A Walk in the Clouds: 50 Shades of Grey

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

REVIEW

How I came about reading this book: This book is written by a first time author, and I probably would not have read it because of its genre, and topics it covers. As I was watching CNN, Dr. Drew, the Psychiatrist came on, and was profusely criticizing this book and its content; a book written by a first time author. I, always the champion of the underdog wanted to see what this book was about, and if his criticism was warranted. So, I purchased it. Not only I read the first two in one day, and the third over my vacation, I found myself writing a review about it. Because this book is beyond AMAZING!

While finding Dr. Drew’s remarks professional but pompous, and at times unwarranted, I’m still glad I’ve heard them because without his criticism I wouldn’t have read it. He is correct in some of his conclusions as far as bondage and tying up someone and having a singular purpose relationship are concerned. But, there are quite a few points I disagree with him on a lot of his conclusions.

Before I read the book I also read reviews. Some were downright mean, calling the book "mommy porn" or quite a few other derogatory terms. But I tell you this; I've read all three books; I still have no desire to run and watch quote in quote "porn". None at all.

A book reviewer from New York wrote that he was reading the book on his Kindle while riding the subway and he was oh so shocked with all the sex and porn in it! There were grandmothers quietly sitting on the subway while some other passengers quietly sipping their morning coffee, all the while some few other passengers were reading the sports or business sections of newspapers (I bet it was Wall Street Journal). I think he was trying to draw the conclusion that the book he was reading was the most out of place or abnormal aspect in his surroundings.

But, before you deduct triple digits from the reader's IQ (or mine) for simply reading this book (mine is 157) I'd like to tell you that I'm a veracious reader. I read science, business, physics, astronomy, history, linguistics books in many languages, and I love literature -- having studied Math, Physics, Computer Science and Linguistics, I read diverse topics all the time. Not only do I read a lot, but I translate books in medicine, law, literature, government, technology, software oh, the list is endless... I'm not saying this to boost my own ego, but to demand the courtesy to have and be able to express my own opinions without having to be labeled as someone who likes deviant or porn because I happened to love this book. I like neither! They’re repulsive to me. What I love are books, always have, and always will. And this is a book that has amazing content and a subject matter only few people successfully write about. Kudos to E. L. James! Hope you write many more books; I'll be reading them all!

The subject matter is still taboo which is why people are apprehensive even to say they’ve read the book even though they loved it more than I did. It’s only because of this thought: “What would others say?” Well, damn with the others! I’m an American who fully intends to use her freedom of speech and expression.

What is the book about: The book contains subject matters I would have found abhorrent and demeaning to women under normal circumstances. Truth be told, I don't know much about the DOM/SUB thing or why people endeavor to participate in it; and same goes for the BDSM life style. This is the life style of preference of the enigmatic main male character (there are darker aspects of it, but I'll get to it later). Not having much knowledge, or interest in the topic, you'd be reluctant to read the book, however the story is eloquently written, the emotions are expressed in a way that makes the words come out of the page and almost materialize; it is seductive, and full of love, lust and emotions.

Having worked for the world’s two biggest search engines for a total of seven years, I’d seen five thousand or more websites per week for my work (what else do you see on a search engine), I’ve seen the subject matters of the book covered in websites, images and videos. Some were repulsive. Therefore, under normal circumstances, no one could make me read a book about BDSM, bondage, spanking, flogging, not to mention dominants and submissives (the idea of surrendering oneself to someone else's total control is scary. But this book also delved into that, and made it clear that it was an issue of trusting your partner implicitly. Combined with the love in the story, this aspect of the relationship becomes acceptable, and even welcome here).

So what changed my mind to not just like but love the book one might ask? The context. Ever and always, love conquers all, and the rest becomes details.

This is not your ordinary boy meets girl story. Because in this story, Christian Grey doesn’t do the girlfriend thing. He doesn’t date. He has dark needs and he doesn’t like to be tied up with someone emotionally. The irony isn’t lost here, because he likes to tie women up and do a list of prescribed things he likes such as... tying, bonding, covering eyes, and ears depriving the recipient from the sense of sight, hearing, and movement thus surrendering total control to namely for his joy and pleasure as well as his partner's through heightened expectation and that resulting in ultimate mindblowing satisfaction of said parties... One must have complete trust in her partner to hand over such a huge amount of control over oneself which is why he has everything spelled out and has safe words to prevent hurt or injury. He explains that the pain and pleasure has a fine line; should one let go of his/her inhibitions and get over thinking that spanking is demeaning and embrace the pleasure, it could heighten one's sense of pleasure. (My jury is still out on that one. Spanking, getting flogged, caned somehow brings out medieval torture devices in the eyes of my mind or imagine women being punished elsewhere around the world by these methods, therefore being hit doesn't appeal to me, a turn off.) Of course he adds toys to the mixture and introduces of love spanking which is different than the aforementioned punishment. Sex is Christian Grey's coping mechanism. One of the ways he punishes his submissives is through denial of org*sm from his partner thus making her frustrated as he is for whatever imaginary transgression line she may have crossed (Oh, may God forgive me! I'm using all these embarrassing terms in public venue . but I digress.)

And thus the salacious, exquisite, handsome, confident, controlling all fifty shades of f*ucked up Christian Grey never had a girlfriend, or a vanilla relationship (i.e. straightforward sex with no toys involved) after his introduction to the facts of life via the beautiful, older pedophile Elena, a.k.a. Mrs. Robinson who seduced, deflowered and introduced him to the life of BDSM when he was a teenager. He’s had 15 women who were his submissives over the last 6 years aside from Mrs. Robinson of course, to oh, how shall I put this delicately…. Hmm, yes, of course... to tie up, spank, flog, and f*ck with. And from his own admission to Ana in the story, he’s also had other women he just f*cked without having them as his subs while he was getting *educated* on the topic. The baggage of his past is so big, f*ckedup and large, you'd need a a couple of 747s to fit them in!

The BDSM relationships he enters start with a Non-Disclosure Agreement (after all, he's a very wealthy man, and he'd like to keep his private life, well, private), and it also comes with a damn a Dom-Sub contract clearly outlining what he expects in terms of obedience, sleep hours, what she should eat, drink, wear, how she should behave and conduct herself, exercise, personal hygiene/beauty (hair, shave, wax the whole works), personal safety, personal qualities and sets up finely detailed parameters for his current submissive. The contract also delves into the expectations from the sub as far as the “red room of torture” is concerned, although he calls it his “playroom”.

I didn’t have to look up the definitions for the chores listed thanks to my jobs with the search engines- I patted myself in the back for not needing a dictionary or visual aid to get through the book though I lack the experience – I felt like a new college graduate who’s never had a job. (Why would anyone want that (life style, need, oh the whole shebang)? I’ll get to the why, how, where, etc. later)

CG defines the Hard Limits in the contract where the things he will not do, and same goes for the sub-the things she will absolutely not do. There are also Soft Limits in the contract defining explorable areas; things, activities, and games you can work up to.

Although Christian Grey assumes that Ana was inexperienced, he didn't realize the lack of it until after he let her read the contracts as well as gave her a tour of his “playroom” later to his utter shame. Though he is angry about the extent of her inexperience, they proceed to rectify the “situation” with vanilla lovemaking which is a first for CG because he’s never “made love” in the past, or had anyone in his bed or just plain slept with next to someone (I don't want to spoil the book telling every little detail, because the first sleep over occurred a day ago was a part that was actually very sweet, and it had nothing to do with sex. He helped her while she was in a rare drunken stupor and saved her from the unwanted sexual advances of her her own friend Jose. But you have to read the book to find out. That was the first endearing moment for me). And thus Ana the innocent blows into his life like a gentle spring breeze but with the full force of an F5 tornado.

Ana is innocent, loyal, beautiful, young, and although she appeared to be “submissive” there is not a submissive bone in her body (You go girl!). This is something CG has not experienced because he’s used to getting his way, and no one really confronts him. She’s a breath of fresh air just by being herself. Her only issue is that she doesn’t see herself worthy of him sometimes because of his beauty, who he is, wealth, and his larger than life presence. After being with Christian the possessive whose possessiveness can go neck to neck with any stalker’s thank you very much (and it would be too creepy had his affection was not requited, but somehow, to me at least, it becomes endearing. Had his intentions been malicious, I’m sure I would have thought differently. But it’s not.)

The main characters: Anastasia (Ana) Steele is a 21 year old innocent, virgin university student about to graduate from WSU. She’s from a middle class family, mom’s on husband #4. Her biological father died in a military training exercise, and mom married to husband #2 who became her father figure in life, and when mom moved onto husband #3 she came back to live with her father figure who is ex-army and a loving father. She works at a hardware store, lives with her roommate Katherine Kavanaugh, a wealthy girl and Ana’s best friend and roommate. She’s a loving beautiful girl, loyal to her friends, innocent, never had a boyfriend though she kissed couple of frogs. She drives an old Beetle and shops at inexpensive stores (Walmart, Old Navy etc.) which clearly is not your everyday Neiman Marcus.

Then there is Christian Grey: He is 28 years old, more handsome than Adonis, wealthier than ancient Greek king Croesus, über controlling entrepreneur with a dark side. He’s had a rough start in life, born as the son of a crack whore, abused by her pimp, and lived with his mother's dead corpse after she committed suicide for four days as a 4 year old toddler. Then got adopted by the doctor who examined him after being discovered hungry, dirty, scared and abused and her husband, and came to be a member of a loving family. Dropped out of an Ivy league school after two years to start his own business at the age of 21. He has two siblings who are also adopted: Elliott, and Mia. But these bits of information only come out as the relationship evolves among the two.

CG's rough start in life made it difficult for him to cope with life, making him feel unworthy. Growing up he was angry, got into a lot of fights, had to change several schools. Then at the age of 15, he was seduced by one of his mother’s friends who deviously diverted his drinking, fighting, and skipping school tendencies into the Dom/Sub lifestyle and he became her submissive for 6 years. He’s never made love to anyone, though he seems to have ample skills in the department of pleasure (by his own admission, he f**cked a lot, but never made love). He knows how to control himself in all things, and he demands to control all that is around him. He became a dominant around the age of 21, and this is the only style of relationship he knows.

Christian Grey doesn’t do the girlfriend thing. He does not make love. He fucks (I’m blushing all the way through here, but this word is used amply and those are his words, not mine). He’s not all hearts and flowers, he doesn’t like to be touched, he doesn’t like emotions, and love thing is foreign to him; what’s more, his tastes are very singular, very much focused, and are clearly outlined in his contract. The women he’s involved with must sign a NDA, and a dominant/submissive contract. Well, that’s what he had done with all his previous 15 submissives, until he meets Anastasia completely by chance. (though Ana is asked to sign the NDA as well as the contract. She signs the NDA, but negotiates the terms of the contract instead of just accepting what he's offering).

In short, Christian Grey is a 28 year old man who knows the difference between his elbow and his ass (considering a lot of people who don’t, that’s an A+ he could receive half his brain and both his hands tied behind his back), but alas he is also fifty shades f*cked up. There I said it.

Since Ana’s and Christian’s worlds revolve on different axis, and in fact they ought to be completely in different solar systems, there is practically no way of the two ever meeting under normal circumstances, fates had a different idea and they meet:
Ana is drafted to interview him for WSU school magazine by her roommate Kate who initially was supposed to interview him but had the flu at the day of the interview. Ana reluctantly agrees to help Kate out, because Christian Grey doesn’t normally give interviews; this one took nine months to schedule only due to Kate's tenacity, and it would have taken another six for them to reschedule, and by then they would have graduated. Ana agrees, because Kate is larger than life, nothing if not persuasive, argumentative and it’s hard to say no to her. Ana takes up the questions written by Kate and her mini disk recorder and heads to Seattle to Grey Enterprises. The utilitarian building with clean and immaculate decorations as well as the Stepford wives style women working there ~ all blonde, sharply dressed, she immediately feels out of place. Ana who is not sophisticated, or wealthy, shy to the point of stumbling over her feet or her words. Her flustered demeanor, but intelligent observations, and her brunette status with her “yes sir”, “no sir”, as well as her nervous habit of lip biting piques Grey’s interest soon after she stumbles her way through his door and lands headlong on the floor.

She is unassumingly beautiful, sometimes doesn't have a filter between her medulla oblongata and her mouth before she speaks but that's one of the things that interests CG in her, and CG is, well, a complete control freak, and wants to be in control in everything he does or endeavors or everyone who is working for him or currently occupying his "playroom". That aspect could be easily understood by anyone who half endeavors to be in charge of his or her life. In order to be organized, even I have to have control of my affairs; but unlike CG, mine isn’t to the extent of other people, just myself and the things I do. Lo and behold, Ana and CG feel the sparks, and taken by each other, but each have reservations because the other is something they usually don’t have much to do with. But chemistry is what it is, Grey wants to know her.

Now those of you, who are deeply religious, would be reluctant to read this book. Catholics would be holding their rosary and saying “Hail Mary” till Madonna has a new hit, and directing me, the enamored reader to the nearest confessional; or my dear protestant friends (keep your panty hose on!) would be talking about ramifications, and sin, and how this book is a one way ticket to hell, and the Muslim friends ~ well, all the ablutions and the perfume in Arabia wouldn’t clean the sin that would taint me through this book. Need I say anything about our conservative Jewish friends? They’re stricter than those previously mentioned. (And yes, I'm friends with all faiths of people. I don't discriminate. Ok, digressing and getting back on track...)

Of course, I will disagree with my dear friends, because, I happened look at it differently. Christian Grey by all intents and purposes is sort of like the ”Prodigal Son”. Even God loves his sinners and sends his shepherd to look for that one lost sheep. So, you feel like you want to save this guy from his past miseries. That’s one of the draws. The other would be what I mentioned above; that he knows the difference between his elbow and his ass.

"Why is that such a big deal?" you might ask. Consider all these divorces, all broken relationships, and endless miserable homes. Of course the only one who should not consider himself or herself in that category (i.e. outside of the category of people who absolutely MUST READ this book) would be those of you who were conceived through the “immaculate conception.” Alas, I'm not one of those. I am but a lowly mortal whose parents fell in love, and made love and had me the old fashioned way, and are still married to one another. Therefore this should be of interest for us mere regular people. Especially those of you who are married, and that goes for men not just women.

Why do I say that? It’s quite simple actually. We all want and need attention, ties, satisfaction, to be sated by the significant other; emotional as well as physical. The elemental connection with our significant other, the one who completes us, and makes us whole. Few achieve that completeness, and unfortunately many don’t. There is a radio show on Christian radio which broadcasts nationally (oh shut up, and stop your rolling eyes; I’m not going to get into religion here, I promise I have a point) that has a show called “Marriage Mondays” by Dr. Randy Carlson. It broadcasts out of Tucson, AZ. He also has a book called “Starved for Affection”. I have a feeling he's taking his own species' side and point of view, but I digress. He takes calls from all over the country on his show, and a lot of men get on it, and whine and whine and whine about how they’ve starved for affection. The good doctor helps them with their problems and smooth their bruised ego, and they each start their sentence, “boy, Dr. Carlson! I tell you, I’m really starved for affection!” whether that guy is calling from Oklahoma, or swamplands of Louisiana, or suburbs of NY. See, what I’m getting at? No?

The affection they’re talking about is becoming the singular center of their wives' universe, getting physical gratification from her, and the spark, and feeling the connection that must be forged between the two. I used to hear this particular show every week while driving, and that was before this book was written, and I’d always say “dude, if you only knew the difference between your ass and your elbow, and if you just extended a little help to your little woman, you wouldn’t be calling in!” And the doctor would chime in how these poor guys were starved for affection because of this elemental support and love making they didn't receive from their spouses. But not once did he ask them if he knew how to please his woman, how to make love to her. "Sir, do you know the difference between your wife's fantasy of a good love making and a souffle recipe?" No, that question never came up. I often thought about sending it in. Never bothered though. (Don't get me wrong: Dr. Carlson is a brilliant family therapist and has a lot to offer to his listeners and patients, but as I had listened to him over the years, there were number of times I would deeply disagree with his conclusions.) Lack of this intimacy creates families who are disconnected, couples who become strangers (sometimes with a wondering eye), because they don't make the effort to learn the basics. Another example: You might have seen Ron White, the comedian who smokes a cigar while he's pickling himself with a Scotch or something while performing his stand up comedy. I don't watch his show, but someone sent me a video thinking it was funny where he was talking about his honeymoon whose wife was on her period during the said event. Guess she wasn't in the mood with cramps and what not, and she instead wanted to go see attractions. He told her "well, I have a log ride here!" Yeah.. I'm sure she was charmed out of her pants with this 'come on'. Don't get on with your years without learning a thing or two in this very important department of life; perhaps you might learn that from this book, and how shall I say it... yes, your log ride won't be empty for you to be riding alone and at the end of the day you wouldn't be calling Dr. Carlson of how deprived you are of affection.

Here's another example:

My best friend and I were watching Turkish TV at her home and having tea in Scottsdale, Arizona (don't ask, it was a tea party...) There was an entertainment show on TV where the presenter was speaking with the audience. A good looking young man stood up, and spoke with her, and declared his love to his wife of 7 years. He told the whole country and all of Europe how much he loved his wife, and what a beautiful woman she was and that he appreciated having her in his life, the mother of his 2 children. He's always been in love with her and couldn't imagine life without her; and would they play a love song for her honor who was also in the audience.

My friend and I looked at each other, and smiled and nodded and said that was so sweet of him to do such a thing for her! Well, the presenter asked his wife who was seated beside him if she would like to respond to his declarations. There stood a woman who was dressed very conservatively, hair tightly wrapped in a scarf, and she looked so taut you would think someone zapped her with 1000 megawatts of electricity! (Don't take this as the norm, we've seen other women's shocked expressions in the audience to her response). My best friend and I were a bit confused about her reaction.

The presenter repeated the question to her again, and she responded very stiffly almost scolding: “NO COMMENT!” I think my friend and I both might have said, “What the hell?” She looked into the camera with her big green eyes and said, “Such things should be left within the sanctity of one’s home. Not to be declared in public like this! He shamed me! I’ve no comment!” and sat back down still scowling while the presenter stood shocked and the husband went through flushes of colors like a chameleon. Granted that this is not a standard reaction from a particular religion, it shows the clear lines of one's taboos. It’s part of the upbringing and where people place the taboo lines. To her, a declaration of love from her own husband on national television was shameful. Where is your line drawn? I may think of her response as disgusting, unloving; but she had her line right there, and we all know that everyone has an imaginary line for his or her taboo. What he felt for her seemed like unrequited love to me and I may have been mistaken. But I do know that, I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that reaction. That's not for me. Some of you may settle for it, and that is alright, but why would I allow others to tell me what would be right for me as an individual? There is no “one size fits all”. Therefore, some of you may take of this book as your taboo, but it's your loss. I think it's good for couples. (Just keep in mind that it's FICTION. I'd rather read love stories than war and misery.)

And people; women do talk among each other, at least those of whom who are in my acquaintance. As shocking as it may come to you (!), your wives aren’t interested in a log ride! They want love, passion, compassion and understanding. Not porn, not deviant! That’s what I will focus on while reviewing this book. Because Ana here represents our own kind: the women. I loved her character. She's beautiful, smart, independent, and honorable. What's not to love. And she wants "more" in her relationship. “More” entails, love, compassion, companionship, understanding, freedom and many other things.

People ignore the importance of physical closeness especially in a relationship. (I believe in monogamous relationships, commitment and of course marriage.) A lot of people ignore that (i.e. the importance of chemistry, physical closeness). You might hear, “Well, we believe in the same things (so do, 2 billion other people for God's sake, doesn't mean you're marriageable to each and everyone!), we’re equally yoked and are in the same church; he’s attractive; she’s beautiful; comes from a good family; s/he has money; career…”

The list is endless. All of these may be OK for some, but it’s not enough for a relationship. Chemistry is important. How would you sleep with someone day in and day out had you not felt the spark with that person, or that person is not FLOATING YOUR BOAT? Can you? If you go for anything less than love and yes lust (notice the conjunction / noun “AND” because that is a sign of chemistry), you’ll end up on Dr. Randy Carlson’s show sighing, “oh, Doc! I’m starved for affection!” When I was in college, I had a good friend who married a guy who was 24 years her senior. He was wealthy, well traveled, educated, but sweet a person he was, I wouldn't take a second look at him. My friend once said to me nearly gloating, "well, your husband is still in college like us; whereas mine is wealthy and established!" (here's a glass of water to wash that enormous foot down!) "True," I said. "But it's a joy to go to bed with mine unlike yours! Money had never been my object in a husband. Love and passion on the other hand are what I cared about." In the end one gets, what one desires, you can fine tune the details along the way. Strong foundations. Those go through love and passion for one another.

You see, one very important aspect that makes reading this book worthwhile above all else is simply: LOVE. Love is such a simple word yet with a lot of impact and promise behind it. This word is larger than life. Why? Because "love" is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It doesn't dishonor, it's not self-seeking, it's not easily angered; neither does it keep records of wrong. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS. I mean, a whole religion is established with this one single word's principles (though some of you may debate on how people are utilizing it: but that still doesn't change the priciples): "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Love is what makes life worth living, makes life worth getting up in the morning, forging ahead. “…and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Since a number of books cover this sort of topic, i.e. lust, sex, relationships, one night stands, and the like, this story wouldn’t be great, or complete had it not been for the “love”. I’m a sucker for a good love story. A story is not a good love story if you can’t think the two main characters within the same sentence like; Romeo and Juliette, Edward and Bella, Darcy and Elizabeth, Cleopatra and Mark Antony, Lancelot and Guinevere, Tristan and Isolde, Paris and Helena, Orpheus and Eurydice, Odysseus and Penelope, Paolo and Francesca, Jayne Eyre and Rochester, Layla and Majnun, Eloise and Abelard, Pyramus and Thisbe, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal… You get the point.

Though some of these characters are real, and some are fictional, their stories continue. Their love is never ending. They’re eternal. Love conquers all. It sees no barriers, no time, no expiration date. This is one of those situations. These two names will be remembered together: Anastasia and Christian. Had it not been for the love, I probably wouldn’t have liked it as much, and the sex, well, would be nothing but just dull old sex. But within the context, with love comes sacrifice, and that is the spice of life, the story goes on a high note, continues on that high plateau, and end with a high or rather sad note making you just want to jump into reading the second book without a second thought.

Now, the life between these two characters is one of love, despite the mercurial moods of Christian Grey whose mood swings could easily give you a whiplash, or the fact that he’s closed when it comes to divulging his past, or his controlling attitude; he’s possessive, angry, maddening, salacious, sexy, well read (I’m a sucker for intelligence ~ ignorance does nothing for me), wonton, talented, have eclectic music taste from Classical to modern, to jazz, taking charge of a place or a situation (this is also probably engrained in female biology because we’re as females programmed genetically to go for the type that would give us the best chance of survival, and that’s possibly why the assertive men are more popular because of this simple biological fact. If I were to live in the Wild West in 1800s, I’d be sure to keep Doc Holliday’s (or Wyatt Earp’s) company.) Though Doc Holliday may have been unhealthy, he knew how to survive; he was well read, educated, and smart.

This book is not YA. It is an adult book. But it is beneficial, because it teaches the importance of clear communication, importance of knowing your partner inside and out. I’ve read some reviews criticizing that it was not believable how many times a day they were, uhmm… doing the deed. I think if you’re healthy and fit, in prime of your sexual prowess, AND you are in love with your company, it’s probably doable - although I don't know if its doable in consecutive days (jury is still out on that one). But I didn’t want to insert personal opinion here - they're just that, opinions; so I’ve researched and it appears the consensus on various different web sites and individuals is that one can go and do the deed four to six times a day (though I don’t know if they would have time for other activities if this one aspect is taking all the time). When I initially read those chapters I thought, if they can manage it, more power to them! I would assume one would need, oooh, I don’t know the recovery time from the soreness due to the force and frequency of the act, but, oh well, maybe they developed calluses or the particular muscles are well exercised and are simply able to handle the action.

I think people who are in a relationship, or are married should read it (men and women), because it is important to connect with one another on the elemental level: physically and emotionally. There is no shame in love; no shame in what couples do (granted that it's in private). Had it been something to be ashamed of or never to be discussed (though it still is taboo), we would all be born through divine methods; one which did not involve sex. If those of you who are deeply religious doubt this assessment, I will prove you wrong:

“Place me like a seal over thine heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Song of Solomon 8:6”

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24”

These needs exist. If they’re not fulfilled by one another in the relationship, then you have an incomplete relationship; one that is devoid of affection and pleasure. Although I was appalled by the fact the Christian Grey introduced the “contract” explicitly defining his wants, expectations, and asking her to fill in her limits, I finally understood that though I wouldn’t go that far, it is important for couples to clearly understand one another’s wants and needs so they can fulfill and be truly complete with each other. With shame and embarrassment you would achieve nothing in the relationship. Apparently some people have to have toys to achieve these joys at a greater plateau, (I had to look up what a “butt plug” looked like in the second book, looked a bit repulsive but, hey whatever floats their boat), it is all about compromise in the relationship. If the main character was any less flawed, he wouldn’t be as likable. Because of his flaws, of his “fifty shades of f*ckedupedness (I think this is a word)” most people have at least five shades if not fifty. If you can work through yours, and complete one another in your relationship, you’ll have made it nearly as good as Christian and Anastasia.

Thought the first book ends with Ana breaking up with Christian because she allowed him to flog her and it was highly emotional for her, and she forgot to use "safe words", it was sad and tearful, but made the story all the more valuable, tangible, relatable, and your heart aches for both of them. The emotions always run high in this book, whether it’s positive or negative. All of the three books make you laugh, or cry, or feel for all the characters.

More to come later on the second book which is my most favorite in the series.

I would imagine Anastasia would look like this (except imagine her with blue eyes) (This is Ozgu Namal):