StatCtr

Monday, October 29, 2012

BOOK III - CHAPTER III - Christian and Anastasia FanFiction


ALL I WANT IS YOU...
CHAPTER III

As I slam the door to the Playroom I walk in brisk footsteps to my bedroom. Mrs. Jones cooking in the kitchen and “Mr. Grey, the dinner will be...” she says and noticing my naked state, she shields her eyes with her hand turning her head, trying to gain her composure, clearing her throat, “oh, dear,” she squeaks in a slightly high pitched voice, and I see Taylor’s shocked expression who is standing in the great room. He gains his composure first, and says “Gail!” rather forcefully and nods his head asking her to leave the room. She retreats in quick steps.

“What!?!” I seethe with anger at Taylor.

“Nothing, sir,” he says slightly shaking his head, half amused half annoyed.

I walk into my bedroom still angry... beyond angry, raging mad, I pace around. I walk outside again. Taylor is surprised once again to see me naked, but he’s not shocked this time.

“Taylor, find Bastille! 3 hour session, at my gym. Have him meet me in 30 minutes,” I order and walk back to my bedroom without waiting for his response.

I walk into the shower and turn the water on full blast, and walk under it. The initial full blast of cold water jolts my senses back into me, and does something to turn down the fire a notch. Gradually, the water heats up, and relax my tense muscles. I reach up for the shampoo and start washing my hair rather forcefully. Why won’t she obey? Why is it so hard for her to accept that I am only trying to protect her? I stand under the water closing my eyes, letting the shampoo run down my back in lazy rivulets.  I feel her fingers slowly, and hesitantly touch the back of my arm, making me tense.

“Christian, don’t be mad,” she says softly. I say nothing, closing my eyes.

My other arm reaches to her hand, and I find myself saying, “Don’t,” rather forcefully breaking her connection with me. I’m still fucking mad. Shit! I know she’s disobedient...a lot. I know she’s refreshing in her witty ways, but hell, this is marriage! She should know better. What else will she delete from the vows? I turn around, and her face is fallen; she looks hurt. Shit! That’s not what I want. I want her to understand me.

“Christian, why is this a big deal for you?” she asks softly.

“Are you shitting me, Anastasia?” I say locking her in place with my blazing gaze. I’m breathing through my nose, like a raging bull.

“Do you have any idea of the purpose of the wedding vows, and what you’re denying me?”

“What am I denying you?” she asks as if I slapped her.

“The vows are derived from marriage contracts which mean they’re all the rights and responsibilities conferred upon marriages.”

“Christian, surely you must realize that the only rights and responsibilities are not limited to a few lines couples say during the marriage ceremony. I think the couples acquire thousands of rights as a result of the ‘marriage contract’,“ she says making air quotes, “and there is no possible way to cover all of them during a wedding ceremony. I’m betting that it’s a lot longer than your submissive contract,” she says.

 I try hard to stifle a smile. I have to focus and hold onto my anger and not give into her charms. “I mean, I think we can declare our love and mutual respect and to care for each other no matter what the circumstance. That’s why I wanted us to write our own vows. Because we’re unique. We don’t mold into ‘one size fits all’ category,” she says looking at me expectantly. She’s trying to distract me from my goal. She’s good at that; whenever she finds me saying something she disagrees; she finds a way to distract me. It won’t work this time.

“Tell me Anastasia, what other ‘one size fits all’ requirement from the vows are you intending to delete? I want to know...” I look at her with an impassive gaze, I feel nothing but.

“What do you mean?” she asks defensively.

“I mean the vows are simple: All you have to say is I, Anastasia Rose Steele, take thee, Christian Trevelyan-Grey, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth. I want to know, what other words in these vows offend you greatly? Is it, ‘for better or worse’, or could it be ‘for richer or poorer’... or how about, ‘in sickness and in health’? How about ‘love’? Or ‘cherish’? There is also ‘till death do us part’...” I say my gaze darkening. I close the distance between us trapping her to the shower wall with my hands firmly placed on the wall next to her shoulders, barely touching, so close, so hot, so desirous, yet so distant. “Tell me Ana,” I whisper near her ear, “...Is there an expiration date on your love? Tell me Anastasia, I want to know!” I say trying to hide my hurt; my eyes are dark with passion with her close proximity.

“You are an ass, Christian!” she says hurt trying to push me away with her palms firmly placed on my chest but I won’t budge.

“I know! I’m worse than an ass! I’m a fucked up son of a crack whore! Is this why you won’t say it? You don’t find me worthy of obeying? Believe me baby, I’ll take you any way you are willing to give me, but, this torturing me inside! Why Ana?” I look at her begging. “Why, won’t you have me in all the ways I am? You just want to pick and choose?”

She stops pushing me, anger and hurt replaced by concern. Her hands reach up to my face caressing, my fucking body is so in tune with her touch I find myself leaning in to her caress and close my eyes.

“Christian, it’s not about you! It’s about me.” My eyes open blazing as if she slapped me; I take couple of steps back to look at her incredulous.

“Fuck, Ana! How could that not be about me? Are you not marrying me? So how could this be about you?”

She takes a slow step forward, and I hold my hands up to halt her coming closer. She sighs, tries to hide her hurt.

“Christian, this is about me, about keeping my individuality. You are... you know, you! This megalomaniac who is always in charge, always in control, always opinionated... And I love that about you, but in the other hand, this is me,” she says her right hand firmly placed between her breasts on her chest.

“The girl you fell in love with has her own opinions. I want to please you, but I want to be....me!” she says fervently. “Can’t you just accept me as I am?”

I run both my hands through my wet hair, sighing in complete exasperation. I mentally count. Ten...nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... one...

“All I’m asking you is just to consider saying it Ana. That’s all I ask,” I say as my gaze hot with raw emotions I had no idea I was capable of possessing, connecting with her eyes asking her with a plea.

“I have a session scheduled with Claude. You have to eat dinner by yourself,” I say as I walk out of the shower grabbing a towel.

“Oh!” she says. “I’m going to meet your mother and your sister. They wanted to run some of their ideas by me,” she says in a murmur.

I turn to her lightning fast. “When were you planning to tell me?”

“Just now,” she says slowly. Your sister called and left a message when we were... uhm, in the Playroom.” I let out a lungful of air.

“Make sure you eat before you go! And no driving! Take Sawyer with you!” I order.

“Uhm... about dinner...” she starts speaking and I know she wants to skip eating dinner.

“Right, there!” I say rather forcefully pointing an accusatory finger at her. “That’s what I’m talking about, Anastasia. You never listen even though I’m looking out for your own interest because you are unwilling to do it!”

She sighs exasperated, getting angry.

“Are you done, Mr. Grey?” she says putting her hands to her hips. Those hot hips, her lifted elbows, and tossed back arms like she’s doing now, does something to her breasts lifting them up in protest. The slight chill in the bathroom perks her nipples up. I shake my head to get it out of the gutter if I want to focus. My fucking dick is betraying me with his halfcocked gun salute! Anastasia tries to hide her smile and look stoic and her voice gets huskier but she tries to focus on her anger.

“Your mother and your sister who are working on planning our wedding,” she emphasizes, “asked me to come and taste some food samples a caterer will be delivering to your parents’ house. If I eat now, I won’t be able to totally enjoy the food, and I may not be able make a taste distinction to decide on a full stomach, Christian. It’s not because I’m trying to defy you. And this is what I’m trying to tell you. If I obey you 100% of the time, like now, eat and go, then I won’t be able to make a good decision on food later. You have to trust my judgment as well.  Can we at least agree on that?” she asks.

I exhale my exasperation.

“Take Sawyer with you... I’ll have work out, and later I have a lot of work to catch up with. Call me when you are ready to come back,” I say and walk to my closet to quickly dress up in my sweats. I’m too wired up, and too stressed. Fuck! She will not obey! Ever, or some of the time? How can I change her mind?

Can she be truly mine if she doesn't obey? I want her every fucking way possible! I crave her to belong to me. If she doesn't completely recite all the words of the marriage vows, doesn't it void it some way? Fuck! I'm losing my mind! She appears at the closet door partially dressed, in those black boy shorts, and lacy bra. Fuck! How I want to have her and give her a lesson in obedience! I'll go overboard... I want to be close to her now, but I can't. I have to leave! She watches my every movement.  She wants to say something... She hesitates.

"Christian?"

"What?" I snap, and instantly regret it. I'm too jumpy. She can get me riled up with one word, or a glance. I soften my gaze on her. "What, Ana?"

"Wouldn't you want to taste the food that would be served in our wedding?"

"I have more pressing business, tonight. I know you and my mom and sister are capable of making great choices. I trust your judgment. I'll have to pass this detail," I reply.

"But?"

"Ana, I just want you! I wouldn't care if you decide to serve cheese and crackers, and tea! Well, I'd order wine, but, tonight is not a good night for me. It's just been a stressful day. You go and have fun. But make sure you call me before you leave, and don't stay too late."

"Don't be mad at me..." she says in a soft tone.

"Anastasia, I'm not mad. I'm furious. All I'm asking you to say is one fucking word, and you won't do it!"

"It’s a big word, Christian. I'm not saying it!"

"The hell you aren't!"

"In that case Christian, I'll see you after you beat the shit out of Claude Bastille, because I don't want to be on the receiving end of that anger. I have to go!" she says and turns around angrily.

"Why are you turning your back to me?"

"Really, Sherlock! You couldn't figure that out? In case you haven't noticed, I'm not your submissive, and I'm not going to sign up as a submissive, because saying that word will always trigger those thoughts. I want to be your wife. Not your sub!"

"Fuck it, Anastasia! You have never been my sub! You will not be my sub. How can I explain it to you? I have to have control. I have to know you are safe! I have to know that you will take enough precautions to heed my concerns over your well-being. How can I achieve any of those if you do not listen to me and obey me? And you.never.do! You make me feel helpless!" I utter exhausted.

"We'll talk about this when you are more rational Christian..."

“Anastasia...” I say in a soft voice... too soft to be confused with anything other than anger.

“I really, really want to take you over my knee, and punish you...” I say.

She looks at me with a little apprehension and a little anticipation, but shakes her head deciding against whatever she was thinking.

“Well, Mr. Grey I would love to indulge both you and me...but when you have calmed down, we’ll revisit,” she says and walks away.

What the hell just happened? This woman, my woman, the owner of my heart and soul says less than two sentences and my fucking world is upside down, and I am incapable of knowing which way is up! Fuck! I'm losing control, and we're not even married yet! Fuck! Where the hell is Bastille?


I walk out into the living room where Taylor is waiting, and he looks like he's going to deliver some bad news. I think I've already reached my limit today.

"Mr. Grey, Bastille is out of town..." he starts.

"What?" I snap, I pace within three foot radius making Taylor uneasy, and stop right in front of him.

"Where the hell is he?"

"He was visiting his sister. Today is not his usual day for your workout. He is on his way back, but it'll take him about three hours or a little less depending on when he leaves... Should you wish sir, he'll meet you in three hours."

"Three hours... three hours... Three fucking hours!" I'm either having a heart attack, or a panic attack. My heart is pounding, my chest hurts, and it's getting harder to breathe. There's an awful pit in my stomach.

Anastasia comes out dressed up in her plum dress that I like so much which hugs her curves at all the right places.

"Sawyer!" I call and he comes out to the living room.

"Take Miss Steele to my parents' house. Call me when you get there, and text me when you're leaving."

"Yes, sir," he replies.

"Bye Christian, I'll see you tonight," she says and gives me a chaste kiss right on the corner of my lips. As she's taking a step away to go; hating the distance between us, I grab her hand by the wrist, and pull her forcefully to me and she's flush with my body. I take her face in my hands and kiss her passionately. I'm not one for public affection, but I desperately want her to know that she's mine, that I desire her to be mine in every fucking way possible! By the time I'm done kissing her, we're both breathless.

"Uhm...” she says swallowing, flushed tomato red, "I'll see you later tonight."

"Yeah. I'll be working late."
(I love you and I hate you – Pride and Prejudice)

She and Sawyer disappear into the elevator, and the doors close.

"I'm running to Flynn's," I say to Taylor without a preamble.

"If you give me two minutes I will join you in your run. But, I must insist that you let me drive, sir."

"Taylor, I need to be on the move, I want to run."

"I'll run with you sir."

"I'd rather be alone, Taylor!"

"Mr. Grey, paparazzi has camped ten mile radius of Escala, sir. And they've been camping all around our regular route to catch a glimpse of you or Miss Steele. Since we have had two encounters today, I would highly suggest that I drive you sir, or at least let me run with you."

"Fine! Suit up!" I say like a petulant child.

Taylor is nothing if he's not an efficient man. Without wasting an extra word in the discussion, he turns around and runs to his quarters to get changed. I take out my Blackberry and dial Flynn.

"Good evening, Christian," he answers the phone at the second ring.

"Flynn, I'm have to see you in your office. Meet me in twenty."

"Well, Christian, it so happens that I haven't left my office yet. But, let me call my wife and inform her I'll be late since this isn't your scheduled session."

"Fine," I say and hang up.

As I make my way to the foyer, Taylor comes out.

"Mr. Grey, let's take a different route to Dr. Flynn's office this time. Sawyer had to elude some paparazzi as he was driving..." he says and I cut him off.

"Are they okay? Is Miss Steele alright?"

"Yes, sir. Nothing he couldn't handle. I suggest that we take the back exit," he says and waits for me to lead the way. “It was nothing like this morning, and your talk with the press this afternoon dispersed the larger crowd. These are probably the late comers.”

*****

We exit Escala from the delivery door, and run to Flynn’s office. I’m so fucking wired up, I find myself running as fast as, or even faster than Taylor, who is faster than a greyhound. My mind is examining through hundred different scenarios how I can make Anastasia see sense. Punishment is fucking out! I don’t want her to leave me and I’ll feel like shit, if I hurt her. Fuck! She’s more stubborn than a Missouri mule! She’s my match! She kicks my ass mentally...every.fucking.time! I stop in my tracks, and Taylor who’s been speeding, runs ten steps before he stops to jog back to me.

“Is everything alright sir?”

“Yes,” I reply absently.

I haven’t tried everything yet. She can’t resist me. I can’t resist her for that matter, but I have more control over my desires. How can I punish her in bed? Orgasm denial? It’s a standard tool. Over-sexing her? She desires me as much as I desire her. Deny her sex as a punishment? She initiates sex with me as often as I do with her. That’s one thing we have no problems with. It’d be a cold day in hell if anyone would dare to keep me away from her body; it’d be a torture for me as well to deny her sex, because I’d be clawing my own fucking skin! What to do? What to do? Maybe Flynn will have some answers. Or not...

As we reach Flynn’s office, Taylor opens the door to his lush office. His secretary is already gone home for the day. John comes out of his office with a casual outfit.

“Hello Christian,” he says.

“John,” I reply.

“Taylor,” he nods at him in greeting with a warm smile.

“Evenin’ Dr. Flynn,” replies Taylor with an impassive face.

“Well, shall we Christian?” he says pointing the way to his office with his extended hand.

“What brings you here this evening Christian?” he asks once we walk into his office, and he closes the door behind me.

“John, I’m falling apart here!” I start.

“I see... Wedding jitters? Second thoughts? Problems at home? I need a little insight.”

I pace around his office and John’s gaze patiently follows my movements. I’m breathing hard. Finally I walk to his desk and lean down with both my palms placed on his desk which Flynn notices and jots down something into his leather covered tablet.

I take a big gulp of breath as if my lungs can’t get enough of it.

“Anastasia won’t obey me!” he looks up at me patiently.

“Elaborate...” he says simply as if he’s just met me.

 “The fucking wedding vows! She won’t say the traditional wedding vows! She wants to write her own!”

“Why do you see this as something wrong?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I don’t kid when I’m in this office, Christian. You know that,” he says ignoring my meaning.

“Control is very important to me. I need it, and God knows she needs it! She has no self-preservation sense when it comes to her well-being. It terrifies me! I am having panic attacks! I thought it was stroke or heart attack or something! She makes me feel helpless. I feel like a caged wild animal,” I explain.

“Do you feel that she confines you?” he asks and I snort. I weigh the nuances of the word in my head.

“What I feel is this enormous desire to protect her. What I feel is that when I’m in her orbit, or she’s in mine, I don’t know which way is up.”

“If she says she’ll obey, what do you think that will make you gain in your marriage to Anastasia?” he asks.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’ll be protecting her better! I’ll know she’s safe because I will know what to do...”

“By that token, do you mean that she doesn’t know how to protect herself?” he asks.

“Yes!”

“I see. Has she ever been in any kind of accident? Has she taken risks that are harmful to her well-being?”

“I don’t think she’s ever been in an accident,” I answer considering the question. “That one time she drank excessively and...” I pause not willing to give him more on that. “But there are other things. I dropped her off to work this morning with expressed order that she is not to leave SIP building, and the first thing she does is to leave the building. She goes to a deli nearby with Sawyer, and she was ambushed by paparazzi in the bathroom of all places! Had she just listened to me, this could have been all avoided. She was frantic, as was I!”

“Yes, but what she did, going to a deli to get something to eat surely isn’t something out of the ordinary. People do that every day. Why is her safety such a big concern to you Christian?”

“Isn’t your wife’s safety a concern for you?” I turn the question back to him.

“One’s family is always a concern, Christian. But my wife is an adult woman. She knows what to do. I have to give her that trust. Sometimes women are stronger than we give them credit for.”

“You don’t understand...” I say sagging into the leather chair, leaning down, my elbows on my knees, I capture my face in my hands. I feel the onslaught of thoughts weighing me, and giving me a headache.

“I love her excessively! Better than my own life. I can’t bear to live in a world where she didn’t exist because I couldn’t protect her properly. My life is complicated, John. More complicated than yours or a lot of other people’s. What she had before she was with me was simple and uncomplicated. I come with a 747 shitload of fuckeduppedness she has to deal with! It could be my past that could harm her. It happened before. With Leila nearly...” I stop unable to bring the rest of my sentence. “Surely, you know better. You’ve been treating her.”

He nods his agreement for the first time, however imperceptivity.

“Christian, you’ve isolated yourself from the world that’s surrounding you and put layers upon layers to keep that distance. You want to include Anastasia into that bubble, and protect her,” he summarizes.

“Yes!” I sigh.

“However...” he adds, “you would be excluding her from the world she’s been a part of.”

“I want to be her world!” I exclaim.

“The gilded cage. But do you think that’s what she wants? “

My eyes go wide in uncontained fear. I blink to clear those thoughts away.

“She said she wants me,” I repeat in a soft voice.

“She wants Christian, the man. Maybe, not Christian the cage. What would be a happy middle ground for both of you?”

“There’s no middle ground! If I have to protect her and care for her, it must be my way.”

“Well, given the fact that you are here, I gather that she’s not agreeing to your terms, Christian. Therefore, a happy medium is a must. So, tell me, how can you compromise?”

“I don’t think I can... Not when it comes to her. I can’t lose her.”

“Christian,” he says in a soft, but almost chiding voice. “You cannot control the world you live in. Despite the fact that you have layers upon layers of protection, you’ve noticed that things happen without our control. There is a reasonable limit when it comes to those we love. Because if you are pressing too much, it will become overbearing, and you’ll suffocate her. I know that would defeat your purpose of happily keeping her in your life.”

I know that to be true. Anything that could get her out of my life, or make her cold to me, would kill me! Agony grips me in the guts and squeezes tight. I shut my eyes for the pain to subside, my hands fisted on my lap.

“I would hate myself if I turned her off. What do I do, John? How do I protect her?”

“We’ll find the answers together. But let me ask you this first. What exactly offends you if she has actually written her vows? Do you know what she wrote? Is it unsatisfactory to you?”

“I haven’t seen it... Not yet anyway. I don’t know if she’s finished it, or still working on it. She just sprung it on me today.”

“Christian, let’s examine one other pressing issue that neither one of us has mentioned today. Besides your concerns over her safety, which I can see is monumental; but I think there may be a subconscious reason, one you haven’t given much thought about.”

I look at him narrowing my eyes. He knows that I know what he’s thinking.

“Do you want a submissive in Anastasia?”

“No, I don’t...” I rack my brain for an honest answer. “Not anymore. I know she doesn’t want that, and anything she doesn’t want is like the bubonic plague to me. I’d do anything to avoid it; but had she wanted it, I’d go out of my way to make her happy, and fulfill her desires. And the fact that I’ve explored things with her I didn’t know was possible in the past, you know, incorporating love and sex and now her touch, I find myself craving those feelings like a starving man in an all you can eat banquet! She’s made me taste emotions, desires, and passion I didn’t know existed. It was all possible because of her. I felt the fucking nirvana! And she’s more than willing to accommodate me and loves my kinky fuckery...” I say unable to help myself but smile.

“Alright...” he says pausing. “Do you think that any of your submissives within the limitations of your “submissive contract” could have achieved this with you?”

“Never!” I reply and add, “But this also brings the other worry I have: she’s one of a kind. She’s priceless. She’s got no equal. If I lose her, I lose myself,” I say fervently. “Doesn’t anyone protect what’s so priceless?” I ask unblinking.

“Yes, but you must observe limitations with people. They’re not artifacts. You must work within their character traits. Anastasia is a vivacious woman. Strong-willed, like you. And by your own admission, she loves you unconditionally. There is a list of character traits that makes up Anastasia. My question in the end becomes, everything she’s offering you in your upcoming marriage... her love, her body, her ways, her own brand of character...” he stops letting it all sink in. “Are they not enough for you to live with? Would you love her any less if she disobeyed you? Would you not want her if she didn’t say she’ll obey?”

My heart stops for a few second with the impact of his words.

“I want her any shape and form she’s willing to have me! But I can’t get rid of this fear in me, gnawing at my soul, I have a pit in my stomach, and I find myself restless thinking about it. I’m going out of my fucking mind! How do I stop this? I have to have control! But, I can’t live without her even in the hypothetical.” I sink back into the chair again.

“Christian, all these years, you’ve taught yourself rather grudgingly by Elena that in order to have control of your life, you must control your surroundings. In business it may hold true. In relationships however, if you exceed the allowed limit, then you run into you your Hard Limits,” he says. Now, he’s talking in terms I can understand.

“Can you consider obedience as her Hard Limit?” he says, and I blink.

“John, I’d rather think of it as her Soft Limit and see how we can work around it. She obeys in the bedroom; in fact she rather enjoys it immensely, I just want to expand it to other things in our relationship,” I say petulantly.

“Do it to an acceptable degree. But then, I’m not your partner in this relationship. Anastasia is. She would be the best one to give you this feedback. But now you have a workable starting point.  This is the first real relationship you have, Christian. She isn’t going to behave the way your subs did,” he says and I snort.

“But the joy in that this type of relationship is that whatever she gives you is willingly given. You haven’t ordered her to give it to you. She wanted you to have it,” he explains.

“John, if it was at all possible, I’d be merged with her all the time. Not just sex, fucking, making love, but be in constant contact with all of her! Hold her, touch her, kiss her, wrap her in my arms,” I say fervently, “Although just fucking is reason enough. Her words are capable of caressing my soul as if she dipped her hands into my heart. At the same time, they’re also are also capable of wounding me, branding me, searing me from inside out! You see, we’ve never had problems with physically giving to each other. God knows, it’s one department we’re completely satisfied, but I’ll always have this sharp pang in my side, and be anxious until I know she’s completely safe. That’s one feeling I can’t get rid of.”

“Talk to her, and compromise,” he says. I do not like the sound of that word.

I stand up from my seat and exhale loudly. “I can’t yet John. I’m not ready,” I say. As I go to the door to take my leave, I turn around, “how’s Leila’s progress?”

“She’s coming along well. Following directions, taking her medication and showing interest in some art classes.”

“Good,” I say absently. “Keep me updated.”

“Oh, she wants to speak to you. I told her that it’s taking several steps back in her progress. But, since you asked me to pass all the information pertaining to her, that’s what she asked.”

“Why the fuck would she want to see me for?”

“She didn’t say.”

“I don’t want to see her! I haven’t forgiven her for putting a gun to Anastasia’s head either! She needs to remain in mental care facility until she’s well enough to travel to her folks in Connecticut. I don’t want her in the west coast, not near Anastasia. Not now, not ever! Pass that on. Once she’ll well enough to travel, I’ll pay for her travel, care, medical and schooling. But, my condition is that she is never to come close to Anastasia. Ever!”

“Did you want to speak to her or see her? She asks for you every time I see her.”

“What the fuck for, John? I don’t give a shit that she wants to see me. I have Anastasia in my life. I’m not going to jeopardize my relationship with Ana because Leila is too fucked up, and wants to see me. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do for her, but in return she’ll have to move on.”

“Alright, I pass your terms, Christian. And remember, just talk to Ana.”

“I’ll do what I can, John,” I say sighing, and walk out; Flynn follows me to see me to the door. Taylor is waiting. His face is impassive.

“Bastille will be at the gym in the next half hour, sir. Do you want to head there?”

“Yes,” I say monosyllabic.  And we run.

*****

“Fuck Grey! You’re a top level fighter, but something is off today. You’re aggressive but, you’re not completely here. I need your mind here, and now! You should never leave your penthouse without your brain attached to your head! Come on man! I kicked your ass seven times in the last...”he says looking at his watch, “twenty six minutes; by the looks of it a ten year old could kick it! Get it together!” Bastille scolds me.
(Claude Bastille)

“Fuck off, Bastille!” I reply.

“I’d love to Grey, but I don’t swing that way,” he says trying to lighten the mood. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, man! We’re going to do a conditioning circuit since all the bruises I could give you won’t heal until after your honeymoon. I don’t want your fiancée hating me because I damaged your girlish figure. Let’s begin with heavy low-repetition exercises. Right now weighted pull-ups followed by plyometric movements like medicine ball smashes and then weighted plunges sound good to me. We’ll go with 10, 10, 10. We’ll improvise as we go.” When I head to the bars, he says, “No, I have a different warm up on the treadmill in mind. Get the treadmill to the highest speed and highest incline you can handle. I want it in a way that you can’t maintain your pace for more than 30 seconds.”

“I’m game,” I say determined.

“Jump on and sprint all out for 20 seconds! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!” I give it all I got.

“Now jump your feet to both sides and rest for only ten seconds then jump back on for twenty seconds, then rest for ten, and jump for twenty. This is a repeat for 10 short sprints!”

“Tabata intervals?”

“Exactly! Go!” I jump, sprint on the treadmill for twenty seconds, and then rest for ten seconds on the side and go for twenty seconds, and jump for ten second rest again. Without any stop after I complete the tabata intervals he’s already picked the next two weight training exercises. He quickly ties 60 lbs. of weighed chain around me, and put me on the bars to do pull ups.

“Go for ten, Grey!” he orders and I pull myself up.

“Pull all the way up, Grey! I wanna see your shoulders above the bars! Knees bent! Lift those legs up! Keep it up there for two seconds! Four... Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten! Jump down! Take the weights off!”

I shred off the chained weighed around my torso.

“Now run to the medicine ball! Ten slams, Grey!” he orders as I try to make my way quickly to the medicine ball, “I ain’t getting any younger here! Ball above your head! Lift it up! Good... Make sure you rise on your toes like you’re Kobe Bryant and you’re going to toss your three pointer, except that you’re going to slam that ball with all you got!” I mentally count it.

“Speed Grey, speed! That’s it. Seven... Eight! Nine! And ten!”

“Let’s work those upper arms, Grey! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go! That’s it! Push it as far as you can! We’ll go with two sets of ten! Up, down! Up, down! Up, down!” He pushes me hard.

“Keep going Grey, if you aren’t breathing hard, and your legs aren’t shredding, you aren’t doing it right! Come on man!” he forces me, and that’s good, because it focuses me on the task at hand. Because they’re short in duration, I have no time to occupy my mind with something or someone else. Just the exercise.

“Five second hold, ten times, Grey! Legs on the bench, sideways, elbow and forearms on the mat! Hold the waist off the ground! Left arm on your waist! Keep breathing! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Now lower your hip! Good job! Now, lift up and hold for five seconds again!” We repeat the cycle for ten lifts.

“Roll to the other side without getting off, Grey! Let’s repeat on the other side. Left arm on the mat, right arm on the waist! Good job! Nine! And ten! Off the bench, now, now, now! Thirty pound dumbbell lunges!” he says pushing me to the next task he has in mind not leaving me a second of time to think. I have thirty pound hanging from each hand and I do ten sets of lunges with the weights.

“Come on Grey! Get low, and drive up hard! Come on! Chest up, Grey! Watch your posture! Breathe in, breathe out! Now ten lunges to the other direction Grey! Good job! Now weights down! Don’t stop! Use the rectangular bench to explode up now!” he orders me into doing the bent leg jumps. “One leg bent when you reach up... Yes! That’s it! Keep the other leg straight when you bend one, Grey! Explode up! Higher man, higher! This is not for speed, Grey, this is for power! Up! Higher! We’ll go with twenty on this!”

I jump using a bench for vertical lift, and explode up. The second that exercise is over he orders me into the next one.

“Now, hit the bikes! Go very hard for one minute! Jump off immediately, rest 30 seconds and repeat! We’re going for 10 repetitions with this cycle!”

When I’m done with the bike, I’m breathing hard, but nothing I can’t handle.

“Grey, you’re going to run the length of the gym. We’ll start with about 100 yard sprint; then you will do 20 pushups, then you sprint to 80 yards where I’ll set a marker for you, you will do 20 crunches. We’ll go down with 20 yard intervals. Sprint, 20 pushups, sprint, 20 crunches, sprint, pushups, and sprint crunches until we get to the 0 marker! Now, run!”

By the time I am done with the anaerobic exercises, I’m gasping for breath!

“Now, you’re focused, Grey! Hydrate, and let’s see what you can do on the mat!”

When I manage to get Bastille sprawled on the floor, he tries to go for a takedown. I manage to get on top, and place my arm under his neck and through his armpit and lock it with my other arm and grasping well past my bicep! When he tries to resist, I raise my hips and I start throwing some knees to his head which in return he brings his left hand to defend, giving me a good grasp to further lock my hand aiding me to shove it as deep as possible. Then I dip my head to the side to protect my head, dip my shoulder in, twist my hips to get as much power as possible to roll to my side, once I have him, I snatch him up, and walk into him. He’s completely under my control, and he taps out. If he doesn’t, he can lose consciousness within minutes, because the anaconda chokehold interrupts the blood flow to the brain.

“Good job, Grey! Finally managed to focus!” he says. “Not too bad for a man whose brain is still elsewhere!” he says, but I ignore the remark with an impassive gaze.

*****

I have showered and cleaned up and in my pajama bottoms with a t-shirt on top, working in my office. I check the time. No phone calls, or text yet.  It’s been four hours since Anastasia left to go to my parents’ house. How long does it take to taste some food? My hand goes to my phone, and I force myself to stop. I want her to call me. I force myself to go over business reports analyzing numbers, when finally Anastasia calls.

“Hi,” she says in her girlish soft voice. That simple word just tugs at my heart strings.

“Hi,” respond my voice deep and husky, but don’t say anything else.

“Sawyer’s driving me back right now,” she says, pausing.

“Okay,” I reply in a low murmur.

“Are you still mad at me?” she asks in a soft tone. I sigh.

“Maybe...”

“Oh,” she says, and that single word tells me she’s disappointed, and that one simple word out of her lips breaks my heart.

“I’ll see you home, then...” she replies in a whisper.

“Okay,” I reply, wanting to say so much, and unable to. Acting like a fucking teenager!

“I love you, Christian,” she says making me shiver to the core. I close my eyes, and let the words sink into my soul. Craving for her words, for her touch, just...craving for her...
Hungry Eyes (pride and prejudice) 

“I know,” is all I can say in a soft murmur. What I want to say is that I love her more than words can express. That I love her better than I love myself, or any one thing or a combination of things and people I have ever loved in my life. I love her so much it hurts to think about it! Yet, all I can say is, ‘I know,’ to her declaration of love. Fuck me!

She sighs. “I’ll see you soon, then, Christian.”

“Okay,” I reply like a broken record. She doesn’t hang up, staying on the line.

“Bye, Christian.”

“Bye, Ana.”

My fucking heart hurts when she finally hangs up.

One fucking word, Ana! One word! How hard could it be to say it? Am I not worthy of that?

I start going over the reports Alex Pella created, but my heart isn’t in it. My ears are at half attention waiting for her footsteps in the apartment. The buzzing of the phone jumps me, because there’s no other noise.

“Mr. Grey? Welch’s here.”

“Yes,” I say, frowning.

“I wanted to go over the report Mr. Pella created, and give you some of our findings. Do you have time sir?”

“Go ahead,” I reply.

“I wanted go with the elimination of some of the suspects you wanted me to search,” He goes through a small list of former business associates.

“Each one was either out of town or their activities near and after your accident implied that they had nothing to do with it, or had no knowledge of it.”

“What about Elena Lincoln and her boyfriend?” I ask.

“They’re both clear, sir.”

“Without the shadow of any doubt?”

“Yes, sir,” he says with certainty. “The boyfriend was in California at the time, and she was working all day, the day before and during. I’ve confirmed it with people who worked and got the list of other clients who have seen her at work.”

“What about Mr. Lincoln?” I ask reluctantly.

“He was in town, but he was working. A lot of people confirmed seeing him all day at his work site. But that means little. He wouldn’t do it himself if it was him. So our best bet is to locate the owner of the partial print that was recovered, and find out whether he worked alone, or with someone else.”

“Fine. I want the list of names that are responsible with access to Charlie Tango, all the way to the top.”

“I have them ready, sir. I’ll e-mail them to you.”

“Call Andrea, and have her schedule top fucker first thing tomorrow morning! Someone will have to answer for the unacceptable security lapse.”

“Mr. Grey, I personally researched it myself: the lack of security, and the access to Charlie Tango was incredibly easy. It’s not because the rules aren’t in place, but because people aren’t doing their jobs. I’ll send you images, and a report summarizing my findings in a few minutes. I have already grilled them on the lack of security, and they’re tightening the security, and ease of access to GEH aircrafts.”

“A day late, a dollar short, Welch! I want some heads rolling for the fuckup that nearly cost me and Ros our lives! I want the management waiting for me first thing tomorrow morning!”

“Yes, sir. I’ll have Andrea schedule it.”

“Anything else?”

“That’s all for now, sir. I still haven’t completed going over all reports in detail Mr. Pella created.”

“Update me when you do. I want increased security for all my family, and here at Escala as well. E-mail me the list of names and backgrounds, and CC to Taylor, and coordinate with him,” I say before I hang up.

I sag back in my chair. A lunatic is after me, and very likely after Anastasia. Fucking paparazzi ambushing her in the public bathroom for God’s sake! I’m doing all I can to try to protect my woman, and she won’t fucking cooperate with me! She won’t fucking obey! Ripping my heart out by hand would be less agonizing!

Exasperated I get back to my work.

*****

My door opens slowly. Anastasia walks in with hesitating steps and closes the door behind her. My gaze dons the impassive mask, giving away nothing. I don’t blink. She steps into the room, and the distance between us feels like miles away.

“I’m back,” she says simply. I don’t dare to swallow. “I brought you something,” she adds, and I notice the plate in her hand for the first time.  She walks in slow steps as if she’s walking towards a wild animal she’s trying not to make timid. She places the plate on the table as if she’s making an offering. Her hands slowly retract back. I don’t blink.

“Would you like wine to go with your seafood?” she asks.

“Yes,” I breathe, yearning for her. She nods her head slowly.

“Okay,” she says swallowing. “I’ll go get you a glass,” she whispers.

She turns to go, I say, “Ana?” she turns to look at me expectant. I shake my head.

“White wine,” I say, kicking myself mentally. ‘Say something, stupid!’ I chide myself. She turns to leave, and walk out of my study. It feels lonely without having her close to my vicinity. Fucking lonely, miserable and I’m so fucking stubborn, and so is she over a word, neither one giving an inch to the other! It’s an important word, but a word nonetheless.

She comes back with a chilled glass of white wine.

“Join me?” I ask hopeful.

“No, I ate already...a lot I think with all the food to taste and had wine at your parents. I don’t think you want me to drink too much. I feel light headed already,” she says her gaze not leaving mine. Both of us look at each other yearning, wanting the other and unable to get passed our stubborn streak.

“It’s late. I want to go to bed. Are you coming?” she asks expectantly. I speak before I can think.

“I have to work. Lots to catch up,” I say softly, still unblinking, still my heart breaking with the distance we are erecting between each other; neither one willing to back down. Words remain unsaid. She stands in the study awkwardly. Finally deciding against some conflicting emotion in her head, she walks forward, and chastely kisses me, leaving me frozen for a few seconds, but I manage to respond with the charge that passes through our connection. Our bodies betray us; I pull her into my embrace, and hold her tightly, feeling her warmth in my proximity, and inhale her scent, finally kissing the top of her head.

“Go to bed now, baby. I’ll have to work a little more.”

“Come to bed,” she pleads, and I want to. Oh, I want to so badly! But I’m afraid to give in or worse, I’ll want to punish her with sex, and get carried away. My eyes widen in response, I shake my head.

“Too much to do. Can’t wait. We only have a short month, and I better get these done,” I say indicating my computer screen.

She nods her head, but the glimpse of hurt is there in her eyes.

“Okay,” she says in a whisper, and as she steps away, her hand that was in mine slowly drifts away from me, leaving me feeling bereft.
Celine Dion - Falling into you

I remain in my office another four hours working hard; sleep not finding me. When I finally make my way into my room, I slowly turn my side table lamp on. Pull a chair up, and watch Anastasia sleep. She’s looking so innocent, so lovely; her lips slightly parted, her hair spread to her pillow. She sighs, and turns. Her hand absently extends to my side of the bed as if to find something missing next to her. A connection... She rolls, and not finding what she’s looking for in her sleep, she moans as if in pain. I hear a soft call of my name, barely audible. Did she wake up? I lean in, and her eyes are closed. But she is looking for me in her sleep. She automatically turns to my warmth. We’re drawn to each other even in sleep, and we’re fucking meaningless without each other. I take my shirt off and slowly ease into bed pulling her into my arms, and finally for the first time all day long, I feel complete.

*****

It’s dark. I can’t see a thing. I can’t feel my way. There isn’t any light, no sound, nothing. It’s a deep abyss. My heart is pounding. She’s here. I know she’s here.

“Christian, help me!” I hear her.

“Where are you Ana?”

“I’m here! Help me!” she screams. I don’t know which way is the right way to get to her. I run full speed, but the voice is getting distant.

“Ana, where the hell are you? Talk to me! Let me find you!”

All I hear is a blood curdling scream. My name laced in her scream, ripping my  soul apart!

There is a dim light in the distance. So dim, if you blinked, you would lose it. I wouldn’t dare to blink. I have to focus. I come to a dirty door that had seen better days. The smell... I know the smell. It’s pungent, nasty. It oozes out of the door, taking a form. It stinks like...death.

Agony grips my heart and tears sting my eyes, my hands fists on my side. I kick the fucking door nearly pulling it off its hinges. It hangs askew. I’m breathing hard, my heart is at my throat beating hard, trying to get out of my chest. I enter and look around in the dim light. The smell draws me like the hands of the devil, so strong. It’s laced with fear and evil. It’s odor reeks with blood, and hurt. I’m afraid to call out to her name. I’m afraid that she won’t answer. I’m terrified! I smell her scent, her brand of woman, her natural perfume smelling like sweet spices, outdoors, and freshness... and blood.

“Ana?” I whisper. “Ana, talk to me, baby! I’m here... I’m here, Ana. Answer me, baby...” No response. My eyes bewildered looks around.

Then I find her. Her blood crusted body is naked on the dirty concrete floor. Whip lines criss cross her back, and her chest. Her hair matted with blood and dirt. Her face is bruised. Her lifeless body has endured unimaginable pain. A shriek comes to my ears I don’t recognize. Oh... It’s me. I’m the one screaming in agony, falling on my knees, holding her tightly in my arms and rocking her back and forth.

“How do you like it now?” asks an unknown voice. It gets louder and louder still.

“How do you like it, Master?” asks Leila’s voice and her hazy face. The face slowly shifts, ripples and changes.

“How do you like it, Christian? I saved you from your gold digging whore! You can thank me later,” says Elena‘s voice and face changing on the hazy figure. Her large leather whip flies and hits Anastasia’s lifeless legs.

“Stop it! Stop! Leave her alone!” She laughs, and the face ripples once again.

“How does it feel young Christian Grey when someone else fucks your woman?” says the contorting face changing into Mr. Lincoln in the haze. He leans his head in examining her wounds with pride in his green gaze. “I have to say, she rather enjoyed the punishment. She was a good girl, screaming when I wanted her to scream... at exactly the right pitch... Did it hurt you enough? I was aiming for soul shredding effect,” he says his voice lilting, completely pleased with himself.

I try to shield Ana’s lifeless body, getting colder by the second. I can’t fucking do anything to make her alive! I scream and rock her back and forth harder.

Faces change rapidly with the unknown body, finally the face of the pimp emerging.

“How do you like it now, bastard? You killed her. Like you killed your mother! You are a murderer! You are a murderer! You.are.her.murderer! But then, you only deserve her dead body!” his voice seethes poison, his breath stinking cheap beer and Camel cigarettes.

“Look, what we have here. The little whore that is your mama. There she is!” he points at another lifeless body. “Better get to her boy! She’s getting cold awfully fast!” he says his face distorting into a menacing form. “What the fuck have you done to her? That crazy fucked up bitch! Shit! Fuck! Get out of the way you little shit!” he yells kicking me, and all of a sudden I’m little, helpless, hurt...

“No! No! No! Mommy!” There’s her lifeless body lying on the dirty green carpet. I want my mommy! I’m here and I’m not here. I look at myself. A hungry, dirty, unwanted little boy and the policewoman is taking my blankie away.

“Mommy!” I run to her, and I’m stopped by the large hands of death grasping me on my shoulder with the face of the pimp.

“You better make your choice, you little shit!” says the pimp. “What will it be? Your mommy’s dead body or your lover’s dead body? What will you keep?” he whispers menacingly, taunting me.

I run between two bodies in this abyss unable to save neither. I see the faces turning around Ana’s body. All sorts of faces! Elena, Leila, the pimp, Mr. Lincoln... unknown faces. Trying to claim her as their own! They want to take her away from me!

“No! No! No! Leave her the fuck alone! She’s mine!” I shield her lifeless body with mine. Tears flow freely with agony ripping my heart and soul apart.
(Unbreak My Heart – Toni Braxton)

“Don’t die on me baby! Don’t go! I love you so much! Don’t just leave me!” Tears spring down on their own volition. “Take me, too, Ana! I cannot live without my heart. I cannot live without my soul,” I grieve in utter despair. She doesn’t hear me or respond. My baby is dead! I cry out in agony. I want to die, too!

“Christian! Christian!” It’s her voice! Is it from heaven? She sounds urgent, pulling me away from the depths of my despair. “I’m here, Christian. I’m here,” she shakes me.

My eyes open, clouded with tears making it hard to see. She’s leaning over me, grasping me my shoulders, shaking me, her face too is etched with anguish, and her beautiful, alive blue eyes are wide and brimming with tears.

“Ana,” I say unbelieving in a breathless whisper, fear lacing my mouth, oozing out of my pores. “You’re here. You’re well,” I utter, unbelieving.

“Of course, I’m here.”

“I had a dream...” I say breathless.

“I know. I’m here. I’m here,” she says reassuring.

“Ana,” I breathe her name like a talisman against the choking nightmare gripping my soul, the fear killing me inside.

“Hush, I’m here,” she says curling her arms around me, her limbs cocooning me, her warmth giving life, forcing the devils of my nightmare away. She’s my life, she’s my sun; she is my everything! I can’t exist without her.

“Ana, please, let’s not fight,” I say in a hoarse voice, embracing her within my arms. Holding her, and feeling her.

“Okay, okay,” she says calming me.

“The vows. No obeying, I can do that. We’ll find a way,” I say. I am just glad that she’s alive. I don’t care that she doesn’t obey. I just want her!

“Yes. We will. We always find a way,” she whispers and descends her lips sealing mine, both silencing me, and jolting me back to life, and existence. I roll over her pulling t-shirt off her body in one swift move, and merge my body with hers.

111 comments:

Jean Niemi said...

Awesome chapter! It was great having John involved as well as Claude. You certainly are in tuned with Christian. Thank god you are sharing all of this with us!!

I can hardly wait for the next chapter. I must have checked the site four or five times a day since Saturday. It was well worth the wait.

Martha Baltazar said...

Loved, loved, loved this chapter. You are spot on when it comes to Christian's way of thinking. This was fantastic. You had me crying towards the end with the nightmare. I kept checking every day, sometimes 2-3 times to see if you had posted anything yet. I love you blog and the way you write. Thank you so much.

Domenica said...

Amazing! I'm loving the direction you present in this chapter. Looking forward to the next! :)

Rachel Smith said...

OMG I am in awe!! That was powerful & amazing! Love it & love you!

Jamie Whited said...

I love it! You know how to make a bad day good! Can't wait for the next chaper!

Erin Mincey said...

Yet again you have given us amazing chapter!!! I was coming on to reread the last two and to my surprise you posted this one!! I love the direction that your taking...answering all the questions we all had!!! I can't wait till next week!!

Heather Timmins said...

I love all of your writings,please keep them coming chicka! It is so amazing the way you capture Christian, I wish your blogs for this would become a movie also (I would so own it). Great job! Can't wait for the next chapter!!!

Erin Mincey said...

Like always I loved it and the direction you are taking!! I love see what happen in between book 2 and 3! And you have done a great job!!

Anonymous said...

very intense, loved it!!

nuice said...

Waiting for every chapter to unfold is worth the wait.
Kudos for you...
Keep safe always.

Katherine said...

Loved it! Job well done!

Anonymous said...

Ahhh that was soooo good...i love love love your work..cant wait fir.ch 4...AMAZING!


Celeste (az)

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh you so nailed it!!! This chapter was amazing!! I felt all their feelings like I was involved! Keep up the great work!! Loved it!!

Fins(sc)

Julia Biggs said...

Another amazing chapter!! Well worth the wait. Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Loved it!!!! :))))

Onthatile said...

Thanks so much Emine,
I like how Christian and Ana are so similar yet so different... but Ana really handles him well. She stuck to her guns. Loved it...
I like how as you write you really are in tune with the original book,

Thanks again Emine. I'm greedy and can't wait for the next chapter already.

Onthatile

Anonymous said...

You have once again out done yourself! Amazing chapter. Just keeps getting better and better. I loved the details in this chapter. The workout ones were greatness. Thank you for doing this week after week. We love you for it! Cathy from Texas

~*PaKaHaJa*~ said...

oh WOW!! Emine...

I honestly do not know what to say...
your writing is amazing, I'm falling in love with your story more than the original, if your books were to be published, I would be the first to line up and buy all 4..

I was honestly in tears with this chapter, and as someone who doesn't read much because nothing ever grabs me, that's saying something. The emotion, the anger, the fear of Ana leaving him, I felt every single word. Harry just came up to me and said "Mummy why are you crying"

I've just got Richard to go out to the shops and get me some printer paper so I can print out the chapters/books.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE you and your work..

THANK YOU beautiful for sharing such an amazing talent with each and every one of us. As always I look forward to the next chapter.. xoxoxo <3 <3 <3 <3

Charm D said...

EmIne,

That was well worth the wait! I just love how you get into Christian's head especially when he is frustrated with Ana. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

annie7632 said...

You've done it again Emine, you have showed the raw emotions of CG. His possessiveness, his inability to get past his insecurities of worthlessness to have Ana. I cant wait to read the next chapter... Hope your ok and have survived the extreme weather without any problems xx

reebz said...

Amazing. I'm up at 4:30 with the winds of a hurricane enjoying a hurricane all it's own.....Christian Grey! Keep up the awesome writing!

teresa italy said...

are a bad mother.
This morning I brought in late to school because my son came out the next chapter ........
fantastic!!
fantastic!!
I love your work ....
never stop!!
when it comes out the next chapter? I look forward to!!
I only regret not understand English. I translate books with google translator and I know there is a lot of work but I can not resist your job!
kisses teresa Italy

Anonymous said...

Emine,
You leave me wanting more. The waiting does my head in.
You have Christian down to a T. My heart was breaking, during his nightmare. Love, love, love it.
Take care, thinking of you
Yours Smiling
Kathy x (Australia) aka Dr. Greene.

Anonymous said...

Dear Emine,

Loved the chapter. Eagerly await the next.

There is a lot of fifty shades fan fic out there but yours is by far the best that I have read. You truly understand the complex character of Christian Grey and see him for what he is

Writing all the way from India
S


Catarina* said...

I don't know what I can say that I don't have already said my dear, because every chapter of yours is better than the previous one! You are constantly amazing us! :D

It's like I said to you, you are Christian, and somehow you understand him better than anyone, so we all feel connected to him when you write :)

I loved this chapter, the talk with the doctor, and then the nightmare, and of course, they will get to a compromise, even if Christian would prefer the obeying thing. You write so wonderfully that at some point I was thinking to myself "C'mon Ana, just say the damn word, don't you see it's important to him? Poor Christian" and in the next moment I was "For god's sake Christian, this again? She is not going to say the word and that is part of why you love her and not any other woman!" lol really, I'm here pushing to one side and then to the other, I get so involved with your story that I talk to them out loud while reading, which, of course, when I read the chapters while my parents are at home make them think I'm going crazy :p

You are incredible my dear Eminé, and so is your talent and your Christian!

And I love the videos with my Mr. Darcy from the BBC series! Thank you so much for putting videos with them :)

A big kiss, and a nice week my dear, next one will be even more special :p


Catarina*

Catarina* said...

Can I just add that I only feel in love with the song I hate you then I love you by Celine Dion and Pavarotti with this video? I'm positive that you had used it before in a video with Kivanc, from that series too, but seeing Lizzie and Darcy again...oh I love them!

And I really dislike Caroline Bingley :s

I will shut up now my dear!


Catarina*

jaimini Dave said...

OMG! Emine, thank you so much for posting this chapter! I was eagerly waiting for this chapter. I am so happy when you post a new chapter and AM sad when it is finished..and am in despair until the next chapter is posted. You do an amazing job..bringing Christian to life and even more so in love with him, his torments, just everything. Can't wait for next week! Thank you Emine, Jaimini x

Denale said...

The moment I started reading your work I fell in love....... you truly are very talented. I seen you posted last night..... Felt like a kid at Christmas lol....peeked and then stopped so I can enjoy this chapter with no interruptions this morning. I truly enjoyed this chapter (who am I kidding...) I enjoy ALL your chapters so far...... Thank you for sharing with all your readers...... And for feeding our addiction. Already so looking forward to the next chapter. Hope you have a great week.
Denale

Anonymous said...

Hallo, i write from Italy... I only want to say that this chapter (as well as the others) is amazing..

thanks, Elisa

Anonymous said...

Hallo, i write from Italy... I only want to say that this chapter (as well as the others) is amazing..

thanks, Elisa

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I am writing from Italy...

I would only like to tell you that this chapter (as well as the others) is amazing,

thanks
Elisa

Nikolina Bujdo said...

Your writing is giving me a shivers!
Excellent chapter! Love every word you wrote.
Lots of kisses from Croatia
xoxo

Nina

Irene Barrera said...

Love This Chapter!!! You are so in tuned with Christian Grey. I look forward to the next chapters.

hope all is well with you and your family. Thanks for wringing this for all of us.

MichelleW said...

Wonderful as ever Emine. Look forward to more, much more. Have a wonderful week. Write soon. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

What can I say that hasn't already been said...I am so enjoying this ride you are taking "us" on...I will note that with each new chapter your writing has so surpassed ones expectation...Until the next chapter...I will be waiting impatiently ...Kuto's and ditto of enjoyment!

Anonymous said...

Idk what to say... I absolutely love love love it!!! I'm always checking for updates. Waiting patiently for the next chapter. :)

Mitch, Singapore.

mzthang said...

Emine!

What can I say?....... I Looooooooove it! I like the way Ana stuck to her point even though I felt sorry for Christian. You brought him to life in the most gripping ways.

You are a talented writer and we love that you share your gift for writing with us. The scene where he had the nightmare brought tears to my eyes.

Keep up the good work hun!

Hugs from
hooked in the Caribbean.

Anonymous said...

Love the reaction from Taylor and Gail HAHA, shows he has no body hang ups. I love Flynn, please have some more sessions with him. Would you go through a few Ana and Flynn sessions? It would be interesting to see how he deals with her insecurities plus I think we all know that something major happened between Ana and stepdad No 3??

Claire

Dcl2106 said...

Dearest Emine:
As usual, this was awesome!!
I think the reason why I LOVE Christian so much is that he loves Ana sooo much and so hard. He tries so hard to protect her because he was so unprotected in his early years and it is just ingrained in him to protect and there is absolutely no other way to live. He absolutely must protect his Ana. You just bring this so alive. I have to stop and realize that he is not a real person. I love CG, I love Ana, I love Taylor(& Gail) and I love you!!! So looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks, Emine, for being you.

Holly said...

AMAZING!!! I love your writing. I reread all your books and just love your work in Christian's POV. great job!!
-Holly

Dcl2106 said...

Emine, started reading this blog again, which is what I always do, sometimes, 4 and 5 times. Just wanted to let you know that I really got a good laugh out of a lot of this, however, I also shed a tear or two as well. Wonderful does not begin to describe the type of writer that you are.
And as always, take care of Emine.
Love,
Lovey

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine!
This chapter was great!! We lost power in the hurricane last night and still don't have it, but I got cell service enough last night to read this chapter and I was so happy! It really helped me relax. Thank you so much!
Chantal from NJ

Adriana Camacho said...

Always worth the wait thank you loved it as always.

staciefromtn said...

Once again you amaze me! Very welll thought out. Stubborn people...i love it!!! Christian is hell bent on having his way & Ana has no intention of giving in..that would cause her to loose her identity. Compromising is going to be difficult but i have a feeling will give in rather than risk loosing Ana to a perception of the meaning of "obey".

I loved his visit with Dr. Flynn. Brilliant!!!

Also, glad he got to take his aggression out on Claude rather than Ana. That had some potential. However, it would have been detrimental to their relationship.

Last chapter, you asked about ideas for the wedding. I read my People today and i must say some of the photos from Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlakes wedding were amazing..candlelight outdoors was beautiful. Her dress was light pink...beautiful as well. Just a thought.

I cant wait for the next chapter. Your portrayal of Christian is spot on!!!!!!!!

Rhonda Womack said...

Love it time drags waiting on the next chapter. You do a wonderful job keep it up

Rhonda Womack said...

Love it time drags waiting on the next chapter. You do a wonderful job keep it up

Brigie said...

I loved this chapter, not as disturbing for me as the last one. It is coming together really well.

Jana said...

Fantastic chapter! I was crying at the end. Thank you for filling in the gaps between book two and three.

Nieves said...

I loved this chapter and his inner turmoil with the word "obey". Incredible how one word can be so powerfula! The nightmare was so Christian it brought me to tears! Nieves

Donna F. Patten said...

LOVED IT! Thank You ! ! ! Stay Safe and Healthy!

Thil27 said...

Nice work Emine!!! It was a good chapter. I always imagined that flynn would have been included in this scenario to make him see the truth. A lording to Ana though this fight drags for 3 days, so I am assuming that there is a time line lapse here between his moping and the nightmare. The nightmare was fitting too, I too imagined it to be something about Ana, but loved how you linked it with all the people that have caused him pain, including Elena, which is interesting because strictly speaking I am not sure if he has completely begun to see her for what she is truthfully. But I liked how you put her in his nightmare category to be known only in his subconscious even if he hadn't admitted it fully.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Thank you so much ladies! First off, I want to ask if everyone's okay in the east coast? I was in touch with some of you right before the hurricane, and now I can't get news from some of you guys. Hope you're all well.. Thinking of you all-hope you & your families are all safe.

***************************

In this particular chapter, I wanted to emphasize how important obedience is to Christian. He may not be a Dom with Ana but this concept was emphasized all through his formidable years and this is what he knows. So imagine his shock when Ana sort of says, “I’m not saying this!” Losing control means a lot to him: It’s not just protecting Ana. He gained his wealth with immense control and excessively hard work. He doesn’t want to be poor anymore. Control gives him power, wealth, and order in his life. He didn’t have control over his life, and his mother died: It may be irrational to a “normal” individual, because we haven’t been in his shoes. Not having control allowed “evil people” like the pimp into his life-though it was through his mother and clearly she had no control over her own life. This element CANNOT be dismissed. When I looked through a lot of psychology books to clearly portray him, I understood how fear was kept at bay with his exercise of control. Even though he says “it’s in the past, all done deal” it’s affecting his life, and lacing his nightmares. That happens often if control slips even slightly.

Remember when Ana came into his life, the nightmares ceased. Because she became his safe place. She gave him an oasis to escape those fears. So, he feels the immense desire to protect this one single element that allows him to be remotely normal. And that one person doesn’t cooperate.

Tilly-about the time lapse; you and I have discussed a similar topic last week. When I studied Christian’s character, I understood that he has to be intense. He feels all his emotions strongly because he’s avoided them so long. So he would deals with Ana until he resolved this issue somehow (Remember the last name incident? He made a special trip to her work). For one thing, he’s goal oriented: he doesn’t give up until he’s accomplished his end goal. He likes control, and of course all the reasons I’ve listed above-losing obedience means losing control, losing control is giving control to others who may harm him and his loved ones. This is as big if not a bigger deal for him than Ana taking his last name. So, when I wrote about it I knew there had to be slight alterations to the time lapse because EL James wrote it through Ana’s POV and I don’t how extensively she thought about Christian’s character. Because when I start writing, I have a definite idea who he is, and his behaviors take shape without much thought (unlike what it was several months ago). And of course you only get one chapter at a time, it’s probably hard to envision 5 chapters down the road because the book sort of fast forwards quite a few things, but I have a clear path in my head. Thus, the events had to shape up this way; knowing Christian as I do now, he wouldn’t just sit and sulk only. It has to be much more intense, much more passionate, and he will try hard. But, you’re right, that’s not quite end of it :)

Leah Ward said...

LOVED IT!! Looking so forward to next chapter :)

Leah Ward said...

LOVED IT! Looking so forward to next chapter! :)

Ann54ontheSevern said...

My Dear Emine,
YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT!!! Every chapter you post is pretty amazing, but this one was so moving, so real, so powerful, I laughed, and I cried. With each new chapter you reveal more insight and depth (shades, if you will) to our mercurial 50. Each new chapter just keeps getting better and better, if that's possible. I'm absolutely loving the way you're filling in the gaps. Your take on Christian's conflict with Ana over her unwillingness to include "obey" in her vows, and his internal struggle with the same was just outstanding. The visit with Dr. Flynn was interesting and might help move him toward a compromise. The dream scene was brilliant!! The way Christian's inner turmoil manifests itself through the changing characters, real and imagined, was so well thought out. We all fell in love with Christian & Ana by way of the Fifty Shades Trilogy, but our love is extended and deepened through your writing of Christian's. POV. You are incredibly talented! Thank you so much for sharing your gift. I can't wait for your next chapter...you always leave me wanting "more".

Take Care
<3. XO

Nicole Rotio said...

Great chapter!!!! I'm still having a little difficulty getting into it cause of the way the third book began but I love it!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I tried to read it Monday night but couldn't keep my eyes open. I live in NJ and work in a hospital, after working a double shift, I checked to see that you posted but I was to tired. Then yesterday I tried to read while on break and my phone kept losing signal, went the whole day like that. Finally this morning I have a good enough signal. I'm more inland, about three hours away from the coast but we've had horrible winds here, downed trees, power lines and loss of power, phones and cable. Some damage to homes and vehicles but I have not heard of any loss of life in my immediate area, which I am very thankful for. The NJ coast has sustained unbelievable damage, I'm not to sure about loss of life, its hard keeping up with everything. We have a lot of clean up here but as always we will carry on. ;-)

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Thank you Leah, Ann & Nicole!
Nicole, I'm so glad you are well; there are at least 3 of you who are in NY I haven't heard from since Sandy. I just hope that everyone's familes, and homes are well. Guess no news is good news so far, but I'll feel much better if I hear from them. I've lived through one hurricane when I was in high school, and that was enough for me. The damage was devastating, power was out, you wade through the streets where you used to bike. In the middle of the storm, we had to go and move everything to second floor in grandparents' home who were in CA at the time, so it fell upon us to secure their house as well in MA. I know how devastating it can be. I hope all of you out there recover from the damages.

Now that the summer heat is over, Arizona is pretty sweet with good weather; my roses are blooming and oranges and lemons are in fruition.

Stay safe, and keep us updated. It's just heartbreaking to see the damages.

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine,
you are an angel!! I would buy this book in a heartbeat if it was published, you are so talented!! We have all had low points in our lives and at the moment it is my turn....your writing is literally the only thing keeping me going right now....keep up the good work. when can i look forward to the next chapter?? - stay well and keep loving your family - thank you so much. xx Ana from Australia

Rose M. Wesley said...

Thank you for these extra chapters from the 3rd book in Christians POV. I felt so much was left un said in the 3rd novel. Not that it wasn't great because it was, but just knowing what he is going through with the whole obey thing is great. It is written so well you can almost feel the anxiety he feels. Thanks once again for bringing Christian more to life.
Hope you are well. :)

Anonymous said...

AMAZING!!! You write with such detail I felt their hurt and anguish they were going thru. You never disappoint....

Anonymous said...

The only words I have are... WOW. I have always wondered how big the fight was about the "obey" vows and you explained it perfectly. The way you get into Christian's head is fantasic. I can't wait for the next chapters, and can only say thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to endulge us fans.

I also agree that the weather in Arizona is wonderful, but as a native I also endure the 117 in the summer.

Lisa B

Anonymous said...

I really like your writing =) i can't wait to read your version of the "fight" when Ana tells him that she's pregnant!!
Assïa from France ;)

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi girls! I have some questions for you. Your answers will help me portray Christian so much better, and I of course want you to feel that you are a part of this story as a reader as much as possible:

What do you like about Christian? How do you see him? What attracts you to him?

You can either answer here, or email me. Your answers will help me understand how others see him. We have a vision of him in the books perceived by Ana. The big picture that is Christian I want to envision is this: Imagine him existing outside of the books. Imagine him doing things that are not said in the books but things he would do.

That's what I'm personally trying to do. For example, we know that Christian is into extreme sports. We know that he has a personal trainer. But the book never once goes over a workout session. I can write about it because I can apply his character traits to a given situation. We know he has a shrink. But the only session mentioned in the book is when Ana wants to see Flynn. He goes to see him once a week at least. That's also part of his routine but also not mentioned in the books-again, it comes back to Ana's POV. A big part of Christian's day goes on in GEH with people who are not part of Ana's vision: Taylor, Ros, Andrea, Olivia, Welch (which I haven't shown him yet, but he too will come), Warren (another top guy like Ros), Barney, Bastille and there are other employees that he deads with day in and day out.

Not bringing those characters out would leave Christian two dimensional, limited to Ana's vision. Because Christian did have a life of his own, and he continues to have a life outside of his relationship to Ana which even in the book she admits doesn't know much (especially about his work) - like the time he bought a shipyard in Taiwan, and Christian said it was a deal they've been hammering out for months. You see?

For me to bring out all of these behind the scenes, I've studied his character, and I continue to do so with his fears, control frekishness, and sexpertise, and alpha male, and angry Christian, and happy Christian. 50 Shades-obvioulsy.

So, tell me what he means to you? Because some of the stories I will need to write are only mentioned in passing in a sentence, or in a dream sequence, or we know it happened, but I have to come up with "how it happened". Knowing his character helps, and I want this to be in line of your vision as well. Let me know how you perceive him, what attracts you to him.

PS: Lisa, my girls wanted to go to park across from my house for a picnic last month. I told them it was hot. My 10 year old says after looking at the thermometer, "mommy, it's only 99 degrees. It's not hot!" Only an Arizona kid would say that. My California friends were laughing when I told them about it, because we used to say it was too hot when it reached 80 degrees in Santa Barbara.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

*deads (deals)... sigh :)

tammie jennings said...

Very well written chapter. The dream was especially notable. Thanks again for devoting so much time to writing this for everyone.

Cynthia Settimo said...

Wow! Amazing Chapter. You brought the whole thing to life. Patiently waiting for the next one. :)

Anonymous said...

what I see in christian is his ability to help and give to others without getting anything in return. We know that he helps with university funding for growing crops etc, but their are so many other causes that we don't hear about, for example feeding the world, manufacturing - he mentioned he likes to build things and see how they work - what has he created besides his company?
I think there is a respect ability for what elliot does within his job of using solar panels and greener energy sources, makes me think is this wear his passion come's from or are there different resources?

As the character himself I think his looks are what attracts you to the person but overall its his mysterious physic that he has accustomed. I mean Men want to be him, women what to be with him and people are awed and intrigued with the fact that he built his company from the ground up and at such a young age.
I see two sides of a coin within christian, you have the sweet and loving man, while on the other hand you have the dangerous and sexy man. I think overall women want to find that within a man, in essence you have the best of both worlds.

I would love to see some reactions or flashbacks of how the people who work for him came about, I mean where did he meet Ros? How did she come to be in the company, what about barney, taylor even Flynn (how is this shrink more important than all the others he has had?). How have these people helped further the man along??
I guess in all hindsight I am interested in the journey he has took from dropping out of harvard to becoming a Dom to building his own company. We see from Ana's perceptive that christian has changed for the better since coming into his life, and we the readers can see that but the overall image I want to see is how his life was before and after Ana! What's going through his mind and how is he changing?

Maybe nice for Ana to have some input with his ideas of making technology better, even if that was to create a solar powered kindle.

Hoped I helped

Claire :D

Mathilde Barroso said...

raCant wait for another chapter!!!

Rose M. Wesley said...

I like his love for his familly. Even though he doesn't show it you know he loves them. I would love to see more interaction with them especially about the wedding. He said he doesn't care and just wants to Marry Ana but he does care. I can imagine him wanting every detail to be what she is dreaming of because it is a short engagment he doesn't want her to be short changed in the magical wedding every woman wants. Perhaps even more personal level with Taylor. I love the little boy that you see shine through when Ana gave him the glider and the Charlie Tango. I want to see more of the carefee Christian we all know is hiding in there. But those are just my humble opinions. As always I love whatever it is you write you seem to have an insight as to the kind of man he would be inside.
:)

Khadene said...

I had a lot of damage in my basement here in New York. Thankful for friends and family helping out and thank goodness nobody in my family was harmed. But so many others who lost everything. I pray they will be ok soon.

patty bryant said...

i stumbled across your blog bout 5 days ago.and im glad i fell in. i love your view through christians eyes. im all caught up and disappointed that i have to wait but i am looking forward to the next chapter and all the ones that follow

Anonymous said...

Dear Emile,

I love reading your blog a lot! Love that you give so much more depth in Christian's character.

I love that he is strong and goal orientated towards everything, he still relies on Taylor for a lot of things. A simple nod or "no" from Taylor and he will have to find an alternative.

Maybe a Gail's POV some time? Cleaning up the play room (surely she must be the only house keeper that cleans that room..) She sounds like a silent protective older sister of Christian (although she is paid). Maybe even her secret life with Taylor - but this would be too distracting from Christian's main character..

~Cheryl (Australia)

cat675 said...

Amazing, simply amazing. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Anonymous said...

When is the next chapter coming????


love
S

Alonna Crawford said...

Dear emine,
I loved this chapter...I just can't wait for their next big fight which is when ana finds out she is pregnant I can't wait to see how you put that into words.

You asked what I think about christain well here is the simple answer he is the kind of guy you hate to love. He is controlling and mean at times but when he shows his love and I mean true love he is the guy you want in your life his goodness that he shows to others is impressive of someone of his wealth and status I mean to have in his mind he is going to feed the hungry of the world is what makes him loveable his protectivness is at times overwhelming and at others you as the reader fall in love with him because of it. He grew up being taught that love was wrong and that it hurt and made you weak and the way he is learning different is remarkable to him to find out that everything he was ever told or saw was a lie.

What I would like to see is how christain works you have done some writings of that but I mean he has such power in his business that I would like to see once for him to show that like olivia when she spilled the beans like that he would have done something much more than scold her a little he would have yelled screamed smashed his glass coffee table I would like to see that christain that is showing everyone in his building you dont mess with me and mine and not think I am coming back with the hammer you threw at me...I would like to see how he interacts with flynn when it comes to other subjects other than ana like his parents finding out finally about elena I would like to hear from him how he truely feels and I think flynn would be the only person to bring that out in him. Also I would love to know how he interacts with taylor as something other than his boss because the way taylor is portrayed to me from the books is christain is a bratty teenager still at heart and taylor is his new father figure to swoop in and tell him that he is better than all this encourage him when he needs it the only person besides flynn that can tell him how it is without getting yelled at like when they ran to the heathman after leila was in the apartment ana comes in and kind of flirts with taylor saying I was mrs. taylor and he said he liked the sound of that I always wanted to know what christain said to him and what reason was he not fired because if it was anyone other than taylor they would have been and also why is sawyer the trusted one for ana what made him so special those are the kind of things I want to see out of christain but I also want to see him letting it all go laying back and taking a breath becoming carefree christain as some call him.

I hope that helped you and I am sorry this is so long but I felt it deserved a longer comment lol

Rachel Smith said...

I think It would be great when the reception is going on that we meet all these characters not from Ana's version, and how he interacts with them. I know if I was to get married, I would have interaction at my wedding ceremony and reception that my husband wouldn't have. I think in the future when your writing, that you would do a Christian and Ana version, because there are moments that were omited in the original story, as for how Ana's parents talked to her, how she prepared in the wings with her girls, her talk she had with her dad before she walked down the isle, what her "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue was" and then on the groom's side, Christians interaction with Elliot, Carrick, and even Ana's dad. I know when my bestfriend got married last year, her dad shared a shot of Jack Daniels with my friend's husband because her grandfather had died while we was in high school, and it was a way to remember him, and allowed for him to be there in some part, as for us we all drank a Washington Apple, because that was her grandmother's favorite drink. It was a small gesture that she cherishes to this day. Her wedding earrings were her grandmother's and that was her something old, because her grandma wore them at her wedding.

I know I just want to see how the bachelorette/bachelor parties go, bridal shower, and all that too.

I envision Christian as a hard ass, he is def adoring of Ana, but I think he would come off as intimidating and kinda cold to the average person, I think everyone who knows him, knows he isn't easy to please, but they also know he is dedicated and loyal to his employees and especially to his family. I want to read about the first dance, and the dance between him and Grace at the wedding, and then also on the other side, Ana and Ray.

There are so many possibilities to explore this event in their life. I just know that whatever and however you choice to develop the story it will be brillant, because you are amazing and make the story come alive with your very eloquent writing.

queenb52 said...

Hi emine..(Forgive me I am trying to figure out how to get the accent on your name) Thanks you so very much for this latest chapter, although I had to wait 2 extra days to read it because of Sandy.

I am currently in NJ helping my daughter out with a sick baby. Imagine I thought I had escaped Sandy's wrath being that i am originally from Florida, the hurricane capital.

However we survived with minimal damage just a couple of broken trees, which thankfully, fell away from the house and out side of not having power for 2 days we are fine...just waiting for the baby to recover from her surgery and be able to come home.

Again, thanks for all you put into making my day...as I anxiously aait the next chapter.

Backsassing said...

Here in Rhode Island the storm was not as bad as it could have been, (thank heavens). Thank you Emine for your kind words. My comments are like a broken record but I loved this chapter. Now something has happened to me in the past month and a half or so when it comes to Christian Grey. I use to be really convinced CG needed to be portrayed in the movie by a certain actor, or it was not going to work.. I was also always checking on any news available and so on. Emine, you have interpreted CG so well, just captured, in my opinion, who he is that I actually no longer care who portrays him in the movie, don't even bother looking for movie news anymore.

Anonymous said...

I think my perception of CG has changed and evolved a bit as I've read the chapters you've written from his point of view. I think one thing I enjoyed about him from the start, was that he wants to take care of Ana. I grew up with the belief that the man takes care of his wife. I am a strong woman with very strong opinions, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be looked after - that is what I see between Ana and CG. He is a caretaker, but he also needs to be taken care of. Ana (and most women) are caretakers. She takes care of him as much as he protects and care for her. Its perfect.

I think women like CG because we can relate to him. The men in my life at least don't let you see their "shades". CG is a multi-dimensional character that we all want to find in our own lives. We all want to find someone with billions, someone who will treat us as queens in and out of the bedroom, someone who will take care of us but also respect us and love us for who we are.

Sometimes I feel like your writing gets a little "whiney" - like Christain is too strong to think about how much he loves Ana ALL the time. I also felt like the scene with Olivia was too gentle. I agree with the PP that if she had actually done that, he would have thrown her out immediately. He doesnt' strike me as the type to give second chances - esp at work!

I do like how you are making him evolve - from being 100% hardass, to actually letting down his guard a bit and letting his colleagues and family see the softer side of him. Ex. when he and Ros were in the helicopter accident and he gave her his shoes. I really can't wait to see how you write when she gives him a haircut! :-)

I love your writing! I'm enjoying this Blog as much as I enjoyed the books. Its amazing to me that you are putting so much thought and so much research into figuring out who this fictional character is and what he'd do next! Please don't stop! I wish I had millions and could pay you to write everyday instead of focusing on your day job! LOL

Keep up the good work!!

Holly said...

do you have ETA on when the next chapter will be?? I just love your writing :)

Backsassing said...

P.S., To all who were impacted by the storm, please know I am sending positive energy your way as I dedicate my meditations to you. The other type of something will be sent during that Bon Jovi special I intend to watch tomorrow night;)

Anonymous said...

Dear Emine,

Just a random thought..

I was re-watching 'beauty and the beast' and suddenly thought of how similar this story is to Christian and Ana's.

Beast is Christian
Belle is Ana
The tea cups and clock and candles are the people related to Christian (his family, Flynn, Taylor etc). These items helped Belle understand Beast.

~Cheryl

Abi Finch said...

This is the first time I leave a comment
I must say I LOVE YOU WRITING
i found your blog by chance, and I was hooked!
You're simply wonderful!
Thank you!

ps Bye the way,, try to doenload book one and I couldn't
is there any other way to get it?

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Next update: Monday, Nov 5th, 7 pm PST.

Thank you everyone for all your input, and I'm very thankful that you're very forthcoming about your feelings of 50 and how I portray him. I will definitely take all you said into consideration because it gives me a broader spectrum in understanding him and showing his other chracter traits, and not just what he has with Ana.

Cheryl - I had a similar thought the other day, after someone sent me a cartoon saying "What the hell, marry the beast and get that library!" Christian has his inner beast which keeps carefully hidden and under control although Ana tends to get him loose more often than he wishes.

Abi-Welcome! Email me, and I'll send you a copy of the book in pdf format. eminethe1st@gmail.com

QueenB52- My name is kind of like the rapper Eminem's name; if you pronunced everything except the last 'm' that'd be my name. But my old friends from high school either call me "Em" which I don't mind, but most of them call me "Emmy". You don't need to accent it when writing. I usually don't. So, whatever works is fine. I'm not picky :)

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Oh, I'm surprised that nobody made a remark about the "riding crop" in Mr. Darcy's hand in the "Hungry Eyes" video. Shame...shame... :)

Anonymous said...

Emine,
Absolutely loved those videos. Mr. Darcy, as well as Colin Firth, are my favorites. I would love Colin Firth to play Dr. Flynn, he would be great. I wouldn't mind playing with Darcy( or Colin) and his riding crop anytime. That is also my favorite version of Pride and Prejudice. Can't wait for the next chapter, it gives me something to look forward to since we still have no power here.
Chantal

Rebeckah Alyce said...

Everyone who was effected by sandy I know that pike in georgia has sent a few crews up that's way so maybe y'all will get lights soon! Love and prayers from south georgia!

Keisha said...

Great chapter Emine! Looking forward to the next one! Take care.

xo
Keisha

tammie jennings said...

Good feedback & interesting suggestions for storyline.

Raquel Braido said...

Here I am after a week dying to read this! Well my friend, what can I say that haven't been said already? This chapter was emotional and I was crying through the whole thing. Gotta say that my heart was breaking along with his. Love everything about it!

Now answering your question: What do I like about Christian? EVERYTHING! I can't explain so this will be a short answer. Everything he does, everything he is and mostly what he's become because of Ana. I think we wouldn't have fallwn in love with him if he wasn't like this. I heard the author saying that we love this story so much because we (women) have a I need inside of us to take care of other people. I agree with her.
And about the way I see her, well, you have no problem with that. It's amazing tome the way you're bringing him to life. You made him real for me. Someone I can see and care for. This is amazing and there are few writers that can do that to me.

So I love everything you do and feel like everything is just perfect.

Can't wait for the next chapter. I'll couting the minutes til monday night.

Love you <3

Anonymous said...

Hi emine,

I love love love your writting, even more than the original books. thank you so much we really appreciate it!!
Just had a thought for christian and anas first dance, etta james At last. one of my favs.
Many thanks and much love from london
H xx

Jessica Rowe said...

Just want to say you did an amazing job once again! I love how you fill in the blanks for us and keep the story alive! I cant wait to see whats coming up!Are you going to elaborate more when ana is pregnant, I feel like in the books they barely went over day to day life while she was pregnant and I thought that would be a great read with how overprotective christian already is lol! Well once again thank you,

hope all is well in your world!!!

christine Wagner said...

want to know when the rest of book lll will be out, I love how you are doing this and I am telling my friends, but need more please

christine Wagner said...

want to know when the rest of book lll will be out, I love how you are doing this and I am telling my friends, but need more please

christine Wagner said...

loved the chapters, can't wait til the next one, please. when do you think the next chapters will be out

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Christine,

I'll be posting tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm writing one chapter a week, so it's going to take a while. Some weeks, when I don't have as much work, I might try to write two chapters. But currently it's just one chapter a week. Tomorrow evening, I should have Ch 4 posted for you.

christine Wagner said...

loved the chapters, please put more out, I'am hooked

snowy said...

Cant wait for tomorrow!!

kathy said...

Emine,
I found your blog whilst searching google one day and I have to say that I love it.
Each week I am logging onto your blog to see if the new chapter has been posted.
I, to, cannot wait until the chapter involving Ana revealing she is pregnant is posted.
The only thing that I am disappointed with is I am in a different country with different time zone so have to wait longer to get the posting.
Apart from that, love your work
Kathy

Katherine said...

Impatiently waiting for the next chapter!

Anonymous said...

Finally, peace and quiet...able to read a few post...glad to read my thoughts are right there with others. You ask in one of your post our thoughts on CG...hmmm...I have to say...I think I am more in awe of him,admire him,and may even say I am envious of him...he got it all...CG's character in the book and in your CPOV... showed that even in the worst or best of life...the one thing we want?need? desire? is nothing more than "Love"...and with CG...He learned how to love. Learned how to trust...trust in himself, his emotions, his heart... Yes,once he realized he could love, be loved...then learned how to love...emotional maturing...there was no stopping CG. Like everything he is passionate about, he goes all out...and with Ana, he gave her all..everything, every bit of himself, his heart, his love...How lucky for Ana to be loved,cherished and admired! As well as Ana...And isn't that what we all want? To be loved, cherished and admired by the one we love! With CG, he had everything...except the one thing that could make him complete...and he found it, got it and then gave it...LOVE! Yet, there is more...that's it in a nut shell for me...

But what gave me the most giggles were all the post about the wedding...the excitement! I have to confess that is one story line...I could/would enjoy, but not where my interest is...I hope that wasn't to cold...I don't mean for it to be...I just felt that in the book we were short changed in the honeymoon....I felt like there was this big built up...with Ana being the only one who had never been to Europe, yet she always wanted to go where her true passion began..literary love...and all we got was a week on a boat. Not to mention, CG wanted to show Ana the world...and yet we got was a week on a boat... So disappointed. Don't get me wrong...that was fun, insightful...but I felt like it was a vacation...not a honeymoon... All I kept thinking about was wow...how she could have captured our hearts if she just took it few steps further, let her imagination go...Like their first night in Europe/England Maybe a few nights staying in a castle! Like in Ana's romantic novels!...oh my! An evening at the Opera, private box seats...top corner, listening to live opera...oh my...what CG would do...what Ana would want...Wow...how hot would that be?! Exploring gardens...Oh, just think what fun they could get into.. ...Europe is such a romantic place and CG so wanted to give her the world...and with his means...he could do that...See my disconnect?...so maybe you will enlighten us on some of their adventures...heehee Oh, how I hope!

And speaking of Honeymoons...I'm curious if you picked up on this ...and for me I found it rather odd...On their return trip home...why did they take a commercial flight home? Here is a man of great wealth, protection is important..why? If CG's plane wasn't available ...would someone of his means/connections why not charter a flight!? I mean, I know many who's wealth is no where near CG...and they charter! And something else came to mind...why would they not have stopped in NY...on their return? The NY home had been mentioned in a few story line on more than one occasion...why wouldn't that be part of their journey home?...if nothing else, for CG to show Ana and to rest,regroup from the time zones ...Just throwing that out there...Love your work...looking forward to tonight...I am well rested and waiting...

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Anonymous,

I have wondered about the honeymoon scenes as well, but for the sake of other readers, we'll go through the wedding. Because the wedding is the biggest event in one's life (granted you do it once). But, I won't skim over the honeymoon either. At this stage he's going to do planning for honeymoon activities maybe starting with next week's chapter. But half the fun is getting there.

I can imagine why CG sent the plane back: There could be two reasons. 1. It's needed for business. Ros is running the company in his absence and she had to go to Taiwan and there is another guy in the company who is the 3rd man but not mentioned as often as Ros did. 2. He's out of the country for a long time. Airports charge exorbitant fees for even delayed flights for an hour. If you're sitting on the tarmac longer than your scheduled departure time, you end up paying a large penalty by the airport, and foreign aircrafts pay large fees to be present in a country. There are quite a few expenses relating to the aircrafts. Of course if your plane is just sitting around that's a lot of money spent right there and your crew as well.

I've written business plans for number startup commercial airlines (10-15 airplanes with 185 PAX configuration which would be Airbus A320 or A321 or Boeing 737 which are good for tourism companies that has a scheduled flow of passengers) and brokered them for a year so, I have an idea about the costs involved. For instance, if you were to charter an airplane from HI to CA it'd cost you about 40K one way.

We can see why he didn't keep the plane and his crew in Europe. But I too was surprised that he didn't charter a plane. It could cost him between ($85K-300K) depending on the aircraft he chartered which is not a large sum for CG. Maybe because he didn't know the crew, and we know that trust is an issue for him. I mean he doesn't even like to be driven by Ana. But, I'll explore those reasons behind when we get to that chapter. But I'm sure the reason wasn't the money. We know he isn't cheap.

I'll go through options and make it worth reading when we get to that point.

Anonymous said...

Was wondering if you would wright anymore from elena point of view, as I really liked the dinner scene in chapter one?

Claire

Rachel Smith said...

I just noticed that your version of Claude Bastille is Shamar Moore!!! Yummy

kellie purcell said...

What I love about Christian is his way with words and the way he touches Ana that makes her feel special in or out the bed the way he pretects her plus not forgetting he sexy strong great at what he dose,not just in business but in life to put it in a sentence he every women's dream man a real man who is willing to try but still likes a fight and plus his money wow everything emine he just my MR Grey (I do wish)

Anonymous said...

Cant waitttttttttttttt
Jessica,louisiana

Anonymous said...

OMG what a chapter. Can't get enough of this. Please keep writing these chapters. I'm so obsessed with the books and now the way you've written Christian's POV makes me love them all the more. Thank you for making my day!

Ally said...

I recently found this website and quickly devoured books one and two...Book three is over the top...thank you so much for this insight. I love, love what you are doing. Thank you so much for sharing your gift with us!!

GediGyrl said...

Amazing! I love the way you are elaborating and giving us way more insight in book 3. I loved Christian before but even more getting his perspective on all of this. Keep up the great work as always!!

Anonymous said...

Amazing chapter

I am reading your story instead of EL James. Wonderful writing.

The video you or someone elde dod for the song falling into you was perfect. I'm going to buy the song.

Anonymous said...

Shemar Moore as Bastille. Love it!