Chapter XXIII ← Christian and Anastasia FanFiction

SEPARATION ANXIETY

CHAPTER XXIII

After Anastasia leaves, I call Taylor into my study.

“Yes, sir,” he answers politely.

“Taylor, I want you to find out what airline Miss Steele is going to purchase her airline ticket from. I don’t care how you track it. Whether you track it through her credit card or her laptop...” I say with a fixed gaze and a determined expression.

“I have set up an access for you into her laptop sir. I’m sure I can check on what site she goes and what airline she purchases it from,” he says confidently.

“Great!" I say edgy already. Why does she make it so hard for me to take care of her? She's my woman, damn it! Why shouldn't I take care of her? Why is she so reticent when it comes to accepting my help? I take care of what is mine!
"Once you find out about the airline, get the flight information, reservation number etc. I want you to call the airline and upgrade her ticket to first class, put her by the window seat, and purchase the seat next to hers. I want her to have the extra elbow room,” I say.

Taylor is completely passive, but I catch a small gleam of amusement in his eyes for a second.

“Yes, sir. Anything else sir?”

“Yes, I need you to drive me to work. I have to be at the office for a while today. My assistant was supposed to schedule Claude Bastille for a session. Find out when from Andrea before we go. Once you know when, text me, and pick me up; I need that session today!" I say with exasperation. "I have meetings, but tell Claude to wait. We can work out at my company’s gym, or at Escala depending on the time he’s scheduled. We ought to leave for GEH at around 1:00 p.m.” I say.

“Yes sir. I’ll inform you once I upgrade Miss Steele’s flight,” he says respectfully, nodding.

He’s about to leave my study, but seeing my preoccupied state, he turns to me to ask something.

“Do you want me to track Miss Steele’s phone sir to locate her whereabouts?” I think about it for a second.

“No...” I say hesitantly, but add, “No, she’ll let me know where she interviewed once she’s done with them. There is no point in finding out until she gets the job.”

“Yes sir,” he replies, and leaves my study.

I think of Anastasia, and why she wants to distance herself from me. I’m going to have a hard time in her absence. (← I'll be Missing You by P Diddy, ft. Sting & Faith Evans) Shit! She’s only gone for less than an hour, and I already terribly miss her. I check my e-mails before I head out to work.  There is one from Elena.

_____________________________________________

From: Elena Lincoln
Subject: Dinner?
Date: May 30 2011 10:12
To: Christian Grey

Hello Christian,

Have you had time to check your schedule for our dinner? I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve missed you. Your new sub sounds very interesting. I’d love to hear about her. Call me. We’ll catch up.

Until I see you,

Elena

_____________________________________________

Come to think of it, since Anastasia is leaving town tomorrow, my schedule would be free tomorrow night, so I could meet Elena for dinner tomorrow night.

 _____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Dinner?
Date: May 30 2011 12:48
To: Elena Lincoln

Elena

My schedule is free tomorrow evening. Shall we say 8:00 p.m. at our usual place?

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

I hit send. My mind drifts back to Anastasia. I want to talk to Elena about her. Anastasia completely confines me.  She’s such an enigma, such a life force; the thought of losing her it completely scares me. (← DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again by Usher ft. Pitbull) I can talk to Elena about my feelings. She's known me for so long, she might have some insight, and help me sort these uneasy feelings I have for Anastasia.
I’m ready to go to work since I have a meeting with the engineering team. I like to be hands on and in control in everything I do, be it my business acquisitions, or the products that my team is developing. I want to be a part of it, and I will have a say in everything that is done within my company. I'm a man who is always in control; I make all the decisions. I like my autonomy very much. I value it more than anything. I have worked so hard to attain it; in fact in the last seven years, I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone, and did what I desired. I wouldn’t ever want to let that freedom go. But then again, all bets are off when it comes to Anastasia. She disarms me at an alarming rate. It scares the life out of me. I desire her to do so, but then, because it's so out of my norm, I fight against it. This may not be good for my autonomy. Fuck! What a conondrum I'm in!

I don’t know what to name the extreme emotions I’m feeling for her. That’s something I’ve avoided all my adult life. I lose all my reason with her. But in the other hand, she becomes my reason to be...to exist. When she’s around, that’s all I see, all I want, all I want to experience. She’s mine! What if she meets someone in Georgia? Shit! Shit! Shit! She’ll be gone nearly a whole week! If I was taken by her at the first sight, someone else might easily be taken by her. I've never been this close to anyone, at this rate, in such a short span of time. I'm worried... As soon as I get out of the vicinity, some fucker always approaches her. I pace nervously around my study. I need distraction from my worries today. Couple of hours with Claude Bastille should relieve some of my frustration and provide me with much needed distraction.

*
*

I walk into my office, Andrea and the intern rush to their feet. I’ve been missing face time at GEH lately, but I’m ever present via other means due to my “control freakery” as Miss Steele would have put it. I'm the boss again, in charge of my destiny, in charge of what I know. (← Freedom by George Michael)

“The team of engineers and Mr. Barney are in the meeting room sir with their proposals for the prototype,” Andrea informs me.

When I walk into the meeting room, everyone scrambles to their feet.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” I say by the way of greeting everyone at once.

Barney takes the lead.

“Sir, the engineering team came up with a new interface today, but we wanted to show it to you and get your input,” he says.

“Let’s take a look at it,” I say as we jump into the meeting full swing. There is something still missing. I don't want less than a perfect product. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing perfectly the first time. We brainstorm about how to utilize clean energy while creating a product that functions perfectly, and is sleek. I take their schematics, and give my input. This isn't done yet - not to my complete satisfaction. I'll look over the drawings. Once this meeting is over, I meet Marco for thirty minutes. Then Ros comes for a meeting for the company we’ve discussed liquidating a day earlier to go over the finances once again. I'm all business, all in control, and master of my destiny. I like that. The thought of not being able to see Anastasia gives me an added impatience.

When I leave the office to workout with Claude Bastille, it’s nearly five in the afternoon. Taylor drives me to my usual gym where I meet Claude. I warm up running, lifting weights, and some cardio. Then Claude and I get at each other for an hour...hard. He holds back nothing, and I give him all I got as if my life depends on it. The feeling of Anastasia leaving town weighs heavy on me. Claude Bastille notices my fervor, and extra drive.

“You’re hell on wheels today!” he comments.

“Making up for my missed sessions,” I say with a passive face.

“I don’t know. It seems as if you have this extra oomph,” he says.

“Well, thank you,” I say still passive, “it means a lot coming from you,” I reply.

We bow to each other at the end of our MMA workout.

“Tomorrow at the same time then?” he asks.

“No, better make it earlier. My assistant will call you with the time,” I reply.

“As you wish Grey,” he replies, we shake hands, and I depart for Escala.

First thing I do as I get to my penthouse is to shuck off the sweaty workout clothes and take a shower. I get into my jeans and a t-shirt since I’ll be home for the rest of the evening. When I emerge from my bedroom, Mrs. Jones has set me a place at the breakfast bar.

“What would you like to drink sir?”

“Sancerre please,” I say.

“Yes sir,” she says as she pours me a glass of wine.

After I finish my dinner, I leave to my study to go over the schematics my team of engineers gave me. I still haven’t made up my mind whether it’s met it’s all my requirements yet.

I lay the plans on my desk, and a sudden flash of this morning’s activities flood my mind with Anastasia on this very desk, and my heart constricts missing her. I more than miss her. It’s like as if she took a piece of me with her. I never know what she’s going to say or do. But, as much as it scares me, I love that about her, because it keeps me on my toes.

I don’t want her out of my life, and I have never wanted anything more than I want her. I rack my brain for something I wanted more. I can’t think of anything. No other women - no one even came close to her. I've never desired anyone with the depth and heigh of my soul like I do of her. I've never felt this way for anyone, and I had never been in fear of losing of any one of the women I had been with. If I broke up with one of the other women, there would always be someone else of equal or greater value. I could never think that way about Anastasia. She has no equal, because she locates my missing soul, she fulfills me not just sexually, although God knows that is reason enough, but she becomes my conscience, my reason, my life. 

The depth of the feeling I have for her is beyond anything I imagined – it scares me to my core. Is this good for me to feel that way? Having control in every aspect of my life has been monumentally beneficial for me. Would losing control to a young woman cause me to lose what I’ve acquired over the years? For a brief moment, I try to contemplate a future without her; and all of a sudden I feel as if I’m slowly bleeding to my death by a thousand cuts...excruciatingly painfully. Even the thought of it in the hypothetical hurts me to the core; I can’t breathe! I hold my desk to steady myself. I hear the familiar ding of my e-mail. I look up, and thank God, it’s from Anastasia!

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Interviews
Date: May 30 2011 18:48
To: Christian Grey

Dear Sir

My interviews went well today.
Thought you might want to know.
How was your day?
Ana

_____________________________________________

I read her simple message over and over again. I steady my breath, and tell myself that she’s only a few miles away, still in town, and that she’s interested in my day, and she’s letting me in to her activities. Relief slowly floods me. I type my response once I have my wits about myself.

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: My day
Date: May 30 2011 19:02
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele

Everything you do interests me. You are the most fascinating woman I know.
I’m so glad that your interviews went well.
My morning was beyond all expectations.
As for my afternoon, it was extremely dull in comparison.

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

I hit send. Her reply is dings back in two minutes flat.

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Fine Morning
Date: May 30 2011 19:04
To: Christian Grey

Dear Sir

This morning was exemplary for me as well, despite the fact that you weirded out on me after the impeccable desk sex. Don’t think I didn’t notice.
Thank you for breakfast. Or thank Mrs. Jones for me.
I’d like to ask you a question about her – without you weirding out on me again.
Ana

_____________________________________________

Two things jump out of the page for me: First one is the impeccable sex. What is she comparing it to? She hasn’t had any other partners, has she? She better not! And her interest in Mrs. Jones. Had something passed through between them this morning? What is making her curious about Mrs. Jones?

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Publishing and You?
Date: May 30 2011 19:09
To: Anastasia Steele

Anastasia

Weirding and weirded are not verbs and should not be used by anyone who wants to go into publishing.
Impeccable sex you say? Compared to what, pray tell? And what do you need to ask about Mrs. Jones? I’m intrigued.

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

I hit send. But she doesn’t reply instantaneously as she normally does.  When it dings again, I feel relief. But the title is bothersome.

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: You and Mrs. Jones
Date: May 30 2011 19:18
To: Christian Grey

Dear Sir

Language is an organic entity and it evolves and moves on. It’s not stuck in an ivory tower with expensive works of art overlooking most of Seattle with a helipad stuck on its roof.
Impeccable – compared to the other times we have...what’s the word you use...oh yeah... fucked. Actually fucking has been extremely impeccable, period, in my humble opinion. But then again, I have very limited experience in that department as you well know.

Is Mrs. Jones an ex-sub of yours?
Ana

_____________________________________________

I’m shocked in the way she thinks of Mrs. Jones. She’s a respectable woman in every way, one I have not had any relationsip other than a professional one! Of course she’s never been my sub! I’d never employ someone I’ve had sex with. Anastasia would have been the only exception to that, but with the way she’s thinking, I may have to reassess that idea. I hastily type up a response.

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Language. Watch your mouth!
Date: May 30 2011 19:23
To: Anastasia Steele

Anastasia

Mrs. Jones is a valuable employee. I have never had any relationship with her beyond our professional one. I don’t employ anyone I’ve had any sexual relations with. I’m completely shocked that you would entertain such a thought. You would be the only person I’d make an exception to that rule, because you’re a bright young woman with outstanding negotiation skills. However, if you continue to use such a language, I may have to reconsider that offer. I’m glad you have limited experience. Your experience will continue to be limited, just to me. I shall then take impeccable as a compliment. Although, I never know whether it is a compliment or not when it comes to you – whether it’s your sense of irony as usual.

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. From His Ivory Tower

_____________________________________________

I hit send, and wait for her to respond. I’m not happy about her concerns about Mrs. Jones.

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Not for all the Tea in China
Date: May 30 2011 19:28
To: Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

I think I have already expressed my reservations about working for your company. My views on this have not changed, aren’t changing, and won’t change. Ever.  I have to leave you to yourself now since my roomie Kate returned with Chinese food. My sense of irony and I wish you goodnight.

I’ll contact you once I arrive in Georgia.
Ana

_____________________________________________

Her reply makes me smile.
_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Even for Twinings English Breakfast Tea?
Date: May 30 2011 19:30
To: Anastasia Steele

Goodnight Anastasia.

I hope you and your sense of irony have a safe flight to Georgia. 

Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

Taylor knocks at my study’s door.

“Come in Taylor,” I say.

“Sir, I have acquired Miss Steele’s flight information,” he starts.

“Okay. Did you upgrade her flight?”

“Yes sir. She’s upgraded to first class, and I’ve also purchased the seat next to hers to give her,” he clears his throat involuntarily, and I raise a questioning I eyebrow, “more elbow room,” he says with a completely straight face.

“What seat?”

“Window seat sir and the one next to hers would be empty.”

“What time will she be leaving?”

“Ten-thirty p.m. sir,” he checks his time on his watch. “In, a little over two hours, she should be air bound.” 

“Great! As for tomorrow's schedule,” I say, and go over my work schedule with him. I’m edgy, and irritated for some reason. I realize I’m shaking my legs in a nervous gesture.

Taylor must have realized it. He coolly asks, “I will be going down to the gym to work out sir. Will you be working out this evening? I was thinking of practicing some MMA. If you’d like, we can pair up and work out together. If you have to work this evening and won’t need me for a couple of hours, I’ll go and work out at the gym sir,” he says tactfully.

“I’ll join you at the gym. I’ll see you in ten,” I say dismissing him.

“Yes, sir,” he says and walks out of my study.

*

Over an hour later, we come back to my penthouse, worked out, my muscles slightly sore with the exertions of the demanding MMA moves. I take a shower, and get dressed, and get back to my study. There is a ton of work I have to get through, not to mention the schematics the engineering team has provided. I run my hands through my wet hair wishing it was Miss Steele doing it. Speaking of the devil, my e-mail dings in that familiar sound, and it is Miss Steele.

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Over-Extravagant Gestures
Date: May 30 2011 21:52
To: Christian Grey

Dear Mr. Grey

I’m alarmed that you knew which flight I was on and I’m not the one who provided you with that information.

You know your stalking has no bounds. Let’s just hope that Dr. Flynn is back from his vacation.
I’ve had a manicure, a back massage, and two glasses of champagne which provided a very nice start to my vacation.

And I have you to thank for.
Ana

_____________________________________________

She’s a little upset, but teasing, and she is thankful; though with Anastasia it’s hard to tell which way is up. She got a massage... I don’t know if I like that. Massage huh? What sort of massage? Who was giving her the massage?

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: You’re most welcome
Date: May 30 2011 21:58
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

Dr. Flynn is back from his vacation; in fact I have an appointment to see him this week.
Who was massaging your back? 

Christian Grey
CEO with friends in the right places, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

I hit send, and wait for her to respond. 20 minutes passes by, and no reply comes back from her. Is she back for more massage? Christ! How long does it take to get a massage at an airport?

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Strong Able Hands
Date: May 30 2011 22:23
To: Christian Grey

Dear Sir,

A sweet and pleasant young man massaged my back. Yes, it was very pleasant indeed. I have you to thank for my encounter with Jean-Paul without which I wouldn’t have met him in the ordinary departure lounge. So, thank you once again. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to e-mail once we take off, and I shall need my beauty sleep as I haven’t been sleeping so well lately.

Ana

_____________________________________________

What the fuck? What is she trying to do to me? Make me instantaneously combust with jealousy? Well, she’s succeeded. Oh baby, I’ll give you that for the time being, but wait till I get my hands on you again! I know what I’d do that smart mouth of yours.

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Enjoy it while you can
Date: May 30 2011 22:26
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

I know what you’re trying to do, and trust me when I say this, you’ve succeeded in accomplishing it-you made me beyond jealous. Since that’s the case, next time you’ll travel in the cargo hold, bound and gagged and in a crate. Believe me when I say that attending to you in that state will give me a lot more pleasure than just merely upgrading your ticket to first class.

I shall look forward to your return. 

Christian Grey
Palm twitching CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

Put that in your pipe and smoke it Miss Steele! So, you want to make me jealous! I probably won’t hear from her until she lands, but, I’m a patient man at this moment. I’ll wait. But in four minutes my e-mail dings again? What the hell? Is she e-mailing me during flight and risking her life along with the lives of other passengers?

_____________________________________________

From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Joking
Date: May 30 2011 22:30
To: Christian Grey

Christian, you see, I’ve no idea if you’re joking or serious. And if you are serious, then I think I’ll stay in Georgia. Crates are a hard limit for me. I’m sorry I’ve made you mad. Tell me you forgive me.

Ana

_____________________________________________

Oh, I am furious with her for her writing in the airplane! Does she not value her own life at all? Why is she on a mission to make me anxious?

_____________________________________________

From: Christian Grey
Subject: Joking
Date: May 30 2011 22:31
To: Anastasia Steele

How could you be emailing me? Are you risking your own life as well as the lives of everyone else on board by using your Blackberry? This action contravenes one of the rules. 

Christian Grey
Two Palms twitching CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

_____________________________________________

I hit send hastily. I have already been anxious with her departure, and her disregard to her own safety raises my anxiety levels several notches. Woman; you better not be writing me until your feet firmly touches the ground in Georgia! I pace around my study while occasionally keeping an eye on my e-mail box for the next two whole hours, almost daring the inanimate object to spew an e-mail message from Anastasia. Like a standoff between man and the machine.  And finally when no message arrives from her, I give a sigh of relief. She puts me on edge, makes me lose my reason even at a distance by behaving the way she does, worrying me! I don’t do well with worry! It’s not an emotion I’m familiar with.

Only when my anxiety subsides I can make my way to bed. Fuck! What am I, a three year old? Why do I have this separation anxiety then? My heart aches knowing she’s on her way halfway across the country. I go to my bed to an uneasy sleep clouded with worrisome dreams of Anastasia. (← I can't Live Without You by Mariah Carey)