. I’ve had it numerous times. But
with Anastasia it’s different. Because she’s different. Her face changes with my
expression. She becomes uncomfortable, jealous even.
“I’d better go
and have a shower,” she says standing and trying to make a move to get past me. I
don’t want her to run away from me. It’s unbearable. I frown and run my hand
through my hair in exasperation. But I need to be away from her pull.
“I’ve got a
couple more calls to make. I’ll join you for breakfast once you’re done with
your shower. I think Mrs. Jones has laundered your clothes from yesterday.
They’re in the closet,” I say to her. She looks surprised.
“Thank you,” she
welcome,” I say, my reply automatic. She gives me a strange look.
“What?” I ask in
reply to her frown.
she asks. How does she do that?
“What do you
mean?” I ask.
being more weird than usual.”
“You find me
weird?” I ask trying to suppress a smile. She blushes of course.
replies. I look at her speculatively.
“As ever, I’m
surprised by you, Miss Steele,” I say. She does things like the unexpected
treat of desk sex, or reprimands me in her own way.
she asks me.
“Let’s just say
that was an unexpected treat.”
“We aim to
please, Mr. Grey,” she says giving me back my own words, cocking her head to
“And please me
you do,” I say. I get flooded with that emotion again, and it makes me
uncomfortable. I’m not used to it. Because it makes me lose control. Lose my
reason. With her proximity...I don’t want to lose control to this emotion
brewing inside me. It’s unsettling.
“I thought you
were going to have a shower,” I say trying to send her off, to block this
emotion flooding through.
“Yes...um, I’ll see you in a moment,” she says and
leaves my study confused, sort of upset.
When she leaves
my study, I sink back into my chair. Hold my head between my hands trying to
reel myself in, to here and now to gather my senses, and my wits about. She
completely disarms me. But it’s not only that. I respond to her in such a way that
it’s like a planet being pulled into the sun’s orbit. I see nothing else but
her. I exist nowhere else but with her. The only way to briefly escape this
captivation is to have a little distance from her. But when I put the distance
between us, I ache for her. It’s my conundrum. I shake my head, try to busy
myself with something else. I pick up the plans I tossed on to the floor. I put
extra attention to my task.
I finally get
back to my phone calls to sort this afternoon’s work schedule. I write notes
for the afternoon’s brainstorming session for the prototype we’re designing.
Before I know it, nearly thirty minutes have passed since Anastasia left my
study. She must be done with her shower by now, and ready to eat her breakfast.
I come down from
my study to the kitchen and I hear Mrs. Jones asking Anastasia if she’d like
her tea now. She responds “Please,” to Mrs. Jones.
“Would you like
something to eat?” Mrs. Jones asks.
“No, thank you,”
Anastasia responds to my displeasure.
you’ll have something to eat,” I snap, glowering as I walk into the kitchen
area. “She likes pancakes, bacon, and eggs, Mrs. Jones,” I say.
“Yes Mr. Grey.
What would you like sir?” she asks me.
and some fruit,” I reply while my gaze is fixed on Anastasia. I’m in her pull
again, within her orbit. “Sit,” I order her pointing to one of the bar stools.
She sits, and I
take the seat next to hers.
I lean and
whisper, “Have you purchased your airline ticket?”
“No, I’ll buy it
when I get home online,” she responds. If she waited that long, perhaps she doesn't have the money necessary to purchase to which my heart wrenches. Why didn't I think of that before?
I lean in a
little more and I want to ask her if she needs money for the ticket. But
knowing how she is with receiving gifts, I am running out of options for a way
to ask her. I rub my chin in contemplation.
“Do you have the
money for the ticket?” I ask finally.
“Yes,” she says
with a mock patience as if she’s talking to an annoying toddler. I raise a
reprimanding eyebrow at her, and she immediately amends herself.
“Yes, I do.
But, I don’t
want her to travel in coach if I can help it. I have a jet she can use. I’d do
just about anything for her; put everything I own at her feet...if she only
“I have a jet,”
I say by the way of introduction to what I want to say. “It’s not scheduled to
be used for three days; it’s at your disposal should you wish it.”
She gapes at me
in response. A flicker of emotions passes through her face. Anger, surprise,
amusement, shock. Finally she manages to suppress all of them, and says, “We’ve
already made serious misuse of your company’s aviation fleet. I wouldn’t want
to do it again.”
I feel hurt with her rejection. I can do
whatever I want with what I have. That’s the point of having the company all to
myself. I worked so hard to do as I wish, not so that I end up answering to
company, it’s my jet,” I say without being able to keep the hurt out of my
voice. Why is she always refusing my efforts to take care of her?
“Thank you for
the offer. But, I’d be much happier taking a regular scheduled flight.” I
narrow my eyes, but I want to also pick my battles carefully with her. I’m
trying not to be overbearing. So, I say nothing further on the subject. Maybe I
can upgrade her flight at least.
“As you wish
then,” I say sighing. “Do you have to prepare for your interview today?” I ask
for a change of topic.
“No.” she responds.
“Great. Are you
still not going to tell me which publishing houses you’re interviewing for?” I
replies with a smile.
My lips curl up
into a smile as a response to her. I can still find out.
“I’m a man of
means Miss Steele,” I say to that effect.
“I’m fully aware
of that Mr. Grey. Are you going to track my phone again?” she asks me with a
completely innocent face.
“As a matter of
fact, I’ll be quite busy this afternoon, so I’ll have to get someone else to do
it for me,” I say smirking. She thinks I’m joking, but in a lot of matters
where it concerns Anastasia, I don’t joke around.
“If you can
spare someone to do that, you’re obviously overstaffed Sir,” she states
“In that case,
I’ll just send an e-mail to the head of human resources and have her check into
our head count,” I say trying to suppress a smile.
served breakfast, Mrs. Jones leaves to give us some privacy. Anastasia finally
peaks up at me wanting to ask me something but not knowing how to approach the
topic. I can’t take the suspense anymore.
“What is it
Anastasia?” I ask.
“You know, you
never did tell me why you don’t like to be touched.” Oh, that. I blanche,
because it’s a topic I try to avoid at all cost. She looks away worried.
“I’ve told you
more than I’ve ever told anybody Anastasia,” I respond quietly. My gaze is
impassive, I’m anything but. I don’t like to talk about those issues, because
it brings up a time where I was helpless, and had no control on what happened
to me, or around me. I’m too far away from that time now, and I don’t want to
refresh those horrible memories up again which often visit me at night in my
shakes her headas if to clear it from
the thoughts she’s having.
“Will you think
about our arrangement while you’re away?” I ask.
responds honestly. She gazes at me. Those eyes... I’m lost in them.
“Will you miss
me?” I ask wanting so much for her to want me as much as I want her.
She gazes back
at me again surprised by my question. Why is she surprised that I desire her to miss me, or that I want to know whether she would miss me...really, truly miss me, as I would miss her.
answers, and I see nothing but the truth in her answer. Relief completely
washes over me.
“I’ll miss you
too,” I respond to her answer without even realizing. “More than you know,” I
breathe. I’ll have a hard time bearing to be apart from her. Her gaze warms
with my response. I want her to see how hard I’m trying to meet her halfway,
more than halfway. I stroke her cheek, and bend down and kiss her softly.
I don’t want to
let her go, but she needs to get to her apartment to book her flight, and get
ready for her interviews, and pack up to leave tomorrow. I’m going to miss her
so much. I hold and kiss her long and hard.
want you to take your MacBook, and your Blackberry with you. And this is not a
request,” I say fervently. I can't bear of not being in touch with her for that lenght of time. If she is not here, I have to have something tangible, reachable, at least to hear her voice, or read her words.
“Okay,” she says
without an argument which pleases me.
“I need to be
able to keep in touch with you...at all times,” I say. It’s not just my need to
control her, or just the proprietorship, though those feelings are ever
present. I need to fulfill the feeling of connection with her. I can’t bear to
have it severed even for a few days. The thought of it is too painful.
picks her things up to leave, and she’s saying goodbye to me here.
“I’ll walk you
down to your car,” I say.
“You don’t have
to do that Christian,” she says making me frown.
“I’m not doing
it because I have to, I’m doing it because I want to,” I reply. Geez! Can’t I
even walk my woman to her car? I take her hand as the elevator door dings open.
I’m lost in thoughts of her. What if she is going away to put a distance
between us. Not just a physical distance, but also an emotional distance, to
look for other romantic possibilities. The thought is killing me. I am going to
miss her so much. I’m already feeling it though space between us is less than a
“I’m going to
miss you... miss this,” I say into her lips, and she moans.
dings opens, and I take her hand into mine, gaze at her once more, and walk her
to her car. How will I make thought the week without her? Distraction... Flying, or sailing though nothing will be as good as if she was here... I look at her with longing again. "Come back soon..." I wishiper.