“I love thee; I love but
thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow
old.”
Shakespeare
Omnia Vincit Amor: et nos
cedamus amori (Virgil)
CHAPTER XXV
Ana’s stance is
something between defensive and offensive. What is in that piece of paper? Is
it a letter from a former lover? How could it be? She’s had no other lover. Did
she? The thought is more than unsettling. She’s my girl. I’m becoming a nervous
wreck by the second.
“Ana, what is
it?” I murmur in a wary tone. She doesn’t answer; instead her gaze is focused
on Katherine Kavanagh. A cold shiver runs through me as if someone just stepped
on my grave.
“Kate! This has
nothing to do with you,” she seethes venomously. Kate is only surprised at her
response and blinks at her with wide eyes. The exchange that goes between them
and the look that says “Don’t tell Christian!”
on Ana’s face makes me more nervous than ever! What is she hiding? What doesn’t she want me to know? What is in
that fucking paper?
“Ana! What is it?”
I ask again in a menacing tone.
“Christian,
would you just go, please?” she asks dismissing me! Me! No one dismisses me!
“No! Show me,” I
say in a firm, arctic ‘don’t fuck with me now!’
tone, holding out my hand for the paper in her hand. After a brief hesitation,
she hands me the paper.
As I get a first
glimpse of the e-mail Anastasia sent to me discussing the contract... The
Submissive Contract... My heart sinks faster than Titanic! I hear Katherine
again.
“What has he
done to you?” she asks in an apprehensive tone.
“That’s none of
your business, Kate,” replies Anastasia in exasperation.
Blood chills in
my veins. This is the first time someone as close to my family found out about
my lifestyle. But even that I don’t care right now. What will it do to my
relationship with Anastasia? Will they try to take her away from me? I would
die and I would kill before that happens! Who did she talk about this? Elliot? My
parents? Oh, God! My parents! Where did she get this? Did Anastasia log and
send a message from her computer? Did someone send it to her?
“Where did you
get this?” I ask in a menacingly soft tone reserved for the ones who tries to
fuck with me, my head cocked to one side, unblinking, pure attention. She has
the decency to flush at least.
“That’s
irrelevant,” she replies, and her response only bounces back at her from my
stony glare.
“It was in the
pocket of a jacket –which I assume is yours- that I found hanging on the back
of Ana’s bedroom door,” she replies as she looks into my molten lava gaze.
We’re discovered where she got it. And now the question becomes if she’s told
anyone of this. Who do I have to coax, fight, and argue?
“Have you told
anyone?” I ask in a smooth as silk voice. I don’t want my fuckedup shit tainting
my all too perfect family. What worries me, unreasonably, relentlessly, and torturing
in such a way that someone is going to rip my heart out by somehow taking
Anastasia away from me because of my fucked up, imperfect, bad to the core
existence! All my Fifty Shades coming
back up to haunt me again!
“No! Of course
not,” she snaps at me vexed. That’s something. I nod in response, and relief
washes over me. With the e-mail in my hand, I head towards the dining room
fireplace, and take the long lighter from the mantelpiece, and set the paper
afire. As I watch and make sure that the entire paper is nothing but gray ashes
over the fake logs, I stand vigil by it.
“Not even
Elliot?” I hear Anastasia ask her.
“No one,” she
replies unequivocally. There is a momentary heavy, burdensome silence.
Katherine breaks it.
“I just want to
know you’re okay, Ana,” she says in a whisper. At least her intentions are
honorable, and good. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions. She
can destroy us, and I don’t like other people having control over my fate;
least of all Anastasia’s fate.
“I’m just fine Kate.
In fact, more than fine. Please, Christian and I are good, really good. This is
old news. Please ignore it,” says Anastasia.
“Ignore it?”
asks the witch whose broom is parked at the front door. “How can I ignore that?” she asks in
a more emphatic tone pointing to the fireplace with one hand. “What has he done
to you?” Her voice is laced with worry and concern, like I’m some sort of devil
spawn.
“He hasn’t done
anything to me, Kate. Honestly, I’m good,” replies Anastasia in a convincing
voice.
Bad Witch of the
West blinks. “Really?” she probes willing Anastasia to say something bad about
me; almost in an effort to take her away from me. Wanting Anastasia to wake up
from a spell that is plaguing her, and all of a sudden I feel the urge to hold
Anastasia away from everyone, especially from Kate so she is not taken away
from me. I find my arms wrapping around Anastasia, and I draw her closer. My
eyes are constantly on Katherine without even blinking as if she’s the
predator, and trying to snatch away what is most precious to me.
“Ana has
consented to be my wife, Katherine,” I declare quietly but resonantly. She has
no mistake in hearing me.
“Wife!”
she squeaks in a tone that says ‘are
you out of your fucking mind?’, angry, shocked, appalled, and
her eyes are bulging out of their sockets. If she opened them any wider, they’d
be two green orbs floating away.
“We are getting
married. We’re going to announce our engagement this evening,” I say and add
mentally, ‘if
you don’t fuck things up for us that is!’ She’s now leading my shit-list with by
far with the widest gap to anyone who is on that list.
“Oh!” is all she
could say if she can pick her jaw off the floor. I couldn’t have shocked her
more if I told her I was Han Solo. Once
she locates her voice she turns to Anastasia, and hisses.
“I leave you
alone for sixteen days, and this happens? It’s very sudden. So yesterday, when
I said...” her gaze searches Anastasia’s. With the way she’s behaving you would
think she’s the one who gave birth to Anastasia. She looks confused all of a
sudden. “Where does that e-mail fit into all this?”
I don’t want a
wife who is a submissive! Although I would love her to obey me. But that’s none
of Katherine’s business!
“It doesn’t
Kate. Just forget it, please. I love him and he loves me. Don’t do this. Don’t
ruin his party and our night,” Anastasia whispers in a plea. I hate it that she
has to beg Katherine for me. I don’t want my girl begging from anyone. My
hearts falls in love with her anew, because of her declaration of love.
“No. Of course I
won’t. Are you okay?” she probes more. What the fuck do we have to do to prove
it Kavanagh?
“I’ve never been
happier,” says Anastasia in a whisper, and her confirmation makes me happy. But
Kavanagh is nothing is she’s not relentless. She reaches out, and grabs
Anastasia’s hand even though I’m wrapped around her. I don’t like her action.
It feels as if she’s trying to take her away from my hold...
“You really are
okay?” she asks again seeking confirmation.
“Yes,” replies
Anastasia with joy this time. Anastasia steps out of my hold, and Kavanagh
embraces Anastasia. A million things run through my mind. Fear is the most
prominent, followed by closely guarded rage. Fear of losing Anastasia, fear of
my family knowing just exactly how fucked up I am, worse how fucked up I’ve
been. They don’t deserve to be tainted with my shit! Rage at myself for being
careless and at Katherine her effort to take Anastasia away from me. Even if
her intent is to protect Anastasia, no one can protect her better than I can.
She’s my girl, my woman, my fiancée. I’d die a thousand times before I let
anyone to take her away from me!
“Oh, Ana... I
was so worried when I read this. I didn’t know what to think. Will you explain
it to me?” she asks in a small voice to Anastasia.
“One day, but
not now.”
“Good. I won’t
tell anyone. I love you so much Ana, like my own sister. I just thought...” She
drifts away. “I just didn’t know what to think. I’m sorry. If you’re happy,
then I’m happy.” Thank fuck for that!
“Christian. I’m
so sorry! I was so worried about Anastasia. I’m sorry for butting in,” I nod.
At least she’s contrite. But that won’t get you off my shit list. My eyes are
shards of ice, my stare is nothing but arctic. Ice covered volcano.
“I really am
sorry. You’re right, it is none of my business,” she whispers Anastasia
chagrined of her earlier behavior.
There’s a knock at
the door which separates Katherine and Anastasia’s hug. My mother pokes her
head around the door.
Her question is
directed at me. My father must have told her about Katherine’s less than
welcoming, angry behavior.
“Is everything
okay, darling?”
But Kavanagh
answers first amending her ways.
“Everything’s
fine, Mrs. Grey.”
“Fine, mom,” I
reply coolly.
“Good,” she says
relieved and enters into the room. “Then you won’t probably mind if I give my
son a birthday hug,” she says glowing with happiness. I need to see her as
well. I need her help after all.
“Happy birthday,
darling,” my mother says in her soft voice. “I’m so glad you’re still with us.”
“Mom, I’m quite
well,” I say reassuringly, and I smile down at her. She pulls back still
holding me and looks at me in a mother’s assessing gaze, and her happiness is
all over her face. She’s radiant.
“I’m so happy
for you,” she says, and gently caresses my face. Her affection takes me by
surprise, but a welcome one and I find myself grinning like an idiot.
“Well, kids, if
you’ve all finished your tête-à-tête, there’s a throng of people here to check
that you really are in one piece Christian and to wish you a happy birthday.”
“I’ll be right
there, mom,” I say reassuring her.
My mom’s gaze is
anxiously scans Anastasia and Katherine, and their smiles reassure her that all
is well. My mother winks at Anastasia conspiratorially, and opens the door for
us. I proffer my hand to Anastasia, my fiancée and the Kate the witch follow
my mother who isn’t going to leave us here alone, out of the dining room.
Before we make
our way out, Katherine says, “Christian, I really do, sincerely apologize,” she
says in a soft humble tone which is contrite and heartfelt. I nod at her,
apology accepted but the deed not forgotten.
When we leave to
the hallway, Anastasia gazes up at me warily and asks, “Does your mother know
about us?”
“Yes,” I tell
her, not willing to elaborate.
“Oh,” she says
surprised, pleasantly I think. Then she adds, “Well, that was an interesting
start to the evening,” smiling. All of a sudden, I feel an urge to laugh at her
assessment, but I just settle for an amused smile. No one can oversimplify an
issue like Anastasia can. But, that’s one of the things I love about her. Her
rage is like summer rain in the desert; comes with a thunder, but goes away within
a few minutes.
“As ever, Miss
Steele, you have a gift for understatement,” I say, and lift her hand up to my
lips, and kiss her knuckles. When we enter into my parents’ spacious living room after
my mother, I’m surprised at the crowd gathered in there. There is a thunderous
applause and shouts of Happy
Birthday.
Anastasia too is
surprised at the gathered crowd and her gaze scans the room shyly. All my
family is present, and then there is Ethan hanging out with my sister. I narrow
my eyes, but she’s an adult woman, I decide. John and Rhian are here, and Bastille,
Mac, bitchy Lily, and oh shit! Elena!
When the
applause dies down, everyone’s eyes turn to me expectantly. I take my cue,
“Thank you, everyone,” I say. My parents’ help Gretchen comes with a tray of
champagne, and I say, “Looks like I’ll need one of these,” and I take two
flutes of champagne, and after handing one to Anastasia, I take her hand squeeze
it.
I raise the
champagne flute to the room, and all the guests surge forward. Elena is the
first one to reach me in the group.
“Christian, I
was so worried,” she says hugging me, and kissing me on both cheeks. Anastasia
tries to yank her hand away, clearly disturbed by Elena, but I grip her
tighter.
“I’m good
Elena,” I mutter in an unfriendly tone.
“Why didn’t you
call me?” she asks fervently, searching my gaze.
“I’ve been
busy,” I cut it short, but she probes further.
“Didn’t you get
my messages?” Fuck! I don’t want Anastasia to hear that! I feel uncomfortable, because
the way Elena’s behaving towards me is proprietary even though she’s in full
knowledge that Anastasia is very important to me. She’s not backing off, and
neither is she recognizing Anastasia whom I’m holding so close to my body,
you’d think we are attached at the hips! I pull Anastasia even closer, almost
like a security blanket, she’s my center, and she’s my soul. Without her, I
don’t have a heart or a soul. She makes me almost human. Makes me feel. I fold
my arms around her. If we were any closer, we’d be having sex. I give my most
impassive gaze at Elena, and she finally can’t ignore Anastasia.
“Elena,”
Anastasia mirrors her tone. “Thank you.”
My mother is
puzzled with the discomfort, and displeasure Elena and Anastasia have between
them. She frowns, contemplating. And it’s not a good thing if she does that. My
mother is a brilliant woman.
But, I’m not
going to tolerate the Elena siege of Alamo. We know the outcome of that. I’ll
have to nip it in the bud before it turns into a war here.
“Elena, I need
to make an announcement,” I say indifferently to Elena, so, she gets her ass
away from Anastasia. I don’t want anyone to spoil her mood.
“Of course,” she
says, with her plastered smile reserved for insincere pleasantries, stepping
back.
“Everyone!” I
call out to the guests in a clear voice. I know how to get the attention of a
room. One clear warning is all it takes. Even though this is for a happy
occasion, my voice is still commanding, and demanding nothing less than their
full attention. In less than a minute, the voices in the room quiet down, and all the eyes turn on me.
“I’d like to
thank all of you for coming today. I must say, I was just expecting a quiet
family dinner, so this is a pleasant surprise.” My sister captures my gaze, and
she grins at me giving me a wave. She’s in a playful mode again.
“Ros and I,” I
say remembering the ordeal we’ve been through together who is now standing with
her girlfriend Gwen, “we had a close call yesterday.”
Ros grins happily, and raises her glass at me, and I nod to her in acknowledgement.
“So I am
especially glad to be here today to share with all of you my very good news.
This beautiful woman,” I say looking down at my fiancée lovingly, “Miss
Anastasia Rose Steele, has consented to be my wife, and I would like you all to
be the first to know.”
The crowd is just
gasping in unison as if I grew a set of antlers, completely flabbergasted. But,
finally they find their voice, and manage an off key cheer, and an equally off
key round of applause follow. Did they all think I was gay? Anastasia blushes with all the gazes, and
stares, some sincerely happy like my family, John and his wife. Some jealous
like bitchy Lily, and some green getting sick like Elena. Fuck them! I don’t
want to spare one minute looking into someone else’s gaze, but my woman’s. I
grasp her chin, lift it up to my lips, and kiss her all too quickly.
“You’ll soon be
mine,” I whisper.
“I’m already
yours,” she murmurs back.
“Legally, baby,”
I mouth the words at her, and grin with the thought that no one can take her
from me. All too soon, my parents approach, and they hug and kiss Anastasia and
pass her around like the Halloween candy.
My mother is
beside herself. I think her reaction here tops the one when she first nearly
walked in on us, and realized that I was in fact, not gay. Describing her just happy would
be like saying Noah’s Flood was a light shower.
“Oh, dear Ana!
I’m so delighted you’re going to be family! The change in Christian... it’s so
overwhelming... He’s ... he’s happy. I’m so thankful to you,” she says hugging
Anastasia again.
Mia jumps out.
“Where’s the
ring?” And of course there isn’t one on her finger, because I haven’t given her
it yet!
“Uhm...”
Anastasia says looking lost, and gazes up at me for help.
“We’re going to
choose one together,” I say scowling at her.
But, Mia is
undeterred. She can stand up to me like no one can. Well, almost no one, except
Anastasia.
“Oh, don’t look
at me like that, Grey!” she says reproachful, and then hugs me with all her
force. “I’m so thrilled for you, Christian,” she says.
“When will you
get married? Have you set a date?” she asks beaming at me. I’m so glad it’s my
mother who is helping me with the surprise for Anastasia. Mia couldn’t keep a
secret like that without letting everyone know, and not to mention, I don’t
want her to come and spoil my glory. I already screwed up in my initial
proposal; I don’t want to repeat my disaster. My sister can be
exasperating. Anastasia just accepted,
how could we set a date?
“I’ve no idea,
and no we haven’t. Ana and I need to discuss all that,” I say crossly as I shake
my head admonishing her, but this is my sister we are talking about.
“I hope you have
a big wedding here!” she says hopeful, completely ignoring me.
“We’ll probably
fly to Vegas tomorrow,” I grunt, and she sneers at me, pouting. God! Dealing
with women I have no control over is completely tiring. I turn around, and find
my brother Elliot holding me in another bear hug, completely happy for me.
“Way to go,
bro!” he says clapping my back, less choked than yesterday, but happy. For
me... I’m overwhelmed with the show of love from my family. After my family
releases me and Anastasia from their hugs, Flynn and Rhian come to meet us.
John holds his
hand out, “Christian,” he says and shakes my hand completely pleased.
“John. Rhian,” I
greet them back, and kiss Rhian on her cheek. Anastasia assesses her black
hair, hazel eyes, and cleavage. Rhian’s pleasant demeanor eases Anastasia. I
think women assess other women like men do in a pissing contest. I’m secretly
pleased with Anastasia’s possessiveness of me, and I want her to know that she
owns me body and soul.
“Glad you’re
still with us, Christian. My life would be most dull, and penurious without
you,” he teases. I’m at ease and comfortable with him, because he’s one of the
very few people who can say him mind, and joke without being intimidated. I
smirk at his remark, and John in return gets chastised by his wife, and it
somehow amuses me because it reminds me what Anastasia can do to me and knowing
John and Rhian have an intimate relationship, it gives me more hope for our
future.
I find my
manners again, and introduce my fiancée with pride.
“Rhian, this is
Anastasia, my fiancée. Ana, this is John’s wife.”
“I’m delighted
to meet the woman who has finally captured Christian’s heart,” she says kindly
to Anastasia.
Ana, in her shy
smile mutters a thank you.
“That was one
googly you bowled there, Christian,” says John in his Londoner accent shaking
his head in disbelief, but I frown at him. I wouldn’t call my decision to marry
Anastasia a googly. It should have been clear to him all along that I love
Anastasia.
“John, you and
your cricket metaphors!” Rhian chastises her husband again.
“What’s a
googly?” ask Anastasia.
“Oh, in leg spin
bowling Googly is a basic and common weapon.”
“John!”
reprimands Rhian knowing he’s going to go into full explanation mode.
“It’s basically
a cricket ball bowled as if to break one way that actually breaks in the
opposite way,” John explains in short. Rhian rolls her eyes at her husband.
“Congratulations to the pair of you and happy
birthday, Christian. What a wonderful birthday present,” says Rhian effectively
changing the subject.
I thank her, and
smile.
“Ana, it’s so
nice to finally meet you, what do you do?”
Anastasia
smiles, and tells her she works in publishing.
“John,” I nod my
head to the side a couple of steps away from the girls. Anastasia, though she’s
speaking with Rhian, follows me with her gaze.
“How’s Leila?” I
ask in a quiet tone.
“She’s good
Christian. Responding well to the treatment. Another couple of weeks and we can
consider an outpatient program for her.” I nod.
“Did she tell
you how many times she’s been in the apartment?”
“She said a few
times. But not an exact number.”
“Did she always
use the same route?”
“Yes, that’s
what she said.”
“Ask her
something for me,” I say bringing up the pictures.
“Sure, what is
it?”
“Ask her if she
moved the box of pictures in my safe and relocate them into my closet?”
“Pictures?” John
asks cocking his eyebrows. I feel a little embarrassed. I lower my voice.
“Yes, pictures
of her and the other submissives.”
“What kind of
pictures?”
“What kind do
you think?” I ask sarcastically. He mulls that a minute.
“Why would you
keep them?” John asks his eyebrows raised.
“I don’t
anymore. I destroyed them.”
“You did that
because?” he coaxes.
“Anastasia found
them. I suspect Leila put them where Ana could find them,” I say.
“Aha...” he
says, and in that one word, I know we’ll be talking about this for the next few
weeks. He finally shakes his head. When he sees Ros and Gwen coming towards us,
he closes the topic.
“Okay, I’ll ask
her. We’ll talk about this in your next session. It’s your birthday today.”
“Happy Birthday
Mr. Grey!” says Ros and Gwen in unison, and they both give me a brief hug.
“Ros, Gwen,” I
say turning and indicating Ana, “this lovely woman is my fiancée, Anastasia,” I
introduce her.
“Anastasia, it’s
so nice to meet you!” says Ros in her raspy voice, and I can’t help but make a
face. Gwen who is a bubbly blonde gives Anastasia a hug. I don’t want them to
linger on hugging my woman, seeing as they both bat for the home team. Not that
they would have eyes on anyone other than each other, but why take the chance?
“Please call me
Ana,” says Anastasia.
I gingerly pull
Anastasia under my arm and hold her.
“Anastasia, you
must be proud of Mr. Grey’s piloting skills. That’s what saved us yesterday. As
scary as the experience was, I wouldn’t hesitate to ride with him on Charlie
Tango again,” gushes Ros.
“Yes. I’m just
thankful that you both made home safe and sound,” Anastasia says in a somber voice.
“Me too! and
relieved beyond belief to see Ros after she didn’t make home when she was supposed to," says Gwen
choking on her words.
“Yes, as was I.
Len, the truck driver dropped me off first, and I was walking in my stockings,
my shoes in my hand, all dirty and in my bloody shirt.”
“Where do you
live?” asks Ana wanting to change the topic from a displeasing one.
“Oh, we’re not
very far from Mr. Grey’s apartment. In fact, our apartment is almost on the
opposite side of Escala.”
“Did you take
Len’s advice?” I ask Ros. For a moment she looks confused.
“Which advice?
He gave me a few... I think...” she say racking her brain.
“The one about
the Epsom salt. Your feet were very swollen by the time we got to the paved
road.”
“Mr. Grey, Ros said
that you were about to toss her Jimmy Choos!” Gwen says completely shocked.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand women. Us, being in a helicopter crash wasn’t
the highlight of yesterday, but me wanting to toss her shoes was?
“Well, it worked
out fine. She wore my shoes for the duration of the walk,” I say dismissively.
“You lent your
shoes?” asks Anastasia in awe, almost reverently.
“Yes, she was in
heels,” I say nonchalantly, but it makes me beyond happy that she looks very
proud of me.
Few minutes
later, my mother comes in and interrupts our conversation and announces to
everyone that the dinner is ready and is being served buffet style in the
kitchen. As we walk toward the dining
room, I look for an opportunity to see my mother without Anastasia. For once,
Mia’s overbearing is welcome. She comes in her high heels, and pale pink baby
doll dress, and in her tall stature with two cocktail glasses. By the looks of
it, it’s my dad’s special lemon martinis.
“Ana!” she
gushes, and I find my chance and release Anastasia’s hand, and deposit my
fiancée into the care of my sister who clings to Anastasia closer than a tick
on a dog’s ear. Anastasia looks up at me, in her what-do-I-do
bewildered gaze, and I shrug, and give her a sympathetic smile. It’s Mia. Might
as well get used to her. Then I go and find my mother.
We try to find a
quiet corner away from the prying eyes. My mother is behaving like a spy from
the 007.
“You have what I
need?” she asks looking everywhere but me. Who is this woman, and what has she
done with my mother?
“What?” I ask
confused. She repeats herself in an even tone.
“Come on
Christian. People are waiting inside. It’s your party, we don’t have time! Do
you or do you not have what I need?” she chides me.
“Yes, ma’am.” I
take out the precious box out of my pocket.
She places it
inside her pocket.
“Don’t you want
to check it?” I ask in a tone as I try not to smirk at her.
“No, I trust
that you have put what is needed here. Otherwise you’ll be in trouble, but not
by me. And besides, I want to be surprised when I see it on her finger,” she
says smiling.
“Hey Grey! Happy
birthday man!” says Bastille on his way to the dining room.
“Thanks
Bastille!” I respond behind his receding figure towards the dining room.
“Have they
delivered the...” I lower my voice just in case another guest walks by, “...
the custodial?”
“The custodial?
Oh son,” she shakes her head. “Yes, it looks like a spring meadow. Just
beautiful, I cried. There is a very striking centerpiece one. I’ll put this in
there.”
“Thank you for
helping out mom!” I say, hugging her and taking her by surprise.
“Anything for my
son,” she says in a happy but choked voice. It’s sometimes impossible to
understand women especially when they pack extreme happiness and sorrow all in
one sentence, and flow both the emotions at the same time with more gusto than
the Niagara Falls. ‘Live with it!’ my
subconscious says.
“Ok, go to your
fiancée son. I capitalized enough of your time. I’ll get it done sometime
before the dinner is over. If either of us disappear now it’ll look odd.” I
nod, and make my way to find Anastasia.
I go to the
living room, and Anastasia is nowhere to be seen. I make my way into the
kitchen and frown when I don’t see her, but Mia is there animatedly chatting
away with Kate in her captivity now.
“Mia? Have you
seen Anastasia?”
“She’s... oh
dear. The last time I saw her she was in the... uhm... dining room area,” she
says and smiles, and goes back to her conversation. It’s odd that Anastasia
didn’t come to the kitchen yet. I quickly make my way to the dining room, and
find the door closed. But there are voices coming from within. Angry... voices.
One of which is Anastasia’s and the other is Elena’s!
“...And if you
think he’s going to be happy with a mousy little gold-digger like you...” I
hear as I get close to the door then I hear Anastasia yelling.
“Don’t you dare
tell me what I’m getting myself into! When will you learn? It’s none of your
goddamned business!”
I push the door
open as fast as I can and see Elena drenched in my father’s martini, livid and
I know that look. She looks like she wants to whip the shit out of Anastasia if
she can, and Anastasia shaking, blood drained from her face, completely
ashen. How did this happen? And what
exactly happened? Anger, no...murderous rage is thick in my blood. I position
myself between Anastasia and Elena in a protective stance, subconsciously
protecting Anastasia from the train wreck of my past coming crashing down at me
at every fucking turn; ironically my stance is like hers when she positioned
herself between me and Katherine when we got here.
“What the fuck
are you doing Elena?” I say in an arctic menacing tone she understands so well.
She’s surprised that it’s directed at her. “She’s not right for you,
Christian,” she whispers.
Blood drains
from my brain for a second. “What?” I shout with such malevolence that I don’t
even recognize my own voice, making both Elena and Anastasia jump. My body is
like live wire.
“How the fuck do
you know what’s right for me?” I seethe with venom.
“You have needs, Christian,”
she says in a softer tone, trying to coax me. She’s bringing up her submissive
skills. Fucking bitch!
“I’ve told you
before – this is none of your fucking business!” I roar in such a tone that my
voice reverberates around the room, and at that moment I don’t really care who
hears me. No one, tries to take away Anastasia from me, and gets away with it!
I can see her game now. She had nothing to do with me finding Anastasia, and
she knows I love her. She doesn’t have control over me! I own my life! Not her!
I call her on her game.
“What is this?”
I glare at her with animosity. “Do you think it’s you?” I catch a glimpse in
her eyes that yes; in fact that’s what it is! “You?” I ask incredulous. “You
think you’re right for me?” I speak through gritted teeth with repugnance.
When the words
are out of my mouth, Elena first swallows and then her glance and stance
changes to the dominatrix Elena. Commanding, in control, subtle, and with a
gaze that is not just willing, but commanding me to submit... To obey! Fuck
you, bitch! I’m not the fifteen year old child anymore!
“I was the best
thing that ever happened to you,” she hisses at me insolently. Looking at me,
she appraises my looks in front of Anastasia, without regarding either of us,
assuming command of the room. “Look at you now. One of the richest, most
successful, entrepreneurs in the U.S.
You are controlled, driven...” then her gaze slightly drifts to
Anastasia with a belittling I-own-you-bitch-but-you-are-worthless
look, then turns her gaze back at me again as if to emphasize her body
language, “you need nothing!
You are the master of your universe.”
I feel shocked
that she takes credit of all the hard work I’ve done, as if fucking her
afforded me everything I worked for twenty seven hours straight at times! I
feel violated. Incredulity washes over me as if I’ve been tossed over by a wave
of arctic water. I find myself taking a step back to look at her with just
opened eyes.
“You loved
it, Christian!” she hisses. “Don’t try to kid yourself. You were on the road to
self-destruction, and I saved you from that, saved you from a life behind
bars!” she taunts me. As if she has her whip and tied me up, and enjoying the
proverbial lashes she’s painting my body with. The last time when I was a
submissive for her... Fucking memories invade my sight for a moment. She
taunted me like this. She wants to assume the control of me! “Believe me baby, that’s
where you would have ended up. I taught you everything you know, everything
you need,” she says enunciating.
This is what she
really thinks! She thinks she owns me... She thinks she has rights over me,
over who I choose, who I fuck, who gets to be in my company, what I get to do.
Realization makes me blanche. Her true colors... I have never noticed it
before... How could I be so fucking stupid?
“You taught me
how to fuck, Elena. But it’s empty, like you. No wonder Linc left,” I hiss back
at her. She thinks she can make decision on my life! On me! I can see it now!
She sent me to Georgia knowing Anastasia would freak and leave me, and she did.
She was playing me all along! Fuck me! And fuck her! She has no care or love
for anyone! Not for me... I may be a heartless fucked up man, but even I feel
something... Something for Ana! And she wants to take that away from me. I
would die! I would kill before anyone makes an attempt to take her away from
me.
“You never once
held me,” I say in a whisper, recalling how desperately I needed it then. “You
never said you loved me.” There... My fucking gut spilled on the ground for my fiancée and my ex-dominant and submissive to see.
I see the same
gaze on her face again. The face that is trying to pierce through my thoughts,
find that switch to make me submit to her.
“Love is for
fools, Christian,” she says in a contemptuous voice.
“Get out of my
house!” I hear a furious voice that I have never heard in this tone before,
jolting me back to here and now. My mother is standing at the doorway, and her
gaze is fixed on Elena, in a murderous rage, making her pale. The look she’s
giving her can make a grown man shit in his pants! She looks like a female
lioness protecting her cub.
Absently I
notice I gasp and so does Anastasia and Elena with my mother’s presence. This
is the biggest OSM (Oh Shit!
Moment) of my entire life.
My mother
saunters into the room like a stalking predator. Graceful, like her name. Her
eyes unblinking, fury is dripping from her every cell like sweat. The air is
thick with her rage. I don’t know whether I’m going to try to save the woman I
wanted to beat the shit out of a minute ago from my mother’s hands to save Dr.
Trevelyan from the murder charges. My mother stops right in front of Elena. She
looks as if she’s grown ten feet tall. She’s a mother lioness. Elena is frozen
in place, her eyes wide, and her feet frozen. She’s firmly kept in place with
my mother’s you-don’t-fuck-with-me gaze. My eyes
barely registers my mother’s lifted hand swinging back and landing on Elena’s
face so hard, it’s like the shot that was heard around the world, which started
the American revolution, resonating all over the walls!
“Take your
filthy paws off my son, you whore and get out of my house – now!” hisses my
mother through in such a menacing voice, but keeping her ladylike status, and
no one would want to fuck with her.
The gravity of
the situation finally settles on Elena, and she holds her reddened cheek along
with her wounded ego, shock and horror on her face, unable to utter a single
word to my mother, she manages to find her feet and rushes out of the room. I
can hear a single uncontained sob as Elena’s feet retreats in a hurry.
My mother,
Doctor Grace Trevelyan-Grey turns to face me. The sound of silence is
deafening. It’s tangible, thick, and worrisome. My mother’s gaze carry hurt,
disappointment, anger, heartbreak, and a million questions all demanding an
answer. Then without leaving her gaze from mine, she asks Anastasia, “Ana,
before I hand him over to you, would mind giving me a minute or two alone with
my son?” in a quiet, but in control voice, and she looks stronger than I have
ever seen her in my life.
“Of course,”
whispers Anastasia, and when she exists the room, I don’t have the strength to
look at her. My mother and I continue to gaze at each other, and she finally breaks
her silence.
“How long,
Christian?” she asks in a soft voice. I want my mother to yell at me, scream,
be mad, hit me, be disgusted with me, but not this... Not pity, not worry, not
tenderness... I don’t deserve it!
“How old were
you?” she asks in a more insistent tone.
“Okay, Christian. Let me
put it this way. Clearly she seduced you, and you and her...” she holds her
breath, and my gentle mother whose worst cuss word is “hell,” says to me,
“explain it me Christian. When did she start fucking my child? How old were you
when she seduced you?”
“Mom, let it go. It's over now. It's been over for years,” I say
with, ground-swallow-me-now kind of mortification.
“No it hasn't Christian! She didn't quit. She was making a pass at
you, telling you to leave Ana! Does that sound like a woman who quit you? Now tell
me,” she enunciates, “how old were
you?”
“Mom, please. Let ...” I say but she won’t let me finish it. Her
glare turns both icy and hot. Her command is palpable. She’s not to mess with.
She’s in her full mom, I-will-call-you-by-all-your-names-and-you’ll-come-like-a-train
mode. My gentle mother is ready to spank the living shit out of me
for the first time in her life.
“Christian Grey! I know where the bitch lives. I can drive to her
house with your father, in the middle of your birthday party. I will beat the
fucking crap out of her till hell won’t have her again! But, for your sake, I
would really not like to spend the rest of your birthday in the county jail.
But, I'm willing to do it. No one seduces my child, and fuck him for years
under my nose...” she says choking, and her hands fly to her mouth in agony,
“and get away with it. Now tell me before you put me through any more misery,
tell me n...” her eyes fill to the brim, and she holds the tears back.
“I was fifteen!” I blurt it out.
Agony ripples through her face. “Fifteen?” she says in a barely
audible voice completely shocked. Tears trickle down on their own volition
silently.
“How?” she breathes.
“Mom, please...”
My mother stands taller before me, and I'm fourteen years old
again, having a 'talk' after one of my fights. “Christian Trevelyan Grey! I
asked you a straight question, I expect a straight answer. I'm not stupid, so
don't treat me like a fucking idiot! If you have any respect for me... if you
ever had any respect for me, you tell me the truth.”
“It happened when Mr. Lincoln was remodeling part of his house.
Remember when you took me there the first time for a summer job. She kissed me,
and that's how it started.”
“How?” she breathes again.
“Mom, please... You know how it happens. Do you want me to tell
you the details of how we fucked?” I say icily.
“For how long?” she asks ignoring sternly continuing her
inquisition.
“Six years.”
She gazes at me. “It didn't sound like six years. It sounded like
you still had something with her, and that she still wants you. Do you want to
destroy everything you have with Ana because of that child molester?”
“God, no! Mom, it's been over for years. It's in the past.
Anastasia is my future. She's the one I love. She's the one I want to spend my
life with.”
She shakes her head.
“Sit,” she points to the chair.
“Mom!”
“Sit I said! Or don’t make me call your father and your brother
and make them sit your ass on that chair!” I sit pulling a chair sulkily like a
teen.
“Christian Grey, if it wasn't your birthday, and Anastasia was not
here, I don't know if I could contain myself and not kill you! You owe your
life to Ana tonight!” she says glaring at me.
“You have no idea, how angry I am with you. You didn't tell me
anything when this first started. How could I miss it? How could I not know?
How did you two manage to hide this from us?” She paces around. “I feel like
shit! I've failed as a parent. I'm a poor parent. Where did I go wrong? I tried
to do right by you Christian...” she says lost, pacing around before me. My
composed mother confounds me second day in a row.
“Mom! Please... It's nothing you or dad did. It's me! It's all me.
I'm fucked up! I'm worthless. I'm tainted...” I lament, but she cuts me off.
“No! NO! NO! You're not getting away with this by your, self-recrimination.
You are smart, you've always been loved. All you have to do is to love
yourself, son! I blame Elena for that! You were a child. But you should have
told us. Told me!” She chokes on her words. “I'm not a good mother,” she sobs
losing it, covers her face with both hands.
I get up and hold my mother in my arms.
“It's me, mom. It's always me. I'm fucked up. I'm...”
She lifts her head and slaps my arm so hard. “You have to stop
that right now! You're none of those things. You've had a bad childhood, but
that wasn't your fault. You've had a mother who didn't have ways to protect
you. That wasn't your fault either. But, you make other decisions on your own that
are fucked up.” She pulls herself back and glares at me.
“There is a girl outside who is lovely, and in love with you. You
better not fuck it up because of that Elena bitch, so help me God, I will go
and shoot her myself, and make sure no doctor patches her up! And you know how
I detest guns! Don't you let her mess what you have with Ana!”
“Mom, I love Anastasia! She's my future. She's everything. I can't
live without her. By some miracle, she loves me. Though I don't know why!” I
say in a low voice.
“She loves you because, you are worthy of love. If you think
you’re not worthy of her love, then by God grow some balls like a real man, and
make yourself worthy. Do you understand me Christian Trevelyan Grey?” she
glares at me.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She composes herself again, and wipes her eyes, squares her
shoulders, lifts her chin up.
“Fine! Go thank her for saving your life, because you could be
breathing your last if it wasn’t for her, so help me God! You go and be a good
fiancée, and you better not let Elena bitch get in-between the two of you. Now,
get busy making that girl happy!”
“Okay mom,” I say silently, and take a step to go out, and my
mother grabs me, and hugs me tight in her arms. “I’m still mad as hell, but I
love you son. Don’t you ever forget that!”
“I love you too, mom,” I say bewildered.
“Wait, Christian,” she says, and takes out the ring box from her
pocket.
“In light of the last half hour, I think it’s best you give it to
her, instead of trying to let Ana find it in the flowers son. And, it’s the
tradition anyway, you know, one knee and all,” she says smiling.
“Yes, mom,” I say smiling and take the ring box back from her.
*****
I look for Anastasia outside the door, but she isn’t there. I make
my way to the living room. People are eating and chatting. My gaze scans the
room, but she’s nowhere to be seen. I look in the kitchen, and various rooms,
but she’s nowhere. Panic rises in me. She left me! She really left me this
time! I’m about to call Taylor, but I decide to check one more room. My old
bedroom. I make my way to the banisters. I climb the stairs two, three at a
time, and as I make my way to the second floor, and I find Anastasia coming
down the stairs from the third floor. She stops in her tracks on the top stairs
of the second floor, and I come up to the one below. We are eye to eye.
“Hi,” I say guardedly.
“Hi,” she replies cautiously.
“I was worried...” I begin my words but she cuts me off.
“I know. I’m sorry... I just couldn’t face the festivities. I just
had to get away, you know. To think,” and her hands reach up to my face, and
caress me with her gentle touch. I lean in and close my eyes, letting the
feeling course through my heart.
“And you thought you’d do that in my room?” I say finally opening
my eyes.
“Yes,” she whispers.
I automatically reach for her, and pull her into my embrace, and
hold her, relieved that she came willingly, holding me tight, enjoying her
scent, inhaling her hair deeply.
“I’m sorry you had to endure that, baby,” I whisper fervently.
“It’s not your fault, Christian. Why was she here?” she asks.
My face dons an apologetic grimace.
“She’s a family friend.”
“Not anymore. How’s your mom?” she asks.
“Mom is pretty fucking mad at me right now. I’m really glad you’re
here, and that we’re in the middle of a party. Otherwise I might be breathing
my last,” I say putting everything in a nutshell.
“That bad, huh?”
I can only nod in response. Still shocked at my mother’s response.
“Can you blame her?” she asks in a quiet voice, beguiling. I find
myself hugging her tighter. I was so worried, and my mother’s words telling me,
reminding that I might lose Anastasia because of Elena scares me the most, and
I hug her tighter.
After what seems like an eternity, I answer her. “No.”
I can feel Anastasia’s sharp intake of breath after she hears my
response.
“Can we sit?” she asks.
“Sure. Here?” I ask confused. She nods, and we sit on the top of
the stairs.
“So, how do you feel?” she asks in a solicitous voice, nervous.
Her hands gripping mine tightly, her gaze on my somber face. I can only sigh at
first.
“I think I feel liberated,” I answer truthfully. After years of
hiding this, I didn’t even realize it was a burden on my shoulders. Always
hiding it, always keeping at arms’ length so that no one gets close enough to
find out. I smile with relief, weariness lifting off.
“Really?” she asks beaming.
“Our business relationship is over. Done.”
She looks confused, and frowns. “Will you liquidate the salon
business?”
I actually snort in response. “Anastasia, I’m not that vindictive,”
I say, reproving. “No. I’ll just gift them to her. I’ll talk to my lawyer on
Monday. I owe her that much.”
She cocks her to the side, and arches her eyebrow in a quizzical
manner. “No more Mrs. Robinson?” Oh, Ana, how you make light of any situation.
My mouth twists in a repressed smile.
“Gone,” I say and her responding smile can light up the whole city
of Seattle.
“I’m sorry you lost a friend,” she says.
Really Miss Steele? I shrug, then smirk at her. “Are you?” I ask
in a tantalizing voice.
“No,” she says in a confession, blushing, chagrined. Somehow her
response makes me happy. It means she’s jealous of me, possessive, and
proprietor towards me. I love that in my woman.
“Come,” I say and take her hand. “Let’s join the party in our
honor. I might even get drunk.”
“Do you get drunk?” she asks, slipping her hand into mine.
“Not since I was a wild teenager,” I reply as we make our way
downstairs.
“Have you eaten?” I ask.
“No,” she replies in a small voice.
“Well, you should. From the look and smell of Elena, that was one
of my father’s lethal cocktails you threw over her.” Remembering Elena’s livid
face her sticky with Anastasia’s martini, I can’t help but feel amused.
“Christian, I...” she says but I hold my hand up and cut her off.
I’m not chiding her.
“No arguing, Anastasia. If you’re going to drink and throw alcohol
over my exes, you need to eat. It’s rule number one. I believe we’ve already
had that discussion after our first night together.”
I steal a glance at her face, and some amused, and shy expression
flitters through. I halt in the hallway, standing before her and caress her
face, and jaw, remembering the first night I spent with her at Heathman Hotel.
“I lay awake for hours and watched you sleep,” I confess in a
murmur. “I might have loved you even then.”
Her lips part at my confession and her breath hitches. I lean
down, and kiss her softly on the lips, and her eyes close melting into our
kiss.
“Eat,” I whisper into her lips.
“Okay,” she says, and I hold her hand and walk into the kitchen
with my fiancée.
*****
The last two guests to leave the party are John and Rhian.
“Congratulations again, Ana. You two will be just fine,” says John
smiling at her, and reassuring. They leave the house arm in arm like a happy
couple that they are.
“Goodnight,” we both say in unison.
As soon as I close the door, I alight with excitement.
“Just the family left. I think my mother has had too much to
drink,” I say hearing my mom’s jovial voice singing karaoke off key on the Wii.
“Do you blame her?” she asks smirking.
“Are you smirking at me, Miss Steele?”
“I am,” she replies.
“It’s been quite a day,” I say summarizing the events grossly
underestimating the events.
“Christian, recently, every day with you has been quite a day,”
she says sardonically.
“Fair point well made, Miss Steele. Come with me... I want to show
you something,” I say nervous, excited, anxious, worried... did I say nervous?
I take Anastasia’s hand, and we walk through the house the kitchen area where
dad, Elliot and Ethan are talking about the Mariners games of the season, while
drinking last of the cocktails and eating leftovers.
Elliot being a prick teases suggestively, “Off for a stroll,
little bro?” But, I’m too nervous to pay any heed. My dad gives him a chiding
frown, shaking his head to admonish my brother.
The weather is beautiful outside; half-moon is shining brightly
over the bay, and the city lights twinkle in the distance, making shades of
gray with the night sky. The lights of the boathouse are on. Good. My mother
made sure that they were left on.
“Christian, I’d like to go to church tomorrow,” says Anastasia
taking me by surprise.
“Oh?”
“I prayed that you’d come back alive and you did. It’s the least I
could do,” she says taking my breath away.
“Okay,” I say to her. I could go with her. We walk hand in hand
towards the boathouse for a few moments together. Anastasia turns her head to
me to ask a question. “Where are you going to put the photos Jose took of me?”
“I thought you might want to put them in the new house,” I reply.
“You bought it?” she asks me surprised. I thought she loved the
house. I halt in my track. Does she not want it now? My heart sinks all of a
sudden. Is she unhappy that I bought it?
“Yes, I did. I thought you liked it.”
“I do. When did you buy it?”
“Yesterday morning. Now we need to decide what to do with it,” I
say relief washing over me.
“Don’t knock it down, please!” she pleads with me. “It’s such a
lovely house. It just needs some tender loving care.”
My girl; she’s always trying to fix things, seeing what’s good in
them, instead of focusing on what’s wrong with them. I wouldn’t expect anything
less from her. I smile at her response.
“Okay baby. I’ll talk to Elliot. He knows a good architect; she
did some work on my place in Aspen. I’m sure Elliot can do the remodeling.”
All of a
sudden Anastasia snorts. What? What did I say?
“What?” I
ask. “I remember the last time you took me to the boathouse.”
Oh yes, I
find myself chuckling fondly of the memory. “Oh, that was fun. In fact...” I
say and scoop Anastasia off the ground and put her on my shoulder making her
squeal in delight.
“You were
really angry, if I remember correctly,” she says gasping.
“Anastasia,
I’m always really angry,” I reply.
“No, you’re
not.”
I smack
her ass as I reach the wooden door to the boathouse. I let her slide down to
the ground, and take her precious hand in mine.
“No, you’re
right. Not anymore,” I say as I lean down, and kiss her, hard, and
passionately, all-consuming, fiery, and desirous. When we break the kiss, we’re
both panting and breathless, hot, and bothered.
Anxiety
and nervousness covers me like a blanket. I gaze down at her, and so worried of
her reaction. She notices my tension, and without saying a word, she raises her
hand gently up to my face caressing, running her fingers through my sideburns,
my jaw and to my chin, and finally her index finger touches my lips. I close my
eyes, instantly relaxing. When I opened them back up again, they’re burning
with desire for her.
I swallow.
“I have
something to show you in here,” I murmur in a barely audible voice, and open
the door, letting her in. The motor launch in the dock bobbing up and down in
the dark water, sitting next to a row boat.
“Come,” I
say taking her hand and leading her up the wooden stairs. I open the door, and
step back inviting her in.
This is
the first time I’m seeing the room, and I realize that Janice and her crew did
more than a wonderful job arranging the flowers by the looks of Anastasia’s
reaction. Her jaw drops open. There are flowers everywhere. Flowers of all
colors, meadow flowers, wild and exotic. There are glowing fairy lights, and
miniature lanterns softly glowing around the room. The place looks like a page
out of a fairytale. Completely magical. But, I want to know what she thinks. I’m
still fucking nervous.
As if on
cue, Anastasia’s face whips around to meet my expressionless gaze, although I’m
anything but. I want her to love it, not just like it. I want her to remember
this moment till her last breath. Yet I can only mange to shrug nonchalantly.
“You
wanted hearts and flowers,” I murmur with blazing eyes.
“You have
my heart,” I say in a small whisper, and then I wave my hand around to gesture
for the rest of the sentence. She completes it for me.
“And here
are the flowers,” she whispers.
“Christian,
it’s absolutely lovely!” she says breathless.
I tug her
hand and pull her into the room. My heart is a big thumping jungle drum at my
throat trying to exit my body. And as soon as we’re in the room, I sink to the
floor on one knee in front of her. Her mouth opens, unable to say a word.
Nothing comes out... Not even the whisper of a breath.
I take the
ring out of my pocket which I was going to have it placed like a flower, and
then propose to her. You know, flower among flowers, jewel among jewels... one
of a kind, like her.
I swallow hard,
again, trying to pass a log through. All my love, and passion, and my heart in
my hand before her, offered to her. All she has to do is to take it.
“Anastasia
Steele. I love you. I want to love, cherish, and protect you for the rest of my
life. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me,” I ask.
Her eyes
go wide, tears are at the meniscus threatening to fall in a flood of emotions.
Her lips quiver and tremble. I can almost hear her heart beat like the wings of
a humming bird, fast, and faster still. She blinks down and tears fall, and she
says a clear, “Yes,” making me grin as wide as possible. I slide the ring on
her finger. It’s an oval 14- carat Edwardian style cut oval diamond in a
platinum ring. It’s simple, but raising the ordinary to extraordinary. Its
simplicity is its beauty.
When you
want something, and money is no object, almost anything you want, nearly
anywhere, and at any time is quite possible. After I proposed to Anastasia
rather awkwardly for the first time, I wanted to have this special moment with
her. I wanted to make it up to her, dazzle her. I wanted to have something to
do with the making of her ring. But being who I am, I didn’t want the
information to be leaked as to not to get Anastasia be hounded by the
paparazzi. The first thing Taylor did for me was to have the Jeweler sign an
NDA without knowing who their client was. All the jeweler needed to know that
Taylor has the money backing his search, and that he was authorized any amount
of payment up to five million Dollars to cover the cost of any ring I chose. We
had a private online showing of the diamonds before having it set into a
platinum ring. After having gone through so many diamonds, and growing
frustrated not finding something that spoke to me, I was about to give up with
that particular jeweler. Then he said they have other diamonds which had just
arrived, and though it was not cut yet, and not quite refined, it captured my
eyes like the first time I met Anastasia. Diamond in the rough.
Beautiful,
and unrefined. Elegant, yet unassuming. I had my eyes set on this simple
looking 14-carat diamond, and finally having chosen it, I had it set in this
plain, but exquisite platinum ring. All transaction was handled anonymously. When
that diamond was shown to me, I knew that its simplicity, its flawless look
under the magnifier, however rough it still was on the surface, I realized that
there was something special about it: the clarity of it that created more brilliance,
it was nearly colorless. I knew that this stone would reflect Anastasia’s brilliance,
her brand of beauty, only enhancing what she already has, and not diminish her
elegance, take away or overshadow it. It’s unique as Anastasia. The ring was
only completed this morning; Taylor was informed, and he picked it up.
He handed
it to me saying, “Good luck sir!” in a rough voice. It’s been burning a hole in
my pocket the whole day!
And here she
loves it, taking my breath away!
“Oh,
Christian,” she sobs, and sobs tears of joy, going down on her knees and
joining me on the floor, kissing me hard, her hands fisted in my hair. She kisses
me in such a passion, such fervor, such a demand that this moment our souls
merge, and we truly belong to one another. In this moment, she’s my whole
universe. In this moment, I read her soul and bare mine to her to do as she
wishes. This kiss is my final surrender to her, and hers to me. She’s my woman.
She’s half of my soul. She’s my first love, last love, every love. I am
selfish. I want her all to myself, never wanting to share her even with her own
shadow. I’m fucked up and insecure when it comes to her. I’m even insane, and
out of control with my love for her. I am a fucking adolescent in the body of
an adult. But she handles and loves me at my worst. How could I not want to
offer her my best? Her love for me makes me want to be a better man.
Her love
for me makes me want to love her more as if my heart grew in leaps and bounds.
I’m deeply, madly, irrevocably in love with this woman, and not even death
shall separate us.
*****
“I
love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply,
without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don’t know any
other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that
your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your
eyes close.”
Pablo
Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets
*****
Ae
fond kiss, and then we sever!
A
farewell, and then forever!
Deep
in heart-wring tears I’ll pledge thee,
Warring
sighs and groans I’ll wage thee.
Who
shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While
the star of hope she leaves him?
Me,
nae cheerful twinkle lights me,
Dark
despair around benights me.
Robert
Burns
*****
He poured
himself over the news article.
“Seattle
Times
June 18th, 2011 – Saturday
June 18th, 2011 – Saturday
Christian
Grey, one of wealthiest men in the world, Number 2 in Seattle, only second to
Bill Gates, and one of the higher management officials for the Grey Enterprises
Incorporated, Ros Bailey have survived a helicopter crash near Silver Lake, WA
with minimal injuries. Authorities credited Mr. Christian Grey’s piloting
skills in surviving the crash and saving the life of Miss Ros Bailey. The police
are not releasing any information until a full investigation is completed. But
according to an unnamed source with the investigation, police suspect foul
play. The source said that both the engines of the helicopter failed
simultaneously. A statement released by the company confirms this dual engine
failure. According to the statement released by the GEH, Mr. Grey’s EC135
Eurocopter helicopter had encountered technical problems and the helicopter’s engines
failed as he was piloting it back from Portland to Seattle; but the company representatives
are silent about the rumors of any foul play.
EC135
Eurocopter is one of the safest and most expensive in its class. Its high
endurance and extended range enables this helicopter to perform a full range of
mission requirements. The helicopter boasts a modern cockpit and avionics, as
well as Eurocopter’s Fenestron tail rotor giving it high performance and
outstanding maneuverability. The EC135 has been designed with a high degree of
crashworthiness due to its energy-absorbing fuselage and seats along with
crash-resistant fuel cells.”
The
article ends, and the man’s face creases in anger.
“Fuck that
son of a bitch! Your day will come Grey! Your day will come,” he says tossing
the newspaper to the ground. He could hold a grudge. He could hold it for
years, biding for his time. He made her pay, now it was his time to pay.
And what
do you know? Grey stepped on someone else’s toes, too?
“Whose
wife did you fuck this time Grey?” he murmurs. He would find out. And he would
make sure the other fucker completes the job properly this time.
He sits
back in his office chair. It squeaked under his weight. Despite being 47 years
old, he is in the top shape of his life given his life style, and the constant
rigorous work out. For a moment he is lost in thought, gone back in time to
seven years ago. He was on a business
trip. It was supposed to be a big moneymaker for the Lincoln Timber. But it was
going to take him at least a week.
“I don’t
want to go. You know you’ll be gone to meetings all day and working all
evening. I’ll be completely bored. And besides...” she said trailing her hand
over his chest, opening the buttons one by one, she continued her sensual
assault purring in his ear, “you’ll miss me more, and I’ll miss you. You can tie me on the wooden cross, and punish
me for not coming with you.” His eyes narrowed. It was a proposition that made
him all kinds of hard. Punish and fuck! Yes, he was going to be tired anyway
and he wasn’t taking any toys with him. He needed to be shooting on all his
pistons. Elena would be a distraction.
“Wooden
cross, and the
flogging table,” he said in a husky voice.
Having
opened the last button, she snuck her hands under the shirt on the shoulders
and slowly pushed his shirt down. A shiver ran through him. He loved this. He
loved when she took charge, and he loved it when he punished and fucked her.
His trip
ended quicker than he anticipated. It was only the second day of his trip, he
sealed the deal, and returned home to Seattle from East Coast eager to flog and
fuck his wife.
He came to
an empty house. He called his wife’s
cell phone. In an even tone he asked, “Hi, where are you?”
“At home,
reading. And you?”
He paused,
but decided to play along. “Just made it to the hotel. I’m looking forward to
my reward when I get home,” he said, but only he noticed the menace in his
voice.
“Me, too,”
she replied.
After they
hung up, he called the credit card companies and checked to see where his wife
was spending his money, what she was doing. He was surprised to see trips to
Cambridge, MA every time he was out of town as far back as he could retrieve
the statements, but the trips stopped about a month ago. What was she up to? Bank statements... He needed to look into bank
statements. Two of their joint accounts contained nothing out of the ordinary.
She had a household account to her name. There were four large deposits from
various accounts they both held. A total of $100,000 deposit made into the
account, and the same day it left the account in the name of one Christian
Grey!
Christian
Grey? Carrick and Grace Grey’s son? They didn’t lack money. They were
as well to do as anyone in the neighborhood. Why would Elena give him money? Unless...
Unless... she was fucking him! On occasion, he permitted Elena to add another
girl, or even a male submissive into the equation. But never without his
permission! He was her dom. He owned her ass! And to think she gives that Grey
shit money?
Elena
never came home that night. When she sauntered back home late next day in the
afternoon, she was surprised to find him home.
“I’ve missed
you and since I finished work early, I thought I’d come home and claim my
prize,” he said with a licentious smile. She quickly gathered herself with
evident relief in her eyes.
“Oh, I’m
so pleased. I was shopping,” she said all too quickly.
“Really?
What have you bought?”
“Nothing
caught my fancy, so I decided against it.”
“Did
Christian Grey come with you?” he asked nonchalantly, stopping her in her
tracks. She fumbled with nerves.
“Christian...who...
Grey? Grace’s son? Why... I don’t understand.” she sounded flustered.
“What do
you take me for Elena? Hmm? Do you think I’m as fucking stupid as you are?”
“Did you
give him a 100 grand for fucking you?” All the blood drained from her face.
“How do
you know that? I mean no!” she says but the backhand he delivers to her face
splits her lip, and the accidental bite of her cheek punctures a hole on her
chin. Blood gushes out, and in to her mouth. He grabs her blonde hair and yanks
it down capturing her mouth tasting the blood in his, and bites her lower lip
forcefully short of ripping it off like Evander Holyfield’s ear! All the blood
from her lip gushes into her mouth and his and he swallows it greedily, and
then holding her hair with one hand he slaps her hard again on the other cheek.
“You
decided to fuck someone else without my permission?” he yells with murderous
rage. His blue eyes are icy shards, gone mad with borderline insanity.
"But sometimes you add someone into mix!"
"But sometimes you add someone into mix!"
“I make the decisions Elena. Not you! I’m going
to beat you an inch of your life Elena! When I’m through with you, you will
regret ever fucking anyone else without my consent!”
Her eyes
go wide and screams.
“Red! Red!”
she screams blood dripping from her mouth.
“Red? How
long have you fucked him?” her hair still in his grasp.
“Red!!”
“How long
Elena?”
“Red!” she
screams again, and he punches her feeling the crack of her ribs under his satisfying
blow.
“How long
have you fucked him?”
She’s
doubled on the floor. He yanked her up by her now bloodied blonde hair. He
brings her to his eye level. “How long?” he asked in a calm, menacing tone.
“S...” she
gasps. He yanked her again. An incoherent “s... si...six... years!” His eyes go
wide! He punched her again and she lifted her arms in defense, and her wrist
broke under his punch.
“You
fucked a kid? Bitch! Oh, that is priceless. You should have told me.”
"So, you fuck him too?" the idea never crossed his mind, but he if he did, he wouldn't be this angry.
"I don't particularly like them at that age. But if you wanted to fuck him, you had to ask my permission which you failed. I had to be the one in charge. I'm the better one, remember?"
"So, you fuck him too?" the idea never crossed his mind, but he if he did, he wouldn't be this angry.
"I don't particularly like them at that age. But if you wanted to fuck him, you had to ask my permission which you failed. I had to be the one in charge. I'm the better one, remember?"
“Better one? He was
better than you at... at... at... 15 than you...” gasps, “in your prime!” she
somehow gathered her strength to spew this last poison at her husband.
“I think I
will gag you!” he said on that ominous day, and by the time he was through with
her, one side of her face is nearly caved in, the other beaten to a pulp. She
had three broken ribs, broken wrist, arm, and bruises in places only the
Dominants know existed.
“Now,
bitch!” he said to her.
“Here’s
how this is going to go down. I’m still out of town. And one of my employees
found you. If you dare to press charges, I will expose you and Grey boy! You
will be indicted for child molestation charges. Be a disgrace to the community,
and I’ll be the husband who couldn’t stand his wife’s child abuse, and lost it!
Who do you think the law will be lenient on?”
She was
barely moving on the floor.
“File
charges, we both go to jail. Keep silent; you get a good settlement from the divorce!
Take it or leave it! No negotiation! No money, nothing if you press charges,
and I will make sure you are branded as a child molester for life! Do you accept
the deal?” he asked forcefully.
There is a
barely perceptible nod from Elena on the floor. That’s how they found her in a
couple of hours in her car outside of the city. She kept her end of the
bargain. Now, it’s time for the Grey fucker to pay. Oh, he would pay, now that
he knew there was someone else he could ally with. He would make Christian Grey
pay dearly with everything he got! Nothing off limits... Nothing.
NEXT UPDATE: Wednesday, October 17th. Gotta catch up with work until then.