Saturday, September 22, 2012

BOOK II - CHAPTER XXIII - Christian and Anastasia FanFiction

...I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. (Fitzwilliam Darcy)


I look at the flashing “Yes” in my hand, as if it’s saying Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! in constant reiteration that Anastasia is finally agreeing to marry me. Is it too good to be true? Is she really going to marry me? My breath catches, my heart silences as I look at her hesitantly. I want to hear it from her own lips.

“Does this mean you’ll marry me?”

She nods in response. She looks anxious, blushing and tentative. Please, let this be real!

“Say it,” I order in a barely audible voice; my whole body is intense, tuned in to hear her response, to observe her reaction. I want to hear her declaration that she too, wants me. 

Yes, I’ll marry you.”

These four words strung together makes up the most important sentence I have ever heard in my life! It’s the one that gives me hope, gives me life, and gives me a future. Gives me myself back, making me a whole person! There’s not enough air to fill me up, to satisfy this yearning I have for her. She said yes! She said YES! To me! Oh sweet mother of God! I sweep Anastasia off the floor and swing her around, laughing ecstatically with pure undiluted joy! I have had the worst day of my life, the shittiest ever to begin with, and came face to face with death today; yet I would have lived through fifty of those just to hear her say “Yes,” to me, like she did right now! 

You know how some men say they’re the happiest man on earth because their proposal was accepted by the object of their affection. They may be happy in their own way, but, with me, there are no words to describe the joy I’m feeling right now. I want to laugh and cry at the same breath, I feel all my worries lifted as if the hand of God swept down and said, “Be gone!” I love her better than I love myself! I want to love her till this yearning is gone in me. I put her down, and hold her tight and kiss her with all the love and desire I’ve got. I hold her face steady in my hands, my tongue dips into her mouth like Conan the Barbarian ready to conquer, ready to arouse her to her core. I consume her lips; my kiss is insistent, demanding, wanting her. “Oh, Ana,” I breathe against her lips. My desire for her, my overwhelming love is leaving me helpless; nothing short of branding myself in her would ease this yearning. 

“Christian, I really thought I lost you,” whispers Anastasia, holding onto me. She too wants to feel my presence. There is nothing hotter, sexier and more desirable than a woman who is in love with you and you with her. I don’t want anything to worry her, not my close encounter with death, nothing should eclipse this elation. All that matters is that we are together now, holding each other, and she just consented to be my wife! 

“Baby, a malfunctioning EC135 wouldn’t be able to keep me away from you,” I say looking into her eyes reassuring.


“Charlie Tango is a Eurocopter EC135. It’s rated as the safest helicopter in its class,” I say with unease. It is the safest in its class, and because of those very safety features, I managed to land her. But losing both engines at the same time, and losing some of the electronics smell like foul play. That worries me. It couldn’t be Leila. She’s safely being treated in a mental health facility. Who then would make an attempt on my life? I have quite a few admirers, but a lot of possible enemies. I don’t want to think about them right now though. I want to enjoy the moment. I want to experience this moment fully. 

Even when I close my eyes, I see the flashing “Yes!” on the key chain. Best birthday present I have ever received. It was a long and arduous wait to open it though. Long wait! I look at the flashing “Yes!” on the key chain I’m holding in my hand. Wait a minute! She gave me this before we met Dr. Flynn. What isn’t she telling me? I frown trying to decipher the meaning of why she would do that and look down at her. 

“Wait a second. You gave me this present before you and I went to see Flynn,” I say holding up the key chain. She only nods with an impassive face. What? She knew the answer before she and I went to see Flynn? She was going to marry me anyway? Flynn didn’t influence her decision one way or the other? What does it mean? I’m shocked. What if she’s made the wrong decision?

She only shrugs, “I gave that to you before we saw Dr. Flynn, because I wanted you to know that whatever he said wouldn’t make a difference to me, Christian,” she says. 

I scratch my forehead, blinking several times in disbelief. “You knew I was begging you all yesterday evening for an answer. I had an answer already?” She toyed with me like a cat with a mouse. Had she opened up my heart and looked into it, she would have seen that I was at the verge of a breakdown, worried sick that she would leave me, and perhaps she didn’t love me enough to marry me. Oh Miss Steele, I can certainly pay in kind. I narrow my eyes on her. She had me begging, I was ready to do whatever it took for her to say yes, to me. 

“You know how worried I was,” I say, and she shrugs apologetically. Oh baby, that ain’t gonna do it! “Miss Steele, don’t you try to get cute with me. Right now, I want to...” fuck you into next Sunday! Fuck you into submission! But, I can’t do that. She has all the power over me; the only person who can really hurt me. That one answer she didn’t give me worried the life out of me, for God’s sake! 

“I can’t believe you left me hanging without an answer,” I say but, if anyone knows how to get even, it would be me. Sweet revenge... Yes, I know exactly what to do. Wicked, but appropriate. I give her a lascivious smile. Her eyes gleam with the changing of my expression. 

“Oh, Miss Steele, I think some retribution is in order.”

She bites her lip, and takes a step back as if she’s going to take flight. I’ll play Anastasia! She makes me grin, “Is that the game, baby? Because if so, I will,” I say emphasizing, “catch you.” I am like a tiger focused on its prey. My eyes are fixed on her, my desire is set to ‘fuck-all-night’ and she is being playful. “To top that, baby, you are biting your lip,” I say in a threatening voice. Nothing will stop me from having my way with her. She takes another step back, and turns around to run, but within two strides I catch her, swoop her off the floor, and hoist her on my shoulder while she’s squealing in excitement. 

“Christian!” she tries to admonish me in a sharp whisper remembering our house guest. She tries to hold onto my torso, her ponytail is hanging upside down and touching my back. Then she does the unexpected. She swats my ass! Baby you only get me hotter with that; I swat her sweet derrière right back, harder, making her yelp. I’m turned on hotter than a Phoenix summer! One way to cool things down!

“Shower time,” I say, making my way into my room. 

“Put me down!” she says struggling on my shoulder, but I know she’s excited because she can’t stop giggling. We’re going to go into the shower fully dressed; I want to peel the wet clothes off of her. Thinking how in love Ros was with her shoes, “Are you fond of these shoes?” I ask Anastasia as I open the shower door. 

“Yes! And I prefer them to be touching the floor,” she says, trying to sound angry, but fails miserably. 

“Well then, Miss Steele, your wish is my command,” I say and pull her shoes off her feet and let them fall onto the bathroom floor. I take out my drained Blackberry, wallet, the “Yes!” key chain, and my keys. And I walk into the shower with Anastasia on my shoulder, and amidst her shrieking protests of “Christian!” I turn the shower on at max.  As the cold water beats down on her backside, she squeals, but somehow she manages to subside her voice, possibly thinking of her friend’s presence here. Frankly, I could care less. In fact, I’m doing this on purpose. I want everyone to know who she belongs to, who makes her scream in delight, and who brings her to the peaks of ecstasy... Yep, you get the idea; she’s my woman! 

We’re both drenched in water, and she continues to squeal and giggle. “No! Christian, put me down!” she says amidst her giggles, and swats me harder on my ass. I let her slide down my completely drenched body. Both of our clothes are soaked, and stuck to our bodies. She’s wet all the way through to her panties, just the way I like it... I grin down at her and the realization finally hits me fully: I’m home with her, and she’s consented to be my wife... My wife! Mrs. Christian Grey!

She will take me as her husband, and I have but all my love and life which I will devote to her till my last breath. She is here with me... despite all my fuckeduppedness. She loves me! Me! This insignificant man! I’m in awe of her, in her captivity. This is an ever consuming, inconvenient, can’t-live-without-her kind of love! My love for her is sometimes tender, sometimes rough, sometimes rude, sometimes unrestrained, sometimes vociferous, but it is soul binding at all times. I love her madly, but my love is not blind! It gave me a new vision in which I see the one who is most worthy of my love, it’s as if there is a secret place where this one person holds the key, and until she unlocks it, even I, the host of that secret place wasn’t aware of its existence. By unlocking my heart, she discovered me! I see her clearly, see into her soul and her love is my privilege. 

I cup her face in my hands again, sealing our lips once more, kissing her gently, and adoring. When we kiss, it feels as if I’m reading her soul. She becomes my whole universe, and the moment, until I run out of breath becomes eternal. It is both surrendering myself to her and conquering her at the same time; it’s both of our final surrender to each other. In ancient times lovers believed that a kiss would unite two souls, because the spirit of a person is carried in one’s breath. I sure hope so, because right now, I no longer care about anything else, but the two of us in this moment, and this kiss under the cascading water. 

Anastasia’s hands move to my shirt clinging to my body, and she forces the hem out of my pants, and her passion makes me groan in to her mouth with our ongoing kiss, and I am a man on fire. She reciprocates to my groans by trying to rip the shirt apart. The buttons fly every which direction in her effort to undress me. My hands go to her dress, and her effort to get me naked hampers my efforts to undress her. She manages to get my shirt down to my arms, but the cufflinks are on the way. I hold my wrists up with my sodden shirt hanging heavily dripping, and she takes off the cufflinks with shaky fingers and just drops them on the tile. 

My eyes are unblinking and carnal, lascivious, desirous for her, watching her every move under the cascading water. Her fingers reach up to my pants, but I shake my head telling her no. It’s my turn. She is overdressed. As I grab her shoulders, I turn her around, and zip her dress down. I pull her wet hair away from her neck and run my tongue over her wet neck to her hairline and back, nipping, kissing, and sucking back and forth. She moans in pleasure. 

I slowly peel her dress off her shoulders down below her breasts, and keep kissing her beneath her ear and over her neck. I unhook her bra, and as I slide it off her shoulders, her breasts springs free perking up under the cascading water. God! She is so fucking hot! My hands reach out and cup them in my palms. I can’t help but whisper how beautiful they are. She’s semi restrained by her bra and her dress hanging down her arms. She rolls her head to the side allowing me to have greater access to her neck, and push her breasts into my welcoming hands. Her hands are free enough, and she reaches behind her, and her palm cups my erection, making me catch my breath. Her touch is fiery, magical, and explosive. Even the smallest touch from her makes my half-cocked gun to get into shooting position. I push my hips into her hands, and enjoy her caresses as I tug on her nipples. They elongate and harden and stretch under my fingers. And her hands seize their delicious assaults on my cock to enjoy my hands on her breasts. She leans her head back to me and groans in pleasure. 

“Yes, baby,” I say, and turn her back to me; my lips capture hers once again. As my lips consume her, and my tongue assaults her mouth and does its tango with hers, I peel her bra, dress, and panties off her, and kick the soggy heap of clothes aside.

Anastasia takes the body wash, and I know that she wants to wash me. She looks at me firmly in the eye, and squirts some of the body wash into her palms, and lather. She then holds her hands up in front of my chest making her intention clear to me. A small breath escapes my lips, my eyes wide, unblinking. But I’ve desired, and yearned for her all day. In fact, I thought I’d never see her again for about 8 minutes of my life. I want this. I want to reaffirm that I’m alive and that I’m with her. I swallow, and make a small o, and exhale the breath I’ve been holding, and take another breath in. I nod my head so subtly; if you blinked you could miss it.
Anastasia’s hands find their way to my sternum and she rubs the soap over my chest. This is Anastasia! I want this! I need this! I need this! I...need...this! Breathe in, breathe out. My lips part, my chest rises, and falls as my breathing increases. But I’m firmly planted in my place.

“Is this alright?” she asks in a whispering voice.

“Yes.” I gasp. Yes. Because, I’m alive! I’m with her. It’s okay. Her hands go in small caressing circles. Loving. She holds my arms up, and washes my underarms, and then her gentle fingers glide over my ribs, and my belly, then home free. She moves onto my happy trail, and to my waistband. 

If I allow her to touch anything near my cock, I will explode, and I want this to last for a long time. “It’s my turn now, baby,” I whisper, and take the shampoo. Squirting some on top of her head, I start washing her hair. She hooks her fingers into my waistband. I love the way she connects herself to me. I massage her scalp, deep and long. She groans, closing her eyes. She submits her head to my hands, completely relaxed, moaning, her eyes closed. I find myself smiling at her reaction. “You like?” I ask.

“Hmmm...” is her response, making me grin. “As do I, baby,” I say leaning in and kissing her forehead as I continue to massage and knead her scalp, thoroughly washing it. 

“Turn around,” I order. I put a little more shampoo, and wash her hair in long ringlets. I enjoy playing with her hair. Once I lather it thoroughly I pull her under the water again. 

“Lean your head back baby,” I order. She leans her head back, and I rinse her hair out free of suds. They make rivulets running lazing on her back to her legs, finally down to the shower floor. Once I’m done with her hair, she attacks my pants like a hungry bear. 

“I want to wash all of you,” she manages to say in a whisper. She wants me. Who am I to object? I lift my hands in surrender. 

“I’m all yours baby,” I say grinning. Do what you want. She unzips my pants, lowering it along with my boxers in one swift move like there is no tomorrow. My erection greets her.  She takes the sponge and the body wash, her gaze is fixed on my erection that’s yearning for her touch.

“Well Mr. Grey, it looks like you’re quite pleased to see me,” she murmurs.

“Oh Miss Steele, you have no idea. I’m always pleased to see you,” I say smirking. 

After she lathers the sponge, she traces the sponge over my chest and down to my belly. Her hands are pleased to move to my happy trail, and as if she’s going for the grand prize, she goes over my pubic hair, and all over my cock saluting her at full attention. God, I want this woman! I look at her with nothing but sensual and pure carnal desire. Her eyes locked with mine, and she drops the sponge unceremoniously, and grasps my cock with both hands firmly. The first slide of her hands awaken all my senses traveling into my groin and ringing bells all over my body before it reaches to my brain. I close my eyes to enjoy it, tip my head back and close my eyes. She starts sliding her hands up and down my length again firmly grasping. I groan and automatically thrust my hips into her waiting hands. Christ! I want to her fuck here against the shower wall and I don’t have a condom! Oh, wait. It is Saturday! The wait is over! My eyes open wide, burning with hot desire, I lock gazes with her. 

“It’s Saturday!” I exclaim, and grasping her waist I pull her to me. I have nothing barred, and kiss her ferally like a brute. I was holding all this time to make it to bed within the reach of the nearest condom, but, it’s fucking Saturday! I don’t need one! My hands are all over her wet body. Wet inside and out! My fingers find her sex, exploring, teasing her, finger fucking her. My mouth is on hers like Alexander the Great conquering Asia Minor, relentless, leaving nothing untouched. My other hand wraps her hair around and hold her in place to give her the full force of my desire, nothing barred, everything unleashed. When my fingers dip into her sex, she moans into my mouth. “Ahhh!” 

“Yes, baby,” I hiss through my teeth, and lifting her off the floor, holding her ass in my hands, “wrap your legs around me baby,” I order. Her legs snake around me as her arms cling to my neck like a spider monkey. Her eyes closed. I hold her against the cold shower wall.

“Open your eyes. I want to see you,” I say. I want to experience every pleasure that goes through her, every orgasm she gets. I want to see it in her eyes. She blinks up at me, and her desire for me crosses through her eyes. She’s hungry for me, hungry for what I can give her. With our gazes locked, my cock slides into her inch by inch claiming her from within. There’s nothing between us, skin to skin connection.  My cock, in her wet sex! She does the sexiest thing. She pushes down against me, letting me fill her fully, opening her doors up, and welcoming me. This is my woman!

“You are mine, Anastasia Steele!” I declare firmly.

“Always,” she replies. I smile like a conqueror, shifting my cock, and pushing it in deeper again. She gasps.
“And now I want to let the whole world know, because you said yes,” I say in veneration. My lips capture hers, sucking and teasing, and kissing, and probing as my cock starts moving in slow, paced, and easy movements. She closes her eyes and tilts her head back lost in sensation her body surrendering to me, enjoying the slow rhythm.  My teeth graze her jaw and her chin and she arches her neck further, and my teeth move down to her neck, and now I want this woman every fucking way! I pick up my pace, moving faster, harder, thrusting upward. She’s matching my movements, submitting, giving her all, reaffirming that we are here together, as one body, and nothing else in the universe exists at this moment. We are completely absorbed in each other, fucking, making love, moaning, gasping, and grunting. All of a sudden Anastasia clings to me harder, pushes herself down onto my cock allowing me to reach to the deepest points of her sex, and her orgasm ripples through her body, through her sex, rippling and contracting around my cock trying to draw it even further, squeezing, and milking as she’s shouting my name, tears raining down her cheeks. Her orgasm pushes me to my limits and I reach my climax explosively and pour everything into her as my face is buried in her neck, I feel both of our orgasms ripple into each other going on and on. I find myself sinking to the floor holding her tightly to myself, and kissing her tears away, kissing her soft lips. And the water washes away the last of our residual worries like an ablution. 

(Everytime We Touch) 

We sit on the shower floor like this water cascading over us.  “My fingers are pruny,” murmurs Anastasia absently still completely replete from our lovemaking, her head is against my chest, and that’s exactly where I want it. I take her fingers, and kiss each and every one of them.

“We should really get out of the shower,” I remind her. I want her in my bed. 

“Yet, I’m comfortable here,” she replies. She’s encased between my legs, close to me. I’m comfortable holding her. The dream of her in my arms kept me focused, helped me get home. Then out of the blue, Anastasia starts giggling. The most beautiful sound in the world.

“Why Miss Steele, is something amusing you?” I ask affectionately. 

“It’s been a busy week,” she replies. How right you are baby.

“That it has,” I reply.

“I thank God you’re back in one piece, Christian,” she whispers in a shudder. I immediately tense remembering what might have been. How terrified I was with the prospect of never seeing her again, that someone else might claim her. I worried about that more than losing my own life. 

“I was scared,” I confess in a low voice.


I can only nod in response, remembering. 

“So, you just made light of it to reassure your family?”

“Yes,” I acknowledge. “We were too low to land well, but somehow I did.” 

Her eyes quickly sweep up and she looks alarmed. “How close a call was it Christian?” she asks, wanting to know. 

It was closer than close. It’s a miracle that we’re alive. 

“It was, close,” I say pausing, remembering the agony of having lost to her. Never holding her again in my arms... Never loving her! It frightened the hell out of me. “For a few awful seconds, I thought I’d never see you again,” I confess.

She hugs me in a steel grip. “I can’t imagine my life without Christian. I love you so much, it scares me,” she says mirroring my feelings for her. 

“Me, too, baby. My life without you would be empty,” I say pausing. I would be empty. “I love you so much,” I say tightening my arms around her, as I nuzzle her hair. “I won’t ever let you go.”

Anastasia has been in every prospect I have ever seen since I met her. She has been the embodiment of every daydream that my mind has ever become acquainted with. In fact, nothing is more real than her in my life. 

“I don’t ever want to go,” she whispers, tired with droopy eyes, and kisses my neck. I lean down and kiss her gently. I shift to move. 

“Come on, baby, let’s get you dry, and into the bed. I’m completely exhausted and you look beat.” 

She looks up at me with an arched quizzical eyebrow in reaction to my choice of ‘beat’. 

“You have something to say Miss Steele?” I ask, and she shakes her head in response, and stumbles on her shaky feet. 

I turn the shower water off. We quickly dry with warmed towels. I carry Anastasia to bed and sit her up. I want to dry her hair. I don’t want her getting sick. With a warmed up towel, I thoroughly dry her hair. As I lay her under the sheets, I gaze down at my fiancée. Yes, she’s my fiancée; I quite like the sound of that. But, I like the sound of “wife” so much better. I take the key chain into my hands before climbing into bed. I shake my head; I can’t believe this little key chain is the key to my happiness.

“This is so neat. It’s the best birthday present I’ve ever had,” I say looking into her eyes warmly. “It’s better than my signed Guiseppe DeNatale poster,” I say grinning. 

“I would have told you earlier, but as it was your birthday... What do you give the man who has everything? I thought I’d give you... well, me.” 

That she did, and she’s the best present I’ve ever had. I put the key chain on the side table, and slip into the bed; I pull her into my arms, and we are spooning. 

“It’s completely perfect. Just like you.” 

“I’m far from perfect, Christian,” she replies. And I know she’s smirking. She can’t hide from me.

“Are you smirking at me Miss Steele?” I ask

“Maybe,” she answers giggling. “Can I ask you something Christian?”

“Of course, baby,” I say nuzzling her neck. 

“You didn’t call on your trip back from Portland. Was that really because of Jose? Were you just worried about me being here alone with him?” she asks. I don’t want this to backfire on me. Yes, that’s why I just hurried to get back home. But, I don’t want to incriminate myself. She turns around and looks at me, reproachful. 

“Do you know how ridiculous that is, Christian? Do you realize how much stress you put me and your family through? We all love you very much,” she says chiding. 

I never realized that everyone would be so worried about me. I blink a few times. “I just had no idea you would all be so worried,” I reply. 

“Oh, Christian, when will you get it through your thick skull that you are loved? Very much so...” She says.
“Thick skull, you say Miss Steele?” I say surprised. 

She nods. “Yes, Mr. Grey, your thick skull.” 

“Well, I don’t think the bone density of my head is significantly higher than anywhere else in my body,” I respond.
“I’m quite serious. Stop trying to make me laugh. I’m still a little mad at you, thought that’s partially eclipsed by the fact that you’re home and safe and sound when I thought...” she says almost choking on her words. After a beat she continues, “...well, you know what I thought.” 

I reach up to her, in complete awe of her love for me. I caress her cheek. “I’m sorry. Okay.” I respond. 

“Your poor mom, too. It was very moving to see you with her,” she whispers. 

I smile remembering. My mother had always respected the boundaries I have built around me, and we’ve never had this sort of connection. “I’ve never seen her that way. Yes, that really was something. My mother’s normally so self-possessed. Seeing her like that was quite a shock.”

“See, Christian? Everyone loves you,” she says smiling. “Perhaps now you’ll start believing,” she says and leans down and kisses me. 

“Happy birthday, Christian! I’m so glad you’re here to share your day with me. And you haven’t seen what I’ve got for you tomorrow...” she says remembering that it’s already the next day. “Uhm... I guess it’s today,” she amends herself smirking. 

What? She’s got something else lined up? She manages to shock me at every turn. What can top the present she just gave me? “There’s more?” I ask in astonishment. I grin ear to ear.

“Oh yes, Mr. Grey, there’s more. But you will have to wait until then,” she says.  I kiss her softly, sweetly, completely elated. 

“Goodnight baby, sleep now. I love you,” I say.

“I love you too, Christian,” she smiles. I turn the light off.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2
(Sweet Dreams)

I wake up with the feeling of absence. My hands search for her, and come up empty. Anastasia isn’t here. The morning lights are seeping through the window. I miss her, I want her. Where is my girl? I get up, and put my low hanging pajama bottoms on, and no t-shirt. I’m sure Jose the admirer would be up and around. I want him to see what Anastasia is getting. I slowly make my way into the living area. Voices are coming from the kitchen. One of them is Anastasia’s, the other Jose’s. 

“Some view from up here,” Jose says. I listen. 

“Yeah. It’s pretty special. Want a real man’s breakfast?” she asks him in a teasing voice. Teasing? Why the hell is she teasing him?

“Love some,” he responds. Sure he does! Fucker!

“It’s Christian’s birthday today. I’m making him breakfast in bed,” says Anastasia. My heart melts. She wants to do something special for me. 

“Is he awake?” Yes, I am fucker!

“No, I think he’s fried from yesterday,” she says. I hear her open the fridge and take something out. 

“You really like him, don’t you?” he asks finally spilling the beans, getting to his main concern. I’m curious to hear her candid answer as well.

“I love him, Jose,” she responds with genuine sincerity in her voice. Reverence even. Now, I feel sorry for the fucker, but not that much. I just wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of the response. It’s her rejection of him. But he comes back to her in a mocking response: “What’s not to love?” he asks gesturing around my apartment. 

Anastasia responds scowling. “Gee, thanks!” If I knew Anastasia wouldn’t protest, I’d be kicking the fucker out of my house for the way he was speaking to her. 

“Hey, sorry Ana, just kidding,” he says chagrined. Anastasia doesn’t respond. I know that scowling silence. She’s mad and disappointed.

“Seriously, I’m kidding. You’ve never been that kind of girl.” Hearing that from his mouth, makes me somehow elated. My girl really is an angel. One of a kind. I love her for it. 
“Omelet good for you?” she asks him. 

“Sure,” replies Jose. 

“And me,” I say making my way into the room. He capitalized my woman’s time enough. Anastasia’s eyes widen when she sees me shirtless, in her favorite pajama bottoms, commando I might add. She’s looking at me like she’s seen me for the first time in her life; her eyes are focused on what women generally call “the loin of Apollo”. I’m pleased to know that I can turn my woman on in any company. 

“Jose,” I acknowledge her friend nodding. 

“Christian,” he replies coolly. 

Anastasia looks like she’s lost in a different dimension along with my body in her captivity. I smirk at her expression. She narrows her eyes in an attempt to chastise me for my outrageous behavior. Shame on me.... Baby, right now I could care less. I want to declare my territory. I’m a man in love in the same room with another man who is in love with my woman. I’ve got to win! 

“I was bringing you breakfast in bed.” 

I saunter over to her, and wrap my arms around her, tilting her chin up; I kiss her loudly and passionately, short of taking her on the kitchen floor. 

“Good morning Anastasia,” I say lasciviously, knowing she won’t be able to reprimand me on my birthday.
“Good morning Christian. Happy Birthday,” she says smiling shyly, and I smirk at her in response. 

“I’m looking forward to my other present,” I say with much implication in my tone, and Anastasia turns crimson like the communist manifesto. Jose in the other hand looks like he swallowed a nasty bug, and he wants to be anywhere but here. Yes, I made love to her most of the night; you’d do well to remember that! Anastasia so embarrassed turn around and starts fixing the breakfast. 

I sit on my usual bar stool, and turn to Jose and ask, “So, what are your plans for the day, Jose?”  

“I’m heading up to see my dad and Anastasia’s dad, Ray,” he says. His response somehow makes me frown. How does he know him? It gives me a pang of jealousy that he knows Anastasia longer, and he’s involved in her family. I frown.

“Do they know each other?” I find myself asking with ill-concealed curiosity. 

“Yeah, they were in the army together. They lost contact until Ana and I were in college together. It’s kinda cute, because they best buds now. We’re all going on a fishing trip,” he replies. 

“Fishing?” I ask him. I love fishing. I go on fishing trips with my brother a lot. 

“Yeah, there are some great catches in these coastal waters. The steelheads can grow way big,” he explains. I believe it, because we’ve caught some big ones as well.

“True. Because, my brother Elliot and I caught a thirty-four pound steelhead once.”

“Really? Thirty-four pounds, huh? That’s not bad. Although, Ana’s dad holds the record on that. He caught a forty-three pounder!” he exclaims. 

“You’re kidding! He never said,” I say remembering our talk about fishing. That’s awesome. He must be a good fisherman. 

“Happy birthday, by the way,” he says with genuine sincerity. 

“Thank Jose. So, where do you like to fish?” I ask. 

“We have a few spots. It changes with the seasons you know. But, they’re not secret. Ana’s dad is like a magnet. It doesn’t really matter where we go; the man has talent. It’s like he’s the fish whisperer,” he says grinning. “They come to him, and he caught quite a few large ones. I’m not as good of course, but, I like their company,” he explains. 


After breakfast, I go back to my room and change into my jeans and a t-shirt. Jose decides to leave trying not to run his welcome out, probably wanting to leave us to ourselves, however reluctantly.

I make sure he doesn’t linger too much around Anastasia. I can see the yearning in his eyes, and disappointment of having lost her. 

“Thank you for letting me crash here,” he says shaking my hand. 

“Anytime,” I say smiling. Well, I can say that now, because I’m secure in the knowledge that Anastasia will be mine legally.  Jose in turn hugs Anastasia quickly. “Stay safe, Ana,” he says.

“Sure. Great to see you Jose. Next time, we’ll have a proper evening out,” she says referencing last night’s events. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” he says waving from the elevator. Once the elevator door closes and it whisks Jose away, we turn back.

“See, he’s not bad,” says Anastasia.

“He still wants into your panties, Ana. But can’t say I blame him,” I say.

“Christian, that’s not true!” she says in complete denial. I know my own kind! 

“You have no idea, do you?” I smirk at her. “He wants you. Big time,” I reply. It’s all over his face, how he steals a glance when he thinks no one’s looking. Forlorn even. When I embraced and kissed Anastasia, it was all over his face that he wanted to be in my place, holding her, loving her. The fact that Anastasia is completely oblivious to his regard is mind boggling. But then again, it’s better that way. I don’t want her to feel what he feels and have sympathy for his affliction. I want to be the only one who sees her that way. 

Anastasia frowns at me. “Christian, he’s just a friend, a good friend,” she defends her stance. Alright, have it your way. After yesterday, I don’t want to argue with her. I hold my hands up in a conciliatory gesture. 

“I don’t want to fight, baby,” I say. Not over this. 

“Me neither,” she say agreeing. 

“You didn’t tell him we were getting married,” I say hiding the disappointment in my voice. Why? Did she not want to hurt his feelings somehow?

“No. I figured I ought to tell my mom and Ray first,” she says. Oh! Right! What a dumb fuck I am! Of course, she needs to inform her parents first! I nod. 

“Yes, you’re right of course. And, I, uhm... I should ask your father for your hand,” I say. I want to do this right from the start. 

She laughs at me. “Oh, Christian, this isn’t the eighteenth century,” she says. 

“It’s traditional,” I say shrugging, hiding my hurt. Doesn’t she realize that I want to do everything right by her? That I’d do anything for her? 

“Let’s talk about that later. I want to give you your other present,” she says. I feel a shy smile creep up on my lips. I feel like I’m the luckiest bastard in the whole world! She looks at my face, and absently bites her lip. 

“You’re biting your lip,” I say pulling on her chin. Without a word, she takes my hand and takes me to my bedroom. When we get to our bedside, she drops my hand, and goes to her side of the bed. She leans down, and brings out two boxes from under the bed. Wow!

“Two?” I ask surprised. I was just expecting one. 

She takes a deep breath, and says uneasily, “I bought this before the uhm... incident yesterday. But, I’m not sure about it now.” She hands me one of the gift boxes. I gaze at her, and her uncertainty worries me. 

“Are you sure you want me to open this?” I ask. She nods; I can read her anxiety from her face.

I tear the wrapping open; feeling like a poor kid on his best Christmas after his family won the Power Ball. The content of the box touches my heart. 

“Charlie Tango,” I whisper. It’s a wooden replica of Charlie Tango with solar powered rotor blades. I love it that she remembers little details like how I love clean energy, and that I love flying, and I love Charlie Tango. She puts so much thought into what she gives me. 

“Solar powered. Wow!” I murmur. I sit on the bed, and quickly assembly the pieces, snapping and hooking together. Finally a blue Charlie Tango is in the palm of my hand. I take it by the window and let it absorb the sunlight. The rotors start spinning, and miniature Charlie Tango takes flight, hovering over my palm. 

“Look at that!” I exclaim. What possibilities this little toy gives for future. “It’s amazing what we can already do with this technology,” I say as I watch the spinning blades in the palm of my hand. This gives me tens of ideas, how I can implement this in larger scale. Maybe a better solar cell... Even plants do it better. Ideas... Ideas...

“You like it?” asks Anastasia. 

“Ana, I absolutely love it. Thank you!” I say in excitement, and grabbing her into my arms, I kiss her swiftly, and passionately. Then I turn back and watch the rotors spin again. “I’ll add this to the glider in my office,” I tell her.  She grins ear to ear to my response. 

“This will keep me company while we salvage Charlie Tango,” I say a little sadly.

“Is Charlie Tango salvageable?” she asks. I remember the fire in the rotor, the broken blade, electronics. It has to be examined, and assessed. 

“I don’t know. I hope so. Otherwise, I’ll miss her,” I say not knowing. My eyes are on the other box. I want to open it. What could it be?

“I’m not sure if this present is for you, or me,” she says, and makes me even more curious. Hmm... 

“Really?” I ask. That could only mean one thing. I eye her as she hands me the second box. She’s nervous as hell. “Why are you so nervous?” I ask, and she flushes tomato red. A licentious smile creeps over my face. I think she wants to play... 

“You have me intrigued, Miss Steele,” I whisper. And she absently holds her abdomen. She only does that when she’s turned on. “I have to say Anastasia; I’m enjoying your reaction. What have you been up to?” I ask. Knowing her, it could be a number of things. She says nothing. I take the lid off the box. There is a small card, and below is the gift wrapped in pale blue tissue. 

She wrote this in her handwriting, shocking me...

“Do rude things to me!”

“Do rude things to you?” I ask in murmur. She nods, swallowing. What does she want me to do? I want to do those things, but I wouldn’t even dare to think, or have them cross my mind, because I have been so worried that she would leave me. I cock my head to one side, trying to assess her reaction. She gives me mixed signals. How could a man’s heart take all that? I tear through the tissues, and I dig my hand into it. First thing comes to my hand is an eye mask. Okay, she wants to play, and she wants her eyes covered. Then I find the nipple clamps, a butt plug, my iPod, and my favorite gray tie, the one that started all of this. And the last item, which gets my heart racing, is the key to my playroom. 

I gaze at her, I want her, and I want to do everything she wants me to do to her. But, I’m so afraid. So afraid that I might hurt her, I might somehow turn on a fucking switch and do something I will forever regret. 

“You want to play?” I ask her in a soft voice. 

“Yes,” she says in a breathy voice.

“For my birthday?” I ask. I don’t want to do anything she doesn’t want to do. This has to be something she wants. 

“Yes,” she says, and had I turned my head elsewhere, I would have missed her response. My heart contracts in pain. The last time we were in my playroom she left me. The prospect of it scares the hell out of me. This scares me! I love her so much; I don’t think I could manage to live without her. In the other hand, I want to meet all her needs. I want to be the one who provides all the pleasure for her, so she has no desire to even think anyone else. Is this what she wants? She wants... What? I’m anxious because ‘what ifs’ are just disturbing. What if she reacts badly? What if I lose myself in the moment? What if I enjoy it too much and slip back to my old mode of Dom? What if...

“Are you sure?” I ask. 

“Not the whips and stuff,” she replies.

“I understand that,” I say. I don’t ever want to touch them again. 

“Yes, then. I’m sure,” she replies. She wants it! She really wants it! I want what she wants. We aim to please. 

I shake my head, and look down at the contents of the gift box. What have I created here?

“Sex mad and insatiable. Well, I think we can do something with this lot,” I murmur. Putting the contents back into the box, I glance at her again with completely concupiscent eyes. I’ve got one thing in mind, and the object of my affection is right here. If my gaze could burn, she would be on fire right now. My smile is carnal. I hold my hand out for her, and she places hers into mine. 

“Come,” I order, and she follows me out of the bedroom. Off to the playroom.

I pause outside of the playroom. I want to be absolutely sure that this is exactly what she wants. Not for me, but for her. I want her to want it. Not because of some misguided idea that I would miss it. 

“You’re sure about this?” I ask anxiously. 

“Yes,” she murmurs smiling shyly.

“Is there anything you don’t want to do?” I ask in soft eyes. She pauses for a second, and answers.

“I don’t want you to take pictures of me.”

What? Why would she ask that? I’ve never taken her pictures of her in the playroom. I freeze in my place for a minute. I have taken pictures of my subs before. Has she been in my safe? Could she have possibly seen those pictures? I cock my head to one side speculatively. I want her too much to dwell on this too much. 

“Okay,” I acquiesce. I unlock the door, though still nervous. I step aside, and show her in. My eyes are glued on her following her every move. 

I put the gift box on the chest of drawers. I take my iPod out of it, turning it on; I go through the music list. I turn to the music center, and open the doors by waving my hands. The doors glide open silently. I synch the iPod with the stereo, and finally the sounds of a subway train fills and echoes around the playroom. 
 (Gregorian Chant by Enigma)

I turn to Anastasia to face her. She stands in the middle of the room, her mouth slightly open; her chest rising up and down in quick succession. She finally bites her lip as if to set my libido on fire. I stroll over to her, and tug her chin, freeing her bottom lip. We don’t want this to be a short game. 

“What do you want to do, Anastasia?” I murmur. I want her to set the limits, our boundaries. I don’t want to scare her off. I kiss the corner of her mouth. More of it would just set my blood racing. Her lips try to make its way into her mouth again, and I keep my fingers on her chin to prevent that from happening. 

“It’s your birthday. Whatever you want,” she whispers. I run my thumb over her lower lip. She’s here because of me. I was afraid of that. If we are ever going to do anything here, it has to be because she wants it, not because she thinks I need it. 

“Are we in here because you think I want to be in here?” I ask her softly, trying to coax the correct information out of her. I watch her gaze, her face intently. I want to know that she’s telling me the truth. Not, what she thinks I want to hear. 

“No,” she whispers shyly. “I want to be here, too.” Her eyes dilate, and her gaze is wanton. She’s not scared, she’s desirous, libidinous. Her lips part, her cheeks flush, her pulse quickens. She wants me here. Damn! She wants me! Her body language makes me hot, darkening my gaze. She looks almost pleading to be here. I want to be here to fulfill what she wants, what we both need. 

“Oh, there are so many possibilities, Miss Steele,” I answer her last question. I’m excited once again. Something in Anastasia is turned on, and she wants to meet me in that gray area where we are carnal, sensual, desirous, and dark for one another. But, she seems to be overdressed.

“But, let’s start with getting you naked first,” I say in a low but intense voice. I first pull the sash off her silk robe, and it falls open, exposing her silk nightgown. I sit back at the chesterfield chair. 

“Take your clothes off. Slowly,” I order. 

 (Demi Moore Striptease)

She swallows, and her thighs are pressed together. She does that whenever her urges gets unbearable. She’s hot for me, and I’m already a half-cocked gun. She pulls the robe off her shoulders, her eyes fixed on mine. The robe falls onto the floor silently like will o’ the wisp. My eyes are on her, my index finger is running over my lips contemplating. She slips the spaghetti straps of her nightgown off her shoulders, holds them with her fingers for a minute, then releases them, and it just runs over the curves of her body as if honey is being poured down her slowly, and it makes its way to her feet. She’s gloriously naked before me. Too naked. I think something is missing, and I know what that is. I saunter over to the chest of drawers and pick the silver-gray tie. I pull it through my fingers, and stroll back towards Anastasia, smiling. I stand in front of her. She looks up at me expectant.

“I think you are underdressed, Miss Steele,” I murmur. I place the tie around her neck, and slowly tie it into a Windsor knot. I tighten the knot as I would with mine, and my fingers brush the base of her throat. The current that’s always present between us runs through, and she gasps. I crave this electricity, this connection. I ravel in it for a minute. Then leaving the wide end of the tie long, letting it reach and touch her pubic hair. One hot specimen of a woman. 

“You look might fine now, Miss Steele,” I whisper, and kiss her gently on her lips. When I pull back, she’s gasping for air, and wanting for more. 

“What shall we do with you now?” I ask. Then, I pick up the tie, and yank her into my arms. She’s one hot, irresistible woman. Her naked body is flush with mine. My hand travels into her hair, and forcefully pull her head back, and I kiss her, merging her with me, carnal, demanding, wanting. My tongue dips into her mouth and declares itself the master, overtaking her, kissing and caressing her mouth ferociously. My other hand travels down to her buttock, cupping it, kneading. I only let her go when my lungs completely run out of breath I pull away, panting, gazing down at her; I’m completely enamored with the sight before me, in love and in pure lust for her. 

“Turn around,” I command in a gentle tone, and she quickly obeys. Taking her hair off the ponytail, I braid it. Her soft, luscious hair smells divine. 

“You have beautiful hair, Anastasia,” I murmur, leaning in and kissing her throat. “You just have to say stop baby. You know that, don’t you?” I whisper against her throat. She nods, her eyes closed in sensual delight. I turn her around again once I finish braiding, and tug her through the tie once again. “Come,” I say leading her to the box of toys she gave for both of our enjoyment. 

“Anastasia, these objects,” I say showing her the butt plug first, “a size too big for you. As an anal virgin, you don’t want to start with this. We want to start with this,” I say showing my pinky finger, and Anastasia shock is written all over her gasping face. I smirk at her knowing what she’s thinking. Not in multiple, just a single finger. 

“Just finger Anastasia...singular,” I reassure her. Her gaze just darts to mine surprised at my explanation. Her shock is written all over her face. 

The clamps she chose are mostly for pain. It’s not wise to start with those ones. It’s better to graduate into those later on. “These clamps are vicious,” I tell her, and showing her another pair which is not harsh in clasping the nipple, “These ones on the other hand are adjustable,” I say not wanting to hurt her. She blinks up at me like a student who had a flood of information, and about to take a test right after the crash course. 

“Clear?” I ask. 

“Yes,” she whispers her answer. “Are you going to tell me what you intend to do?”

“No, baby. I’m just making this up as I go along. This isn’t a scene, Ana.” She blinks.

“How do you want me to behave?” she asks confused.

Oh, I don’t want her to think of me as a Dom because we are in this room. It brings back the bad memories, my brow creases with concern. “However you want to.”

Her face falls as her expression changes. Did she get disappointed?

“Were you expecting my alter ego, Anastasia?” I ask perplexed. 

“Well, actually, yes. I like him,” she responds surprising me. Somehow her response pleases me. That gives me the knowledge that she loves all my 50 Shades. 

“Do you now,” I breathe. “I’m your lover Anastasia, not your Dom. I love hearing your laughter and your girlish giggle. I like seeing you relaxed and happy like you are in Jose’s pictures. That’s the girl that fell into my office. That’s the girl I fell in love with,” I say as I run my thumb across my lower lip. My declaration drops her jaw open. I managed to shock her. I have been in love with her maybe even from the very beginning. I was too much in denial. 

“But having said all of that, I also like to do rude things to you Miss Steele. And my alter ego knows a trick or two,” I say as my gaze darkens. I want to take control, and give her what she wants, and what we will both enjoy. “So, do as you are told, and turn around,” I order. As her backed turned to me, I open another drawer, and extract a pair of leather cuffs. 

“Come,” I order her tugging the tie; I lead her to the table. Pointing to the table, I say, “I want to you to kneel up on this.” 

I lift Anastasia to the table, and she folds her legs beneath her, kneeling before me. We are eye to eye. Gazing into her eyes, my hands run down her thighs, and grasping her knees, I pull her legs apart. She’s beautiful, and I’m already lusting after her. 

“I want your arms behind your back. I’m going to cuff you.”

I take the leather cuffs from my back pockets, and reach around her. We are touching, and her scent is heady, the sight of her is intoxicating, and alluring. Anastasia run her lips along my jaw and over my stubble. I’m instantly desirous for her, ready to take her. I still and close my eyes, enjoying the moment but also trying to find my center, and right my equilibrium. My breathing falters because if she does this again, this will be a short fuck and neither of us would want that. I pull back immediately once I can gather my wits. 

“Stop. Otherwise this will be over far quicker than either of us wants,” I warn her. Touching her ignites me, her touch is fire, and I want to reciprocate. This is why I have to have control of what gets done if we want to play. 

“Can’t help it. You’re irresistible,” she says pouting. 

“Am I now?” I ask sardonically. She nods with her beautiful eyes hooded.

“Well baby, don’t distract me, or I’ll gag you,” I warn.

“I like distracting you,” she counters in a whisper stubbornly, making me cock my eyebrows.

“Or spank you,” I say. I’ll enjoy spanking her better. She grins in response, almost in anticipation, making me smirk. 

“Behave,” I growl, and standing back, I fix my gaze on her, and slap the leather cuffs on my hand implying what is to come should she not behave. She finally manages to look chastened. 

“That’s better,” I say finally satisfied and lean behind her once again, and she closes her eyes and inhales deeply. I take the cuffs and put them on right above each elbow which in return forces her to arch her back and thrust her breast forward gloriously. I stand back and admire the beautiful sight before me. She’s cuffed above her elbows, and though the arms aren’t together, it creates enough force to make her push her chest forward. 

“Do you feel okay?” I ask.

“I’m good,” she replies. I take the mask out, and slide it over her head, and her eyes are now blind to the world. It’s all in her imagination. Immediately her breathing spikes in anticipation. She looks hot, anticipating. Unable to see, she has to rely on her sense of hearing, and touch and smell. We rely on our sight far too much. Only the absence of it heightens our other senses. In a sex game, you have to trust your partner to not only provide pleasure but also to keep you safe. Unknowns bring excitement and not knowing what is happening, your brain has no way of preparing your for your body’s the next reaction. You only react when you feel, and your body responds differently when you are devoid of the sense of sight. Because of this void, the adrenaline is constantly coursing through your body ready to trigger next reaction. I step away and open a bottle of massage oil; not only do I want to ease her muscles with this oil, but also I want her to use her sense of smell, integrate it into her sensations. Scented oils have been used since the ancient Egyptians to focus, stimulate creativity, increase motivation and to heighten sexual desire. Pheromones are natural aphrodisiac which is why they’re used in perfumes to attract the opposite sex. By indulging the sense of smell with certain scents, you increase sexual appetite and increase sexual attraction. This oil gives off a rich, musky, pungent scent. You can almost taste it; sweet and mouthwatering.

I saunter back to Anastasia. “I don’t want to ruin my favorite tie,” I murmur and undo it.  As the tie moves slowly on her body she inhales sharply. I brush over Anastasia’s cheek with my knuckles, following her jawline, slowly and sensually. All her senses awaken with a simple touch. It creates anticipation. Not knowing what comes next; all her body is at attention, shivering in delight, waking up all the nerves along its wake. I flex my hand over her neck, and my hand easily skates down to her throat, across her clavicle and up around her shoulder. I massage and knead as my hand travels. 

I put my other hand to her other shoulder and slowly and sensually glide it on her clavicle. Anastasia groans in pleasure, and anticipation. She arches her body thrusting her perky breasts seeking attention desperately. But my hands avoid them, and move to her sides. The beat of the music, scent of the oil, my hands awakening all the senses in their in their sensual path, and Anastasia anticipating but not knowing what and when she is getting make her groan loudly. 

“You are so beautiful, Ana,” I whisper next to her ear in a husky voice as my hands travel on her body. My nose travel across her jaw, inhaling her particular scent, and the intoxicating mix that is now infused into her skin. My hands travel and massage her beneath her breasts, over her belly, over her pubic bone... I start placing evanescent kisses on her lips, and then I slowly, painstakingly, sensually run my nose down her neck, and her throat. My breath caresses her oversensitive and expectant skin.

“And you’ll soon be my wife to have and to hold,” I whisper. Her breathing increases, her lips part.

“To love and to cherish...” My hands move sensually over her pubic hair, caressing.

“With my body, I will worship you.” 

Anastasia tips her head back and moans. My fingers move over to her sex, and with my palm, I rub against her clitoris. 

“Mrs. Grey,” I say reverently, in awe of her, my palm rubbing over her nub sensually, arousing every nerve on her body. She groans. 

“Yes, baby,” I breathe, and my palm continues its sensual assault on her. “Open your mouth baby,” I order.  She opens her already agape mouth wide. I slip into her mouth a vibrator which almost feels like a pacifier to the touch. 

“Suck,” I order. “I’m going to put this inside you.” She stills. 

“Suck,” I command again, and stop palming her to put some more oil in my hands. I rub the oil between my hands, and cup her breasts. 

“Don’t stop sucking,” I say. She needs to lubricate and warm it this way.

I roll her nipples between my thumbs and forefingers, and they elongate, harden under my fingers. She makes a muffled moaning sound. 

I love her breasts. “You have such beautiful breasts, Ana,” I murmur, and her body reacts immediately hardening her nipples further. I love the way her body is in tune to mine, to my voice, to my scent, to my touch. “Yes, baby,” I murmur my approval. 

I move my lips down to her neck, and without lingering I move slowly towards her breast, slowly nipping, biting and sucking along the way over and over again. My lips graze over the top of her breasts, and just as her body is anticipating me to suck her nipple I place the clamp on her nipple.

“Ah!” she groans with the unexpected sensation. My tongue darts out, and I lave her clamped nipple with it as I clamp the other nipple. When Anastasia feels the double bite of both clamps she groans loudly. The sensation is new and alien for her.

“Feel it,” I whisper. I put some more oil on my palms, and rub my hands to each other.

I take the vibrator out of her mouth. “Give me this,” I say.  My hands once again start gliding over her body, trailing down, towards her sex. Then I move my hands to her backside. Not knowing what I will be doing, she gasps. When my fingers run over her buttocks, she tenses. She’s an anal virgin, and her reaction is expected. 

“Hush baby, easy,” I whisper into her ear, and kiss her neck while I stroke and tease her with my fingers. She doesn’t know what she is anticipating, and her body is on full alert. As my hand glides down to her belly, her pubic bone, and her sex, I palm her again over her clitoris. My middle finger slides inside her sex, and she moans in pleasure. 

Indicating the vibrator, “I’m going to put this inside you. Not here,” I say trailing my finger between her buttocks over her anus, “but here,” I say as my fingers move in circular motion, in and out as I hit the front wall of her vagina. She moans. Blood rushes to her sex, and her nipples swelling them up, and her restrained nipples experiences the pressure even more. 

“Ah!” she responds to her body’s reaction.

“Hush now, baby,” I say taking out my finger out of her sex, and slide the vibrator in her. With one hand I cup her face, and kiss her almost violently, my mouth overtaking hers, my tongue invading, and I click the vibrator on. Anastasia gasps with this totally unexpected sensation. 


“Easy baby,” I say into her mouth, mine is still covering hers. My hands tug on the clamps gently, and she cries out loud.

“Christian, please!” 

“Hush, baby. Hang in there,” coax her.

The vibrator, nipple clams, my mouth on hers, my hands traveling around her body over stimulating her; giving her sensation upon sensation everywhere.

“Good girl,” I calm her. 

“Christian,” she pants, desperately begging. 

“Hush now. Feel it, Ana. Don’t be afraid,” I say holding on her waist. I move my hands from her hips down and around, touching, feeling, kneading her skin, her buttocks. Rub, and rub around her buttocks with oil slicked hands. 

“So beautiful,” I say mesmerized. And finally I push an oiled finger inside her anus. I move my finger slowly in and out as my teeth graze her tilted up chin. 

“So beautiful, Ana.” 

Finally succumbed to all the sensations, she climaxes, and screams her orgasm and her body convulses with sensation running through every nerve on her body. During her mid-orgasm, I pull one of the clamps, and make it sing with a sweet pain-pleasure, and then pull the other one right after making her orgasm go on and on while my finger is still moving in and out of her anus.

“Agh!” she cries out, and I wrap myself around her holding Anastasia, but her body pulses with the still working vibrator inside her, and my finger still moving in and out.

“No!” she shouts in a plea, and I know she is at her limits; this time I pull both the vibrator and my finger, as her body continues to convulse with the ongoing vibrations inside her body. I quickly unstrap the cuffs, and her arms fall forward, her head slumps over my shoulder lost in her overwhelming orgasm. Her breath is ragged, she’s lost.

I lift Anastasia off the table, and carry her in my arms to the bed, and lay her down over the red satin sheets. I rub my hands in oil again, and rub the backs of her thighs, her knees, calves, and her shoulders. I quickly divest my clothes off me, and stretch beside her on the bed. 

I take the eye mask off her, but her eyes remain closed; as she is spent. I take her braid and do it. I lean down and kiss her softly on her beautiful lips. The music stops after I press the off button on the remote control.

“So beautiful,” I murmur to the beauty who is going to be my wife. 

She finally manages to open one eye; I smile at her gazing down in awe of her. 

“Hi,” I greet her back to earth. She only grunts in response, making me smile wider. “Was that rude enough for you?”

She nods in response, and grins at me. 

“I think you are trying to kill me,” she mutters.

“Death by orgasm,” I grin. “Surely you must admit, there are worse ways to go,” but regretting what I say remembering my close brush with death. Anastasia’s hands immediately reach up and caress my face.
“You can kill me like this anytime,” she whispers. She notices for the first time that I am completely naked beside her, and ready for action. I take her hand and kiss her knuckles, and she in response leans up, capturing my face between her hands and pulls my mouth to hers merging us in a passionate kiss. But, I have other plans; I kiss her briefly and stop. 

I reach for the remote for the stereo, and say “This is what I want to do.” I press the on button, and soft strains of guitar playing echoes around the playroom. 

“I want to make love to you, baby,” I say gazing down at her, with love, desire, and passion. Roberta Flock starts crooning, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.” My lips seek hers, and like the ancient lovers, we merge our souls and seal it with this kiss. 


 (Je t'aime by Lara Fabian)


Je t'aime
D'accord, il existait
D'autres façons de se quitter
Quelques éclats de verre
Auraient peut-être pu nous aider
Dans ce silence amer
J'ai décidé de pardonner
Les erreurs qu'on peut faire
A trop s'aimer
D'accord, la petite fille
En moi souvent te réclamait
Presque comme une mère
Tu me bordais, me protégeais
Je t'ai volé ce sang
Qu'on aurait pas dû partager
A bout de mots, de rêves
Je vais crier
Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un fou, comme un soldat
Comme une star de cinéma
Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un loup, comme un roi
Comme un homme que je ne suis pas
Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça
D'accord je t'ai confié
Tous mes sourires, tous mes secrets
Même ceux dont seul un frère
Est le gardien inavoué
Dans cette maison de pierre
Satan nous regardait danser
J'ai tant voulu la guerre
De corps qui se faisaient la paix
Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un fou, comme un soldat
Comme une star de cinéma
Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un loup, comme un roi
Comme un homme que je ne suis pas
Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça
Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça

I Love You
Agreed, there were
Other ways of parting
A few splinters of glass
Might perhaps have helped us
In this bitter silence
I decided to forgive
The mistakes we can make
When loving each other too much

Agreed, the little girl
In me often called for you
Almost like a mother
You tucked me in, protected me
I stole from you this blood
That shouldn’t have been shared
At the end of my words, of my dreams
I am going to shout

I love you, I love you
Like a lunatic, like a soldier
Like a movie star
I love you, I love you
Like a wolf, like a king
Like a man which I am not
You see, that’s how I love you

Agreed, I confided in you
All my smiles, all my secrets
Even those only a brother
Is the undisclosed guardian
In this house of stone
Satan watched us dancing
I so much wanted war
Of bodies that made peace with each other
I love you, I love you
Like a lunatic, like a soldier
Like a movie star
I love you, I love you
Like a wolf, like a king
Like a man which I am not

You see, that’s how I love you

Hi Everyone! For those of you who just caught up with me, just a few things to remind you about the images in the blog: Those of you who have been reading for sometime know this. I use Kivanc Tatlitug's image (though he has tats, and may not look like what you envisioned Christian to be). There are a few reasons why I used him: He isn't going to be one of the actors auditioning, and I have readers who are adamant in their choice of a particular actor for Christian role. This way I'm not biased by picking someone probably none of you thought of. I think most everyone who are die hard fans of one actor or another just sort of accepted Kivanc representing Christian here, well, simply because he's not in the competition. But, he has an important job: He fills the void well.
2nd reason is, I wanted to portray certain scenes, and I managed to find Kivanc acting those scenes out in various movies and shows he played. 
So, enjoy, happy reading, and welcome to our little 50 community!


Lisa Marie said...

HI!..Eminé!..I havent read this one yet but im sure it is AWESOME!!..u never seem to dispoint!!..i also wanted to Thank you very much for ONE posting Early and TWO for Writing Christian's POV!!..Im such a BIG FAN of yours & you write what i think Christian is thinking! look forward for the NEXT ONE!!..Thank you..Thank you..Thank you for the bottom of my Heart!! (o:

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine'

I wanted to say thanks for continuing the 50 shades storyline. I reluctantly started the book only to be fully captured by the trilogy.

Question: what are your thoughts/feelins/ comments to the rumors of E.L.possibly writing the books from Christian's POV? I wonder if she is aware of your work as your writing seems just as " real" as hers, and so would seem redundant as I can't imagine a job better than the one you have been doing.

I look forward to the next installment ( they can't come fast enough :-)


Unknown said...

Hi sweetie. Amazing! You know I always say that! haha .... Loved playful Christian and loving Christian and he acted a little fifty *-* but the last part was so beautiful! I just love when he says that he wants to make love to her....

love ya!

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi S!

There are I believe a number of fan fictions now of 50 Shades from any angle you can think of (I think there are other Christian's POV's) but I generally don't read them to not to taint my way of thinking. When you look at the story, I think other than the obvious, it can go various ways.

For instance, I've read Edward's POV of Twilight (Midnight Sun) that S. Meyer wrote. If I had written, I would very possibly write it much differently.

I've heard some of my readers say that in other POVs Christian was sometimes harsher, sometimes a softie; some expressed his much differently than I did. In the end, if you just don't read the other's renditions, I think she has a way of voicing her own thoughts, and she'll follow that direction.

Whatever she writes will be great; because Mrs. James is a talented woman (I'm sure it'll be different than mine). If you search and see the other fan fiction you can probably how differently everyone else's story goes. This is how I envision him. And time to time, you might read a comment (and this happened a several times in the beginning) that someone else envisioned him differently, and they inserted their strong opinions.

I think it's a matter of how one person envisions it. Like how I wrote it out with Ros, or Barney, or Taylor or Mrs. Robinson for that matter, or even Leila. Others might do it so differently. They may make other characters different or less interaction. If she does write it, he may come across as a totally different character than I envisioned.

For instance, I've been following a blog on Sookie Stackhouse Series for maybe 4 years. (True Blood). I've read every single book Charlaine Harris wrote. Sookie Stackhouse series many times. The fan fiction author started the books after the 9th one I believe, so the stories and characters took a much different direction, new characters introduced. Just like if they take your book and turn it into a TV movie like True Blood (so much different than the books). She can in the end alter, but different extensions she likes.

It won't be a duplicate in anyway. She'll do much better than I did with the characters she created. I love her talents :)

I'm like many of you: When the books were over, I wanted more. "Now what?" phase came up, and didn't want to wait a couple of years till it was written, and I may have moved onto something else. I was just 'in the moment' then, I guess. But she'll write it differently than I did, because, I'm more into classical literature and it comes through in my writing. She may not be as deeply into it, and may be more modern. I'm actually looking forward to her rendition.

Christal {Simply Zaspy} said...


Anonymous said...

Hi Emine,
Thank you so much for writing all these chapters (especially this one!) and giving up your time to do so. As always COMPLETELY AMAZING! Can't wait to read the next chapter! Have a great week.
Lots of love,
Holly xxx

Anonymous said...

Have been waiting for this all week. Its a great birthday present. Keep up the great work.


Unknown said...

Awesome, Awesome,Awesome. Loved, loved, loved this chapter as I love all of your chapters. You capture Christian's point of view perfectly. I look forward to each chapter every week. Your writing is fantastic and never disappoints. Thank you so much.

Unknown said...

I love you side of 50 shades... i can't wait for every saturday to read the next chapter... you are great. thank you sooo much.. i have read 50 shades trilogy 4 times and just can't seem to get enough... your side of christians pod is just what i needed... love the music and everything you add... can't wait for all 3 books to be done so that i can download them all ..
keep up the good work... can't wait for the next chapter...laters!!!!!!

Unknown said...

you are great... i look forward to a new chapter every saturday. keep up the good work... what a great pov. i have read the trilogy 4 times and this definitely is a great way to continue enjoying christian and anastasia. love you music picks also... can't wait til next saturday... thank you sooo much for a job well done..

Unknown said...


I haven't commented in a while but I am still in love with your telling of the story. I actually was inspired to write my own short story, it's a lot harder than I anticipated but I'm doing it on Blogspot too. I know this isn't really the place but you said in the beginning people were less than thrilled with your version, was it hard not to take that to heart. Right now I think only my friends are reading my story and they have been warm and kind. Mostly at least. Today my best friend called and joking reprimanded me for killing off "my husband" so quickly. I felt compelled to defend myself, did that happen to you at all? I'm kind of going crazy, thinking I should have kept the story to myself. Do you have any advice on what to say to the people who disagree? Ugh, sorry I am so new to google and blogger I have no idea how to PM you.


Catarina* said...

Eminé, once again, you excelled yourself! This is wonderful, so amazing! I don't know how to explain everything this makes me feel. I love how you can write his feelings and making every single scene or thought of his just perfect.

I'm so looking forward to the birthday party chapter! There you won't have to follow the book so much, and I want to see what Grace said to Christian! :D

I read what you said here in the commentaries but I think that, as a first, I will have to disagree with you my dear. I know you are always honest and humble, and that's part of what makes you such a special person, but really, for me, and I can swear this under fire, nothing that EL James writes in Christian POV will be better than what you write and so sweetly share with us here.

You brought Christian to life for me Eminé. No Christian is better than yours, because you are in fact Christian when you are writing. As no Sookie and Eric is better than Eros one's, because she made them what Charlaine couldn't or didn't want to.

If EL James writes something more in Christian's POV, I might read it, if you read and like it, but otherwise I don't even care anymore. She had her time to do it. She chose not to, after the three books. And know that I have you, I don't want; neither will I want any other Christian than yours.

And really, the way you give life to other characters is part of what makes this so wonderful too :)

And I also have to confess; now I stop reading just to see the videos of Bihter and Behlul, and to let them bring tears to my eyes. I feel in love with them too! Know, my Christian is always Kivanc, and the girl is a perfect Ana, I think she is beautiful :D

So thank you for everything. The Kivanc, the story he played, the girl, the music, all the bits referring to classical literature, everything really.

You keep amazing me at every turn my dear :)



Catarina* said...

Ups! It's "Now, my Christian" and not "Know, my Christian".

A little mistake, sorry :s


Unknown said...

wow another great chapter i just cant get enough and i cant wait for the next one :D

very well done
keep up the good work

Unknown said...

Loved it as usual!!!!! Your posting once a week is KILLING me! You spoiled us this summer with several posts a week. Cannot wait for the birthday party. YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your writing is just amazing! Thank you for this!

JCP said...

I just found this page yesterday and have spent the last 48 hours reading. I love love love this! I read a lot of Christian POV and you are hands down my favorite. I am spoiled because I have read it all at once, now I have to learn to wait :(
Your writing is amazing and exactly what I isee Christian thinking and feeling. I hope you plan on taking it into book 3
Enjoy your pix and songs. Thanks Can't wait for "more"

Capitatim1 said...

What you have written is what I had envisioned from Christian! Thank you for doing this! My husband and I are big fans of 50 shades as well as your blog and always eagerly await your next Chapter!

N said...

Hello my wonderful Emine,

Great chapter, I can't wait for the next one. This is my favorite part of Ana and Christian's story!

OK so here are a few songs that I think are perfect for this stage of Ana and Christian's lovce story. Enjoy!

The Lumineers "Ho Hey"
Javier Colon & Natasha Bedingfield "As Long as We've Got Love"
Ray LaMontagne "You Are the Best Thing"
Beyonce "Love on Top"
Barcelona "Please Don't Go"
Florence+The Machine "Addicted to Love"
Corinne Bailey Rae "Is this Love"

Thanks so much for everything Emine!!


Anonymous said...

I love this!!!! I found your blog earlier in the week on a Fifty Shades FB page. I started reading and when I got to the last chapter, I thought, no, no ,no, not again!!! I felt just like I did when I finished Freed, sad and wanting more!!! Lol. Thank you for writing this, you have done an amazing job. I can't wait til next week!! Nicole

Kate said...


Thanks again for a great chapter! I'm having so much fun reading them from Christian's POV. I was never interested in reading the 50 Shades series to begin with thinking it was only about the sex, that it would be shallow and I'd have no interest reading about some rich control freak. Boy was I ever wrong! I'm hooked and now reading your blog from Christian's POV is an addiction to me! Thanks for taking the time to do this for all of us.


Ann54ontheSevern said...

Hi Emine,

I'm so excited to read your new chapter! Before I do, I would like to respond to an earlier fan post, as well as to your own , regarding the possibility of E.L. James writing the story from Christian's POV. The author responded to this question while appearing on the Katie Couric show last week. When an audience member asked the question; she sighed, shook her head, and with a slight grimace said, "I don't know... maybe... maybe,maybe". Mrs. James said that she actually holds Random House responsible for Shades of Christian or Christian's POV. Originally they were just out takes and titled as such until RH requested that she change them.
E.L. said that Christian is a very interesting headspace to be in, and that she would like to try writing something else first, and then revisit his POV...HE'S REALLY HARD WORK!
Well My Dear Emine, in response to your comment that Mrs. James would do a better job than you, I don't agree! Yes, she is amazing, and it's true,these characters are hers, but, you are an incredibly talented writer! While I do believe that her version would be fabulous, and different,I can't imagine it would be any better. I love your writing, your tone, your sensibilities...YOU'RE AMAZING!!!Thank you...Thank you...
Thank you for sharing your talent and your passion us. Have a great week!

Take Care,

vera01 said...

oh emine i'm wordless i think the word wonderful is quite short for these chapter, i love the details like when christian heard ana and jose's conversation, in this blog you gave us a whole new dimension of christian's POV in my opinion EL James will need to see your work with christian if she's thinking for doing a new version, also i have a question? you'll start the 3rd book soon, have you thought in christhian's pov change some details in upcoming chapters of the 3rd one? and also i wonder know i you would do what EL James didn't talk about the mister enigma MR Lincoln? i hope that you do cause when i finished I've been telling me why El James didn't explode this character she could made a whole chapter you know the origins like when elena, and then when he paid the bail to jack this particular moment, i've been creating in my mind christian beat the crap out of lincoln don't you emine?? and for last but not least when you'll post the next chapter?? i'm looking forward to read it!!

vera01 said...

oh emine i'm wordless i think the word wonderful is quite short for these chapter, i love the details like when christian heard ana and jose's conversation, in this blog you gave us a whole new dimension of christian's POV in my opinion EL James will need to see your work with christian if she's thinking for doing a new version, also i have a question? you'll start the 3rd book soon, have you thought in christhian's pov change some details in upcoming chapters of the 3rd one? and also i wonder know i you would do what EL James didn't talk about the mister enigma MR Lincoln? i hope that you do cause when i finished I've been telling me why El James didn't explode this character she could made a whole chapter you know the origins like when elena, and then when he paid the bail to jack this particular moment, i've been creating in my mind christian beat the crap out of lincoln don't you emine?? and for last but not least when you'll post the next chapter?? i'm looking forward to read it!!

~*PaKaHaJa*~ said...


Thanks Emine, for a wonderful Sunday morning read. Mind you it's now Sunday afternoon.. I read the first half of the chapter, then went for a walk and have just finished the 2nd half..

I have to agree with Rach - AMAZING as always!!! A word I seem to use in EVERY post to you.. But it's soo true.. I'm trying to re read all 3 books again, but I just can't seem to get into them as much since reading your POV. So have started reading your book 1 again.

As you know I am just sooo grateful that I came across this blog, as it keeps my mind off "other" events in my life right now. Only 3.5 weeks now till the 1 year Anniversary :( So I will be looking more and more forward to your chapters as the weeks go on...


Take care

mzthang said...

Only two words I have for this chapter Emine....."Totally Orgasmic"! I love it as always. You totally rock hun.

Hugs from
Drooling in the Caribbean

Anonymous said...

Bravo to you on writing another awesome chapter!! I can't get enough of you... Keep up the awesome job!

Ajld2000 said...

You did a great chapter again!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't wait for the next one to come.........Thank you!!!!
Love your blog!!!!

Anonymous said...

I wasn't able to concentrate at work and have slept late at night just to read this! you are amazing!

Anonymous said...

What can I say? Again a brilliant chapter, to make my Sunday.
I can honestly say that I would not be interested in a James' Christian's POV, after reading your fantastic work.
I think many of your followers would agree with me....
Hope all well in your world Emine.
Yours Smiling
Kathyx (Australia)

Unknown said...

I have been travelling in Europe and the first thing I do when I get back to the hotel is to check to see if you have posted. This chapter was perfection,totally amazing. Cannot wait for Christian's birthday party !


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Emine, Fantastic work, can't wait for each new chapter!
I'm now reading the books again, fourth time I think lol, but this time I'm reading them along side your blog, and it's been great to get both points of view.
You're writing is brilliant, such a talent you have, my only problem is, I'm catching up with your latest chapter and I have no idea what I'll read in between to get my Christian fix until you upload...
Thank you for all your hard work, love it!

Anonymous said...

Amazing as always, you really should write a book. I'm at a loss of what book to read next (inbetween your chapters) I never read untill 50 shades and now I'm addicted. Iv read a few erotic novels but none top 50 shades. Can any one give me any good book titles to read please? Jenni xx

Anonymous said...

All I can say is THANK YOU! When I ran past my husband with my Kindle in one hand and coffee in the other to the back porch all he could say was I would guess the next chapter is up. I only discover this a little over a week ago and have devouwered just like I did 50 shades. I was sad at first that I had caught up to you but now I wait with excitement each week and can have a new piece of Christian each week.Your writing is amazing and I think E L would completely agree. You have it down and have added a new ife to 50 and amazingly done so. I have told all of my 50 shades friends how wonderful this site is and mass email to all of them. I just cant tell you how much I enjoy this and Thank you......cant wait till next week :)

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

I wasn’t able to respond to yesterday, because Rayah was feverish and I had held her most the day, and night. Mommy’s arms and Motrin heals you very fast :)

First of all, I want to thank all of your encouraging words. It means a lot, and I look forward to it. Thank you Christal, Holly, Cahuntel, Martha, Enza, Arianna, Catarina, Rachel, Michelle, JCP, Natalee, Nicole, Kate, Debbie, Monica, Gail, mzthang, anonymous, Ajld2000, Karen, Kathy, Char, Jenni, Lisa Marie, S., Rach, Capitatim1! Xoxoxo

Catarina – I love you my friend! But you already know that. You’re a straight shooter, I’m taking your word for it.

Michelle – I know honey, but this project is really making me pull my hair out. Very technical, and I have to be focused at all times. Once it’s over, even my husband said I have to take a break from translating, it’s very time consuming (then I’ll go back to 2x a week).

JCP-welcome! Yes, I’ll be doing book 3 – it’ll be 2 books filling all the gaps. This brings me to Monica’s question. It’s actually a great idea to introduce Mr. Lincoln because he’s out to do a lot damage to Christian and his family. He’s a hateful, vindictive man. It’d be good to know what he’s about. (Taking in suggestions-this is a collective effort). Next chapter is upcoming Saturday. I’ll be working 15 hour days.

Kate-A lot of people thought that Christian was a shallow playboy who is a control freak. They’re half right, but he’s not shallow, and I love getting into his head.

Gail my dear, I have James’ date on my calendar. What you experienced as a mother, I’d never wish on anyone. Hang in there sweetie! He’ll be watching over you.

Mzthang-I guess I hit the target. I was aiming for it :) Thank you!

Karen-I think that’s one of the best compliments, thought I wouldn’t want you to miss work, or too much sleep. Thank you!

Kathy my friend! I miss you. My world is just too hectic. I hope you are doing well!

Char dear! I knew you were going to Europe. I was wondering where exactly you were. I hope you’re enjoying yourself! Birthday party will be something. I’m looking forward to that myself.

Hi Laney! You can always stop by and chit chat with other fans here. And, it’s like a date with 50. You know he’s here, and comes once a week :) to visit.

Hi jenni! There are 2 books I can recommend. 1. Bared to You (Sylvia Day). Very 50 like. She was inspired by 50 Shades. 2nd installment is coming out on October 2nd. The other one is also similar but very influenced with an ancient classic (Dante’s Interno by Dante Alighieri). It’s called Gabriel’s Inferno (Sylvan Reynard), and 2nd on the series Gabriel’s Rapture. They will tide you over for a little while. But, I’m betting, you won’t be able to stop until you read Bared to You’ll read it a second time. You’ll love it.

Capitatim1-I’m so pleased to see a couple reading my blog. Thank you! How do you both like it so far?

I forgot to tell you guys all: Keisha’s grandmother passed away. She was going to her funeral a couple of days ago. That’s probably why you haven’t heard from her here. She was very fond of her. It must be a hard time for her.

Hugs to you all!

A.N.A said...

Well you have done it again, another great post. It is a shame that I find myself waiting for them like an addict. Patiently, waiting for the next one.

Unknown said...

Kesha Iknow exactly what you are going through. I'm so sorry.
Praying for you and sending a lot of love from Brazil!

Ann54ontheSevern said...

Hello Emine,

ABSOLUTELY STELLAR ! ! ! Another masterfully written chapter ! You write so beautifully and with such passion in Christian's voice. I can't wait for each new chapter...I'm so excited for all the possibilities of "more". Thank you again for sharing!! Have a good week!

Take Care,

P.S. I'm happy your daughter's feeling better.

Catarina* said...

To Keisha: I can only say what I said to Raquel before, please be strong and try to remember the good times with your grandmother, and not when she passed away. I can't imagine what you must have feeling right now, but everyone says that it gets better with I hope that time passes really quick for you this next few months :)

To Char: I've asked at Eros too, I know that you probably aren't reading our commentaries, but if you have time to read, please tell us how is your trip going, and where are you in Europe! I hope you love everything :)

And now you Eminé, my dear. There's nothing I can add that I haven't said already. You know I love you too. You know, it's like you once said, sometimes we make a "click" with someone that, in a few days, gets a more important place in our lives and hearts than persons or friends we've meet most of our lives. You are like this, and I'm so glad we "clicked" :D



Anonymous said...

"Knight" is a good read...Bad Boy with a lil kink.
"Wrong Bed, Right Guy" is also a good read.
Hope this helps.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Ari – Hi my friend! I think your question might provide answer for other bloggers, so I’ll answer it for everyone’s benefit. My blog has been open to public for 6 months. I’ve had the same infliction you have. But, I’ve translated for 14 years and every project I’ve completed has been edited either by my own editor, or an independent 3rd party. Translations have a given set of guidelines. Law, medicine, or scientific translations are straightforward even if the terminology is specific and difficult. If you’ve done it long enough, it becomes a 2nd nature. I edit other people’s translations as well, so there’s an understanding that everyone gets edited, and we’re professional in our editing, and feedback. Translation is different than writing because for one, you know exactly what you’re translating, experience makes it easier, and few people are involved until you are ready to dish out your translated, edited, proofread product, and only the final near perfect rendition is delivered.
Writing to unknown groups of people however is open to the entire world gives which you vulnerability. Critics can be harsh. What I’ve written before were on topics I knew very well. Fan fiction on a topic like 50 is not easy. For one, my friends will tell you, I’m a prude, and very private. Until I managed to break that personal shell, I have written poorly. I was my own limiting factor. You’ll see that through my earlier writings.
I have two sets of folder for comments: I put positive ones in one folder, and criticism into a folder named “Improve Yourself”. Critics are in 3 categories. 1) Those who hate the books-there’s nothing I can do change their opinion. Some need professional mental help, and I’m not qualified to provide that. 2) Those who doesn’t like my style, and I pay attention to that. Is it pointing out a certain error, or is the critic just being nasty? If the former, I look at that error, and immediately correct myself. If the 2nd, they go into the “fuck you!” file. 3) Someone who read my blog until a certain point and let’s say that I become complacent, too tired, and made obvious errors; and they may still be harsh, but this directly goes into “Improve” file. I work on improving myself. From those, I’d like to get “constructive criticism” because, clearly they’ve read me a while, being constructive would mutually benefit us. I’d write better & you’d get something worth reading. Writing about sex isn’t as easy as people think. It involves relationships. That’s the only kind I would write (not erotica); only in the context of love. I think through everything I write. It’s a learning process in this particular topic, and I had to break mental norms. Talking to over 20,000 people each day and still growing isn’t the same as talking with my group of close friends I hang out with. You have to have ground rules. Nothing without rules works.
This is like falling in love: If you don’t try, you’ll never find out. It’s vulnerable place to be. In learning to perfect your craft, be like a child. They don’t tire of failures. Imagine a kid learning to ride a bike. They keep falling down, and you say, ‘you’re getting hurt, stop!’ because it’s easier, but the kid sees himself rolling down the road, not falling down. They can envision the end goal. So visualize where you want to be in writing. Make your ground rules, and write away. Some people only use a pen name. They become their alter ego. That saves their real person from the direct ‘fire’ of the criticism. But, I’m not an alter ego. It’s me, out in the open. If you like me, you like me for me, if not, well, I’ll have to quote Anthony Hopkins: “My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me or think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”

Anonymous said...

Wendy from NZ here! You made my weekend with this chapter and I cant wait until you start doing x2 a week! I have so many of my friends reading it now. I have recently read Baref to You x2 and I loved it. Not as much as 50 or your blog but it is still great and I have already pre ordered Reflected in You and cant wait for that.

You truly are a wonderful woman and a great writer and I feel so lucky that I came across your blog.

I hope your little girl is feeling much better today?

Have a wonderful week xo

Unknown said...

Hi Emine what a wonderful chapter it was awesome and made my weekend as it was my dads birthday on the 21st and he would have been 79 but sadly he died 2 years ago and i do miss him so much as he lived with me and my family but you put a smile on my face when i read CG POV i just love what you write and i cant wait for the next chapter hope you have a great week and my thoughts are with Keisha and her family love to everyone xx

Brigie said...

Beautiful, sensual.

Brigie said...

Beautiful, sensual

Unknown said...

I love that you use Kivanc! I never heard of him until I started reading your blog. If he did not have an accent, he would be PERFECT for Christian.

Anonymous said...

thx again for a fantastic part of C POV. Can`t wait to get more.

Are you plaining to present the 2 nd book as pdf for download like the first one?

I download it on my kindle and will keep it with me on my journey to france at the weekend.

Carrie ( from Germany

Michelle M said...

Hi Eminé, you are a wonderful writer and I love the way you portray Christian's POV. I do have a vision of what Christian looks like (I love Alexander Scarsgard, from True Blood) but I must also say that I do think the guy who you have portraying Christian is an excellent choice also and if I didn't love Alexander that he would be my first choice!! I too love the sookie stackhouse novels and love the true blood TV series but was a little disappointed with this season, I just wish they would show it as it was in the books, but hey that's just me. I've read Bared to you and fell in love again with both eva and Gideon, I can't wait for 2nd October!! some other books I've read that others may be interested in are: Barely Breathing by Rebekka Donovan and the follow up is called Reason to Breathe, these books are amazing. I also enjoyed Belong to me by Shayla Black.

Looking forward to the next installment and can't wait for 2 a week. Happy writing and thank you for making so many people very happy xx

~*PaKaHaJa*~ said...

Oh hun, hope Rayah's feeling much better now. I had Harry on the couch for a few days with Gastro.. :( Luckily he's feeling much better now, better to the point that he's at his Nanny's house, so I can sit and READ all night.. Whooo hooo..

Have nearly finished Book 1, and then will read YOUR BOOK 1... I just can't get enough of your writing, I love it!!! Kind of wish it was in book form, then I could read it where ever I go, not just at home on the Ipad or computer.

Haven't seen Suz comment for a while, hope she's ok.. And getting back into her degree and of course taking it easy after surgery.

Rach - Thanks for all your love and concern over Harry, means alot, hope you're doing as well as can be!! xoxoxo <3 <3 <3 <3

Keisha - hope you are coping as well as can be too, after your loss.. There seems to be too much loss going on around here at the moment.

Well I'm off to finish book 1, and then hopefully get some sleep.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Gail!
Rayah's doing so much better. She even helped me with the laundry yesterday. I have my Book I in pdf format which you can download. Here's the link (if you ever need to see all the contents, see the links on the left column. It should all be there):

Hi Carrie!
Once I finish with Book II, I'll put that in pdf format as well, so you can all download it.

Jackie my dear, happy birthday to your father in heaven! I'm a firm believer that our bonds crosses life and death. I have no doubt your crosses too.

Ani said...

Wow, I don't know how you keep doing it..but you do and I am very grateful. Anyone excellent chapter.
I agree with your picks to Jenni, especially Sylvain Reynards books, Gabriel's Inferno and Gabriel's Rapture, Sylvia Day's Bared to You, I recently finished the paranormal romance/erotica books Pleasures of the Night and Heat of the Night and some of her novellas...Yesterday I finished reading Megan Harts Tempted and today started Naked.
I need some diversion since I see you are posting 1x per week and Reflected In You is not out yet...
Keep up the great are a gifted writer and special person.

Donna said...

I too was spoiled by the twice a week updates but now I look forward to a always amazing weekend read. Your writing is fantastic!!!!


Unknown said...

AWESOME as always. Thank you!

Michelle W said...

Keep up the great work. I look forward to your next chapter. Thanks.

MichelleW said...

I've really enjoyed the chapters that you've written and look forward to seeing more. Keep up the great work. Thanks.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Arianna, there is one other answer to your question on how one takes criticism. I think Rocky Balboa explains it better than I: Don't let people stick a finger in your face and tell you that 'you're no good'. You know your own skills better than anyone else... "It ain't about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done."

People will criticize you for anything, not just about your writing, but, it could be any number of things. Color of your hair, size of your feet, the choice of your clothes, the way you express yourself... It's impossible to make all people happy at all times. You have to learn to choose and categorize the criticism objectively, and take them as it comes and roll with the punches, get up and keep moving, and if they're just being mean & there will be those, choose not to listen. Go deaf. Even if my children aren't respectful in their talk with me, I will not respond to them. They only get one warning in the same manner I want them to speak to me. If they can't manage to reciprocate respect, they don't deserve an answer. And I have no business in associating with them; neither should you. If you want a broader audience, most people are very forgiving of errors if you forewarn them that you’re learning to improve your craft, and that you would appreciate if they make the effort to be constructive in their criticism.

I’m fortunate that most everyone has been very constructive, and they remember that I have a limited amount of time to write, and little time to edit. I write once (which requires a lot of research at times), and read over once. That’s all the time I have. People know that, and they’re kind about it. I’m like the CEO with a broom. I do everything by myself. I really appreciate everyone’s support and kindness. But I’m open about it. I’m not behind an anonymous name; what you see is what you get. A very busy working mom who is also writing. I volunteer at my kids’ school, home school one child (well ½ day anyway), I’m the volunteer interpreter for many of the local battered women and children’s shelter. I’m busy up to my eyeballs, but I absolutely LOVE writing. I can’t imagine of not writing because some people are going to be an ass about it and be vicious. There will be those as well. I don’t care about what they think of me at all-none. If they keep being nasty, I give them the same parting gift Melvin Udall offers... I can only be patient so long as I have other things to do:

Tash said...

Babe haters are haters cause they've got nothing better to do. If someone doesn't like it don't read it. Or better yet try doing themselves if they think they can do better. The ones of us that have been reading religiously love what you do and I for one look forward to each single post you do. I think you do an amazing job I know how hard it is to juggle multiple kids a full time job and keep a happy healthy home life. And to add on to that a passion well you're one in a million so to the bullies. SHUT IT!!! If you can do better prove it because I for ne would LOVE to see someone do better.
Sorry emine for the rantbbut I'm sick of people talking trash to you. And just so you know. I'll always have your back ;) Much love Tash xx

Unknown said...

This was yet again another great chapter! Thank you

MichelleW said...

I've enjoyed the 50 Shades immensely, could you please recommend similar books, as I wasn't a so called reader until now? Please keep up the excellent work. You are really appreciated as I can see from the blogs. Thanks again.

Keisha said...

I LOVED this chapter Emine! So amazing! Looking forward to the next one!

Thanks to all for your thoughts, prayers & kind words on the loss of my grandmother. It was tough losing her. I'm very thankful for having her in my life & will cherish my memories of our times together always! 

Hope everyone have a great week!

Sent you an email Emine!


Ani said...

Michelle W
Check out the following authors

SYLVIA DAY(Bared to You, Reflected in You due out Oct 2, Pleasures of the Night, Heat of the Night and more)

SYLVAIN REYNARD (Gabriel's Inferno and Gabriel's Rapture)

MEGAN HART (Tempted, Naked, Dirty, Broken)

Unknown said...

I found you on Thursday evening and finished with all the chaps you have on Sunday. I'm patiently awaiting the next chapter, as I can't wait for the story to cont.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MichelleW said...

Thanks Ani, I'll keep these in mind.

Anonymous said...

I am so impressed and addicted to your writing!
I have to be honest and say that I haven't even read the original "50 Shades of Grey" yet! As long as you keep writing, I don't think I'll have to:)
I've read everything from your version of the book(Christen's POV)within the last 2 days and I cannot wait to read more!!

Thank you!!


Anonymous said...

Omg!!! I found ur blog last week. I have read it every chance I got. Absolutely AMAZING!!!! Your portrail of Chrisstian's POV is so captivating. You have addressed him perfectly!!! Thank you so much for this. I have reread 50 Shades a dozen times because I wanted MORE. Thank you for MORE!!!! Looking forward to your next chapter.

Unknown said...

Emine- When do you post the new Chapter's? Since I've only found you Last Thrusday and was all caught up on Sunday, Just wanted to make sure I got on the computer when it came out-unless I'm sleeping of course (which I did not do while catching up or reading all 3 50's). I really do LOVE reading your writing, but you stated before that there is more people writing from Christian's POV, I've only been able to find you on the web. I'm only curious about the others, as I would not get so engulfed in theirs as I am your's. I have also loved your writing soo much, I've actually passed your bog onto many friends as well. Keep it up, and dont mind people who can't appreciate the writing and story. Apparently they did not read the book or did not enjoy them like the rest of us!

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Amy! I will post the next chapter on Saturday. Some of my readers know the other blogs. They've mentioned it to me. I think there may be some Facebook 50 Shades fansites may list some of those blogs and websites (some are websites not blogs for 50 fanfiction).

I have had the critics in the beginning and after I began the 2nd book, but not since. Sometimes someone will say something nasty in the review I've written about 50 Shades (those are the ones who absolutely hate the 50 Shades series - some are as hateful as to say that these books should be burned which includes feminist or religious extremists). Oddly enough they've taken time to find blogs and reviews to vent their anger on the readers (here on the blog as well as the other readers of the book) and me. That's why I have a code of conduct.

As for the other blogs, I don't have time to read them, and frankly I don't want to taint my own idea of Christian, because I think he's portrayed differently than what I have here. But, I'm sure they're very good.

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine. Are you sure you are not, E. L. James? Your Christans PO V is perfect!
I was re reading book 2 the other day, 50 Shades Darker.
The menu at the charity Auction caught my eye. The last wine on the menu is, Klein Constantia vin de Constance.
I was lucky enough to drink that wine in, London some years ago - not the 2004.
It really is, heaven in a bottle! Very hard to get at that time, but, what a wine.
I thought, Ms James might have told, us why, Anastasia would have appreciated Constantia. It was a great favour ate of both Charles Dickens and, Jane Austen.
In Sense and Sensibility, Mrs Jennings recommends a little Constantia for, "it's healing powers on a disappointed heart".
I hope you all get to taste Constantia one day.
Keep up the great work Emine. And, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Emine. Thank you for your, perfe t POV. You really are good.
I just wanted to mention the, KleinConstantia vin de Constance wine that Anastasia drank at the, Charity Ball.
I wonder if she knew it was a great favourite of, Charles Dickens and, Jane Austen?
In Sense and Sensibility, Mrs Jennings recommends it for"it's healing powers on a disappointed heart".
It is a wonderful wine. I was lucky enough to try it in London.
It wasn't the 2004 vintage though.

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

It's funny that you should mention Klein Constantia vin de Constance. I have two friends who absolutely love wine tasting. So, if I were to travel for work during summer, this one friend comes along with me, because I always take my kids with me, and she watches them when I work. But in return, she gets to drag me to every winery possible.

She has this list of wines she would like to try, and it's one of them. She keeps telling me that one of these days we should go to S. Africa to Cape of Good Hope, so she can taste the wine. A very long trip for a drink. But I know that the production of the wine was halted in 19th century because of the grape phylloxera (which is a pest for commercial grapevines) and powdery mildew. I know this bit of info because two of my aunts and their families own vineyards (80+ acres each). So, you get to hear all these info about the grapes and the care of the vineyard :)

But, I've heard that it's a very good desert wine.

OPTiendrebeogo said...

Hello Best Friend in my Head!
Just wanted to send a thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to make this the best blog I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Christians point of view was perfect in every aspect... you are the best and I can't wait for the next chapters.

Oshima Parker

Rosebud said...

Another GREAT chapter! I love all the pictures of Kivanc Tatlitug. I think he represents Christain well!!

Anonymous said...

You are such an amazing writer! This chapter just blew me away. The amount of detail that you put into each post is unbelievable. I just keep re-reading all of the chapters over and over. You are doing such an excellent job with Christian's POV. Thank you, thank you, thank you- I cannot thank you enough for sharing this with all of us.

Unknown said...

Hey my grey friends I have a question...Last week my boyfriend of 8 years (father of my child) found out his 94 year old grandmother passed away, she had a sudden heart attack, and died two days later, anyways today was the funeral, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to witness. I saw his mother, who herself is elderly too, have to say goodbye and kiss her mother for the last time, and then for the first time that I can remember, I saw his two brothers, and two sisters in tears. I felt so unbelievably out of place. I was very young when my grandparents passed away, and don't remember the funerals as much, so I didn't see a daughter having to say their final goodbye to their mother, and I couldn't help but cry. It wasn't because I felt loss like my in-laws per say, but because I was flooded with the feeling of how I would feel if my mother died. I wanted to confort them all, but didn't know how, and just felt like I was in the way. Of all the "sister-in-laws" I was the one who was a part of the family for the shortest time. Now I don't know what to do, and how to comfort the family. I could use any suggestions, as you all are my friends, and you can give me honest advice. Thanks

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Hi Rachel!

You have my condolences my friend. Death of a loved one is extremely painful. No matter how old the individual is, if he or she is loved, the loss irreplaceable. No matter how private of an affair death may seem, everyone needs comfort. Some people just like to be held; they want to feel the physical closeness of another person who loves them. Some just like to be heard of their grief. They like to talk about the person they’ve just lost. In order for you to be able to provide some comfort, you should be aware of the seven stages of grief which they’re going through. If you know what you’re dealing with, you can alter the way you want to comfort them. There is no one smooth progress from one stage into the other; it may occur out of order. People will feel depression (not clinical), but grief triggered depression, loneliness, isolation.
1. Shock & Denial: Learning the loss is first disbelief. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. Could last for several weeks.
2. Pain & Guilt: As the shock wears off, it’s replaced with suffering of unbelievable pain. Even if it is excruciating and at times unbearable, it is important that they experience the pain fully and not hide it, or escape it with alcohol or other means. At this phase, life feels chaotic and scary.
3. Anger & Bargaining: After frustration comes anger and they may lash out and blame someone for the death. At this stage they do the most damage to their relationships. Because, this is the time for the release of bottled up emotion. This is when they ask “why?” and try to bargain with God (especially if the individual was young and death unexpected).
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness: This is when everyone else thinks you should move on. This is the time when you realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. They may isolate themselves on purpose, and reflect on things they did the loved one, and focus on memories and past. Emptiness and despair follows.
5. The Upward Turn: You start adjusting to life again, become a little calmer and more organized. Physical symptoms lesson, and depression begins to lift a little.
6. Reconstruction & Working through: The individual becomes more functional, and the mind starts working again. Start adjusting to life.
7. Acceptance & Hope: At this stage of grief, they learn to accept and deal with the reality of the situation.

Knowing the stages of grief, you may place the symptoms, and act accordingly. Even if they’re the blood relatives, you are family. Did you have a relationship with the grandma? Draw on that. I was very close to my husband’s grandmother. She would call me every week, we both loved art. She used to teach art at the university. Find the common ground. Because if you’re close to your boyfriend’s family, without realizing, they will expect & depend on your support. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk if you’re busy doing something else. My grandma would always bring out a tray of green beans to sort to keep the hands busy. If you’re doing something else, it’s easier to speak of what’s in your heart, because your focus is elsewhere. Go help them clean the house for instance. But in the process, you talk; you ease the pain, get their focus off and stop them from drowning in misery. When my best friend’s dad died, she called me and couldn’t speak. When I got there, her husband was waiting at the door. He said, ‘thank God, you’re here. I don’t know what to do!’ You see, sometimes, it’s a friend that calms you. She was curled up in a chair in the backyard, crying. I just held her for several hours. Not talking. I told her “I love you. You cry all you want.” That’s what she needed. When she felt ready to talk, she talked and I listened. Just comforting her. She always remembers that. It depends on the personality of the person going through grief. Men and women deal differently, but don’t underestimate the power of touch.

Anonymous said...

OMG I love this!!! When is the next chapter coming! I can't wait!

Anonymous said...

this is amazing!! cannot wait for the next chapter!!

dr_bland14 said...

I was about to ask the same question?! What's the ETA on the next chapter?!

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

The ETA is Saturday midday, PST. Still working on it :)

Anonymous said...

i can't wait!!!

Unknown said...

Can't wait for the next chapter I'm so excited!!!

Unknown said...

In the 8 years I have been with Rob, I have only spent holidays with his grandma, and she always asked "who are you?" I know that his grandma is in a better place, she was a woman of god, and was very quiet and a sweet lady. We all looked at pictures after the service, and talked about "old" days. I couldn't relate to that, because I haven't been a part of the family for as long as everyone else. I want to show my respect, and hugged whoever needed a hug. It was just hard seeing Rob dealing with grief, and seeing tears in his eyes was hard. I will be the strong one for them all and do anything I need to do to get the family through the grief. Thank you Emine I will share your post with Rob, and show him all the compassion and love I can. I know in the future he will have to hold me up when death occurs in my family. Thanks for making me feel better!!!

Unknown said...

Cant wait til tomorrow:) I think I've re-read this chapter at least 5 times;) Can't wait to see what you've written, your so great at putting the words down kinda how I would imagine them to go in my own head!

~*PaKaHaJa*~ said...

Just popping by to say HI and HELLO for the weekend!!! Have been sooo busy this week with school holidays, I seem to have been out of the loop..

Hope all is well in your household Emine, and that no one else is sick..

Looking forward to the next chapter, am eagerly awaiting it tomorrow.. Love your work, love you!!!

Have a great weekend. xoxoxoxo

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

I just posted the new chapter Gail! :)

Anonymous said...

Where is the new chapter at?

Eminé Fougner @ Cowboyland said...

Just go to homepage, or here's the direct link:

Nieves said...


Unknown said...

I sometimes load several pages of this at once, because I know I'm going to be without wi-fi for a while, and then I take notes while I read, so I can leave fb.

Trouble is, I'm too eager to go on, so I don't annotate them well enough, and can't remember which goes where.

So just let me say that I hugely enjoy what you're doing, and frequently gasp because something you just said took my breath away. I particularly love the literary quotes and references -- and feel reassured when Christian thinks of these, because it proves that he can possibly bestir himself to share an interest with Ana (other than the obvious one), and that they can have something in common. And that they can share a use for the library that won't involve the pool table or a ruler! ;)

Really loved this:

What I feel for Anastasia is such a love that it is ever consuming, I-can’t-live-without-her kind, make me or break me kind of love...It’s euphoric, obsessive, irreversible, and there’s no exit sign for me.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Emine, what a hot and sweet chapter! I just do love the way Anastasia makes understand to Christian that she is ok to go and play in the red room, that she wants it as much as him.
I love them both and I am so happy I discovered your blog this past spring. Thank you again for your great writing!

S. from France

Unknown said...

PhoThis is still one of my favorite chapters than you have written. You write it so well that we can just feel the love. I think with each reread and enjoy your writing more and more. I am always in such a hurry to get through to see what happens. On the rereads, I can savor the story. Thank you my dear!

Unknown said...

This is still one of my favorite chapters than you have written. You write it so well that we can just feel the love. I think with each reread and enjoy your writing more and more. I am always in such a hurry to get through to see what happens. On the rereads, I can savor the story. Thank you my dear!

Sanna said...

Once again I had to stop reading, this time because work is calling. Reading this is actually better now that I've just read Ana's version. Just up to the morning after the incident with Charlie Tango but I think you get the idea. Very much looking forward to reading more.

I still haven't gotten around to the third book but I will soon. From what I've read about it, I think I'd prefer to read your version of it. But I'll give the book a try first, though.