MASQUE - Chapter III

3

ON THE EDGE OF DESIRE

Right now, I want something. I am craving something. Actually, someone… Someone with long wavy locks of strawberry blonde hair, full luscious lips and killer legs. I can’t get those azure eyes looking at me first with shock, then fury and finally the suppressed, unwelcome desire out of my mind. Unwelcome. This is something I have never encountered before. The unknown territory gives me unease. I’ve been bewitched since I first laid eyes on her on the yacht. Am I losing my edge? Women look to find ways to get themselves noticed and in my presence, my bed.

I don’t waste time chasing them like some playboy. I know exactly what I like and I get what I want, when I want them without useless relationships. Yet, I want to chase her. I have been seeking her since I first laid eyes on her. Isn’t that the very definition of chase? Shit! The need for that thrill is unbearable, utterly foreign to me. I’m completely intrigued by her. Maybe she can provide me with enough distraction for a little while. The sight of her on the yacht, dissipated the suffocating mood I’ve been experiencing lately. It was as thick as the haze of the heavy smog weighing over the cityscape I can see through the tinted windows of my forty-eighth floor office of the Gibson Grand Tower in downtown Los Angeles. I need to know more about her. I can’t get her out of my mind.

The stiletto heeled boots’ irritated fast pace meeting the Italian marble floor outside my office and the two protesting voices of my assistants bring me back from my reveries.

“For heaven’s sake, Jude, I can find my way in!” It’s Lei’s voice.

“Miss Giovanni, Mr. Gibson has a full schedule this afternoon. I can’t possibly fit you in at the last minute!” I did tell them not to bother me until I went through the contract my lawyers prepared for this investment project. But I can’t seem to focus.

“I can see his door is wide open! He couldn’t be that busy!”

“He just returned from a meeting ma’am. Perhaps we can schedule you for a different day.”

“Let her in,” I buzz my assistants. They both have concealed earphones to hear me as opposed to a loud intercom system. A few seconds later, there is a knock at my door.

Lei Giovanni glides in flanked by my irritated assistants Jude and Eliza, with her regal head held high shaded by a custom made summer hat and covering her eyes by sporting one of the priciest pair of sun glasses her fashion design company is offering only to the financially worthy. With an hourglass figure wearing a black dress that pours over her curves, her plunging neckline reaching below her belly-button giving a glimpse to her perfectly altered breasts, she walks toward my desk with her hips swaying with a pronounced sexuality. Her stilettoes are making love to the floor with a measured rhythm. She could be one of the overpriced runway models in one of her fashion shows in Milan, or Paris or New York. I sit back and enjoy the show she’s putting on for my benefit.

“Can I get you anything Ms. Giovanni?” Jude asks with his South African accent laced with the Queen’s English he learned no doubt when he was at Oxford.

“Aren’t you the sweet one, Jude?” but turns to Eliza to order.

“Ace of Spades Rose, please, Elizabeth, something or other,” she says snapping her finger to Eliza.

“It’s Eliza, Ms. Giovanni.”

“Well, chop-chop Eliza!” as she claps her hands together, scolding my assistant then turns back to Jude again.

“Tell me, what do you owe that delicious accent and that exotic look of yours to? I could make you one of my models… that is if Ronan didn’t mind parting with you,” she purrs.

“My mother is South African, a black woman and my father is Swiss, ma’am.”

“Delicious. That tan skin with those blue-green eyes. Hmmmm… Anytime you are ready to make the leap…”

“Thank you, Miss Giovanni. But, I’m quite happy here.”

“You may leave Jude.” I order to save him from Lei verbally molesting my young gay assistant. He nods and leaves quickly.

“Ciao, Lei,” I greet her with a smile. “I don’t endorse your attempts at coercing or seducing my assistants into leaving my employment. You, of all people should know well by now that I don’t take kindly to those who steal anything from me.” She knows. I forgive of course… that is as long as I get the opportunity to punish first. She takes off her sun glasses. Her impeccably made up brown eyes sparkle with excitement. I rise from my seat then corner my desk and stand before it.

“Perhaps I have forgotten what you do to those who steal from you. I might just have to make an attempt so you can remind me what may come of it.” She challenges.

“My assistants are far more valuable than just strutting on the runway,” I say sitting at the edge of my desk, my arms crossed. She gives me an appreciating look from the wave of my hair, to my torso, blatantly staring at my bulge below my belt then my legs. She licks her lips in approval, and extends her hand. I take it as I come to a full stance and she leans in for kisses on both cheeks. She then pulls back and turns around, giving me a view of her backside, then sits on a chair crossing her long legs displaying her Manolo Blahnik lace backed ankle boots with open toes drawing the eyes up her long shapely legs.

“I don’t want both of them. You can keep the girl. I’ve no use for her. It’s him I want,” she says smiling. I know exactly what she wants: her next boy toy.

“He’s gay. He’d be of no use for your personal demands.”

“Not even a little bit? Hmmm. Pity,” she murmurs.

“I’m sure you didn’t come here to discuss Jude. I received the monthly report from your business manager. You’re settling into the American market well, and my company helped the Lei brand take hold in North America with new marketing strategies. So, what do I owe to your visit?”

“Couldn’t I have just missed you?”

I smile in response. We do meet once a week, but she usually doesn’t come to my office unless there is something urgent. We both know that’s not the reason. I shake my head.

 “May I remind you that you have Lucas.” My response causes her to make a bored face.

“Yes, he provides plenty of pleasure. As a submissive…” she qualifies. “And I am enjoying myself quite a lot but I hate breaking in the proverbial virgins to the scene. It takes time to train them properly. I much prefer you.” Her admittance surprises me.

“That is never happening, Lei.”

There’s a knock at my door. Eliza walks in with Lei’s chilled champagne in a bucket along with two flutes. She pours one for Lei, and looks at me to see if I want some, I shake my head no. After Eliza leaves, Lei turns to me again.

“I know! I made a huge mistake. A judgement in error,” she looks at me with pleading eyes. The aloof persona slips and for a moment I get a glimpse of the woman I’d met prior to her total body makeover when I was only nineteen. Underground sex clubs have patrons from the most elite in the world with lots of disposable income to secure the privacy, pleasure, the toys and the trained bodies they require. I was first introduced to them in London while I was at Cambridge attending uni.

“Lei, we have something better going. We have a valuable friendship, respect for one another, trust, an exceedingly successful business partnership in the fashion industry, and an understanding of each other. I care enough about you that I don’t want more than that. We are much too toxic for one another in that way. We both know that.”

“That was then. You needed to be pushed and it was my duty to push you as your Dominatrix. I had not realized it was your breaking point. Will you never forgive me for it?” She pleads which falls onto deaf ears.

“It’s been over five years Lei. Let it go,” I reiterate. Rule Number 1 in any BDSM relationship is to know one another’s limits and to strictly adhere to the safewords. Yet, I had never used a safeword for my pain threshold no matter how hard she punished me. I asked her to push me to my limits in pain in order to cover the old scars, to feel that I exist, that there’s life within me, to be deserving of feeling self-worth, to be rid of the guilt of the constant reminder because I was the unplanned pregnancy that got my parents into a loveless marriage, to even have the right to feel pleasure.

I had one cardinal rule: NO SHARING! She broke my trust by forcing me to be shared with another woman. I never share and I don’t like to be shared. But, this couldn’t be the reason she’s here today, to settle an old tab that I had written off long ago.

“I have offered myself to you to do with as you wish, Ronan. For as long as you wish… Yet you continue punishing me by just remaining a friend, not even as friends with benefits, and never touching me that way or letting me get near your body again.” She takes a long sip of her champagne.

“But this has had a lasting effect, has it not? It made you more aware of your other partners’ needs and limits. But that’s not why you are here. The only time you start robbing the cradle is when…”

Realization dawns on me. I raise my eyebrows quizzically. She looks at me with hurt in her eyes. Of course!

“The anniversary is tomorrow,” she whispers. “If I didn’t have his pictures, I’d forget the shape of his face, the way he looked at me. I’ve already forgotten the feel of his body on mine.” She rises from her seat and paces impatiently.

“Twelve years! I have forgotten everything he meant to me except the pain of his loss. It doesn’t go away!” She’s talking about the death of her husband. His private jet went down several years ago. She survived, he didn’t. Maybe this is why I’m still friends with her. She was capable of loving so deeply. Maybe one of us still has a soul indeed.

“Did you see your shrink?” I ask concerned.

“Yes,” she rolls her eyes. “I spend a fortune on weekly therapy. Basically, I pay somebody to be my friend without worrying that they will write a Tell All book since he signed an NDA. Trust is an expensive commodity in this town,” she waves her hand. Most successful people are in the same pair of painful shoes. Real friends are incredibly rare and betrayals are so common place, it’s almost a Hollywood cliché.

“I hoped that you had time for me this evening, for dinner perhaps.” Lei and I have an understanding.

“I have a business meeting at ten tonight. I could do dinner beforehand.”

“Great! Where’s your meeting?”

“Sayers Manor.”

“I’ll have a table reserved at Capo. It’s practically next door. How about eight?”

“Great! I don’t want you to feel like I’m shoving you out, but I’m shoving you out. I have contracts to read through.”

“Why pay your overpriced lawyers if you have to read them yourself?” She quizzes.

“Control, Lei. You of all people should know that. To remind them who is in charge at all times.”

“See you at eight then.”

Once she leaves, I call Jude in.

“Yes, sir?”

“I need you to make sure that my lawyer Whitaker comes to the Sayers Manor tonight to execute the contracts. I also need you to be there. Arrive no later than 9:30 p.m. The meeting starts at 10:00 p.m.”

The dim lights at Copa provides enough privacy and creates a comfortable ambiance. When I arrive at the restaurant, Lei is already seated. I give her a friendly smile and she reciprocates.

“Good evening, Lei!”

“Buonasera Ronan!” She gets up and leans in to receive kisses on her cheeks. Her hand connects with my upper arm. She releases me and we both sit down at the same time. The waiter rushes to the table to ask what we would like to drink. I order Châteauneuf-du-Pape White 2009 without even looking at the wine list.

After the waiter scurries away, she scrutinizes me with an assessing gaze. Then purses her lips.

“Hmmm… Anxious, a little on the edge, nervous, and something else I can’t put my finger on,” she states her findings nonchalantly.

 “Business.” I answer a little too brusquely. The fact is, I’m disappointed that little Miss Adler, the mysterious Aphrodite won’t be at the meeting this evening. This knowledge and recognition surprises me. I’m carrying the little memento I recovered in Cannes, waiting to return it to its rightful owner in due time.

“Nooo,” she croons thoughtfully. “That’s not it.”

“Alright, if you say so,” I say with a smile playing on my lips.

“Maybe you want to talk about her.” She probes.

If not for the waiter interrupting with the wine, I’d have a surprised expression on my face.

Lei runs her tongue around the rim of her harlot red lips. “Well… How’s sex?” she asks with the same mischief of a lover who had just given you a great blow job and the waiter, whose name tag reads Kevin’s eyes widen and he blushes like the Chinese flag. He quickly pours the wine, takes our order and scurries away.

“Sex in general is always fantastic.”

“With her… I take that it’s beyond your expectations if you are edgy like this for having to endure an evening at that business meeting instead of being with her.” She raises her eyebrows looking at me anew as if the old Ronan is gone and he’s been replaced by a clone.

“You come to this ridiculously erroneous conclusion, how?” I ask.

“Ah, Ronan, I may not know the details of your current,” she tries to find a word that would fit her definition, “acquisition,” she qualifies with a grin having found the right noun, “I do know you, and I definitely know that look!”

“What look would that be?”

She leans in as if to make it look like she is letting me in on a secret.

“Longing.”

“Longing?” I ask surprised. “I think you’re letting your unresolved issues with your late husband cloud your judgement, and you end up attributing those feelings to me. I long for no woman.” I think I’m trying to convince myself more than Lei by my declaration. Miss Adler will just be a diversion, an acquisition. That’s all.

She leans in even further and continues in a firm whisper as if I have said nothing. “I don’t think she’s meeting all your needs. You have needs that even a very experienced submissive can’t fulfill. It takes the proper amount of pain to receive the ultimate ratio of pleasure…”

She finally leans back letting the rest of her thoughts linger in the air, letting it sink in. Her gaze drifts to the waiter pouring wine for the patrons at the next table. As if she has no care in the world; she eyes the flowers on the table finding something interesting about them, then looks at the wall art. I know exactly what she’s doing. It’s a play for control.

“Do tell about this woman I don’t have. So, maybe when I actually meet such a woman, I’ll recognize her from your description.” My arms are crossed and my eyebrows are raised in challenge.

“I’ve known you since you were 19 and we’ve done everything under the sun. Your time at Cambridge would be dull as ditchwater had it not been for the entertainment I provided on the weekends in London. Besides, what you’ve learned since you were 14, was it, about the scene only gave you pain and little pleasure.” She was right of course. She showed me that I can get pleasure without guilt. What I’d learned in Paris as a lost young teen was mostly detrimental to me. She changed the tides for me. I couldn’t think of a life without her guidance. When I moved to attend Harvard for my MBA, Lei followed me to the States.

She continues her assessment. “As much as you can comprehend my body language, so can I of yours. I know that it’s not anyone you’ve been pictured with in the magazines or the newspapers. I haven’t seen you with anyone twice. That means those are just arm candies. I’m almost positive that you’ve never been photographed with this one. She must be quite new.”

Lei and I met at a sex club in London and she recognized the masochistic self-destructiveness in me. Surviving a jet crash that killed her husband made her drown in survivor’s guilt and she was punishing herself for living. She had lost the love of her life, and I had never known unconditional love. In a way, we saved each other by being what the other needed at the time.

 Always looking for ways to have the ultimate control, I’m not cut out to be a submissive. It was however what I needed when I was in my teens. I know she’s attempting to control my reins. It’s a game I have mastered.

“Lei,” I whisper leaning in as if she’s finally going to be privy to that secret. “There is no such woman. Even the commander in chief is entitled to have a few nerves from time to time. I take big risks after all and over sixty thousand people’s jobs around the globe depend on me making the right business decisions. Don’t keep probing because you’ll find nothing other than irritating the fuck out of me! Save both of us the misery of it.”

She rolls her eyes.

“For fuck’s sake! You’re too touchy today.” She wants to say something else, but she restrains herself and we finally can resume our dinner peacefully.

By the time it’s 9:30, my assistant Jude calls me to let me know he’s here. When I walk Lei out, the warm California evening breeze greets us with a hint of the Pacific’s brine. I hand the ticket to the valet for Lei’s car. Dre is waiting for me with vigilant eyes, always alert, always scanning the vicinity. While we are waiting for her car to arrive, a yellow cab passes the Sayers Manor and stops between the Copa and Sayers. I don’t pay attention to it until I see the passenger. The bright light from the Sayer as well as Copa softly reflect the long strawberry blonde hair brightly as the waves fall onto her white dress, nearly identical to the one I saw on the yacht in Cannes hugging every curve of her body softly. She leans in to the taxi cab and pays him, then straightens up. As if she senses my presence, she turns to our direction. When she sees me with Lei waiting for the valet, her recognition of me is written all over her face. Miss Adler’s eyes are locked on mine, almost in a trance and I find that I can’t take my eyes away from her either.

Why is she here? Didn’t she say she wasn’t coming, that she can’t even afford the cover charge? Did she finally accept the producer’s offer for a date? I feel an explosion of drowning emotions charging at me in a wave: anger, envy, resentment, sadness, fear and insecurity. The onslaught of this cocktail of toxic emotions surprises me. I’ve no reason to feel this way! Oh fuck!

My mind doesn’t stop spinning. Why did she just arrive in a cab? Doesn’t she have a car? The cab moves and I can see that the dress is about five inches above her knee. She stands frozen in her place resembling a deer caught in the headlights facing towards me. I must be wearing the identical surprised expression on my face. Even though we manage to break the connection, she makes an effort to turn her back giving me a glimpse of that sweet ass. The next thing I hear is Lei’s voice, bringing me back to the here and now.

“That’s her! Isn’t it? It’s your new woman!” Her voice is incredulous, laced with surprise and something else. That something else is the same feeling I have towards Miss Adler: Jealousy! Shit!